"Kara, this is Mon-El. Call me back."
"Kara, this is getting ridiculous call me back."
"I know you're getting all of this 'voicemail,' Kara because your voice is the one who tells me to leave it for you. We need to talk. Call me or whatever it is you do on this planet, as long as it's not long-hand letters because I will not be writing you one of those."
"Okay, maybe I'm not doing this quite right, but, in any case, we have to talk. Kara, this separation-or whatever this is-has got to stop. I can't-I can't-I can't sleep, Kara! I cannot rest, knowing that you-that you're in this place by yourself. I am so, so alone. Please-please, Kara. Call me back."
"Kara. It's Mon-El. This is the fifth day you've gone without speaking to me. I don't want to go near you, but we have to resolve this. Call me."
"Kara! Do you plan on doing this for the rest of our lives?! Why must you insist on hurting the both of us?! It isn't going to make anything better! You're just making everything worse all over again!"
"Kara. I… I don't know if you ever listen any of these, but I've decided to leave them anyways. Apparently, it's customary on this planet to speak this things to that weird mechanical voice when you can't talk face-to-face.
It's been, uh, about a week since you kicked me out. I, uh, I'm still really, really mad at you. I don't care what you say it is, I can't believe that the woman I… the woman I spent all those months with would write me off like that. You really-wow-that was a low blow, Kara. Insulting my race like you actually give a damn about whether or not I'm a Daxamite? That's a level of self-destruction I never thought you'd stoop to.
And it's not just that! You're using me to hurt yourself. It's sick. I can't believe you don't see it. And it's not just you that's affected. You're being cruel and unreasonable, and this is the last time I'm going to try and tell you that."
"Hey, Kara, it's me, Mon-El, uh, again. Last night I was, uh, really upset. I know you're not going to answer me back, but, I want you to know that I… I miss you. I want to resolve this. I've never wanted to fix something in my life more than I want to fix our… our friendship. Please, Kara."
"Kara, it's Mon-El, uh, again.
Please."
He looked at his phone as he lowered it from his cheek. He sighed and dropped it against the bar, rubbing his brow roughly. A woman behind the counter slid him a glass of something yellow. He glanced up,
"I, uh, I didn't order this," he began.
"I know," She smiled, "Giggles over there just thought you could use something a bit stronger."
He turned and smiled, lifting his glass at the woman, then turned back to the bartender. She eyed him with curiosity. He raised his brows as he sipped the drink delicately.
"You're Mon-El, aren't you?" She asked.
"I see you've heard the rumors." he smirked humorlessly.
"No, I just live with the head of the DEO." She replied, unfazed.
His jaw dropped, "I-" he swallowed, "-hi,"
She smiled, offering a hand across the bar, "I'm M'gann, M'gann M'orzz."
"You're-you're from Mars too?" He asked excitedly, "That's-that's so fascinating, I've-I've always wanted to go there."
"It was beautiful," she said, "once. It's not been that way for over three-hundred years."
He blinked, "I'm-I'm sorry-"
"-No, no," M'gann smiled easily, "it's not your fault."
He chuckled, "Still."
She nodded, turning to begin cleaning some glasses, "So J'onn tells me that you just got here."
"What gave me away?" He joked.
"A couple nights ago you weren't sure you were leaving a voicemail correctly." She teased lightly. She slid him a glass of water and he gave her his now empty glass, "That was fast." She observed.
"Well," Mon-El smiled a bit drunkenly, "Daxamites like myself were always known for their tremendous ability to drink a lot of alcohol and ignore everything but themselves."
M'gann raised her brows. She was surprised he'd say such a thing about his own race. Daxamites had always been very proud people-very self-centered too, of course-but they did have some good moments, and a Daxamite would never speak ill of the dead, let alone the dead of their whole planet.
He laughed, obviously tipsy, "And like I didn't already know it, she started telling me."
"She said that to you?" M'gann said, not sure who he was talking about.
"You know," He said, swallowing his water, "Kara."
"Oh," M'gann said softly, "have you tried talking to her?"
"I've left her a message every single day."
"Try actually going to see her." M'gann suggested.
"Ha!" Mon-El tossed his head back and laughed, "You're funny."
"I'm serious, Mon-El," She said.
"Yeah, and I don't want to die." He said, hiccuping slightly and looking drunk off his ass.
He stayed there for a while longer, mooching off everyone in the bar. Eventually he returned to his phone and stared at it. He turned it over and illuminated the screen. There were no new messages. He scowled and scooped it up, dialing her number again.
