A/N: Just a really low key chapter- a little calm before the storm coming up next. Thank you again and as always to everyone who has taken the time to review, put this story on alert and in their favorites. I'm so grateful! You guys rock!
I have to shout out my Beta: Sheknitsnicely! Girl I love you! Thank you so much for putting up with me!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, that's no surprise….
Saoirse awoke the next day to the feeling of hands shaking her. Looking up groggily from the surprisingly comfortable bed, she saw Amena pulling back the thick velvet curtains from the window and letting in the late morning sun.
"Uhh?" Was the only thing she could bring herself to say as she shielded her eyes from the east facing casement and the bright gust of summer air that blew in from it.
"Don't 'uhh' me, girl. Up with you. We've much to do today!" Saoirse could not remember Amena ever being in such a…well…enthusiastic mood. Turning from the window, Amena gathered her mistress' heavy velvet robe and held it out for her.
Saoirse could only groan as she realized there would be no fighting with Amena and no returning to her sleep. Stepping out of the bed and into the robe, she sat at the small table by the unlit fire and began to eat breakfast.
"Once you've finished we must dress you, and then you have people to greet." Amena bustled about, pulling out dresses with her usual critical eye and assessing which one would be best for the morning.
"And what work is that?" Saoirse tried to keep the smile off her face as Amena deemed one dress too nice for the morning's duties and another not nice enough, until she had at last settled her judicious eye on a gown of purple silk and a dark red shift to go under it.
"The Lady Haldis stopped by just before dawn, after you were already abed, to say that the Human ladies of the court would be presenting themselves this morning to seek positions as Ladies in waiting. Many of them have already arrived, though it looks as if they aren't quite used to being up this early." Amena said the last with a bit of disapproval, but Saoirse could only think that her own internal sense of time was already shifting: it could not be much before noon and she would happily still be in bed if not for her overzealous nurse.
Taking the throne in her audience chamber a short while later, Saoirse sat quietly with Amena standing beside her as she was introduced, one by one, to the ladies of the court who wished to serve her. She knew before even meeting them that she would take most of them, using her ability to root out and turn away only those who came with ill intent, either to spy on her for their Vampire masters or to cause harm.
Most of them had no such ulterior motive, and yet Saoirse was surprised both by how alike they all were and how much she disliked them. By and large they all reminded her of her Fairy cousins: beautiful, petty, vain and selfish. They thought themselves better than others because, unlike the unfortunates that became nothing more than meals for Vampires, they had been kept; but most of them felt nothing more for the Vampires to whom they were attached than greed for their wealth or desire to use them to gain a better position and, of course, lust. They were at once fearful of their companions and excited by that fear, and they were all of them well versed in the arts of sex and willing to do whatever it took to keep their Vampire companions and, if possible, to exchange them for another, better one.
Amena motioned for the last girl to approach the dais and Saoirse watched as she walked up to her with great confidence. The girl was nothing short of stunning, with long ebony hair and magnificent eyes that appeared to be almost purple in color. She was young, perhaps no older than fifteen, but Saoirse could see the fire of ambition burning in her unique eyes.
Curtsying gracefully, the girl answered all of her questions with ease and charm, making the proper responses and showing the proper respect, but Saoirse was shocked by her mind. She belonged to a relatively low Vampire in Halbjorn's court and she knew it. She hoped that, by being in the company of the Queen, she would attract the attention of someone higher up. She wasn't picky about who, anyone who could improve her situation in life would be welcomed, but she had for a long time had her hopes set on Eric.
Saoirse could see plainly from her thoughts that the girl was infatuated with him, which was not entirely surprising or shocking. Most of the "ladies" she'd met today had at least one stray thought about him. This one thought him young and wild, beautiful and dangerous, and she was piqued by the fact that he had turned her down without a second glance on many occasions. The girl, Dagny, thought it odd that, unlike so many of the other Vampires who enjoyed the companionship of Humans, Eric never seemed to like anyone beyond a single night, and she was determined to change his mind, if he would only give her the chance.
