Name:A kiss never forgotten.
Rating: K+
Couple: NaruSasu
Warning: Male/Male pairing
Disclaimer: If i owned Naruto the ending would have been so different.
Chap 10: So, this is it?
-3 months later-
Naruto looked at a man who was slowly falling apart.
Sasuke had always been one to conceal his feelings, but even he couldn't hide the pain that had built up over the last couple months.
Since their last kiss by the training grounds, in the darkness of a cold night, Sasuke had agreed to help Naruto with his family as much as possible. But it was obvious that helping Naruto was taking its toll on Sasuke, it was as clear as day light how much pain it caused Sasuke to talk with Naruto about ways to fix his relationship with his wife.
Naruto was unsure what to do, he didn't want Sasuke to stop helping him, mostly because he actually liked his advice, but then again it was wrong of him to keep stabbing Sasuke in the heart. Things with Hinata had not gotten any better, he took her out a couple times. They shared a few kisses and cuddles in the candle light, but nothing seemed right.
There was no spark left, he felt uncomfortable with her laying in his arms and kissing her felt emotionless for him.
He wasn't really sure what Hinata was feeling, she barely showed any signs of joy. Maybe she felt nothing as well? Naruto wondered if Hinata also felt dead inside when she was around him? Is this why she never really started anything? Or never acted overly lovely dovey anymore?
"Naruto?"
Naruto's train of thought was suddenly interrupted by a deep, smooth voice. A voice which belonged to the only man who could make him feel like electricity was running through his veins solely by stating his name.
"Sasuke, I'm sorry I was day dreaming, what can I do for you?"
Naruto hated acting like nothing had happened between them. He was never ready to let go of that tiny glimpse of perfection that was Sasuke, but alas reality was something he had to face.
"Naruto, can you look at these please? It's for the ANBU enrolment next year, we need to set up next year's teams and everything else ANBU related."
Naruto looked up at Sasuke with wide gleaming eyes, "we?"
"Well, you can do it alone if you really want."
Sasuke's cheeks had a slight pink tone, but in less than a few seconds his stone face was plastered back on.
"Well I don't want to trouble you, that's all."
Naruto regretted saying that. When does spending time with Sasuke ever sound like a bad idea?
"Hn, well my next mission with my team isn't till next week, so I'm free."
Naruto was at war with himself, half of him wanted to say yes, stay. The other half, the correct half, knew he needed to say no. One week working together, late nights, alone is not going to be good for either of them.
"Yes, stay and work with me this week, we can get it done twice as fast."
Naruto internally was screaming at himself, though externally his smile reached the corners of his cheeks and his heart started beating quicker.
"Okay then, see you tomorrow."
Sasuke had a cute little smirk on his face as he quickly walked out of Naruto's office before Naruto could see the baby pink blush forming on his cheeks.
Naruto was screwed, why would he say yes? He should have said no, out of respect to Sasuke's feelings. But man, just thinking about a whole week of late nights with Sasuke had his whole body excited beyond belief. Suddenly he felt like a teenager all over again, getting excited over being in the same room with his crush.
He couldn't start to fathom how much he ached to be alone with Sasuke. Every time Naruto looked into Sasuke's black eyes he saw himself, but only happier, smiling, joyful and full of life.
But every time he looked into Hinata's, it was like watching himself slowly falling apart from disappointment, frustration and annoyance. Naruto contemplated how much more he could take, he could slowly feel himself cracking. The only thing maintaining those fractured pieces were his children, if not for them he would have gave up the relationship a long time ago.
Naruto finished up his daily paper work, he was dreading the lonely walk back home, the mundane chat with Hinata that would follow and the same routine of not talking to each other whilst they read in bed.
Naruto was unsure on how marriage was meant to be, he never had examples. But he sure was trying like hell to make this work, everything at this stage had been used; surprise gifts, random dates, movies and flowers. Nothing seemed to spark the light in Hinata's eyes and Naruto's spark had long disappeared.
He walked the streets, waving at the shops keepers, attempting to think of new ways to possibly ignite the spark.
