The Wait is finaly over! I welcome you to Chapter 10
The Threatre of Grand..er.. gin roll or something
Kain watched on in mute horror as he Moebius prepared to press the detonator. But suddenly the air in the church began to shimmer and warp. Kain could feel time slowing down around him yet he seemed unaffected
He looked around and say the scene of the church frozen in time
"Kain.." said a voice
He spun around to see the specter of Ariel
"I was wondering where you were" said Kain
"Once more you make a choice that determines the fate of others. But what will you choose?"
Suddenly two cards materialized before Kain.
"Wait a minute...." said Kain with a perplexed look on his face "I'm supposed to choose between the Queen of Spades and an eight of Diamonds?"
"What?!" said Ariel before she looked at the cards "Ah damn! I brought the wrong deck!"
"I can give you a two sided coin if you want" suggested Kain helpfully
Ariel eyes narrowed
"Oh don't think your going to edge your way out of this one!" She said acidly
"Fine..." said a disappointed Kain " hold on a minute! Your telling me you've been lurking around this entire time with a set of giant novelty cards?! You need to get a better job women!"
"Oh shut up!" Shouted Ariel "anyway, The Queen of Spades means you sacrifice yourself but everyone lives but the eight of Diamonds means you survive but everyone else will die..... the choice is your Kain" she said dramatically
Kain looked thoughtful
"And try not to screw it up this time" she added
There was a long silence in which Kain considered his options
"For gods sake Kain! there are only 2 bloody cards to choose from!" Ariel shouted
Kain remained silent
"That's it, I'm going to choose for you!" Ariel screamed
Ariel clutched the Queen of Hearts
"Now you die Kain!" she hissed
Ariel and the card disappeared and Time returned to normal inside the church
"This is my vengeance!!" Screamed Moebius madly.
There was a loud cracking noise that echoed throughout the entire church
Moebius stood wit h a bemused expression on his face. He swayed for a second before he fell to the ground
Kain stood over him still clutching the giant Eight of Diamond he knocked Moebius out with
"I choose the BACK of the card!" said Kain triumphantly
The shock of Kain's monumental decision reverberated across the entire street.
And some of the street residents weren't too happy about it
And so in the depths of sea world a light flickered. A faint image could be made out before it vanished. Once again the image appeared and this time the shape of a body could be seen before the image once again blinked out of existence. There was a flash of intense light and Raziel finally appeared. He fell to his knees, physically exhausted from his return to the physical realm
"I know you Raziel, you are worthy..." said a voice
"What madness is this? How I have I come to this place?" Raziel demanded
I" have brought you back to this world, you have been reborn" the voice replied
"I am the same!" Raziel pointed out
"That's not the point!" said the voice angrily "I have spared you from total dissolution, Raziel. You are in my debt!"
There was a moment of silence
"Wait a minute! Who are you?" said Raziel suspiciously
"Me? Er.....well... I'm..." said the Elder God nervously "......I am Charlie!"
"Well Charlie could you explain to me why you have brought me here" said a clearly unconvinced Raziel
"I have a mission of up most importance for you. You must kill Kain and return balance to this street"
"Why?" said a puzzled Raziel?
"because it is your destiny Raziel" said the elder God who had thought up a backup plan in case Raziel broke with tradition and actually questioned orders from a mysterious creature.
"you expect me to blindly follow these orders because you claim it is my fate! Do not take me for a fool!" replied Raziel angrily
"You don't have to take my word for it Raziel, simply examine the murals decorating this ancient chamber.."
Raziel sighed and looked at the walls. They were several pieces of paper stuck to the walls with crude crayon drawings on them. They showed a stick figure with the words "CaiNE" attacking a stick figure with the words JAmoS.
These pictures should tell any regular citizen of Nosgoth that literacy is not a necessary skill if you want to be a giant squid and that crayons and tentacles don't work well together. But for Raziel a mural is a mural
And you must not ever question murals
"My god!" He said in disbelief "I must save Jamos!!..... I mean Janos!!!"
"Yes! Now go , carry out your destiny! Become my... Charlie's angel!"
Raziel he ran out of the room and the elder listened as the noise of Raziel frenzied footsteps faded into the distance
"The wheel of Fate turns again...." said elder God dramatically
"What was that?" Said Raziel as he stuck his head in the doorway
"You heard that!? Ah nuts!..... I mean ....Er..... I said.... The feel of a gate learns a hen...." Said the elder god desperately
"What?" said a confused Raziel
.".Am... ancient Chinese proverb... now go kill Kain!!"
Raziel shrugged and strolled out of the room
"Huh...." Said the elder god eventually "could have sworn I got it that time.... Ah well"
And so the Elder God went back to his book "The Power of Voice-over in 5 easy steps"
He'd be damned if Kain and Raziel could have dramatic one liners and he couldn't
Janos was lying on his couch with a blanket over him. he had a cup of cocoa in one hand and a digestive biscuit in the other
He was starting to feel a bit better now and it wouldn't be much longer till he would be up and around.
