sippurp123: That Female Villager sure has an overactive imagination! I apologize in advance for the POSSIBILITY of more Link x Marth fantasies. I imagine a recurring thread going on...

Anyone and Guest: Thank you for your comments and support! It really helps to hear that I'm not the only one who enjoys my sense of humor! XD The next few chapters will be a bit more serious in nature, however.

A/N: Soooo... I'm posting this from the pre-registration line at Anime Expo, and let me tell you, there's an imbalance in the Force this year. To paraphrase Flight of the Conchords, there's too many dicks on the LACC floor. If you just so happen to be at the con and want to hang out, drop me a line!

Chapter Ten

The Longest Day

"I'm monkey food if I don't leave!" the annoying Frog conducting the train cried. The video feed of its unlovable face soon disappeared, leaving a scrambled mess of static in its wake. After the signal finally cut out, the magnetic train slowed to a grinding halt on the tracks.

"This is WAY PAST ridiculous," said Sonic the Hedgehog, finally standing from his seat and grabbing his luggage. He looked once more over the itinerary map. There were no landmarks; all that was there was a list of stops.

Sonic pulled open the car door and looked up and down the rails as far as his giant egg-white single eye blob thing could see.

"Putting the fastest thing alive on a lame-o train like this was an insult to begin with."

He charged up his spin dash and boosted far away on the rail tracks.

The owner of the Ominous Voice reclined on his desk throne, rotating a touch-sensitive sphere in each hand. He was actively switching between several dozen of the one hundred and twenty-eight Smash City channels at once, and the Smashgrounds' live feeds, adjusting the relative sizes of each screen and the primary sound outputs on the 120' x 120' Jumbotron before him.

He could see that in Smash City, Mewtwo was ice-skating with the Gardevoir he'd met the week prior.

In the same mall, Lyn and Saki walked by rather stunned at a crowd of excited cosplayers who wanted them to join their group photo.

On the other end of town, underneath a small rain cloud, Wario was mumbling about his debts, gambling and otherwise. He was uttering some hurtful, self-aggrandizing, borderline suicidal thoughts.

Doing battle on the Battlefield Platform were Fox, Mega Man, Olimar, and Marth, the last two having been summoned as last-minute replacements. None of them were on their A-game, but it was an interesting match. Mega Man was improving by the second, and had become quite proficient at directional influence.

While the Female Villager began to pen the first of many one-shot Link x Marth lemons, Kirby was desperately trying to explain to confused people on the phone just why they needed a central government, and found himself at a loss as to describing what "rape" and "male privilege" were.

Waiting on a bench by the Warp Pipes up to the Smashgrounds and doing a few chin-ups to pass the time, the Male Wii Fit Trainer forgot that the Female Wii Fit Trainer was on the main island, helping Mario to sweat all the excess alcohol from his system, and would not be going shopping with him.

King Dedede was alone in the gaming rec room, playing Skyrim on one of the gaming PCs while hitting a blunt.

And up in the Smashgrounds, Link was sleeping in his quarters.

In the courtyard, Ike, Lucario, Game and Watch, Palutena and Popo were involved in more trouble than they'd asked for. Having heard Palutena's screaming, the rapidly hardening Captain Falcon, covered in Sex Panther cologne, had leapt into the hot springs area and slyly slipped Popo out from underneath the Goddess after he came for the third time. He was now balls-deep inside of her and loving every moment of it.

And lastly, in the library, Bowser and Zelda were on the verge of another monumental discovery. There was no doubt: they'd be coming up to meet their makers once again.

So here we are, on the precipice of our fateful meeting. Will this be another case of lather, rinse and repeat? How many times have we gone through this scenario, guys?

The Ominous Voice flexed its muscles and channeled a massive amount of energy from the Ether into preparing its body for the upcoming battle.

