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Chapter Ten: That Other Person
Exhausted, Tony flopped down on the chair behind his desk. The last couple of days and nights had been stressful and tiresome to say the least. But finally they had brought in a suspect who soon enough turned out to be the murderer of the sailor and all what was left to do now was write their reports and then get home in one piece. It was already 2000 on Saturday and Tony had been all but dreaming about a movie, a pizza and his bed all day.
"You got plans tonight, Tony?" McGee suddenly asked, looking at him, an eyebrow raised.
"Why?"
"Just thinking. You're in quite a hurry. I've rarely seen you type that fast before."
"Oh, shut up, McGoo. But yes," Tony was thinking fast now, he had a reputation to uphold after all. "I do have a hot date tonight. Her name's Linda. Blonde, leggy. Will make me forget all the insults that Gibbs has thrown at me all week."
Internally, Tony actually thought that a distraction from Gibbs would come in really handy these days. Luckily, work had been really busy and all-consuming those last couple of days, giving him next to no time to think about that kiss in Gibbs' kitchen. But still, he had drifted off into fantasyland too often for his own good and that was maybe the reason why he had imagined Gibbs' eyes resting upon him quite a few times and quite long at that, too. Tony had tried to ignore it as best as he could because he really didn't want to slip up in front of the others. He had meant what he had said in Gibbs' kitchen. He would let him be, wouldn't pressure him or anything because he really wanted Gibbs to figure it out, figure it out what he wanted. Deep down, and Tony tried to ignore that sinking feeling in his gut as best as he could as well, he knew that his boss would never decide to give this a shot. In fact, he was one hundred percent sure that Gibbs would let him off the hook, would decide in favor of Shannon.
"Linda, huh?" Ziva suddenly rose him from his daydream. "Does she know what she has gotten herself into?"
"You mean the handsome, fun-loving, awesome man that I…" Tony stopped abruptly as a hand connected with the back of his head.
"Right, sorry, Boss."
-x-
Gibbs sat down at his desk, trying not to spare as much as a glance into Tony's direction. He hadn't heard all of the conversation between his agents but enough to feel all tingly inside. Somewhere in the back of his mind, a voice said 'you're jealous' repeatedly but he really tried to ignore it. He had no right feel that way anyway. But still, had DiNozzo gotten over him that fast? Could it really have just been a phase? And a short one at that? But then again, why was he suddenly feeling so alone? It was his fault anyway.
He still didn't know what had driven him to kiss Tony. Gibbs thought that he might have been touched by his concern for him. Because, seriously, Gibbs had just told the guy that this would not work between them and still, Tony (and even now, Gibbs was still impressed how much he had grown those last couple of years) had cared enough to make sure that he was home safe, that he would get better soon. However, maybe it was just compassion for the kid. Or maybe (and that was a really big maybe) he kissed him because he simply felt like it, because he wanted to touch him, because he wanted him as close as possible.
Gibbs subtly shook his head, trying to stifle that very thought. For a fleeting moment, he glanced at Tony, who was momentarily not typing anymore but was staring right back at him before he apparently realized what he was doing and quickly averted his glance to the screen in front of him again.
The splinter of guilt made itself perceivable again as he watched his Senior Field Agent blush ever so slightly and Gibbs knew that he had to make up his mind soon. He knew that he had been procrastinating over those last couple of days, even if they did have a lot of work. Just like Tony had said, he needed to make a decision but right now, he was still too confused about it all. Besides, if Tony really did have a date tonight, there might not be the need to decide after all…
An hour later, McGee and Ziva were long gone, DiNozzo finally stood up, grabbed his gear and was halfway on his way to the elevators when he suddenly turned around and almost carefully approached Gibb's desk.
"Hey Boss," he said so quietly that Gibbs looked up at last.
For the first time since he had left the kitchen a couple of days before, Tony was actually looking at him, green eyes locking into blue ones.
"What is it, Tony?"
"Uh, just wanted to let you know that, uhm, I don't really have a date tonight. I just wanted to… you know, keep McGee off my back. He's been, uhm, kind of suspicious what was going on with me, I think. Well, anyway, just wanted to let you know."
Gibbs couldn't help but feel relieved and almost desperately tried to keep the smile that was tugging at his lips from showing.
"What do you mean, get McGee off your back?"