He slipped his cocoa and prepared to eat his biscuit
"Don't hurt me!" said a small screechy voice
Janos froze
"W..who's there?" he said with a twinge of fear in his voice
"Please don't eat me!" the voice cried again
Janos looked slowly down at the biscuit
"Please!!" it wailed
His eyes opened in horror
"Your alive!?!"
"Yes!" Said the voice
"Oh my god!! They are alive!! The Sarafan lord was right all along!!!"
Then he realised the true gravity of the situation
"oh my god!! I've been killing biscuits all along!!"
Janos broke down into tears and ran crying out of his motel room
"Hehehe... sucker" said the Sarafan lord as he jumped up from behind the couch
He looked at the biscuit at the biscuit on the couch
"Oh don't look at me like that!! He can't hear you! I had to do it!" he shouted at the biscuit " I just saved your life!"
The biscuit stayed motionless on the couch
"The ends justify the means my digestive friend" replied the Sarafan lord "Sorry, I must go. I have a lot of couches to hide behind"
The Sarafan lord strode out of the motel room with a spring in his step
Once again there was hope....
Hope for Biscuits
There was a quite a crowd forming around the unconscious body of Moebius.
"So... what should we do?" Asked Bane
"I think we should eat him with some fava beans and a fine Chianti...." suggested Turel
"Nah" said Anarcrothe dissmissivly "I don't really like fava beans"
"Ahem! "Said Umah angrily " I think we're all forgetting why we're here!"
Everyone fell quite
"We're here to look through the pocket of an unconscious time streamer, right?" said Mortainius
"No! The wedding!!" Umah screamed
The was a general murmur of "oh right" and "So where not here to rob Moebius? I suppose I better put this watch back"
Everyone shuffled back to their seats
"You may continue" said Umah to the priest
"Umah... there's no one there" said Kain
"What?! Where'd the priest go?"
"Hey there's a not stuck to the bishop of meridian head "pointed out Turel who had just wandered into sanity
Kain walked over to the bishop and removed the note from his head
"Agghhhh urgghhhh gahhhhhh.... "The bishop replied
"Your welcome" said Kain absentmindedly
There was silence in the church as he read the note
"Apparently I just have to give you the ring and we're finished"
"Okay then!" Said Umah happily "will you please give me the ring Kain"
Kain reached into his pocket and took out a ring
"I meant to give it to Turel but he kept threatening to eat it" explained Kain
"And I meant it too! "Said Turel proudly
Umah grabbed the ring
"Oh Kain! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! It's wonderful! It's fantastic! It's.... it's...." she stopped for a moment and examined the ring closely "it's Vorador's ring covered in tinfoil"
The color drained out of Kain face leaving it a light olive green
"Hey, it's still nice! I had to travel through a heavily decorated, luxurious and beautifully furnished mansion to get that!" Said Kain
Umah glanced at the ring and a glimmer of fear could be seen in her eyes
"You don't suppose it still works after all this time, do y...." Said Umah before she was interrupted by a blinding flash
And there in the center of the church a rather dazed Vorador appeared
Outside the church Popeland hummed to himself in the A-Team Van
Thoughts ran through his head about turning the van into a tank with only a sheet of plywood and pitying fools
The door of the van swung open and Orpheum Zero hopped in
"Okay, consider the writers block destroyed. I guess it's time for us to.... Popeland?"
"Yes?"
"Where did you get all that gold jewelry from?"
"Er..." said Popeland as he tried to think of an excuse "..... Look I swear the van made me do it!!"
"Riiggggghhttttt....." said Orpheum
"Anyway! It's time to go, foo!!" Said Popeland as he slammed his foot down on the accelerator
"The handbrake is on" said Orpheum zero calmly
"I know that......foo" said Popeland as he released the handbrake
"Now I really have to go home now, I think I left the oven on" said Orpheum
The van screeched off down the street and through a plot hole
And so the A-Team left the street. But maybe if your lucky enough to find them maybe you can hire...... The Author-Team!
The Fact that it's only official member is Popeland shouldn't put you off either because
When writers block starts hassling decent, honest authors. I make it my business!
"Vorador!" Umah hissed
"Agh!" Vorador shouted as he jumped back from Umah "Er...... can I have a word Kain?"
"Well I'm kinda in the middle of something" replied Kain
"It's really important" said Vorador who stood with a terrified expression on his face as Umah continuing glaring at him
"Fine" said Kain eventualy
Vorador and Kain walked over to the corner of the church
"Look, this better not be a the talk about the birds and the bees and the powers of necromancy!" said Kain
"No, no. It's about Umah" vorador assured him
"Well what about her?"
":She's evil!!" Vorador said dramatically
"Yeah? So?" said a clearly unimpressed kain
"Well... I thought that statement would have a bit more of an effect" said Vorador
"Look Vorador, So what if she's evil? I'm evil, your evil. Everyone on this street is evil!"
"Yeah, but she stole the nexus stone from you!" continued Vorador
"Well I've stolen a hundred hearts from Janos and we're still friends" said Kain
"But.... But" vorador stuttered
"Look Vorador, I appreciate you looking out for me but I can take care of myself. Can't you just be happy for both of us?"