Something caught his eye, a tiny flicker of silver, he looked around to see where it came from. Then it caught his eyes again, he spotted it out of the corner of his eye.
A pair of good luck charm bells, tied by red silk ribbon. Naruto thought they needed luck, so he bought both of them and was content with his purchase. He looked down at the two silver bells and he thought that they must be the answer to his prayers.
To be honest, he would try anything at this point to make them work out. He saw his door and for the first time he had a tingle of hope that these bells would be the answer.
He knocked on the door, excited to give Hinata the bells, ready to but all his hope in the hands of fate. Hinata opened the door with tired eyes that seemed they hadn't had an ounce of sleep.
"Hinata, look I got us these, aren't they nice? One for you, one for me."
Naruto's smile for the first time wasn't fake, it was genuine. He truly had some faith in these silver bells.
"Oh, thanks Naruto, they are cute. Did Ino get back to you about her training with her chunin? She came by and wanted to know if you got her message?"
Naruto's face dropped, he wasn't even sure why he tried anymore, it was things like this that killed his spirit; time and time again. She didn't even care about the gifts, she basically tossed it aside like everything else.
"Yes, I did. I'm going to have a shower. Long day."
"Okay, I'm taking the kids to Sakura's okay?"
"Fine, have fun. Oh. Hinata, from tomorrow onwards I'm going to be very busy at work."
"Like always."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing, it's just normal. Anyways continue."
Naruto tried to calm himself, he was trying to breathe in at a rational pace, trying so very hard to relax himself so he didn't snap.
"Well anyways, I have ANBU selections for the entire week, so I won't be home very much for the week."
Hinata looked up like she wanted to speak, her mouth half open. But in a second she shut it, and bushed it off.
"Alright, good luck."
"Hinata, I'm going to spend some time with the kids before you go. Because I won't see them a lot for the next week. Can you wait a bit?"
"Sure, I will make myself a coffee then."
Naruto walked up the stairs, he felt like each step took extra effort. For some reason everything felt off, like this was the last time he would walk up these stairs as the man he is today. Something in him knew the end of this pain was near, but with the end of this unhappiness came another wave of unpleasantness.
He finally reached the top of the stairs, after what felt like 20 minutes. He entered the game room, and then saw his children.
He felt all his pain disappear. Everything in his world would be alright, no matter how much it crumbles, he will hold on tight, to what he never had; a family.
The 30 minutes with his children went so fast, he got so lost in the blur of being a pony for Himawari and trying to win at a fist fight with Boruto. Before Naruto knew it Hinata was taking them away to Sakura's.
Even though he knew he was going to see them in a week, his heart starting breaking. He knew that this was how it would be if him and Hinata got divorced. Was he ready to start this new life, with different pains, different complications?
Naruto knew the answer, but was not ready to admit it to himself just yet, he was delusional with the fear of loss, the fear of giving up, the fear of loneliness.
Naruto stepped into the shower, hoping the water would clean away his thoughts. Naruto turned up the heat and watched the shower start accumulating with steam. His thoughts were blurred by his desire to not let go of his family; to not be the reason it breaks.
Naruto grasped the bathroom handles, gripping till his knuckles where white. He didn't want this, he just wanted to be happy. But he knew he wasn't happy and hasn't been for years. But his kids, he didn't want to lose them.
Naruto started to become agitated, he began pacing inside the shower, circling himself in built up anger. Finally, he let it out and screamed for what felt like 5 minutes. After he exhausted himself, he stood there panting.
Naruto looked into the fogged glass of the bathroom, he drew an N and then traced a love heart on the steamed glass. Finally, he finished his drawing by placing an S right underneath the heart. Naruto snickered, he clearly knew where his heart laid and he clearly knew who made him happy.
But he could never have him. Naruto took a step back and lent against the drenched wall, he looked towards the glass that now had a glowing N & S written across it. He laughed to himself, until the laughter turned into small tears.
Naruto felt null of any form of emotion, he could no longer be okay with the way things were.