"Hi, Kara. It's uh… it's mee… So I just thought I should let you know… I'm drunk… again-ha! Ah-ha! And you can't stop me!
You know something Kara; I had a good long time to think in those cages. There was a lot of quiet time in there… lots of sleeping and crying-I mean, I was crying, were you? Oh wait! Who am I kidding, you're the girl, of steel. You don't need anyone! Hah!
Well, so I thought a lot-you know, in our cozy, adjoining cells-and, I'll tell you, I realized about six months in that I came from a planet of terrible people, from horrifying family circumstances and that I'd lived an empty, desolate life, that would never amount to anything. But you know, you-yes you!-made me think that I could be different… maybe, I don't know because you're not speaking to me now.
And anyways! I don't need you to tell me that! I know that I'm a terrible person and that I deserve nothing good from life either! The point-the point is that all this… stuff. It's just stuff! You don't just sit on your ass and pity yourself, right? You're supposed to work towards redemption! It's a… process apparently. I don't-I don't know, okay?
Whatever, this is-this is just pointless. You don't give a damn and you know-you know it's funny because-because you're the one person-the one person who showed me how to give one."
Alex came over and stood next to her sister as they prepared for the party Kara had kindly agreed to host. She began to help clean the nice dishes that had gathered dust over the years. She glanced over at Kara, noticing how she didn't seem to have any expression at all on her face.
"Kara," she said softly, clearing her throat, "what about Mon-El?"
However small, this got a reaction from the Kryptonian. Her brow twitched ever so slightly; as if someone had flicked her temple.
"What about him?" She asked, keeping her voice steady.
"Well," Alex swallowed, trying to be gentle, "where is he, do you know?"
"No."
Alex frowned. "Do you… want to know?"
"Why are you asking about him, Alex?" Kara said, meeting her sister's eye for the first time during this exchange.
"Because he showed up on the DEO's doorstep last week and has been sleeping there ever since." Alex explained. Kara sighed, looking down and turning off the faucet. "What's going on, Kara?"
Kara shook her head, not wanting to answer.
"Kara, I'm not an idiot." Alex said suddenly, "All that stuff you said about him during the… debrief. It was all a ploy, wasn't it?"
Kara bit the inside of her cheek.
"You knew that he was back there-you wanted him to think you didn't care." She said.
Kara swallowed, "Maybe then he'd make better use of his time."
"Kara!" Alex scolded, stepping in front of her sister, "You have to stop doing stuff like this."
"Like what?"
"You-when you're worried about someone you care about, you push them away or say things to them that you don't mean. You did it to me when you found out I worked for the DEO-you did it to James when he told you he was Guardian." Alex said, "I mean, this isn't exactly the same, but it's similar."
Kara glanced into the living room, finding Maggie looking at her from where she was squatted down with Raimy.
"Kara," Alex commanded her attention once more, "how do you feel when you're around him?"
"What?" Kara asked, perplexed by the question.
"Just, the first thing that pops into your head," Alex said, "go."
Kara blinked, her mind moving in circles, "I-"
"-Just say one word," Alex suggested, "when you hear the word 'Mon-El' what comes to mind first?"
"Daxamite."
Alex rolled her eyes, "Okay second thing."
"Red." She said.
Alex tilted her head, and Kara shrugged.
"Uh, okay what else?" Alex shook her head slightly as if to clear it.
Kara looked down at their feet, touching her glasses.
"Kind." She said.
"Okay," Alex smiled sadly, touching Kara's shoulder, "what else?"
"Safe."
Alex titled her head, "You mean… You feel safe around him…? Or… You want to keep him safe?"
Kara shrugged.
"Kara…" Alex sighed, pulling her sister into a hug. "You have to hold onto things that make you feel safe and things you want to keep safe."
Kara rubbed her arm, looking down.
"I've seen the way… I've seen the way you relax around him," Alex whispered, "when you take his hand."
They pulled apart, and Kara gave her sister a teary smile.
"Helping yourself isn't selfish," Alex said, holding her sister's shoulders, "asking for help and comfort isn't wrong, Kara. In fact, it's just the opposite."
Another hand touched Kara's back, and she turned to see Maggie smiling, rubbing her spine comfortingly. Kara moved, wrapping Maggie up into a firm hug. Maggie chuckled, gripping her back. They pulled apart, and Maggie began,
"Kara," she said gently, "after you disappeared, Alex and I… we both went and got the help we needed to… keep going."