"I suppose...." Said Vorador who had really lost track of the conversation
"Good. Now how about you let me get on with this wedding"
Kain strode back to the front of the church and Vorador walked off to seats in shock
"I guess all that left now it to kiss the bri...." Began Kain before Umah interrupted him by kissing him
"Ahhhhhhh....." said the crowd
Azimuth had a tears in here eyes, all three of them
"Oh, I'm no good at weddings!" She cried before blowing her nose
Kain and Umah joined hands and walked slowly down the aisle.
Vorador sat in his seat and shook his head
"He is so dead!" Vorador said aloud to himself
"I'm betting he won't survive the week" said Sebastian conversationally
Vorador looked aghast
"Your betting?!!" He said disgusted
Then Vorador paused and thought before adding
"And no one told me?!"
Raziel ran down the street of Elderberry avenue. Occasionally stopping to kill a few pedestrians
Raziel didn't know where he was supposed to be going but he never did. He just automatically assumed that there was only one path he could possibly take.
A theory that hadn't failed him yet and wasn't about to start.
He arrived at the Seer inn, where the Wedding reception was in full swing
And so Raziel Entered the Seer inn
Rahab stopped the car and stepped out onto the street. He was the only one left since Melchiah and Dumah had both mentioned Turel on the drive to elderberry avenue. So now Rahab had to pretend to be Zephon, Melchiah and Dumah, but there was no task too hard for the talented Mr Rahab. He stood on the pavement and looked around. However only moments earlier Moebius had regained consciousness in the church and made a run for it before anyone realises he was gone and so the frenzied Moebius swerved round a corner and ran straight into him
Moebius then stumbled backwards and fell over.
"Rahab!" He said shocked
"How do you know my name? We have never met ..."said a suspicious Rahab
"Infact I knew you quite well when you were a member of the Sarafan brotherhood" said Moebius ".... In fact I still know you as a member of the Sarafan brotherhood... you live just down the road"
"Did you know..." said Rahab as he leaned closer to Moebius ".. Turel?"
"Yes! Yes I knew him really well!" said Moebius desperately
"I see.. "said Rahab thoughtfully before he clubbed Moebius over the head. Moebius crumpled to the ground
Rahab picked up Moebius and placed him in the back of his car. And then Rahab drove off.
No one ever saw either Rahab or Moebius again...... but no one particularly cared anyway
There was a buzz of excitement inside the Seer inn. Not because of the wedding but because Sebastian was now giving 12 to one odds Kains would survive three days
"Congratulations Kain" said the seer
"Oh thanks" replied Kain
"I hope you'll be very happy.... For no less than three days" said the seer as she winked conspiratorially
"Eh..... why are you nudging me like that?"
"Oh no reason" she said airily
Suddenly there was a loud crash as the doors were kicked open. Then there was loud swearing as the doors bounced off the wall and slammed shut on someone's toes
Kain sighed and he heard the doors open again
"I know your there Raziel" said Kain without turning around
"No you don't!" said Raziel confidently
"What do you want Raziel?" said Kain tiredly
"I'm here to avenge Janos!!"
"Why what happened to him?"
"....er....... well you killed him"
"No I didn't"
"Look I'm not interested in the fine details here!" Said Raziel angrily "Die Kain!!"
Raziel leapt at Kain who dodged effortlessly. Raziel spun around and landed on his feet
"No Raziel! Don't do it!" Pleaded Mortainius as he checked his watch "just wait another....... half hour then you can kill him!!"
Raziel swung at Kain but once again Kain dodged
"Raziel, Janos will never learn anything if you keep babying him" said Kain
"What?" said Raziel as he stopped momentarily
"You can't go out avenging him everytime someone calls him a name or rips out his heart! He needs to learn to be independent"
Raziel looked thoughtful for a moment
"Your right!!" Said Raziel "he needs to learn to stand up for himself!"
"Exactly!"
"No, no! don't listen to him" said Hash "You should kill him in this hour! I mean you should have heard all the mean things he was saying about you before!!"
"Like what?" inquired Raziel
"He said......" Hash stopped "..... he said you were fat" Hash finished lamely
"He never said that!" shouted the Sarafan Turel " but he might in 2 days time"
"Why are you winking at me like that" asked Raziel suspiciously
"Oh no reason" said the Sarafan Turel airily
"Well as long as you're here Raziel, I'd like you to meet my new wife....... Hey where's Umah?" Said kain
"Oh she went home" said DeJoule
"Oh she did?" Said Kain as he considered this "hmmmm.... Yes maybe I should head home too... right now..... hehehe"
Kain ran out of the Seer inn grinning madly
"What was all that about" asked a confused Raziel
Vorador patted Raziel on the shoulder
"I think it's time you and me had a talk, lad." Said Vorador "About the Birds, the bees and the powers of necromancy"
Kains burst through the door of his bedroom
"Here's Kain!" he shouted enthusiastically
"That's very nice dear" said Umah as she continued to remove items from Kains closet
"Huh..... your wearing more clothes than I would have expected." Said Kain "Hey wait a minute! What are you doing with my stuff!! As for the first time he noticed there was a giant shredder in the room and Umah was stuffing several of Kains most prized possessions into a black rubbish bag
"Oh this is all the old Kains stuff, the new Kain won't need it" she replied
"..... new Kain?" aksed Kain, the Old Kain by the way
"Well your married now"
"But I like being old Kain!" Kain complained
"Oh but you'll love being new Kain!" said Umah conversationally as she emptied a box of hearts of darkness into a bag
"No! not my collection of black hearts! They still beat!"! Pleaded Kain
"Oh you won't need them any more" as she took a suit of armor out of the closet "I mean really, flesh armor! What possible use could that have?"