He didn't even realise it, but before he knew it, his fist had punched straight through the N & S and glass had spread everywhere.
Naruto wasn't scared to cut himself from the glass, he knew he would heal quickly, though he was a bit afraid of what Hinata would think of their shower missing a glass door. Naruto turned off the water and quickly placed a towel over his waist. He walked over the glass, feeling pinches of sharp pain from the bottom of his feet.
He quickly made two clones to clean up the glass and went to write Hinata a note, saying he fell over and broke the glass screen. He hoped she wouldn't ask to many questions, by the time she arrived he would be asleep anyways and the glass would be gone.
He made sure all the glass was gone before he realised how tired he was. Tired from everything in his life. Tired from pretending everything with Hinata was okay, tired of placing a fake smile in his own home, tired of never being able to tell Sasuke exactly how much he had fallen for him, tired of the constant stress placed upon him at work and finally tired of thinking about everyone else's happiness but his own.
He opened his bedroom door, slammed the door hard behind him and crawled into bed. He didn't want to think.
He crawled into a ball and let sleep take him.
-Morning-
The morning was rough, it was 4 am and the birds were chirping, Naruto felt like he only had 2 hours of sleep. He looked over to Hinata, who was resting peacefully on her side. Naruto breathed in deeply, he was so disappointed in himself, how could he be the one to break his own family?
Hinata, looked so displaced in his bed and only then did it hit Naruto, she had always felt wrong next to him. A weird feeling, indescribable. Just not right. Like two puzzle pieces that where never meant to join. Naruto wanted to be the right puzzle piece, he wanted to be everything for this family. But he realized recently he never treated Hinata with the love a husband should, he had no time to spend with his children and on top of all that he wasn't even happy.
Naruto got out of bed, he needed to leave, he had to meet Sasuke at 4.30 to start the intense process of ANBU selections. He rubbed his eyes and groaned. This was going to be a long week.
*ANBU selection week*
The week was draining on Naruto, each night worse than the one before. He was mentally exhausted from the amount of paper work he was doing, he was running on such little sleep and he was tired of fighting with himself to not just fucking tell Sasuke how he felt.
He was beyond exhausted.
It was reaching the end of the week and even though this week has been hell, he was glad Sasuke was there to make it better. Sasuke actually tried to calm Naruto down and brought him coffees and ramen.
Naruto knew Sasuke didn't have much of a sensitive bone in his body, the stuck-up son of a bitch wouldn't know what kindness was if it hit him in the face. But Naruto realized that Sasuke was very different with him compared to anyone else. He wasn't sure if he should be happy he gets special treatment, or be worried that he treats everyone else in the village like an ass.
*Last day of ANBU selections*
Naruto rolled out of bed at 4 am again, another night with only 4 hours of sleep, he used to be able to handle minimal sleep when he was younger. But apparently age just makes you wearier.
He quickly got changed, quietly made a coffee and raced off to his final day. Today the ANBU selections came out, which meant he could sleep for 30 hours after this. The selections where not due till midnight, so he still had a long day ahead of him.
He got to his office door only to see Sasuke already leaning against the door, he didn't know how the man got up so early in the morning and managed to look this good?
"Good morning Sasuke, good sleep?"
"Hm, good enough, you?"
"Does I feel like shit give you an answer?"
"Hm, yer."
Naruto could notice the slight twitch in Sasuke's lips, it was quite funny that Sasuke was becoming easier to read. Naruto wasn't sure if that was due to him being stalker observant, or because Sasuke's shields were no longer completely up around Naruto.
It bugged Naruto that they weren't completely down, but he couldn't really push Sasuke, he probably was also putting boundaries between them. Which Naruto unwillingly understood.
"Alright Sasuke, we have until midnight, let's do this!"
The clock seemed like it was going 3 times its normal speed, everything was blurred and quick. By the time the clock stroke midnight Sasuke and Naruto where able to hand over a very thick pile of information to Shikamaru. Naruto could tell when Shikamaru walked in, he was surprised to see Sasuke so involved with something Hokage related. But he didn't say anything, which Naruto appreciated because he didn't have the energy to argue with Shikamura about why Sasuke was there.
