SOME RANDOM VOICE: Previously on Darren Shan Saga's Next Top Model…An unexpected couple arises (shows Larten and Kurda kissing) and so does…some "Grease" (shows the people singing "Sprite Room Lovin'") A play is even put on…instead of a photo shoot…while some where quite experienced actors (shows Larten as "Princess Faye" singing "Fernando") some…really sucked (shows Evra struggling through his lines) But…despite the fun…two men were sent home…Evra, for being shaky on his lines and being a bad actor. And Desmond, for not being evil enough. So Evra and Desmond sixth and seventh of the original thirteen…to be sent……………………..home.
EVANNA: Five gay-wads…I mean guys remain…Who …will be eliminated tonight?
(Theme song…if you must see it again…go to Chapter one, "Theme Song")
(In the house Living Room)
HARKAT: TYRA…oh …………………….EVANNA-MAIL! (no one answers) EVANNA-MAIL!! EVANNA-MAIL!!! Where is everyone? (Darren walks in wearing his teddy bear nighties)
DARREN: Har…har…(yawns) Harkat…it's three o' clock in the morning…go back to bed…and that's not Evanna-mail…that's a restraining order…I'm filing against Antanique013.
HARKAT: Oh…sorry…
(Next morning)
HARKAT: EVANNA-MAIL!
ALL: YAY!
KURDA: What does it say?
HARKAT: Hmm…five of you remain…the tall, stern Larten Crepsley… Harkat Mulds, the little, sexy cutie that packs a punch…Kurda Smahlt, the blonde prince charming…Darren Shan, the hooker with a heart of gold (Mommy's line)…
DARREN: WHAT?!
HARKAT: That's what it says, Darren. And Steve Leonard/Leopard, the kickass, bad boy that blows your mind.
STEVE: OH YEAH!
HARKAT: (groans but finishes reading) Today…you pussies will be rewarded with a surprise trip to a foreign country…and all of you will stay there (if you're not eliminated) until the final two…oh, and by the way…I'm now only eliminating one person a night…so don't sweat it…too much. Love, Evanna.
KURDA: Does it mention where we're going?
HARKAT: Nope…that's it?
LARTEN: Don't we have to get vaccinations or…
HARKAT: LOOK…I'M JUST THE ONE READING THE LETTER, OKAAY?
LARTEN: Yes…mam'…sir…person…(Evanna poofs in)
ALL: EVANNA!
EVANNA: Hey boys! I've got the plane tickets ready and everything…well…what are you all waiting for? Let's get this moving…oh…and in the hotel we're staying in…you all are sharing rooms…I'm going to be staying in my private suite…but the Judges need a place to sleep…so…they'll have to share rooms with you…four to a room…
STEVE: Oh, come on!
EVANNA: Okay…in room 308…we have…Darren, Arra, Kurda, and Larten…
KURDA&LARTEN: (give each other high-fives) OH YEAH!
EVANNA: And in room 309…we have…Murlough, Paris, Steve, and Harkat.
STEVE: Not Murlough…please not Murlough…he gets up early…and…and…he's…happy…blech!
EVANNA: Steve…do I have to get…Michael…in here?
STEVE: (squeals) No…Evanna…I'm great…oh…please…no…I'M GREAT! (slaps on crooked smile)
EVANNA: Good…let's head for the airport!
(Right in front of plane before boarding)
EVANNA: (hands everyone their boarding passes and passports) Okay…I'll be in first class if you need me…
ARRA: Wait…aren't we in first class too?
EVANNA: HA! Are you joking? Head to Coach Class…
PARIS: Come now, that's no fair…
EVANNA: SILENCE, PARIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARIS: …
MURLOUGH: Cheer up, guys! This'll be an ADVENTURE! (All groan as they board the plane)
DARREN: (still walking towards seat) Well…looks like at least we'll be sitting together…hmmm….A14…A14…There! (sits down) And a window seat! Oh boy!
HARKAT: B14…B14…AH! There it is! An aisle seat…right next to Darren!
ARRA: A17…A17…A17…God, where is it? A17…excuse me, sir…A17…there you are! (sits down) How I love a window seat!
KURDA: B17…B17…okay…aisle seat…very nice. (sits down and looks to the person next to him) YIKES! EEP!
ARRA: Please tell me you have the wrong seat…tell me…14 hours…no TV…next to Smahlt!
KURDA: Please don't kill me…
STEVE: (looks at ticket) ACK! Back of the plane! Next to the toilet…great! (walks back) B24…B24…Okay…OH HELL NO…
MURLOUGH: Hi Steve! Oh boy! I have the window seat! If you want it…you can have it…you know…if you like to look out…but if you want the aisle seat…that's fine too! YAY! 14 hours on a plane…you and I together! We can talk…play with my Barbies…I'm willing to share…play "Go Fish"…draw in my Winnie the Pooh coloring book…I love Winnie the Pooh! I really like Piglet…he's so…
STEVE: GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Evanna comes in to visit Coach Class)
DARREN: Oye! Evanna! Exactly where is it that we are going?
EVANNA: Can't tell you that, Darren…I even told the pilot not to tell…(cackles) That's why you all in coach class have no TV's…so you won't smash them apart and make GPS's…HEEHEE!
ARRA: But…how…wait (light bulb appears over her head) Kurda…
KURDA: Please…I swear…I'm scared…MUMMY!
ARRA: No, no baby…I know…since we have nothing to do…what is your favorite hobby? (eyes gleam)
KURDA: Well…recently, making out with Lar…
ARRA: NOT THAT, IMBECILE! (sweetie-sweet voice returns) Your other favorite hobby.
KURDA: Oh! I love mapmaking of course…
ARRA: (unintentional Mr. Burns impression) Excellent……..well…Kurdy-Wurdy sugar face…will you make us a map of where we're going?
KURDA: Of course! That sounds great! Thanks, Arra!
ARRA: No, problem…
(13 hours later… one hour left on the plane…Murlough is snoring on Steve's lap…)
STEVE: DAMN THIS INFERNAL WORLD!
MURLOUGH: mmmm…cantaloupe…(starts sucking thumb) No…I don't wanna eat my vegetables! (camera focuses on Kurda working vigorously)
ARRA: Kurda? (puts down her copy of "Men's Health") How's it going?
KURDA: Well…we're coming past the small island which appears to be Trindade…a part of Brazil…and at the rate we're going…we should be landing…by the Tropic of Capricorn…in one hour…twenty degrees south, fifteen degrees west…
ARRA: Huh? Oh…never mind…where is that?
KURDA: Let's see…
ARRA: (mutters) Dork…
KURDA: Wait…this can't be possible…in the middle of the South Atlantic Ocean…below the equator…of the coast of Africa…
ARRA: So…Evanna's dropping us in the middle of the ocean?
KURDA: (looks out window) Wait…look here! (Arra shoves Kurda out of the way and looks out the tiny window)
ARRA: I…see…a…………….speck…
KURDA: Not just any speck, Arra…that looks like…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….an uncharted………………………………….ISLAND!
A.N. OOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tune in next time!