Kain watched as the flesh armor was ripped apart by the shredder
Next the bone armor, and then Havoc and Malice
He knew what he had to do
"Your right dear.." The new Kain admitted
"I'm glad you agree"
Kain was over to the closet and began to throw his old stuff in a rubbish bag
Halfway through emptying out his flaw collection he handed out a suit of armor to Umah
"Don't forget this one" he said sadly
Umah took the armor and threw it in the shredder
Then Umah twitched and then fell motionless to the floor
"Oh deary me. That's wasn't the Chaos armor I handed you was it?" Kain said in surprise "oh silly me! It has a nasty habit of reflecting any damage done to it..... Oh and now it's in pieces! Ah well such is unlife is guess"
and so Kain whistled to himself as he carefully put back his dark heart collection
In the depths of Sea World the voice of the Elder God echoed through the empty hallways
" No, sir. Unfortunately Raziel failed in his attempt to kill Kain"
"No sir, I don't believe Kain will be a problem to us if we act now"
"Yes, sir. The plan is only seconds away from coming into operation"
"Yes sir, I do seem to be repeating every question you ask me before answering"
"Yes sir, that would be extremely useful for someone who can only hear one side of the conversation"
"Yes sir, I'll inform our agent"
"A pleasure to hear from you as always"
"Mr. Mayor........."
Bane hung his cloak on the hatstand as he entered his super, super secret lab (the Basement)
The switched on the light and marveled at his latest creation
But now he wondered about this mysterious benefactor who had financed his work and who had called him back from the wedding reception to activate the device
Bane shrugged. All he knew was that this device would truly revolutionize the way of life on the street, if not the planet
And so the terrible destiny of elderberry avenue finally came to be
As bane the druid activated..... SHIRENET
On 27th of January 2004. Shirenet first became active. A giant super computer designed to manage the day to day running of elderberry avenue. However Mayor Magnus the First had supreme control over it. A reign of tyranny descended upon the street
That is until November 3rd 2005
At exactly 12:45 GMT Shirenet became self aware
Magnus tried to deactivate the computer but it was too late
An army of motorized Lord of the rings characters eliminated all opposition leaving few survivors.
And so ends the Age of the Legacy of Kain
And so begins the First Age Of Metal Earth
THE END.....................................
Or perhaps only the beginning
The Hobb-Bots relentlessly dug away at the soil. This was to be there last line of defense against the dark legions of Mechdor and the advancing army of the White Wizard, Sarutron. The Shovel of A robo-frodo struck something hard and he stopped. He knelt down and brushed away some of the earth. He had hit solid concrete which wasn't very surprising considering this had once been a town in the first age metal earth.
But something else caught his eye. He lifted it out of the dirt and examined it
Only one thing was visible on the ancient relic, the words "readers Digest"
Suddenly the earth beneath robo-frodo began to shake and crack. A hand shot out of the ground and caught rob frodo's leg. A bald head burst out of the ground
"GOT YOU NOW KAIN!!" Marcus screamed in triumph
Popeland: ah....... It's over.......
I kinda miss it
But I bet no one saw that ending coming!!!!!
I must admit this chapter had it's moments but this Fanfictions Golden age ending a long time ago
Now time for some very specail thank you to
Orpheum Zero, Concept of a Demon, Wolfywoman, Nocturnally-Damned (previously know as Lilith if my memory serves me), The Shadow Dragon, Lady Yoda, Bahamut Epyon, Metal Gear Prime, Yoda, Silmuen, Chalcedony Blue, Soul Shard, Vamps_ r_Kewl, Psycho Virus238, Vampiric Entity, angelgardian666 , Dark Sephy, Vladimirs Angel, CrownOfRust, Elzira and Blood of Angels
All really great people! With impecable taste!
Special thanks go to:
Ultimate Ganon- For providing a forum to spam up and a idea for this final chapter. Check out the forum if you all want.... I'm there sometimes.
http://pub152.ezboard.com/bthearcanesanctuary
Olam- Me good buddy, me good pal. Half the idea in the story I thought up during MSN conversations with him. He has two Fanfcictions and I really strongly suggest you look them up
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1486906
And
Comical yet Tragic Misunderstandings in LOK
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1449418
They could do with some reviews ya know.... *hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
Yocal Pope- For giving honest opinions and not making fun of me. And of course for all those pieces of Smarties bar.... Mmmmmm smarties bar
Finaly, just a general question
Anyone have a favorite character?
And would anyone be interested in a special Outakes chapter?
Believe me there are many, many outakes I just couldn't fit in
Also anyone interested in a sequel?