After Shikamaru left, Naruto realised something horrific, he would have to go back home, to Hinata, to fake happiness. He turned to see Sasuke looking out the window with baggy tired eyes. He knew Sasuke left in two days to go on a week-long mission. After seeing him every day, he felt like a piece of him was being ripped away, he questioned why the hell he assigned him the mission in the first place.
But Sasuke was never his to begin with and with that thought Naruto let out a deep sigh.
"Everything okay Naruto, you look like shit?"
Naruto put on a fake smile and rubbed the back of his hair.
"Huh, when do I not look like shit these days?"
Naruto didn't want to go home, not to his fake ass life, not to waking up on the weekend to start another day of pretend husband. He knew the kids wouldn't be awake till late because they slept in on the weekends.
Naruto decided, "fuck it, I'm going to sleep here." \
Naruto realised he wasn't meant to say that out loud.
Sasuke turned around, now concern starting to surface his face, "is everything okay at home?"
Naruto fucking hated all of this lying and pretending.
"Oh yer, I'm just so tired. And there's a bed here. Hinata will manage without me coming home for one day."
"Hn."
Sasuke didn't look overly convinced.
Naruto took out his phone and quickly left Hinata a message on her phone that he was sleeping at the office and to not expect him home till noon. With the message sent he placed his phone into his pocket.
Naruto was surprised he wasn't as tired as he thought he would be, but he assumed it had to do with the excitement of finally finishing selections. He realised Sasuke was still in his office, he assumed he would go straight home.
Naruto could feel his heart start to race. Why wasn't he leaving?
Sasuke stared at Naruto for a few seconds, admiring the tired man. Naruto felt strange, like everything inside him was set on fire. He didn't even remember this feeling. It had been so long since he felt this towards a person. Was this lust?
"Sasuke, uhh. Aren't you going home?"
"Well I was thinking, we finished selections, if you're not so tired want to celebrate?"
Naruto laughed, he didn't know if Sasuke was being sarcastic. But when he looked at Sasuke he had seriousness written all over his face.
"Are you serious?"
"Of course."
"What do you have in mind?"
Sasuke now looked out towards the village from the window. Naruto realised he was clenching his hands into a tight fist position. Was Sasuke nervous?
"Do you want to go to a bar? I haven't had alcohol in a while and after this week I could use it."
Naruto knew he had to say no, there was no way alcohol was going to be a good idea. Naruto wasn't sure if Sasuke felt the same as before, but he certainly knew he had fallen much harder for him since there talk in the forest. He knew he wouldn't be able to control himself if he was drunk.
"Huh, sure."
Naruto hated himself and his lack of self-control.
*Bar*
-12. 20 am- midnight-
Naruto and Sasuke walked into a rather lively bar. Naruto seemed to forget that people actually got out of their houses on Friday nights to enjoy life. Something he was gravely envious of. The bar tender saw Naruto and waved excitedly.
"Good afternoon Hokage and Sasuke, would you like your usual private room? Naruto looked at Sasuke who had a slight pink tinge on his cheeks.
"Uh, Sasuke?"
"Whatever, I am easy."
Naruto, knew this was bad idea, but he hated when people in the village saw him drunk. He did have a reputation to uphold.
"We will take my private. Thank you."
Naruto tried very hard to convince himself that this was for his reputation and no other reason.
He turned around and noticed that Sasuke had now formed an obvious blush on his cheeks, which Naruto could tell he was trying very hard to bite back.
He chuckled a little bit. Dam he was cute.
"What you laughing about?"
"Oh nothing."
"Tch."
Naruto and Sasuke walked into their private room and sat opposite to each other.
"What will your first orders be?"
Naruto knew he needed something strong, the weight of everything in his life needed to be drowned away with strong liquor. He thought with Sasuke a whole table away, he should be safe from making a fool of himself.
"Ille have the house bottle of wine and also can you please bring me 3 glasses of your strongest rum, on the rocks."
