ALRIGHT! Here we go..chapter 10. Sorry it has been a couple of days since my last update. THANKS again for the lovely reviews. I just want you to know how much i appreciate them :D

So without futher ado...

His hand rarely left hers as they rode in a cab to her apartment. She sighed as she opened the door and glanced around. It was exactly how she left it. Not that she was surprised; it was just that everything else had changed while she was gone. It was comforting in a way. She smiled softly before turning to face Castle, their fingers entwined.

"I'm going to take a shower. Make yourself at home. There's no food in the fridge, but the TV should work."

He smiled at her. "I'm sure I'll find something."

She looked down shyly at their joined hands before turning and walking to her room, reluctantly releasing her grip on him. He watched her walk away as a sudden sadness swept threw him. She was leaving – again. He knew she was only a room away but he hated even a small distance between them. He sighed defeated and walked over to her couch, falling on it, his eyes closing. His heart began to race at the mere thought of her leaving again and panic set in. He couldn't help it. It had been three months. Three long months that he was convinced she was dead – not just missing, dead. He just didn't completely believe it quite yet. He was cautiously happy, slowly convincing himself that she was real, alive, within arm's length of him, well most of the time. He lay down along the couch and breathed in and out deeply in an attempt to relax.

He was awoken from his reverie by a soft voice. "Castle? You okay?"

He opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was her. He couldn't help but smile. "Yeah."

She smiled back shyly as he sat up and noted her damp hair and change of clothes.

"Feel better?" He asked her as she sat next to him.

"Yeah, I do." She replied honestly. "Do you?"

They both knew what she was asking. He looked up at her to find her eyes locked on him showing both her desperation and fear toward knowing his answer.

"Sometimes, yes ...Sometimes, no." He admitted. "I just can't seem to shake the feeling that this isn't real and I'm just going to wake up at my desk holding a bottle of scotch. I can't help but remember all those hours I stared at my phone, begging for it to ring, begging for some news, a lead, anything. But no one ever called with what I wanted to hear. At first we tried to convince ourselves that you were okay and that we would find you but…" he sucked in breath, his eyes glazed with tears at the memory. "as time went on it was so hard Kate. It was so hard to convince ourselves and each other that you were still alive, that you weren't lying in a ditch somewhere or dumped in a lake. As the days went on Lanie and the boys just fell apart, they tried to hide it, but you can't hide grief like that. You can't just pretend like everything is okay when someone that you love has been missing for so long. After a while I couldn't take it anymore. I just stopped going to the precinct altogether. I was so tired of hearing that they had nothing. I just stayed home all day begging myself to forget you."

They were both silent for a moment. Castle was looking down at his feet, tears streaked across his face. Kate was doing the same, tears falling silently from her pale cheeks.

"You wanted to know if I feel better. Most of the time I don't know. I just…I don't know."

She looked at him sadly before placing a hand on his cheek and tilting his head to look at her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered. "I didn't mean for it to go like this. I didn't want you guys to have to go through it. It was my mistake but you had to bear the consequences and I'm so sorry Castle. If there is anything I can do just tell me please. I want to help. I need to make this right."

"Just don't leave."

His request was simple and honest and his eyes were full of desperation. Her heart ached at the pain she had caused him. She wiped his stray tears with her fingers before pulling him into a hug which he immediately responded to, wrapping his arms tightly around her back.

"I promise Castle. I'm not going anywhere."

A couple of hours later they were back at Castle's loft eating lunch. He had convinced her to come back with him, not that she needed much convincing. She caved immediately because she still felt guilty but mostly it was because she just wanted to stay with him. They were sitting on his lounge, sides touching - a welcome reassurance for both of them.

She was lifting her fork to her mouth when she abruptly stilled, fear clouding her eyes. Castle noticed, a concerned expression on his face, "Kate?" Her eyes flicked to his noting the worry in his voice, "Are you okay?"

She put her fork down. "Yeah." She assured him not very convincingly. "I just remembered that I need to talk to Lanie and the boys at some point." She looked back up at him, fear still evident in her eyes.

He put his plate down and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him. Her head fell to his shoulder as he laid them back against the lounge. "If you want I could call them and get them to come over tonight. I could help you explain everything to them."

"Castle, you don't have to…"

"No Kate, I want to help. We have all come out of this a little broken, but the point is that you're alive and safe and…and now we can all heal."

She kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you Castle."

It was 6:55pm and Kate was pacing in his study, heart racing, face pale. She kept fidgeting with her hands, biting her nails, crossing her arms – she just didn't know what to do. Castle walked into the study for the millionth time since she had begun her hide out in there. He had watched her as her nerves built, his own heightening in anticipation of what would happen. He had called Ryan, Esposito and Lanie earlier and asked them to meet him at his loft at 7:00pm. They had all agreed of course, but their voices gave away their prevailing sadness. It was heartbreaking for him to hear it especially because he knew that Kate was alive. He just wanted to tell them, but he couldn't. Everything had to be done right.