Thanks everyone! And goodbye!!!
The Threatre of Grand..er.. gin roll or something
Kain watched on in mute horror as he Moebius prepared to press the detonator. But suddenly the air in the church began to shimmer and warp. Kain could feel time slowing down around him yet he seemed unaffected
He looked around and say the scene of the church frozen in time
"Kain.." said a voice
He spun around to see the specter of Ariel
"I was wondering where you were" said Kain
"Once more you make a choice that determines the fate of others. But what will you choose?"
Suddenly two cards materialized before Kain.
"Wait a minute...." said Kain with a perplexed look on his face "I'm supposed to choose between the Queen of Spades and an eight of Diamonds?"
"What?!" said Ariel before she looked at the cards "Ah damn! I brought the wrong deck!"
"I can give you a two sided coin if you want" suggested Kain helpfully
Ariel eyes narrowed
"Oh don't think your going to edge your way out of this one!" She said acidly
"Fine..." said a disappointed Kain " hold on a minute! Your telling me you've been lurking around this entire time with a set of giant novelty cards?! You need to get a better job women!"
"Oh shut up!" Shouted Ariel "anyway, The Queen of Spades means you sacrifice yourself but everyone lives but the eight of Diamonds means you survive but everyone else will die..... the choice is your Kain" she said dramatically
Kain looked thoughtful
"And try not to screw it up this time" she added
There was a long silence in which Kain considered his options
"For gods sake Kain! there are only 2 bloody cards to choose from!" Ariel shouted
Kain remained silent
"That's it, I'm going to choose for you!" Ariel screamed
Ariel clutched the Queen of Hearts
"Now you die Kain!" she hissed
Ariel and the card disappeared and Time returned to normal inside the church
"This is my vengeance!!" Screamed Moebius madly.
There was a loud cracking noise that echoed throughout the entire church
Moebius stood wit h a bemused expression on his face. He swayed for a second before he fell to the ground
Kain stood over him still clutching the giant Eight of Diamond he knocked Moebius out with
"I choose the BACK of the card!" said Kain triumphantly
The shock of Kain's monumental decision reverberated across the entire street.
And some of the street residents weren't too happy about it
And so in the depths of sea world a light flickered. A faint image could be made out before it vanished. Once again the image appeared and this time the shape of a body could be seen before the image once again blinked out of existence. There was a flash of intense light and Raziel finally appeared. He fell to his knees, physically exhausted from his return to the physical realm
"I know you Raziel, you are worthy..." said a voice
"What madness is this? How I have I come to this place?" Raziel demanded
I" have brought you back to this world, you have been reborn" the voice replied
"I am the same!" Raziel pointed out
"That's not the point!" said the voice angrily "I have spared you from total dissolution, Raziel. You are in my debt!"
There was a moment of silence
"Wait a minute! Who are you?" said Raziel suspiciously
"Me? Er.....well... I'm..." said the Elder God nervously "......I am Charlie!"
"Well Charlie could you explain to me why you have brought me here" said a clearly unconvinced Raziel
"I have a mission of up most importance for you. You must kill Kain and return balance to this street"
"Why?" said a puzzled Raziel?
"because it is your destiny Raziel" said the elder God who had thought up a backup plan in case Raziel broke with tradition and actually questioned orders from a mysterious creature.
"you expect me to blindly follow these orders because you claim it is my fate! Do not take me for a fool!" replied Raziel angrily
"You don't have to take my word for it Raziel, simply examine the murals decorating this ancient chamber.."
Raziel sighed and looked at the walls. They were several pieces of paper stuck to the walls with crude crayon drawings on them. They showed a stick figure with the words "CaiNE" attacking a stick figure with the words JAmoS.
These pictures should tell any regular citizen of Nosgoth that literacy is not a necessary skill if you want to be a giant squid and that crayons and tentacles don't work well together. But for Raziel a mural is a mural
And you must not ever question murals
"My god!" He said in disbelief "I must save Jamos!!..... I mean Janos!!!"
"Yes! Now go , carry out your destiny! Become my... Charlie's angel!"
Raziel he ran out of the room and the elder listened as the noise of Raziel frenzied footsteps faded into the distance
"The wheel of Fate turns again...." said elder God dramatically
"What was that?" Said Raziel as he stuck his head in the doorway
"You heard that!? Ah nuts!..... I mean ....Er..... I said.... The feel of a gate learns a hen...." Said the elder god desperately
"What?" said a confused Raziel
.".Am... ancient Chinese proverb... now go kill Kain!!"
Raziel shrugged and strolled out of the room
"Huh...." Said the elder god eventually "could have sworn I got it that time.... Ah well"
And so the Elder God went back to his book "The Power of Voice-over in 5 easy steps"
He'd be damned if Kain and Raziel could have dramatic one liners and he couldn't
Janos was lying on his couch with a blanket over him. he had a cup of cocoa in one hand and a digestive biscuit in the other
He was starting to feel a bit better now and it wouldn't be much longer till he would be up and around.
