Brenda felt like shit when she got home. She hated herself for leaving Sharon alone, and she hated herself for cheating on Fritz. Again. She hated her own indecisiveness. She hated her own fears. She wanted to scream, but she held it in, put a smile on her face, and went inside to see her husband, whose desperate "can we please not fight anymore?" text had nearly broken her heart. How had this become her life? When had she gotten so far away from the person she wanted to be? Brenda didn't recognize herself any more, and that scared her more than anything.

"Brenda?" Fritz called when she walked in the door, and if anything, her heart sunk deeper in her chest at the sound of his voice. He was tired of fighting. He was tired of her leaving. And she couldn't bring herself to give him what he needed.

"Honey?" she answered, toeing off her shoes as he walked into the kitchen.

He hugged her, grateful she was back. At least she'd done that much for him. She had washed her hands before she left Sharon's, but she couldn't help wondering if he could tell what she'd been doing. If he knew, somehow, that Brenda had found someone else.

"Where have you been?" he asked as he released her.

"I went to Captain Raydor's," she answered. She knew she would have lie to him, at least a little bit, but she wanted to keep the lies to a minimum.

Fritz raised an eyebrow at her. "You two have become pretty good friends, haven't you?"

Brenda nodded, and he smiled back at her.

"That's good. I'm glad you've got a friend. And I like Captain Raydor. She's got a good head on her shoulders."

Brenda fought the urge to cry again. Sharon did have a good head on her shoulders. She knew better than to go and get caught up in Brenda's mess, but Brenda had dragged her into it anyway.

"I'm really tired, Fritzi. Can we just go to bed?"

Fritz nodded, and they went back to their bedroom together.

···

Two weeks passed, and Brenda didn't see Sharon at all. She had a sneaking suspicion that Sharon was avoiding her on purpose, but she had no proof. Brenda didn't seek her out; she was afraid of what the Captain might say to her. She was afraid that she deserved all the anger Sharon no doubt felt towards her. Sharon had trusted Brenda with the deepest parts of herself, and Brenda had betrayed that trust. And she knew it.

···

Sharon had been trying to keep herself the hell away from Brenda Leigh Johnson, but as she heard the shots ring out and felt the pain ripping through her stomach, she couldn't help but wish that Brenda was there to hold her hand.

···

"CHIEF!" Flynn yelled, running into the murder room as quickly as he could, out of breath and ashen-faced.

"Lieutenant? What on earth? Are you all right?"

Flynn shook his head, gasping slightly. "It's Captain Raydor, Chief. She's been shot."

Brenda faltered for a moment, reaching out to the desk behind her for support, feeling as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest.

Sharon.

God, please, not Sharon.

Not Sharon.

"Sharon's people have him in custody," he said, and Brenda was so devastated she didn't notice the use of Sharon's first name. "She's at Cedars; I'm going there now."

"I'm going with you," Brenda said, and Flynn just nodded. They left as quickly as they could, lights flashing all the way to the hospital.

And all Brenda could think as they flew through the streets was that this was somehow her fault, and if Sharon made it, she would never let her go again.

···

When they arrived, they were shuffled off into a waiting room, and left alone. They had used their badges to wheedle some information out of a nurse; Sharon had been shot twice in the stomach, she'd been torn up pretty badly, it would be awhile before she was out of surgery, no the nurse couldn't speculate on her chances.

Brenda sat in one of the nondescript plastic chairs, trying her best not to cry. She had hurt Sharon so badly, had used her and left her and never told her how much she meant to her, and now Sharon was fighting for her life. Brenda wasn't sure she could go on if she lost her now. Sharon owned Brenda, heart and soul, even if Brenda had been too selfish to admit it, and she couldn't picture her life without her Captain Raydor.

"It's going to be ok, Chief. Sharon's a fighter," Flynn told her quietly, and Brenda realized she'd been holding his hand since they'd sat down.

"God I hope you're right," she said softly. He looked at her curiously, but he said nothing. He continued to hold her hand, as always a quiet source of strength for his blonde Chief.