"This is not a drill," the Voice broadcast telepathically throughout the whole complex. "All personnel, prepare the base for an all-out strike. I repeat, prepare all defenses. Looking like scenario 'Crystal', but that's subject to change. Section Managers, see me personally."

It's going to be another one of those long-ass nights.

Ike was long-spent on the floor when he awoke to see Palutena triple-teaming Lucario (who was humping her mouth), Meta-Knight (who'd latched onto her behind), and Captain Falcon (who was balls-deep into her glory hole, penetrating her slowly and tightly).

In part because the scene was immensely hot and in part because he needed to quell his nervous energy, Pit was jerking off by the poolside.

"Beep!" Mr. Game and Watch enunciated, handing Ike a refreshing cup of iced tea.

"Hey, thanks, man!"

"Ring! Ring!" he blurted out, a little more terrified, holding up an Etch-A-Sketch. It was a picture that simply read, 'Look up!'

Ike looked up. And he did not like what he saw. Both Master and Crazy Hand were hovering above the proceedings.

"What's going on?" Ike asked rather loudly, still a little dazed. It was difficult to be heard over Palutena's screaming.

GW quickly scribbled on the device: 'You're about to get fucked! I think the TV ratings are so good that they're waiting for her to quit fucking.'

"And you think that'll be… soon?"

'It's been five hours. Not even Aphrodite can last forever. You and Lucario need to get the hell out of here before those Hands lobotomize you!'

"Good call."

Ike analyzed the situation. The sun's setting. Fox left the wine cellar door open. Lucario's about sixty feet away, and it takes me two and a half seconds to get to top sprinting speed. Taking into account my dodging the whiplash from Lucario's dong smacking against his thigh after I yank him from Palutena's mouth, that gives me just enough time to make it across the hundred-foot courtyard before Crazy Hand's missiles stun me into Master Hand's grab attack.

"Here goes nothing!"

Ike bravely dashed forward, yanked Lucario from Palutena's mouth, whipped him around so that his dong hit his thigh and not Ike's face, and short-hopped over a barrage of magic missiles. Lucario, confused and writhing in pain from having his balls smacked at top speed, reflexively Aura-kicked against Ike by accident, sending them both slightly off-course, but enough to land them just short of their target.

"Goddamn it!" Ike cried as Master Hand's grab attack enclosed him. He slashed against the Hand, but it would not let go. He felt his very bones crushing from the impact, one by one, but was unable to bleed out or die. He could only scream against the agonizing pain as his organs, muscles, and bones all repaired themselves again, just to be broken in different places, snapping and reforming all sorts of nerve endings within milliseconds.

"No! Fuck! Make it stop!"

Ike's brain functions were unable to bear the rapid influx of pain, and his central nervous system shut down entirely. He had become catatonic. Only a strong electrical shock shook him back to his senses. Master Hand tossed him hard against the wall. Having whiplashed, Ike's head took on a great deal of damage, and his neck broke, only to snap back and repair itself again; this affront to his spinal cord was the last straw, and the mercenary rolled onto his back and bit his lip to bear the infernal pain. Desperately in need of regeneration, he was temporarily paralyzed.

"Ike… you have disobeyed a direct order to battle. Luckily, this was your first time. Know that what you have experienced is but a taste of the punishment you shall receive if you ever do it again," the Ominous Voice said.

Meanwhile, Crazy Hand was doing the same thing to Lucario, only with more intensity.

"Gwahahaha!" The Ominous Voice boomed from seemingly every surface. "Forgive me, Lucario, but this is your third strike. You've lost the right to your soul."

"No! Please!" the Pokemon cried. "I never meant for this! I'll change! I promise! I'll never miss another fight!"

But as the Voice belted out in maniacal cackling once more, the Crazy Hand slammed itself – with Lucario within its grasp – against the towel shed, repeatedly, until the building had crumbled to dust. It then smashed Lucario himself flat onto the floor, where both hands proceeded to beat him to a tender pulp.

Just then, a beam of light shot forth and stunned both Hands.