He slipped his cocoa and prepared to eat his biscuit
"Don't hurt me!" said a small screechy voice
Janos froze
"W..who's there?" he said with a twinge of fear in his voice
"Please don't eat me!" the voice cried again
Janos looked slowly down at the biscuit
"Please!!" it wailed
His eyes opened in horror
"Your alive!?!"
"Yes!" Said the voice
"Oh my god!! They are alive!! The Sarafan lord was right all along!!!"
Then he realised the true gravity of the situation
"oh my god!! I've been killing biscuits all along!!"
Janos broke down into tears and ran crying out of his motel room
"Hehehe... sucker" said the Sarafan lord as he jumped up from behind the couch
He looked at the biscuit at the biscuit on the couch
"Oh don't look at me like that!! He can't hear you! I had to do it!" he shouted at the biscuit " I just saved your life!"
The biscuit stayed motionless on the couch
"The ends justify the means my digestive friend" replied the Sarafan lord "Sorry, I must go. I have a lot of couches to hide behind"
The Sarafan lord strode out of the motel room with a spring in his step
Once again there was hope....
Hope for Biscuits
There was a quite a crowd forming around the unconscious body of Moebius.
"So... what should we do?" Asked Bane
"I think we should eat him with some fava beans and a fine Chianti...." suggested Turel
"Nah" said Anarcrothe dissmissivly "I don't really like fava beans"
"Ahem! "Said Umah angrily " I think we're all forgetting why we're here!"
Everyone fell quite
"We're here to look through the pocket of an unconscious time streamer, right?" said Mortainius
"No! The wedding!!" Umah screamed
The was a general murmur of "oh right" and "So where not here to rob Moebius? I suppose I better put this watch back"
Everyone shuffled back to their seats
"You may continue" said Umah to the priest
"Umah... there's no one there" said Kain
"What?! Where'd the priest go?"
"Hey there's a not stuck to the bishop of meridian head "pointed out Turel who had just wandered into sanity
Kain walked over to the bishop and removed the note from his head
"Agghhhh urgghhhh gahhhhhh.... "The bishop replied
"Your welcome" said Kain absentmindedly
There was silence in the church as he read the note
"Apparently I just have to give you the ring and we're finished"
"Okay then!" Said Umah happily "will you please give me the ring Kain"
Kain reached into his pocket and took out a ring
"I meant to give it to Turel but he kept threatening to eat it" explained Kain
"And I meant it too! "Said Turel proudly
Umah grabbed the ring
"Oh Kain! It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen! It's wonderful! It's fantastic! It's.... it's...." she stopped for a moment and examined the ring closely "it's Vorador's ring covered in tinfoil"
The color drained out of Kain face leaving it a light olive green
"Hey, it's still nice! I had to travel through a heavily decorated, luxurious and beautifully furnished mansion to get that!" Said Kain
Umah glanced at the ring and a glimmer of fear could be seen in her eyes
"You don't suppose it still works after all this time, do y...." Said Umah before she was interrupted by a blinding flash
And there in the center of the church a rather dazed Vorador appeared
Outside the church Popeland hummed to himself in the A-Team Van
Thoughts ran through his head about turning the van into a tank with only a sheet of plywood and pitying fools
The door of the van swung open and Orpheum Zero hopped in
"Okay, consider the writers block destroyed. I guess it's time for us to.... Popeland?"
"Yes?"
"Where did you get all that gold jewelry from?"
"Er..." said Popeland as he tried to think of an excuse "..... Look I swear the van made me do it!!"
"Riiggggghhttttt....." said Orpheum
"Anyway! It's time to go, foo!!" Said Popeland as he slammed his foot down on the accelerator
"The handbrake is on" said Orpheum zero calmly
"I know that......foo" said Popeland as he released the handbrake
"Now I really have to go home now, I think I left the oven on" said Orpheum
The van screeched off down the street and through a plot hole
And so the A-Team left the street. But maybe if your lucky enough to find them maybe you can hire...... The Author-Team!
The Fact that it's only official member is Popeland shouldn't put you off either because
When writers block starts hassling decent, honest authors. I make it my business!
"Vorador!" Umah hissed
"Agh!" Vorador shouted as he jumped back from Umah "Er...... can I have a word Kain?"
"Well I'm kinda in the middle of something" replied Kain
"It's really important" said Vorador who stood with a terrified expression on his face as Umah continuing glaring at him
"Fine" said Kain eventualy
Vorador and Kain walked over to the corner of the church
"Look, this better not be a the talk about the birds and the bees and the powers of necromancy!" said Kain
"No, no. It's about Umah" vorador assured him
"Well what about her?"
":She's evil!!" Vorador said dramatically
"Yeah? So?" said a clearly unimpressed kain
"Well... I thought that statement would have a bit more of an effect" said Vorador
"Look Vorador, So what if she's evil? I'm evil, your evil. Everyone on this street is evil!"
"Yeah, but she stole the nexus stone from you!" continued Vorador
"Well I've stolen a hundred hearts from Janos and we're still friends" said Kain
"But.... But" vorador stuttered
"Look Vorador, I appreciate you looking out for me but I can take care of myself. Can't you just be happy for both of us?"
