IX: Inter-Warbler Relationships

Romantic relationships

There is no documentation indicating a romance between two Warblers in our records, but some pictures would implicate that it was at least possible in the past.

(They did wear bike shorts…-Kurt.)

(In public…-Theo)

(To emulate George Michael. –David)

(Who is awesome, but is as straight as I am tall. –Blaine)

(True statement is true. –Kurt)

However, in 1985, Warbler William Davenport and Warbler Richard McMurray were caught in a bathroom during Sectionals in Akron, and caused quite a scandal when Warbler Davenport was discovered half-nude with Warbler McMurray. Upon inquiry, both explained their state of undress as a precautionary measure searching for ticks, but pictures have since surfaced of the two living happily ever after in South Beach, Florida.

It is the unanimous view of this council that times being what they are, that should such a relationship develop between two Warblers, it need not be kept secret.

(Because really, guys, we were taking bets. –David.)

(I WON! –Jeff.)

(Is that why Wes has been doing your homework lately? –David.)

However, it is advisable that even though we have no interest in coming between the happiness of two fellow warblers, certain guidelines should be observed.

1) While we are a forward-thinking bunch and have no concerns about two men having a happy, healthy romantic relationship, there's no need to give us all cavities.

(Or sex-up break up songs. –Nick.)

(Or commence in massive amounts of eye-fuckage. –Thad.)

(Or break up. Ever. Because then I'd need therapy. SERIOUS THERAPY! –Jeff.)

2) Because Jeff is invested in the Blaine/Kurt relationship for some inexplicable reason and because we really don't need another meltdown, any issues between two Warblers, romantic or platonic, should be dealt with outside the Warbler's room. We do not need to waste valuable rehearsal time with angry glares, random blow-ups, and the entire team picking sides.

(I and my therapy bill thank you, Wes. –Jeff.)

(Not to mention Jeff might curl up into a fetal position and cry. I think everyone remembers the Die Hard verses Princess Bride debacle. –Nick.)

(Oh, by the way, Kurt, if you ever feel the need to go to the Blockbusters in Dalton Square Shopping Center in your uniform, just…don't. Thanks to the spectacle that resulted in their argument, we've been banned from the establishment for eternity. –David.)

(Gap...Blockbusters…anywhere else we're banned from? –Kurt)

(The Empire State Building in New York City. –Wes)

(Do I want to know? –Kurt)

(My older brother Caleb may or may not have tried to re-enact King Kong back in 2000. –Blaine)

(I was prepared for some crazy explanation about how Trent tried to spit off of it or how Thad wanted to see what a quarter really looked like…but no…apparently…CLIMBING IS HEREDITARY! –Kurt.)

(Hey, why am I the spitter? –Trent)

(I have seen your lack of personal hygiene Trent, and it just…seemed to fit. –Kurt.)

Platonic Relationships

It is recommended that Warblers who room with non-Warblers keep Warbler happenings and plans to themselves.(See Section VII rule number 7, "What happens in the Warbler room stays in the Warbler room).

(And apparently we're in Fight Club and no one told me. –David.)

(Well, the first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club. –Theo.)

(Wes, you are no Brad Pitt. Or Edward Norton. –Kurt.)

(And you're no Angelina Jolie. Can we continue, please?)

It is imperative that all Warblers treat each other with respect. Hence the standard use of the title Warbler before each member's given name. This is to avoid repeating the potential group-ending infighting that has occurred when use of informal nicknames was allowed. I think we can all agree calling someone Warbler Lil Pony was asking a lot of our fellow brothers in song.

(Brothers? If we're a family, then Wes I'm not calling you Daddy. – David)

(I'm sure there is a perfectly good explanation for why he was called Warbler Lil Pony but I feel my life is complete without knowing it. –Kurt)

(Perhaps he bore a strong resemblance to Megan? –Blaine)

(I don't know what's more appalling. The fact that you remember that little detail about My Little Pony, or that I do. –Kurt.)

It is in the spirit of that respect for each other that we maintain standards of seniority and tradition. This helps ensure the Council is not accused of playing favorites and also helps defuse tensions between equally talented members. Suggestions and auditions from all members will be seriously considered. In the event both suggestions are equally valid, the suggestion from the senior member will be followed.

(In other words, we'll have a coin toss so long as Trent doesn't bring his two headed coin again. – Nick)

(You thought it was funny. – Trent)

(Yeah the first three times you made heads "Wes has dance like a chicken for ten minutes". Then I think he caught on and he started throwing the gavel. – Nick)

(It was still funny. – Trent)

(Yeah because you ducked. – Theo)

In a perfect world the bonds of brotherhood would prevent any disagreements from occurring. However we live in the real world….

(This is the true story…- Kurt)

(True story. – Blaine)

(Of seven strangers – David)

(Gentlemen I said the real world, not a craptastic train wreck.)

In the real world, disagreements happen and to preserve our sense of harmony the following protocols should be followed to maintain group unity.

First, the Warblers in question are strongly encouraged to work out any disputes in a mature fashion as befitting the high caliber of young men Dalton admits into its hallowed halls. If a compromise can not be reached, a mediator should be consulted. Ideally the mediator should be a Warbler who does not have a stake in the argument and can maintain a neutral position until both sides are heard.

(I want to state for the record just because I know a lot of girls and am friends with a lot of girls, I am not a girl so do not ask me to give a "woman's point of view" to help solve a problem because I'm "almost a girl". – Kurt)

(I back him up on the not a girl thing. –Blaine)

If a mediator is unsuccessful in negotiating a solution upon which all parties can agree, the matter may be brought up to the Council via the comment box the Secreta….Historian is responsible for checking after every meeting. Once the Council is fully briefed on the circumstances, it will attempt to come up with a way to settle the matter definitively.

(In other words, we be having a sing-off. –David)

(I don't want to have to choose! I'll be hurting someone's feelings! –Jeff.)

(You won't be voting, Jeff. The council will. –David)

(As long as Donald Trump doesn't own either of your souls, I can live with that. –Jeff).

In the event of a fellow Warbler departing the group, be it from graduation or due to other circumstances, it is important to note that, in the eyes of this council, once a Warbler, always a Warbler, and will be beholden to the privileges and responsibilities therein.

(Because it's also the mob. –Thad.)

(A singing and dancing mob. –David.)

(And Wes will make you an offer you can't refuse. –Blaine.)

(And introduce you to his Little Friend. –Kurt.)

(Dirty Joke Alert! Dirty Joke Alert! –Thad and Nick.)

(How is that dirty? What if his friend is short like Blaine? – Jeff)

(Only, can young Marlon Brando be our boss? Because Old Marlon Brando…just…ew. –Nick.)

(Honestly, are you positive they're all straight?- Kurt)