Tony looked at him uncomfortably for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand.
"I don't know. I think he's just fishing but he noticed that you were, well, kind of nice to me the other day and wanted to know why. I brushed it off but I think he knows that something's up."
Gibbs just nodded but remained silent, knowing that he must have screwed up this time. He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose before he looked back up at Tony who was fidgeting ever so slightly.
"Okay then," Tony finally said as he realized that Gibbs wouldn't press the matter any further. "I'm going to go home… alone. See you Monday, I guess."
"Night, DiNozzo."
-x-
"Duck, you got a minute?"
Gibbs had been sitting at his desk a long time after DiNozzo had left, trying to figure out the mess. It wasn't until two hours had already passed that he realized he really needed to talk about it to someone who wasn't Tony. He simply needed another opinion. So, he had finally settled on Ducky because there really wasn't anyone else that he trusted enough with that kind of information. So he had made his way down to autopsy, where Ducky was luckily still working.
"Absolutely, Jethro. A drink, too?"
Gibbs just nodded and sat down on one of the metal tables, watching Ducky pour their drinks and then sit down on a revolving chair right in front of him.
"Cheers."
"So, what is that you want to talk about, Jethro?" Ducky asked once they had both taken a sip from their bourbon.
Gibbs remained silent for a few moments, pondering how to say it without leaving out what was important to him but not telling him what exactly or who exactly it was all about.
"Duck, do you think that there is only one person out there for you?"
Ducky tilted his head a bit to his right, staring back at him, furrowing a brow.
"I don't know, Jethro. But I'm sure there doesn't have to be only that one person."
"Even if you're not up to it? I mean, even if you don't want a second person to be there?"
"What brought this on, Jethro?"
Gibbs looked away again, not daring to look him into the eye this time. Instead, he sipped at his bourbon again, wondering why he had thought he needed to talk about this. This was clearly making things even more complicated. He remained silent again.
"Is this the reason why you have been tense all week? Even grumpier than usual?"
"I'm not grumpy," Gibbs retorted, realizing that he was at the exact moment. "Okay, maybe I was."
Ducky gave him a small smile before he continued.
"Have you fallen in love, my dear Jethro?"
"No!" Gibbs replied a bit too fast. "I mean, I don't know. I don't want to."
"And why is that?" Ducky prodded, his eyes boring into him.
Gibbs shook his head, trying to hide his insecurity. "I don't know, Duck. I really don't."
"Oh, bloody right, you know, Jethro. You're just afraid to admit it."
"Okay, let's say there might be, you know."
"Feelings?" the doctor said, a slight smirk playing on his lips.
"Yeah, that," Gibbs replied, "I still couldn't follow through. I know I can't because I would still feel terrible."
"Jethro, is this about your late wife?"
Gibbs took a deep breath, sighed and then nodded sharply.
"Ah," Ducky dragged out the word before he sipped on his drink again. "And you're afraid to forget about her?"
"No, not particularly. I could never forget about her or Kelly. It's just, I have tried to replace her before and it just never worked out, you know."
"You don't say," the ME said now, a serious expression on his face. "Have you ever considered not replacing her and still be happy?"
Gibbs snorted. "And how am I supposed to do that?"
"If that other person is worth it, Jethro, he will understand. And you might not always show it but you have a big heart. I'm sure there's place for both of them in there. You can still love Shannon and love that other person just as equally. You just have to make it clear from the beginning so that your new one doesn't feel left out. You just have to be honest to him, Jethro."
Gibbs nodded, emptying the rest of his drink in one swig and jumped down the table.
"I'll think about it."
"You do that, I'm sure you'll make the right decision."
As Gibbs was halfway out the door, still letting Ducky's words sink in, he suddenly realized something and turned around again, staring at the doctor.
"Wait," he started, searching for Ducky's eyes. "Did you just say I have to be honest to him?"
"Why, yes, indeed I did."
Ducky gave him a knowing smile but then turned around, signaling him not to press the matter any further, so Gibbs dropped it and was about to leave the room as Ducky's voice traveled to his ears again.
"Don't wait too long, Jethro, we don't want to lose young Anthony, do we?"
Gibbs just shook his head and continued his walk to the elevators, wondering how in the world Ducky knew. He sighed again, thinking that another glass of bourbon and working on his boat would probably do him good tonight.
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