Sasuke looked at Naruto with wide eyes of disbelief from the amount of alcohol he just ordered.
"What? It's been a long week. Okay?"
"Hey, I didn't say anything, but I can't let you drink me under the table, so can I also get the same as Naruto?"
"Absolutely! I shall be in shortly with your orders."
Naruto heard the door close behind the bar tender, finally the heaviness of Sasuke sitting with him alone in a private room to do something other than talk about work was settling in.
Naruto had lost his ability to function and apparently also lost his ability to speak words. There was a long 2-minute silence that awkwardly filled the room. Both boys fiddled with their napkins looking anywhere but at each other.
Finally, Sasuke broke the silence, "so how are things with Hinata, you haven't come to me for advice in a while. Are things better? Are you finally happy?"
Naruto died internally, of course the first thing they had to start the conversation with, was his horrible relationship. Naruto knew he was going to need more alcohol than what he ordered and already planned out the next 10 drinks in his head.
"Uh yer…"
Naruto didn't even know how to answer, should he lie say its fine, thanks for all your help. Or I hate it, kill me, stab me in the heart?
"Naruto, do you not want to talk about it?"
Naruto relaxed at that question.
"Yer."
Sasuke had a concerned face, but soon replaced it with a smile, Naruto started to melt. He rarely saw Sasuke smile, but he would die and resurrect just to see it one more time. He truly was beautiful.
"That's okay, what about we talk about my mission next week, I had a few questions?"
Naruto laughed, it sure was typical of Sasuke to turn things around by bringing up work, at least this conversation he could have.
-12.30 midnight. -
The bar tender walked into the room whilst Naruto and Sasuke were still talking about his mission, she carried trays full of alcohol.
"Alright, here we go, these are for Sasuke and these are for you Naruto, if you need anything else, just press the buzzer."
"Thank you very much."
Naruto kindly waved the bar tender good bye as she left.
"Haha, they must think we are having some important meeting, if they are making us use the buzzer for next rounds."
Sasuke let out a small chuckle, "they don't want to interrupt this very important meeting."
Sasuke winked at Naruto, allowing Naruto's entire body to implode. Naruto didn't know any more if Sasuke was flirting or just being sarcastic, he didn't want to presume anything so he assumed it to be sarcasm.
-1.30 am-
Both Sasuke and Naruto where drunk, laughing loudly about old stories of their youth. Naruto being drunk, flirtatiously stated Sasuke was the best first kiss in the world, as time went by the conversation grew overly flirtatious. The alcohol had seemed to have taken down any barriers that were set between them at the start of the conversation and Sasuke had also seemed to have relaxed and was sitting happily listening to Naruto's drunken jokes.
3 am
Naruto's vision was blurred, he could only see Sasuke glowing amongst the blurred room. The rest of the world didn't matter, it was all a mesh of colours. He couldn't stop staring and he was too drunk to care anymore. He decided he would just allow himself to stare lovingly at this gorgeous creature.
A knock was heard on the door and suddenly the walls came crushing down back into focus. Naruto finally started paying attention to everything else that made up his surroundings besides the man that was in front of him.
"Sorry Hokage sama, we are closing in 30 minutes, we are doing last call. Would you or Sasuke like anything else?"
Naruto looked at their table full of several drinks, he looked at the bar tender and laughed.
"I think we have had enough, but thank you. I think we will be leaving now anyways, I think we both had a bit too much to drink."
Sasuke drunkenly laughed at Naruto's statement.
"Okay Hokage, we hope you had a lovely night, hope to see you soon."
"Not too soon, I need to recover my liver."
"Yes, of course."
With that statement, Naruto who was significantly less drunk than Sasuke due to his abnormally high healing powers decided to pay and pick up a very wobbly Sasuke. They both left the private room and thanked the bar tender for all her services.
They left the bar trying but ultimately failing to act sober.
Sasuke and Naruto stood outside the bar in the cold, they started walking back to the Hokage tower.