Kara nodded, "I'm sorry,"
"No, no!" Maggie touched her shoulder, "It's not your fault, Kara, none of it is. We just both needed to talk to someone."
Maggie glanced over Kara's shoulder at her wife anxiously.
"Your sister and I, we were wondering if maybe you'd go talk to someone, about… about that place. You and Mon-El both should really go talk to someone, it can really be useful if you give it the right time and-"
"-Yes." Kara interrupted.
"Really?" Alex said, gaping slightly.
Kara wiped her cheek, turning to look at her sister, "I can use all the help I can get, right?"
Alex smiled, yanking her back into a long embrace, Maggie putting her arms around both of them.
"Thank you." Kara sniffed, moving one hand and lacing her fingers through one of Maggie's, as if to try and convey the deep emotions of safety and happiness these two women had created for her.
The dull roar of the apartment faded away as Raimy stole Kara's attention. She crawled through the almost closed door to Kara's bedroom, stopping at the foot of her bed. She clambered up onto the couch that sat there, and then up onto the mattress, scooting over to where her aunt sat leaning against the headboard. Raimy leaned on Kara's thigh and peered up into her aunt's face. Kara smiled, her eyes filled with sadness.
"Hey, there, sweetie." She cooed, letting Raimy look at her with those beautiful brown eyes. A gentle smile spread across Kara's face as they stared at each other.
Raimy plopped down next to Kara, leaning against her and tugging at the blanket on top of the comforter. Kara obliged, pulling it up and laying it across their laps. She was rewarded with a toothless smile. Kara's heart warmed, and everyone else in her flat seemed to fade away completely behind the sliding doors.
Comparatively, it was a rather small gathering; just their closest friends celebrating the new year in Raimy's life. It felt much larger than under fifteen people to Kara though. Alex kept checking in on her and she kept saying she was fine. By this time in her life, if she was good at anything, it was acting. She'd decided to take a break in her room a while ago, finding how no one seemed to notice that she was gone.
There was a knock at the door, that Kara didn't hear. Maggie jogged over, opening it with a warm smile on her face.
"Mon-El!" She said, "You made it!"
"I-what?" He blinked, looking over the small woman at all the people in the apartment. "-I mean, yes! Yes, of course!"
"Well come on in, then!" Maggie stepped aside, ushering him forwards, "Here, I'll take your coat for you."
"Oh, thank you." He said, "I, uh, haven't been to a party in a while."
"Well," Maggie smiled, handing him a glass of something strong-smelling, "I'm glad this could be your first."
Alex came over, "Mon-El," she said awkwardly, "uh-hi."
"Hi." He nodded, wanting to avoid the pitiful look she held behind those eyes. "I'm gonna, um, I'm gonna go find, Kara."
"Oh, sure, go ahead." Alex nodded, stepping out of his way.
He tread carefully, looking around suspiciously at all these people he didn't know. He heard a gentle voice through the din, and turned towards her room, finding Kara and her niece on the bed. The circles under Kara's eyes were more intense than the last time he saw her; her smile much more strained.
He slid slowly through, closing the doors behind him. She looked up, and froze. She turned away and he sighed.
"Kara, please," he began, his voice breaking, "I can't-I can't lose this."
He took a step closer to her, and saw a tear slip from her cheek to the covers of her bed.
"I've lost everything, Kara, and I can't lose you. I can let you-I can't let you push me away." He came to stand next to her. "Please, Kara. Please."
She sniffed, wiping her face hastily and avoiding his gaze.
He sat down gently, the bed sinking slowly as he did. He never pulled his eyes away from her.
"Talk to me," he breathed, "what can I-what can I do? What will make it better?"
She shook her head, "I'm a monster, Mon-El."
He looked down, stifling a sob.
"There's nothing you can do but get away from me before I destroy your life." She said.
"What's the difference between me and Alex?" He asked, "How come she gets another chance at a relationship with you?"
"I already ruined her life," Kara said, turning to him abruptly, "I owe it to her-to her family-to try and fix all the things I broke."
"Why not me?" He asked, "Why am I not good enough-?"
"-You're too good, Mon-El!" She cried, "You have a future-a bright one-one where I'm not there to ruin things for you."
"I don't want that one, Kara!"
"Why? Why not?"
"I don't want a future where you're unhappy!"
"I don't deserve this!" She yelled suddenly, "I am a horrible person, Mon-El. But you're-you're not. You're pure, and kind and you deserve better than someone like me."
"Kara," he scooted closer to her, "you deserve everything in the world. You are so selfless and brave and inspiring; the whole universe looks up to you.