He watched her pacing and constantly moving arms before walking over to her and grabbing her, stopping her in her stride.

"Hey." He whispered. "Relax, okay." He was being a hypocrite he knew, after all he was far from relaxed. "It'll be alright, Kate. You just have to remember that it may take some time for them to understand okay. But I'm here." He wrapped his arms around her and she melted into his embrace. How did she deserve him?

There was a knock on the door and he pulled back. "You ready?" She shook her head and he smiled before leaving the room, closing the door behind him.

She leant her back on the door, taking deep breaths as she heard the voices of her friends. Tears immediately filled her eyes and all she wanted to do was run out to them and hold them tight. But instead she wiped her eyes and willed herself to calm. She would see them again soon.

Castle felt nervous as he lead Lanie, Ryan and Esposito into his dining room, motioning for them to take a seat. His heart was racing as he offered them drinks which they declined. He sat at the head of the table and studied each of their faces for a moment. Lanie, who sat on his left, looked as though she hadn't slept in weeks and would burst into tears at any moment. Esposito, who sat beside her, looked as though he would put a bullet through anyone who would mess with him. Ryan, who sat on his right, looked older. His features had darkened and his once cheerful expression had been replaced with a haunted and absent one. His heart clenched as the weight of what he was about to do fell on him like a tonne of bricks. They were about to find out that Kate was alive, that all of their suffering could end – but at a price. Would they forgive her? Hell, he hadn't. He was barely able to stand most of the time. The only reason that he was still on his feet was the one thought that made him happier than he had ever been. She was alive. That was all that mattered. If he didn't hold onto that, he would crumble. He just hoped that they could think the same and focus on the fact that she was safe and well.

"So Castle, why did you want us to meet you?" Ryan asked, trying to put on a brave face.

Castle breathed in and out deeply before starting. "There is something that you have to know. It's going to be hard to comprehend at first and it's going to be like you got hit by a truck, but you have to let everything go and just don't be angry."

"Castle what's going on? You're scaring me." Lanie's eyes were wide and fear was woven through her face.

Castle looked into her eyes. "It's okay, Lanie." He looked at all of them. "Well, here it goes…" his heart thudded loudly in his chest. "Kate is alive."

Sharp gasps filled the air as tears filled eyes. "What?" Lanie whispered before saying angrily. "This better not be a joke, so help me God…"

"No Lanie, it's not a joke. Kate is alive and safe and here." He got up and walked to his office and opened the door, the others watching him in a terrified panic.

Castle looked inside his office to find her standing on one side of the door a frightened expression on her face. Nodding, he grabbed her hand and led her out for them all to see.

Ryan and Esposito sat petrified in their chairs, faces draining of colour. Lanie on the other hand began to sob yelling, "No, no, no, no, no." She was shaking her head as tears raced down her cheeks. "No, no. God, no, no."

Upon seeing her best friend's response, Kate quickly left Castle side, falling to her knees beside Lanie and taking her hands in hers, but Lanie pulled away and stood up.

"Lanie it's me" Kate whispered desperately, standing up and walking to her friend. "Lanie, I'm okay."

"No, Kate. No." Lanie looked into her eyes. "You can't do this! You're dead. You were gone. I saw the blood."

Kate took hold of her arms tightly, "Lanie, I'm okay. It's me."

Lanie looked into her friend's eyes before hugging her tightly. "Oh my god, oh my god. Kate." She was sobbing, her body shaking causing Kate to do the same. "Oh my god, you're okay. You're alive. Thank God."

She stroked Lanie's hair. "It's okay, I'm okay."

After a while Lanie pulled back slowly, wiping her eyes, Kate doing the same before she glanced at Ryan and Esposito who had stood up at some point and were staring at her like she was ghost.

Suddenly Ryan's face broke into a smile as he walked quickly to her and pulled her into a hug of his own. "Thank God Beckett. You're alive."

She hugged him back before he let go, his eyes remaining on her like she would disappear at any moment.

Kate looked at Esposito. His expression held that of anger and his eyes were filled with tears.

"Espo…"

"WHAT THE HELL BECKETT?" he yelled at her.

"Espo…" She tried again, but he cut her off.

"WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU'RE BACK!" He tore his eyes off of her as tears spilled down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry Javi. I can explain. I'm sorry."

He looked back at her and she could see his anger slowly melt as he stepped toward her and embraced her. "You better not do that again." He threatened before he let go and wiped the tears from his cheeks.

They all stood now in a circle around her, staring at her in disbelief before Ryan finally broke the silence. "What happened Beckett?"

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