A girl with long auburn hair and big dark eyes came rushing into the room, and Andy stood up to catch her as she flew into his arms.

"Uncle Andy!" she cried, burying her head in his shoulder, clutching him closer.

He held her tight, running his hand over her hair. "Hey, Chloe," he said softly, and Brenda looked up at the girl, wishing she wasn't meeting Sharon's daughter for the first time in a hospital waiting room.

Andy led the girl to a chair, and she sat down with a sigh, running a tired hand over her face. She had yet to look at Brenda.

"How did you get here so fast?" Andy asked her, sitting down between Chloe and the Chief.

"I came home for the weekend," she said with a sad little smile. "I wasn't supposed to come until tomorrow, but I came home last night, to surprise her." The girl seemed to have inherited her mother's ability to compartmentalize, keeping a calm face after her initial outburst.

"Have you talked to your sister?" Andy asked her, and Brenda found herself wondering for the first time how it was that Andy Flynn knew so much about Sharon's life, and why it was that Sharon's daughter called him "Uncle Andy".

Chloe nodded. "She's trying to get a flight right now. She said she'd call when she knew what time she'd be getting in."

"That's good."

Chloe sat in silence for a long time. Andy had his arm slung around the back of her chair, a gesture of easy familiarity that Brenda envied. She knew she had no connection to Sharon's children, no right to resent Andy for his relationship with the girls. But she did. She wished she would have given Sharon what she needed, wished that her daydreams about their life together had been a reality, wished that it was her offering comfort to Sharon's daughter.

"Has anyone called Eliza?" Chloe asked suddenly, and Andy sat up straighter, turning to face her and blocking Brenda's view of the girl.

"No," he said sharply, "and we're not going to."

"Uncle Andy," she said, her tone of disapproval so similar to her mother's that Brenda felt the tears threatening her again. "She deserves to know. And she'll kill us when she finds out that this happened and no one told her."

"And when your mother wakes up and finds her here, she'll kill you. So the question is who would you rather have pissed off at you- your mother or Eliza?"

Chloe shook her head, rising out of her chair and pulling her cell phone out of the pocket of her jeans. "I'm calling her," she said, dialing the phone over Flynn's objections, "because she deserves to be told."

Chloe wandered around the room, phone pressed to her ear, until Eliza answered the phone.

"Eliza, it's Chloe…No, no I'm fine… It's mom," her voice wavered faintly, but she quickly reined it in. "She's been shot." There was a long pause here, as Chloe listened to the woman on the other end of the phone, and then she spoke again. "She's at Cedars, we don't know how long she'll be in surgery…Uncle Andy's here... ok, see you soon." She hung up, and Flynn sighed.

···

Brenda wasn't sure how much time had passed. Fritz kept trying to call her, so she turned the ringer off on her phone. She couldn't bring herself to turn her cell off entirely, in case someone called with news about the man who'd shot Sharon, but she also couldn't bring herself to talk to Fritz.

And Flynn hadn't said a word and Chloe hadn't even noticed that Brenda was in the room.

And that was when a woman Brenda had never seen before breezed into the room. She was tall and slim, wearing a chic dress, her hair cut short in that fashionable style Brenda knew she'd never be able to pull off herself. The woman was beautiful, and for some reason this made Brenda sad.

"Chloe," the woman said softly, and Chloe rose out of her chair, wrapping her arms around the woman.

"God, Eliza, I'm so glad you're here," the girl said.

Brenda felt as if she didn't belong here, with the people who knew Sharon and cared about her. She felt as if she didn't deserve to be counted among them.

"Me too, kid," Eliza said as Chloe pulled away and dropped back into her chair.

"Andy," Eliza said politely, nodding to Flynn.

"El," he answered with his own nod. "You look good."

"You look exhausted."

"Nice to see you, too," he snorted, and Eliza smiled. She had a beautiful smile.

"And who's this?" Eliza asked, turning to Brenda. For a moment, Brenda forgot to speak. She prayed that she wouldn't have to explain to this stranger what exactly she was doing there.