"I suppose...." Said Vorador who had really lost track of the conversation
"Good. Now how about you let me get on with this wedding"
Kain strode back to the front of the church and Vorador walked off to seats in shock
"I guess all that left now it to kiss the bri...." Began Kain before Umah interrupted him by kissing him
"Ahhhhhhh....." said the crowd
Azimuth had a tears in here eyes, all three of them
"Oh, I'm no good at weddings!" She cried before blowing her nose
Kain and Umah joined hands and walked slowly down the aisle.
Vorador sat in his seat and shook his head
"He is so dead!" Vorador said aloud to himself
"I'm betting he won't survive the week" said Sebastian conversationally
Vorador looked aghast
"Your betting?!!" He said disgusted
Then Vorador paused and thought before adding
"And no one told me?!"
Raziel ran down the street of Elderberry avenue. Occasionally stopping to kill a few pedestrians
Raziel didn't know where he was supposed to be going but he never did. He just automatically assumed that there was only one path he could possibly take.
A theory that hadn't failed him yet and wasn't about to start.
He arrived at the Seer inn, where the Wedding reception was in full swing
And so Raziel Entered the Seer inn
Rahab stopped the car and stepped out onto the street. He was the only one left since Melchiah and Dumah had both mentioned Turel on the drive to elderberry avenue. So now Rahab had to pretend to be Zephon, Melchiah and Dumah, but there was no task too hard for the talented Mr Rahab. He stood on the pavement and looked around. However only moments earlier Moebius had regained consciousness in the church and made a run for it before anyone realises he was gone and so the frenzied Moebius swerved round a corner and ran straight into him
Moebius then stumbled backwards and fell over.
"Rahab!" He said shocked
"How do you know my name? We have never met ..."said a suspicious Rahab
"Infact I knew you quite well when you were a member of the Sarafan brotherhood" said Moebius ".... In fact I still know you as a member of the Sarafan brotherhood... you live just down the road"
"Did you know..." said Rahab as he leaned closer to Moebius ".. Turel?"
"Yes! Yes I knew him really well!" said Moebius desperately
"I see.. "said Rahab thoughtfully before he clubbed Moebius over the head. Moebius crumpled to the ground
Rahab picked up Moebius and placed him in the back of his car. And then Rahab drove off.
No one ever saw either Rahab or Moebius again...... but no one particularly cared anyway
There was a buzz of excitement inside the Seer inn. Not because of the wedding but because Sebastian was now giving 12 to one odds Kains would survive three days
"Congratulations Kain" said the seer
"Oh thanks" replied Kain
"I hope you'll be very happy.... For no less than three days" said the seer as she winked conspiratorially
"Eh..... why are you nudging me like that?"
"Oh no reason" she said airily
Suddenly there was a loud crash as the doors were kicked open. Then there was loud swearing as the doors bounced off the wall and slammed shut on someone's toes
Kain sighed and he heard the doors open again
"I know your there Raziel" said Kain without turning around
"No you don't!" said Raziel confidently
"What do you want Raziel?" said Kain tiredly
"I'm here to avenge Janos!!"
"Why what happened to him?"
"....er....... well you killed him"
"No I didn't"
"Look I'm not interested in the fine details here!" Said Raziel angrily "Die Kain!!"
Raziel leapt at Kain who dodged effortlessly. Raziel spun around and landed on his feet
"No Raziel! Don't do it!" Pleaded Mortainius as he checked his watch "just wait another....... half hour then you can kill him!!"
Raziel swung at Kain but once again Kain dodged
"Raziel, Janos will never learn anything if you keep babying him" said Kain
"What?" said Raziel as he stopped momentarily
"You can't go out avenging him everytime someone calls him a name or rips out his heart! He needs to learn to be independent"
Raziel looked thoughtful for a moment
"Your right!!" Said Raziel "he needs to learn to stand up for himself!"
"Exactly!"
"No, no! don't listen to him" said Hash "You should kill him in this hour! I mean you should have heard all the mean things he was saying about you before!!"
"Like what?" inquired Raziel
"He said......" Hash stopped "..... he said you were fat" Hash finished lamely
"He never said that!" shouted the Sarafan Turel " but he might in 2 days time"
"Why are you winking at me like that" asked Raziel suspiciously
"Oh no reason" said the Sarafan Turel airily
"Well as long as you're here Raziel, I'd like you to meet my new wife....... Hey where's Umah?" Said kain
"Oh she went home" said DeJoule
"Oh she did?" Said Kain as he considered this "hmmmm.... Yes maybe I should head home too... right now..... hehehe"
Kain ran out of the Seer inn grinning madly
"What was all that about" asked a confused Raziel
Vorador patted Raziel on the shoulder
"I think it's time you and me had a talk, lad." Said Vorador "About the Birds, the bees and the powers of necromancy"
Kains burst through the door of his bedroom
"Here's Kain!" he shouted enthusiastically
"That's very nice dear" said Umah as she continued to remove items from Kains closet
"Huh..... your wearing more clothes than I would have expected." Said Kain "Hey wait a minute! What are you doing with my stuff!! As for the first time he noticed there was a giant shredder in the room and Umah was stuffing several of Kains most prized possessions into a black rubbish bag
"Oh this is all the old Kains stuff, the new Kain won't need it" she replied
"..... new Kain?" aksed Kain, the Old Kain by the way
"Well your married now"
"But I like being old Kain!" Kain complained
"Oh but you'll love being new Kain!" said Umah conversationally as she emptied a box of hearts of darkness into a bag
"No! not my collection of black hearts! They still beat!"! Pleaded Kain
"Oh you won't need them any more" as she took a suit of armor out of the closet "I mean really, flesh armor! What possible use could that have?"