Saoirse could not control the raging jealousy that suddenly overtook her as the girl's thoughts of Eric began to become more images than words. She found herself nearly trembling with her failing attempts to temper it as Dagny imagined all the ways in which she could ensnare the beautiful, cold and emotionless Lord Commander. Getting up quickly from her chair, even as the girl was midway through answering some insignificant question or another, Saoirse turned to Amena.
"You finish up. Decide who does what, it is of no matter to me." She said, speaking more harshly to her nurse than she had ever spoken to anyone and fleeing the room. She barely registered the looks of surprise from Amena or the girl before she was out the chamber door and striding quickly down the halls, her skirts flying around her legs.
She didn't know why this new little bit of information hurt so much, but it did. It hurt badly and she felt her carefully constructed façade of indifference towards Eric beginning to crumble. With each little revelation she came to understand that, whatever had happened between them since, Eric had been genuine in his feelings for her. If the girls' thoughts were to be believed, he had loved her when he had never given anyone else a second look. From last night, she knew that he had been coming back for her, intent on parting with who knew how much wealth to buy the freedom of the servant girl she had led him to believe she was.
He had shown himself to be cold, angry and violent in the days they had known each other as they really were; yet she began to wonder, as she had not since the night he'd tried to hurt her, if all that was not really the mask, the cold being just a defense for emotions he was entirely unused to controlling.
She knew that, for Fairies, deep emotion usually triggered instinctual responses. Anger, grief, even desire often seemed to overwhelm the more rational, humanlike parts of their brains. She knew hardly anything about Vampires, but she supposed they were probably not much different. They were, after all, every bit as predatory and fearsome as Fairies. She didn't want to forgive Eric for what he had done, but she also knew that, when she had struggled against him and thrown off his glamour, he had stopped. The reasoning behind his actions, if there was any at all, was confusing at best. He would have gladly compelled her to comply, yet he would not force her when he failed to gain that compliance. Still, she could not forget the look that had been on his face when he had realized she would not give in. At first it had been astonishment that she had thwarted his attempt at controlling her, but then it quickly morphed into shame that he had tried. It was as though his anger had turned off the human part of him and her surprising reaction had somehow turned it back on.
Saoirse reminded herself then, as she had so often in the past, that she could never claim ignorance of what he was. The danger, the darkness, was a part of him. It was a part that she had been more than willing to accept until it was turned on her. And yet perhaps, after all, they were not the only part of him. She wished wholeheartedly that she could have just one moment with him: one moment when resentment was not the first thing he felt so that they could try to understand each other. If only she could see him as he really was, maybe she could finally find out if the Eric she thought she knew on her beach was really in there. She had felt, just before he began to speak to her that night on the boat, that he was, but since then she had allowed her own hurt and anger to keep her from looking for him again.
The questions that swirled in Saoirse's brain seemed endless and unanswerable and, after a time, she thought to finally look up and see where her distressed musings had brought her. She was surprised to see that they had carried her out of the confines of the castle walls completely and into the most fragrant and enchanting rose garden.
The smell of the blooms, large and soft and of every beautiful color, enveloped her and she found herself lifting her face to the bright, glowing sun and allowing it and the sweet flowers to shroud her and calm her senses. Never, in all her imaginings, would she have believed that her fearsome, vicious Vampire betrothed would have something as beautiful as this hidden in his dark, nightmare fortress.
The garden was a work of art unlike anything Saoirse had ever seen, even in her beautiful emerald-colored homeland. The stone walls that enclosed the garden had been strung with sticks on which the rose bushes had been bent, allowing them to run up and down the walls, completely covering them. The rose bushes in the ground grew tall and beautiful, making their own interior enclosures in which were hidden here and there statues, small ponds with lovely fish, and even a rabbit hutch or two.
Saoirse followed the paths made by the flowers, admiring their reds, whites, pinks and yellows, until she came to the center of the garden where she found a small, well-dressed woman, cuddling a tiny white bunny in her arms. Saoirse was shocked to find that the woman, whose beautiful red hair was now twisted into a lovely braid, shot through with ribbon, was the same girl that had sat at Halbjorn's feet the night before. The sound of Saoirse's dress rustling in the afternoon breeze caught the attention of the girl and she turned around suddenly, a wary look in her eyes.