"Hey Sasuke in an hour we would have to start work, can you imagine coming to work with this hang over?"
"Tch, I would rather be stabbed than have to focus on your hokage nonsense for another day."
"Hey, teme I'm not that bad, I kind of know what I'm doing."
"Tch, I did most the work… Hey Naruto?"
"Hm?"
"Thanks for paying the bar tab. Next time Ille shout okay?"
Naruto did a little happy inside dance, Sasuke just said next time and everything inside him became warm again.
"Ille hold you to it."
Naruto and Sasuke stopped at the Hokage tower and looked at each other. Neither one wanting to depart the other.
"This is me, haha, very homely huh?"
"Hahaha, yer… very homely."
Naruto looked into Sasuke's eyes, he wanted to kiss him so badly. His lips looked so pink and soft, he was glowing in the dim street light that hung above them. Naruto noticed Sasuke had seen where Naruto's eyes were looking and he started to blush.
"Anyways Sasuke, I should be going. Will you be okay getting home by yourself?"
"Yer, I don't think Ille die."
"Sarcastic ass hole."
Naruto started to make his way to the door, before he arrived at the handle he stopped and turned around.
"Hey teme, thank you for all the help this past week. You truly made waking up 4 am pretty dam worth it."
Sasuke didn't even hold back this time, he smiled so widely and happily. He was radiating joy.
Naruto realized this was it. This was love. Real unconditional love. This man had his heart now. Naruto smiled back with a smile that also glowed like the sun.
"Goodnight teme!"
With that Naruto turned back to the door, trying hard to push his body forward towards the door, he needed to get out of that heart wrenching scene, if he saw Sasuke smile like that one more time he was going to lose it.
He reached the door handle and started to turn it, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Naruto turned around, to find Sasuke now tearing up. Naruto's body felt like electricity had run straight through it, he has never seen Sasuke like this. His heart was being torn apart with each tear Sasuke was shedding.
"I'm sorry Naruto, I can't do it anymore. I can't pretend that I don't care. I can't. I love you too much. This is killing me."
Naruto was out of breath, he was in shock. He was going to crack, he was going to lose it. He was on his last thread. He needed to stay calm. Remember his kids. He can't let go. Not yet.
Everything stopped spinning, his head no longer throbbed in pain. His heart was being mended back from the brink of destruction. He was slowly started to feel again. It was in that moment when Sasuke had kissed Naruto, when his soft lips finally reached Naruto's, that Naruto felt it.
The last thread.
It was cut off.
He was free.
Sasuke started to properly cry, letting tears escape his blood shot eyes.
"Naruto. I am sorry. I didn't mean to… I know you're with Hinata. I shouldn't have done that. Fuck! I will leave."
Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hands harshly, applying a little bit too much pressure that it had started to turn Sasuke's arm red.
"Sasuke…"
Naruto breathed in and looked Sasuke in his red torn eyes.
"I love you. I have for a while. I'm done. I can't do this anymore as well. I hate my relationship, I hate the fake ass smile I have had on for month now, I hate that I have loved for you so long and I haven't been able to tell you. I hate that every time I saw you I wished I could kiss you and make you mine. I hate that everything inside me has been dyeing, every time I went home to my fake ass relationship. I would fucking despair all of it Sasuke. The only light I had was my kids and you. Even though you were out of my reach you where there as a friend. Thank you."
Sasuke's eyes where wide with shock, he didn't move an inch even after Naruto released his arm.
"Naruto, I… I…"
Naruto didn't wait any longer, he closed the gap between them and took Sasuke into the longest and most passionate kiss, he didn't want to hold back anymore. He was ready to tell Sasuke everything, he was ready to be with him officially.
He didn't care about the next wave of pain that would hit him when he tells Hinata his decision. He had Sasuke and he felt something in the midst of pain. Happiness.
"Sasuke, would you like to sleep here tonight?"
Sasuke's face slightly turned bright red, he nodded and started to walk towards the door. As Naruto watched the man of his dreams walk forward he realised something.
He was free, the final thread was now cut, he could finally let go.