But you don't have to be Supergirl; you don't have to be anyone to be like that. You just-you just are, okay? You're brilliant, and so, so courageous; I-I really admire that about you. Don't let it all go now-not after all this time.
You deserve a life of happiness and prosperity, and if you think that your life-your life, not mine-will be better if I'm not in it, then just say the word; I'll be gone." He said, his voice soft.
She took a breath, looking back and forth between his deep, gray eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said, leaning towards him. "I'm so, so, sorry-"
"-I know," he breathed, pulling her close.
"I just… I hate feeling like this." She said.
"Like what?"
"So… vulnerable."
He laughed, "You're the strongest person I know, Kara." He gave her a watery smile, "It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes."
She nodded and they were silent for a moment. "It's just hard." She said.
He looked at her sadly and bowed his head, brushing a finger over her hair. "I know, Kara."
"Why-" She swallowed, her voice so soft he could barely hear it, "-why aren't I happy?"
"Kara…" He breathed, scooting closer as she buried her face into to his chest.
"I'm home," She said, "I'm here. I should be happy-I should be happy."
He closed his eyes and looked down at the bed as she held back the water welling up in her eyes again. She looked up at him and watched as a tear slipped its way out of his eyelid. It hit his cheek and bounced off, landing next to them and sinking into the linen.
"Why do I keep feeling like I'm still there? Why do I keep seeing the sun in the sky I could never touch? Why do I keep feeling the sand underneath my feet and the air burning in my lungs-why do I still feel them; cowering beneath me, feeling my fists hitting them over and over again-"
She pulled herself out of his arms and his chest ached for her to return.
"-Why won't they leave me alone?!" She squeezed her eyes shut and then threw herself against the headboard, away from his embrace and pressing her hands against the hollows of her skull.
He watched her, tears stinging his eyes. Her ribs shook as they rose, and then fell smoothly as she exhaled.
"I don't think they're ever going to leave us alone." He whispered. "Any of us."
She didn't move, but he could tell she was listening.
"All those people," He said slowly, sliding up closer to her, "they're spread all across the galaxy by now. They're sitting somewhere-maybe in a bar, maybe in a hotel, maybe in their homes, with their families-and they're thinking the same things; feeling the same way."
She didn't move, only pressed her hands harder against her skull. He sighed and put a gentle hand on her knee.
"Nobody blames you, Kara." He said softly, "Take it from someone who fought you in the ring."
She snorted, looking up at him.
"I'm so sorry," She breathed.
He nodded, "I know."
She covered her face again and he enveloped her in his arms. She pressed her forehead against his collarbone and felt as his whole body shook. She ran a hand up over his heart, slowly wrapping around to cup his neck. They pulled apart and looked into each other's eyes, her thumb brushing his cheek.
Suddenly, a small hand touched Kara's leg. They both looked down to see Raimy looking up at them. Kara glanced out of the corner of her eye at Mon-El, watching his face light up. His smile was contagious.
"Hey you!" He laughed, scooping her up and sitting her in his lap so she was facing him. "How are you doing?"
Kara leaned her arm on his shoulder, beaming down at her niece. She bit her thumb gently and looked over at Mon-El again. He looked radiant; like the sun.
He began to make silly faces at the two-year-old, talking to her in a voice Kara only ever heard him use around her. She reached up, and he leaned closer, letting her touch his face. He laughed, and the little girl did too. She'd never seen him look so at peace.
Alex opened the door carefully, finding the pair holding her daughter. Kara scooped up Raimy out of Mon-El's lap and leaning against him, began to play peek-a-boo with her. Mon-El grinned, waving over Kara's shoulder every once and a while. Alex's brows rose, a smile spreading across her face. She leaned against the wall, crossing her arms.
"Alex, where's-" Maggie began, walking up to her.
"-Shh," She said softly, nodding to the couple inside.
Maggie turned, beaming. She wrapped her arms around Alex's waist, leaning her cheek on her wife's shoulder. Alex moved an arm to wipe a tear off her cheek.
"What's wrong?" Maggie straightened, looking up at Alex with concern.
"I've just-" Alex choked a bit, "-I've dreamt about this moment. Her being back, her meeting our daughter-it's just… so surreal."
"Not quite how you imagined it, huh?" Maggie teased gently, earning a teary laugh from her wife.
"If I'm dreaming, Maggs," She whispered, "please don't wake me."
"Wouldn't dream of it." Maggie said, standing on her tiptoes and giving Alex a quick peck.