"I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you." Saoirse said, holding her hands up in a gesture of peace. The girl contemplated her for one more long moment before she nodded and closed the few steps that separated them, holding out the little rabbit for Saoirse to inspect. Raising her hand gently, she let just the tip of one finger run down the little creature's soft body, from the crown of his head to his little puffy tail. The girl laughed at the look of contentment that painted Saoirse's face as she felt the small animal's lovely soft fur.
"He's adorable is he not? I love rabbits. I always felt so horrible when my papa would send me to empty the traps so we could have them for dinner. They are so sweet and so defenseless. It always seemed so wrong to hurt them." Saoirse laughed a little as well, surprised both by the girl's candor and her innocent kindness.
"He is uncommonly sweet. Perhaps we should spare him the fate of becoming dinner." The girl looked up at her and her smile lessened just a little bit.
"His Majesty allows me to keep all the rabbits in the garden. They are all safe." Saoirse was taken back for just a moment but then nodded, realizing the girl must be scared that she would try to change things. Seeing a bench close by, she stretched out her hand, hoping the girl would consent to sit with her for a little while. When she did, Saoirse smiled brightly, attempting to calm her.
"I'm Saoirse." She said simply, knowing the girl already knew who she was. The girl hesitated again for a moment and then smiled brightly back, understanding that Saoirse desired to be no threat.
"I am Brynja." She replied with equal simplicity.
"I am glad to know you Brynja." The girl smiled again.
"Is it true that you can read people's minds?" She asked, her curiosity getting the better of her judgment for just a moment, before she put her hand over her mouth and began to apologize through it. Saoirse only laughed. She had seen many different reactions to the knowledge of her gift in her life, but almost no one had sounded so innocently intrigued by it. She was mostly used to anger and suspicion being the first responses, and it seemed to reinforce Saoirse's feeling that this girl was worth getting to know
"Please, it's alright. I'm not angry. Yes, I can read minds. Human minds." She replied gently, hoping her tone would put the girl at ease.
"Are you reading my mind now?" She asked, surprising Saoirse, once more, in that she looked more curious than angry or worried or scared.
"No, I can block people's thoughts out if I try, and truthfully, I don't want to know every little thought everyone has. Those things aren't meant to be heard." The girl nodded, seeming to contemplate that for a moment.
"It must be very hard." She said after a long while. Saoirse looked up at the sky and contemplated her answer for a moment before responding. No one had ever truly asked her such a question. No one ever seemed to care. Most people were only concerned about what secrets she might find out, others about what secrets she could find out for them. Even her grandfather, who had taught her how to control her gift, had always focused more on the practical necessity of helping her deal with it than on the emotional hardship that it caused, though she had no doubt he understood that very well.
"It was very confusing to me as a child, and it hasn't ever made me any friends, but I'm beginning to see a new side to it as well. It saved the life of someone I…loved very much once, and his Majesty finds enough value in it to offer me a better life than I would have expected here. So perhaps, though I have never liked it, it might come to be of some use to me." Saoirse answered, with more honesty than she could have anticipated she would have.
"His Majesty would have offered you that life, mind reading or not." Saoirse looked over at the other woman and felt her eyebrows rising in shock. She knew that, between the two of them, they were circling around a conversation that needed to be had, but she hadn't realized that it would happen so soon.
"Why is that?" Saoirse asked, feeling it better to let the girl tell her than to admit she had pulled at least some of the details out of her head already.
"You could read it out of my mind if you wanted to, couldn't you?" The girl smiled at her knowingly, the answer already apparent. Saoirse only nodded her head, again realizing that there was much about the woman beside her that was surprising and worth knowing.
"I could, but I find that friendships are better started on the equal footing of honesty." This time it was Brynja's turn to raise her eyebrows, but Saoirse found she was relieved to see that it was quickly accompanied by another genuine smile. Saoirse was shocked to realize that, when the girl smiled, all the plainness disappeared from her face and instead she became truly pretty, as if the sweetness and life within her smile infused her whole face.
"I come from a village not far from here. My parents were simple farmers burdened with three daughters and no sons who lived to adulthood. I was the eldest of them, and the year of my twelfth birthday was particularly bad. There were terrible frosts and the crops failed. There was hardly anything to eat, and we had too many mouths to feed. When a man from a neighboring village came to my parents and offered to marry me, they were thrilled. One less mouth to feed, a little more money to buy the food we couldn't grow, and their homeliest daughter gotten out of the way.