"Deputy Chief Brenda Leigh Johnson," she said quickly, rising and extending her hand. Eliza took it, smiling at her oddly.

"I guess you work with Sharon?" Eliza asked, and Brenda nodded, feeling awkward now that she was standing. Did she sit back down? Did she offer a seat to Eliza? She shoved her hands into her pockets, and was immediately reminded of Sharon, who did that all the time without even noticing it. Brenda had always wanted to tease Sharon about it, but she'd never had the chance.

"How's our girl doing?" Eliza asked, leaning up against the wall, and Brenda swiftly sat back down as Flynn outlined the situation.

Eliza nodded, and then looked around again, as if she was trying to find something she'd misplaced.

"Where's Sharon's girlfriend?"

Three pairs of eyes turned to her sharply, with three different reasons. Chloe was confused, Flynn was pissed that Eliza had just outed Sharon in front of the Chief, and Brenda was praying that Sharon hadn't told the woman her name.

"She doesn't have a girlfriend," Chloe said slowly.

Eliza seemed thrown by the girl's words. "We talked a few weeks ago, and she told me she was seeing someone. She didn't tell you guys?"

Three heads shook back and forth Eliza shrugged. "Guess it didn't take, then."

They remained in silence for a while, Brenda worrying the hem of her shirt between her fingers as the silence became more and more uncomfortable. Once again, Eliza broke in.

"Well, I need some coffee. Deputy Chief Johnson, would you like to come with me?"

Once again, three very confused pairs of eyes landed on the dark haired woman leaning against the wall.

"Me?" Brenda fairly squeaked.

"What? I don't want to go by myself, and Chloe should stay here in case there's any news, and if Andy goes with me he'll spend the whole time trying to convince me I should leave and I have no intention of doing that. So what do you say? Come with me?"

Brenda stared at her for a moment, but eventually rose to her feet.

"Would you like anything?" she asked with a glance at Chloe and Flynn, but they both shook their heads.

"Away we go!" Eliza said cheerily, and she led Brenda out of the room with a stern hand on her elbow.

They didn't speak until they reached the small cafeteria, and poured two strong cups of coffee. Eliza paid for Brenda's, and then led her to a table.

"Let's sit and talk for a while, shall we?" she said in a tone that left no room for discussion, so Brenda merely nodded and sat down across from her.

"So you're Sharon's girlfriend, aren't you?" Eliza asked nonchalantly, and Brenda almost choked on her coffee.

"Oh, don't act so surprised. It was pretty easy to figure out. You should have seen your face when I walked in there." Eliza smiled.

"I'm not her girlfriend," Brenda said defensively after a moment, and Eliza actually laughed at that.

"Oh?"

Brenda blushed. "I wouldn't say that I'm her girlfriend," she amended, and Eliza nodded.

"In that phase where you can't quite put a name to things?" she said, and Brenda just stared down at her coffee.

Eliza seemed perfectly comfortable to wait until Brenda broke the silence , and as much as Brenda resented herself for it, it didn't take long.

"I do care about her. A lot. I'd do anything for her," Brenda said quietly, and Eliza considered her with dark eyes for a long moment before she reached out and lifted Brenda's left hand, running her finger over Brenda's wedding ring, just as Sharon had done what seemed like years ago.

"Anything but leave your husband?" Eliza asked softly.

Brenda didn't know what to say to that.

"Listen, Brenda, I know you think you care about Sharon, but as long as that ring is on your finger, all you're doing is hurting her." Eliza caught her gaze, piercing eyes refusing to let Brenda look anywhere but at the beautiful woman sitting across the table from her. "Sharon's been hurt enough, don't you think? If she meant anything to you, you wouldn't be doing this to her."

"And what about you? What have you done to her? Lieutenant Flynn said Sharon would be pissed if she woke up and you were here."

Eliza smiled at her sadly, letting her hand drop back onto the table.