Kain watched as the flesh armor was ripped apart by the shredder
Next the bone armor, and then Havoc and Malice
He knew what he had to do
"Your right dear.." The new Kain admitted
"I'm glad you agree"
Kain was over to the closet and began to throw his old stuff in a rubbish bag
Halfway through emptying out his flaw collection he handed out a suit of armor to Umah
"Don't forget this one" he said sadly
Umah took the armor and threw it in the shredder
Then Umah twitched and then fell motionless to the floor
"Oh deary me. That's wasn't the Chaos armor I handed you was it?" Kain said in surprise "oh silly me! It has a nasty habit of reflecting any damage done to it..... Oh and now it's in pieces! Ah well such is unlife is guess"
and so Kain whistled to himself as he carefully put back his dark heart collection
In the depths of Sea World the voice of the Elder God echoed through the empty hallways
" No, sir. Unfortunately Raziel failed in his attempt to kill Kain"
"No sir, I don't believe Kain will be a problem to us if we act now"
"Yes, sir. The plan is only seconds away from coming into operation"
"Yes sir, I do seem to be repeating every question you ask me before answering"
"Yes sir, that would be extremely useful for someone who can only hear one side of the conversation"
"Yes sir, I'll inform our agent"
"A pleasure to hear from you as always"
"Mr. Mayor........."
Bane hung his cloak on the hatstand as he entered his super, super secret lab (the Basement)
The switched on the light and marveled at his latest creation
But now he wondered about this mysterious benefactor who had financed his work and who had called him back from the wedding reception to activate the device
Bane shrugged. All he knew was that this device would truly revolutionize the way of life on the street, if not the planet
And so the terrible destiny of elderberry avenue finally came to be
As bane the druid activated..... SHIRENET
On 27th of January 2004. Shirenet first became active. A giant super computer designed to manage the day to day running of elderberry avenue. However Mayor Magnus the First had supreme control over it. A reign of tyranny descended upon the street
That is until November 3rd 2005
At exactly 12:45 GMT Shirenet became self aware
Magnus tried to deactivate the computer but it was too late
An army of motorized Lord of the rings characters eliminated all opposition leaving few survivors.
And so ends the Age of the Legacy of Kain
And so begins the First Age Of Metal Earth
THE END.....................................
Or perhaps only the beginning
The Hobb-Bots relentlessly dug away at the soil. This was to be there last line of defense against the dark legions of Mechdor and the advancing army of the White Wizard, Sarutron. The Shovel of A robo-frodo struck something hard and he stopped. He knelt down and brushed away some of the earth. He had hit solid concrete which wasn't very surprising considering this had once been a town in the first age metal earth.
But something else caught his eye. He lifted it out of the dirt and examined it
Only one thing was visible on the ancient relic, the words "readers Digest"
Suddenly the earth beneath robo-frodo began to shake and crack. A hand shot out of the ground and caught rob frodo's leg. A bald head burst out of the ground
"GOT YOU NOW KAIN!!" Marcus screamed in triumph
Popeland: ah....... It's over.......
I kinda miss it
But I bet no one saw that ending coming!!!!!
I must admit this chapter had it's moments but this Fanfictions Golden age ending a long time ago
Now time for some very specail thank you to
Orpheum Zero, Concept of a Demon, Wolfywoman, Nocturnally-Damned (previously know as Lilith if my memory serves me), The Shadow Dragon, Lady Yoda, Bahamut Epyon, Metal Gear Prime, Yoda, Silmuen, Chalcedony Blue, Soul Shard, Vamps_ r_Kewl, Psycho Virus238, Vampiric Entity, angelgardian666 , Dark Sephy, Vladimirs Angel, CrownOfRust, Elzira and Blood of Angels
All really great people! With impecable taste!
Special thanks go to:
Ultimate Ganon- For providing a forum to spam up and a idea for this final chapter. Check out the forum if you all want.... I'm there sometimes.
http://pub152.ezboard.com/bthearcanesanctuary
Olam- Me good buddy, me good pal. Half the idea in the story I thought up during MSN conversations with him. He has two Fanfcictions and I really strongly suggest you look them up
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1486906
And
Comical yet Tragic Misunderstandings in LOK
http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1449418
They could do with some reviews ya know.... *hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge*
Yocal Pope- For giving honest opinions and not making fun of me. And of course for all those pieces of Smarties bar.... Mmmmmm smarties bar
Finaly, just a general question
Anyone have a favorite character?
And would anyone be interested in a special Outakes chapter?
Believe me there are many, many outakes I just couldn't fit in
Also anyone interested in a sequel?
Thanks everyone! And goodbye!!!