I never expected to marry for anything other than to please my family of course, but I was deeply unhappy. He was much older than I was, and fat and ugly. He had recently lost his own wife in child birth and had a house full of small ones that needed taking care of. I knew I was no beauty, nor would I ever be, but when it came down to it I simply couldn't accept that this would be my lot in life, so one night I ran.
It was a foolish, stupid thing to do. I had almost nothing to take with me: no food, no money and nothing worth selling for it. I would have starved or frozen to death in a matter of days, but I never got the chance. The second night, while I was making a fire, I knew I was being watched. I was terrified and ran. I'm sure you've already realized this, but it's about the worst thing you can do…running from a Vampire." She laughed softly at that memory. Saoirse didn't know that per se , but would remember that from now on. "It was Halbjorn. He was hunting in the forests. He would no doubt have drained me dry for the fun of it, but I guess I shocked him." Saoirse found herself curious as to what the slight girl in front of her had done to save her life.
"What did you do?" Brynja laughed a little, lifting the skirt of her dress slightly and kicking the air in front of her with her foot.
"He knocked me to the ground, roughly falling on top of me, and turned me around ready to rip my throat out. I should have been scared for my life - I was - but for some reason I'm not even sure of to this day, I looked him square in the eye and kicked him, as hard as I could in the knee." Saoirse could feel her impressed shock, but she kept it to herself. "I doubt it hurt him even in the slightest, but he was so surprised that I didn't scream or cry for mercy or just lie there and wait for the end, that he actually stopped. Instead of killing me, he threw me on the back of his horse and brought me here. Sometimes I think he's been trying for ten years to work up the courage to finally kill me, but he never does." To say that the last words out of Brynja's mouth had shocked her would not have been strong enough. She had felt, unequivocally, from this girl that she loved Halbjorn, and yet she seemed to not even blink at the suggestion that her lover, at least on some level, might kill her at any moment.
"Are you not terrified of him?" Saoirse could not help herself from asking, feeling her own hand come up to cover the inappropriate question. Brynja looked at her for a long moment, her moss green eyes, searching Saoirse's for something Saoirse could not quite understand, just as Halbjorn had done the night before. Seeming satisfied with what she saw, the girl answered her without hesitation.
"No. I know that he loves me. I just also know that he hates that he loves me. It pricks his Vampiric pride that such a vicious, old creature as himself, could feel something so… human. But as much as he hates to feel that love, he would never act against it. At first I was terrified of all the Vampires here, of all the Vampires everywhere I guess, but over the years I've come to understand some things about them. Not all of them are good of course, but there are ones that are. They hide though. They hide and bury everything that they used to be in order to survive, but it's all still there under the surface if you look hard enough… if they find something in you worth letting you see it." Saoirse felt her throat constrict at that simple and profound statement. She felt suddenly as though all her questions and worries from earlier had come into clear focus. Without even realizing it, Brynja had answered them, and the knowledge that she had given made Saoirse all the more sad, because she knew then that she could not continue to pretend that she had been mistaken in Eric.
"If he loves you, why has he not married you?" Saoirse found herself asking, not wanting to think anymore, at that moment, about her own worries. Instead, she desired to hear more about this girl and more of her startling wisdom with regard to these creatures, who were so different and so seemingly frightening. Brynja's face fell from a smile into sadness.
"I am a weakness for him. The more interest he shows in me, the more dangerous that weakness becomes. He has kept me for ten years already and that has put us both in enough danger. But if he were to marry me, there would be no doubt that he cared for me beyond what other Vampires considered appropriate. It would put me in danger and compromise his authority. It's why he would always have offered you this life here. You aren't just a symbol to his enemies, you are an acceptable wife. No one will assume that you are here because of affection, making him look fearsome and evil, as he wishes to be seen and, with you as wife, no one will assume that I mean as much to him as I do." Saoirse felt shocked by the girl's pragmatism. Though she said she would not, she felt herself opening her mind just a little bit, not enough to get thoughts from the girl; but enough to feel if she was being honest. Astonishingly, Saoirse found that she was.