"Stop! In the name of love!" Palutena cried out from behind a tall pair of shoulders.

Ike couldn't believe what he was seeing. The Goddess had her legs wrapped around Captain Falcon's back, and was bouncing up and down on his thick cock as he waddled to and fro, knees bent.

"Ahhh!" she screamed, and spun around.

Falcon barely dodged a deadly poking combo. Palutena channeled another large beam of light.

"Leave my boytoys alone!"

But her attack missed, and Captain Falcon had to dodge a flying fist and an attempted deadly clap.

"Ha!" the Ominous Voice jeered. "You are a Goddess only when we intend you to be, Palutena. Here, you're on the same playing field as anyone else."

Captain Falcon, for his part, was having a tough time keeping his knees straight while running as Palutena was nearing her eighty-second climax of the afternoon and pumping him hard.

"H-hey, 'Bobette', I'm… kind of… having trouble running… with you… on me… like that…"

"'Bobette' isn't… ah, harder… yes! Even a real name! Ugh! Call me Jeanne."

"J-Jeanne… g-got it…"

"Don't… you have... AH! A… a flying car…?"

"Right!"

Falcon dug in his pockets for the key ring.

"Ah, shit! It must… be in my… ahhh… breast pocket! Beneath… buttons!"

"Must I do everything?"

Palutena held her breath – her bare nipples magically clenched together around Captain Falcon's breast pocket buttons, undid them, and probed for his key ring. Finally, they hit the command to summon over the Blue Falcon.

"You're truly… a surprising woman."

She smiled. "They can tie… shoelaces… too."

With the vehicle's arrival, a wailing guitar riff filled the air, catching Link's sensitive ears, far-off in the library. But that shit's gonna come into play later.

In a game-changing split-second, Captain Falcon and Palutena rolled into the Blue Falcon's opened cockpit, dodged a deadly poke attack, and drove by to pick up Ike and what was left of Lucario, which wasn't much.

As for Pit, he'd been smacked out of the pool area by a stray slap aimed at the FalconTena before he came. He disappeared as a fading star in the distance. A little boy far below in the City made a wish on that star for an accordion. It never came to pass, and instead, the boy was sold into the sex trade and lived the rest of his short life in utter misery.

It was near-impossible for Falcon to steer and even harder to see out of the overburdened F-Zero racer, which somehow made it out of the courtyard, through the main hall, between the bridges in the Electroplankton Garden, down the waterslide into the moat, and off the Smashgrounds entirely, resulting in a two-thousand-foot vertical freefall from the floating island.

"Bail!" Captain Falcon cried, ejecting everyone, who proceeded to use their recovery moves one by one to slow their descent into the sea.

"Grrrrrrrrgggghhhh…" the Lucario-husk managed, drooling.

"Snap out of it, man!" Captain Falcon yelled, still caught in mid-fuck.

A large tentacle-wielding sea beast leapt up from the depths, gaining incredible altitude.

After switching to a midair wheelbarrow position, Palutena toasted two approaching tentacles in quick succession. Captain Falcon was about to charge up a Falcon Punch™ to take care of the infringer for good, when suddenly, one of Bowser's incoming cargo airships ascended from below to pick up the falling combatants, and quickly dropped back into formation with the rest of the traffic coming into the Smash City Harbor.

When the Master and Crazy Hands arrived on the scene, their targets were gone entirely.

"How could they…? They must have had some help. Search the docks," the Ominous Voice said quietly, but not quietly enough.

We've lost them for now, Ike thought, hiding within a barrel on the deck of the airship. I guess they can't automatically detect us. Yet somehow, I suppose it's just a matter of time. Until that happens, we need to come up with a game plan.

"YES!" Captain Falcon belted out as Palutena humped him like there was no tomorrow.

"Keep it the fuck down, you fucking fucks," Ike whispered frantically. "There's a time and place for that!"

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for Ch. 11!