Doubts

Neville soon realised that Ginny had not told any of the other DA members what he had said in the hospital wing. He still received the same smiles from them that he always had and the same whispered greetings in the hall (talking was now strictly forbidden in the corridors between lessons).

All except one person, that was. Ginny had told just one other person and she could not have chosen a better one if she wanted his to realise what his words would mean to other people.

The looks of disappointment that Hannah sent him whenever they passed cut him to the quick and showed him more effectively than anything else could have done what she thought of his words.

Still, he didn't regret them. Not one. The looks she sent, although hurting him, reinforced the reason why he had spoken them in the first place.

He had been furious and aching when he heard what had happened when he learned what had happened to Michael. He would have been devastated if it had happened to Hannah and it was no good asking her not to take the risks: she would just smile and carry right on doing whatever she had been doing in the first place.

Nothing had happened between them since the Hogsmeade trip, yet somehow things had changed between them. Hannah was now more than a friend, yet no more than a friend and his feelings had left him so confused that he had resolved to put them aside for the time being, for now at any rate.

It was these feelings, though, that kept Neville on his bed that night, long after he felt the galleon burn in his pocket and the DA meeting had started.

He knew what he was doing was right, yet that didn't help him the next morning when all he could see were the confused faces of his friends.

The whispered greetings changed to hissed questions: where were you? Why didn't you come? What's going on? But he ignored these questions, knowing that they would next turn to Ginny who would tell them everything.

The only person who did not question him was her; she knew why. Knew and wouldn't argue with him.

All she would say when she sat down next to him in Dark Arts was:

"I understand your choice. I do, Neville, really. But I've got to keep fighting back or I'll just have given in and I couldn't stand that!"

Neville wanted to shout at her.

But I'm not giving in, he wanted to say. I'm just going to pick fights where I'm the only one who gets hurt when it all goes wrong.

OoOoO

That Dark Arts lesson was worse than ever and it took all of his will power not to hex the blond Death Eater who stood smugly at the front of the classroom into the next century as he listened to the unending bile that poured out of his mouth.

Next to him he was aware of Hannah growing paler and paler until by the end of the lesson she was as pale as a ghost. The expression on her face was one he had never seen before and it scared him. She looked as though she might either pass out or murder Carrow and couldn't quite decide between the two.

Eventually she snapped.

"You're foul," she said in a shaking voice, standing up. "Foul and twisted and evil!"

Amycus had spun around when she started talking but he didn't look angry. No, he looked delighted, a sick grin twisting his face into a parody of a smile.

"So we have a volunteer," he said. "A volunteer to show the rest of the class what happens when to people when this curse is used on them. Abbot, isn't it? Well, I don't think you're going to be needing your wand, Miss Abbot, do you?"

Hannah's wand flew out of her hand and towards Amycus who managed to catch it, though only just.

"Now, ructo!"

"Protego!" Neville was on his feet before he knew what he was doing and the shield charm blossomed in front of Hannah, causing the violet spell to bounce back at its caster, who only just managed to duck in time.

The Death Eater's grin was gone now, replaced a snarl of fury.

"Haven't I managed to teach you what happens to those who interrupt in my lessons?" Spittle flew as the words were spat out. "Yet another detention, Longbottom, and I think I shall have to come up with something a little, let's say different, to help the message stick. Miss Abbot shall join you, I think. She too needs to learn properly what happens to those who interrupt in my class."

Amycus was livid and Neville's heart sank. He had just done what he had been so scared of; the reason why he had not gone to the meeting last night.

"I'll come," he said, hoping the desperation wasn't audible in his voice. "Abbot doesn't, though. She hasn't done anything."

"No, I think she should come too," Amycus smiled. "I think you'll learn your lesson much quicker when she's there too."

He turned to the rest of the class. "What are you lot still doing here?" He demanded. "Get out, all of you, get out! Not you two, though," he pointed at Hannah and Neville. "You two can stay right here." The Death Eater swept out after the rest of the class. "I'll be back in a few minutes," he called over his shoulder as he shut and locked the door.

Hannah sighed, slumping in her chair as the last of the footsteps died away.

"I'm so sorry," Neville muttered, "so very, very sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Hannah's face was a study of confusion. "If anyone should be sorry it's me, not you! Me and my big mouth are what got us into this mess – you did everything you possibly could to get me out of it! I got you into trouble, remember?"

Silence reigned for a short space of time as the two teenagers contemplated their punishment.

"This was why I said we should stop the DA," Neville eventually said bitterly. "It just makes us think we're invincible and that we can fight them with none of the consequences ever catching up. But we can't! Someone always ends up getting hurt and someday something's going to go wrong in a way that will get someone killed. One of the younger ones, probably, who just happened to be in the wrong pace at the wrong time, completely innocent, whilst we, the ones who started this whole mess just walk away, none-the-worse. Maybe we might have a new scar to add to the collection but that will be it, nothing too horrific. What's one more scar compared to someone dying anyway?"

He was practically yelling by the time he had finished and his hands were waving around. To his horror he thought he felt tears pricking at the back of his eyes.

"Somebody's going to die," he told her, "and it will be my fault because I could have stopped all this and didn't. I could have done something, but didn't."

Hannah grabbed one of his hands and held it tightly.

"But it won't be your fault," she said fiercely. "I'm not saying someone won't definitely die, of course they could – it's a war! But that doesn't make it your fault! We all know why we're fighting, what's at stake, even the youngest ones aren't going to go down without a fight. Granted, I wouldn't have quite said that putting frogspawn in Alecto's bed would be quite how I would go about it but the point I they're fighting back! They've got hope! We can't take that away from them: it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be right."

Suddenly realising just how tightly she has holding his hand, she dropped it flushing and carried on in a more moderate tone of voice.

"Besides, I'm sure McGonagall helped them – the teachers don't tend to just happen to leave the key to their rooms lying around where anybody could find them, do you? Not after what Fred and George did in their fourth year! Everyone's fighting back Neville, not just you! It isn't your fault. None of it is!

"It's my fault you're here," he reminded her.

"Don't be daft," she responded. "I was already in trouble, whether you got involved or not."

"We've already been through this! It is not your fault, it's mine. You can't save the whole world, Neville."

Footsteps echoed outside in the corridor and she lowered her voice to whisper: "come back to the DA, Neville. It was horrid without you yesterday."

"But-"

"Please. It'll make me feel a bit better, you know, during detention." Her facade had slipped and Neville could see just how scared she really was.

"All right," he said, taking her hand and holding it tightly. "I'll come back."

And she was right, he realised as the door swung open and both the Carrows walked in. He might not be able to protect everyone but he should keep on trying whatever, even thought people were going to get hurt.

Still, maybe the First Years had the right idea. He really wouldn't like to be in Amycus' shoes if whatever he tried to eat turned to green gunge – in fact, Neville was sure he had seen such a spell in the library the other day…

My apologies for the long delay - this has been sitting hand-written in my notebook for the last month and I've had practically no writting time: it's true what they say - the leap from GCSE to A-level is massive in terms of work load!

All reviews are appreciated!