"Does that not hurt you?" This time Saoirse asked the question with real concern. With each moment they spoke, Saoirse felt herself drawn to the girl and, though they had known each other for less than a few hours, she already had no wish to hurt her, which she felt she must do if she married, if only in name, the man that Brynja loved.
"Not at all. You are not here by choice. I know that you have no desire to take him from me and you have accepted his offer. Speaking to you now I don't believe that, even knowing the truth, you would seek to use it against us. I wonder very much how this will all work, but I am hopeful and grateful, that we can all be a help to each other." Brynja's voice was soft as she looked at the other woman. She had no idea why, but she felt she could trust the part Fairy. There was a gentleness about her that Brynja had noticed, even last night, and after years of being alone, surrounded by humans who were no longer in their right mind, or who hung on the Vampires as though they were the leaches, she felt that perhaps Saoirse might not just help Halbjorn, but herself as well. It might have been a foolish hope, but Brynja had long ago learned to trust her instincts when it came to people, and right now they told her that the Fairy Princess was no enemy.
"And it will not bother you if he…feeds on me?" Saoirse did not know if it was a common thing for Vampires to feed from anyone even if they chose, however discreetly, to be faithful to only one mate, but she remembered vividly her jealousy when Eric had told her that he needed more than just her blood. Looking at Brynja now, she saw the first look of sign of real sadness cross the girl's face.
"I do not like the idea, but Halbjorn feeds from many different women and glamours them all to believe that he does other things as well. I accept it because it is for our safety and because I cannot feed him myself." Saoirse knew that they hardly knew each other enough for her to ask, but as before she could not stop herself.
"Why?" Brynja laughed, but this time it was filled with bitterness.
"There is something wrong with me. My blood does not replenish itself correctly. The last time Halbjorn fed on me was many years ago and he stopped because I did almost die that time. He had to heal me, but he cannot do that often, or we would form a bond that other Vampires would be able to detect. Again, it would be dangerous and it would lead to discovery. So instead he feeds on others, but I know that is all."
"I know I have no right to say this, but you've given up a great deal to be with him, have you not?" Again Brynja laughed, but this time it was not so harsh.
"Yes and no. This is not the life I thought I would have when I was a girl: the secret lover of a person most people view as a monster, accepting what he offers and attempting to wish for no more. But then I could never have had the life I dreamed of. I was to be married to an old man and, no doubt, condemned to die unloved and unwanted, baring one of his many children. So truly I cannot say that I am unhappy. I am well cared for and well loved. Does anyone have the right to ask for more than that?" Saoirse had no answer for that. She had no way of knowing what her life would have been if she had let Eric take her away as he had wanted to, but she doubted it would have been easy. Yet, if she was honest with herself, she would have been happy just to be with him and to have had the love of such a man.
"I would like very much to be a help to both of you and to live here in peace." Saoirse replied, feeling a wide, happy smile turning up her features for the first time this day. "Brynja, I know it might seem strange, but I wish to ask you for something." The girl seemed curious and gestured that Saoirse should continue. "There have been many ladies presenting themselves today to become part of my household. In truth I don't like any of them. They are…." Saoirse trailed off, looking for the most tactful word, when Brynja's voice finished her sentence unexpectedly.
"Horrible." Saoirse nodded, laughing just a little bit.
"Indeed. I don't want to be around them day in and day out, but I don't see a choice in the matter. I would like to have…a real companion, someone besides my nurse who I brought with me. Would it be wrong of me to ask you?" Brynja smiled the bright smile that made her whole face light with beauty and Saoirse felt the breath she had been holding release.
"I would be honored, your Majesty." She replied formally, the smile painting her face never faltering.
"As would I, Madame. You would do me a great honor if you would consent to be my principle Lady in waiting." Saoirse replied, with equal formality, before both of them broke their façade with gentle, nervous laughter.
Replacing the little bunny back in his hutch, the two women walked out of the rose garden and Saoirse was more than relieved that Brynja actually knew the way back to her chambers. She had been so distracted with her own sorrows when she left that she could not remember even which direction she had come from.