"I'm just going to stay until I know Sharon's ok. I know she doesn't want to see me. I assume it's pretty obvious we were together, once?"

Brenda nodded, and Eliza continued. "We were together for a long time. I think we were genuinely happy, for a while. And I love the girls like they were my own. But you're right; I did hurt her, because I left. Everyone leaves Sharon, eventually. Jack- that's her ex- husband," she added when she saw the momentary confusion on Brenda's face, "Andy, me, you. She deserves better than that."

Brenda stared at Eliza, wondering how this woman knew her own heart so well, but the only word that came out of her mouth was, "Andy?"

Eliza laughed. "You didn't know about that, either, did you? They were partners when Jack left. Andy helped her take care of the girls. Emma was a toddler, and Chloe was just a baby. They made a nice couple, but then Sharon transferred to Internal Affairs and suddenly Andy wouldn't talk to her anymore. That's when I found her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me," Eliza added softly, and Brenda felt the tears begin to trickle down her cheeks.

"She's the best thing that ever happened to me, too," Brenda said softly, and Eliza smiled.

"Then make sure she knows that, ok?" Brenda nodded, and Eliza rose. "We should get back before they start wonder if we killed each other."

···

Hours passed before a tired-looking doctor came back to tell them that Sharon was out of surgery, that she was going to be fine, but that she wouldn't wake up for several more hours.

Eliza rose, and hugged Chloe one more time. "I'll call you tomorrow, to see how she's doing. Take care, baby," she said, and kissed Chloe's cheek as they pulled apart.

"Andy," she said with another nod that he returned, not rising out of his chair.

"Chief Johnson," she said, extending her hand. Brenda took it. "It was nice to meet you. I hope you get everything worked out."

And with that, she turned on one stiletto heel and walked out the door, just like she said she would.

"Now that we know she's going to be ok, I'm going to go back and check in with everyone," Andy said. "I'll call you if I hear anything, Chief."

"Thank you, Lieutenant," Brenda said, wishing she wasn't left alone with Sharon's daughter, but there was no way she was leaving, especially not after her earlier conversation with Eliza. She was going to be there when Sharon woke up, whether Sharon wanted her to be or not.

···

Chloe and Brenda had talked quietly for a while in Sharon's room, sitting on the hard hospital chairs. Brenda learned that Chloe was a history major, and that she wanted to teach when she graduated, and that she liked country music, even if she'd never admit it to her mother, and that she was dating a boy named Kevin, and that her favorite color was yellow. And then Chloe had fallen asleep, and Brenda had moved her chair close enough to Sharon's bed to hold her hand.

She seemed so small, lying there in that bed, her face deathly pale and the IV sticking out of the back of her hand, but Brenda could feel the steady thrum of her blood through her veins, and when she leaned forward and rested her head next to Sharon's on the pillow, she fancied she could hear the other woman's heart beat.

···

When Sharon woke up, her first thought was that everything hurt. Her stomach especially, but her whole body felt as if she'd been hit by a truck. She was grateful, though, because she could feel, and after a quick test she realized she could move her fingers and toes.

And then Sharon noticed the feel of another hand wrapped around her own.

It took an absurd amount of effort to life her eyelids, but she did, and turned her head slowly to find herself face-to-face with Brenda Leigh Johnson.

"Hey," Sharon croaked, and Brenda's eyes flew open.

"Sharon," she cried softly, mindful of Chloe sleeping curled up on the chair in the corner. She couldn't stop herself; she leaned forward and kissed one very confused Sharon Raydor right on the lips.

"What are you doing here?" Sharon asked.

"I'm making a choice, Sharon," Brenda told her. "It's you. It's always you. And I'll always be here for you, if you'll let me."

Sharon smiled, and Brenda kissed her again. There was so much more Sharon needed to say to her, but she was so tired, and it was a struggle to say anything at all.

"Chloe's here, and Emma will be here in a few hours," Brenda said, leaning back in her chair, still holding Sharon's hand.

That was when Sharon realized Brenda had taken off her wedding ring.