A week and a half later, Sam was standing over the stove watching scrambled eggs cook. He was up early enough for once to have made the coffee and it was just starting to drip. He also knew exactly where both his roommates were. Dean was standing in the bathroom trying to get the tie he had borrowed from Cas to lie straight, mumbling to himself that it'd all be ok. Cas was perched on the edge of his bed, door thrown open, where he had been since last night (Sam doubted he had slept), clutching the envelope that would confirm what he already knew about Rebel's paternity.
Today was the day of Dean's court date to assess his fitness as a guardian. He had, for the most part been fairly quiet about it, not wanting to think of something that was largely out of his control. He hadn't even told them about it until a week prior. It was a big deal. Dean hadn't needed to say it for them to know
They hadn't expected the results of the paternity test to come in yesterday, creating another layer of anticipation. He had been unable to open the envelope and at this point Sam wasn't sure if it was because it would say he was Rebel's father or if it was because he was afraid he would say that he wasn't.
They had fallen into a pattern these few weekends with him. Cas would put him down at eight or nine, fed and changed. When Dean came home from his shift at the Roadhouse at half past midnight he would check on the baby, who was usually starting to fuss. Sam came in about three and changed and fed the kid again. He had found himself surprised by how relaxing it was to feed him. Rebel would usually still be a bit sleepy and would suck on the bottle, eyes half closed. Cas would get up at six-thirty when Rebel did. It worked well for them, so well in fact Cas joked he was the only well-rested parent of a newborn on the planet. The fact of it was all of them had gotten rather attached to the baby.
Sam debated adding some garlic to the eggs before realizing it was probably a bad idea. He couldn't decide between Canadian bacon and sausage so he tossed both in a pan. He fiddled with the toaster so it wouldn't mangle the bread. Cas came storming in, envelope in hand. His hair was sticking up at all angles, and his pajama pants were askew.
"You open it. I can't do it." He put the envelope on the table and began pacing around the kitchen. Sam ran a hand through his hair and sighted. He knew Cas needed to be the one to do it, but he really needed to wind down first. The first batch of toast popped up and Sam put it on the plate.
"Pour some juice, Cas."
"Why are you even making a huge breakfast? I'm too stressed to eat, andDean's too nervous."
"I need to cook. You guys need to eat." Cas poured the cranberry juice, trying not to wrinkle his nose. It wasn't one of his favorites, but he had been outvoted at the grocery store the previous week. He returned the juice to the refrigerator and resumed pacing.
"Seriously, I can't do it. What if, what if he's not mine?" Sam pulled the last of the toast out of the toaster. He stared at the six slices and wondered why he hadn't lowered the setting for his. The smell of sausage was relaxing Castiel. It smelled like home, in a way that he was unfamiliar with. It just alerted Sam to the fact that he should keep a closer eye on it so it didn't burn.
"Cas, calm down. You've seen his eyes. Those aren't exactly a dominant trait.There's only way to know for sure, and that's to open that envelope." Sam tried not to grin triumphantly, knowing that it had been the reason Cas was so stressed over the results. He wanted a kid, or at least he wanted Rebel.
"Are you still angsting over that envelope?" Dean stormed into the kitchen, managing to both look dark and dejected. Sam sensed this was going to be a long day.
"Because you aren't shaking in your boots"
"Boys, no arguing over breakfast. Cas, open the damn envelope and get it over with." Sam wasn't used to being the voice of reason in any room.
Cas took a deep breath, followed by a deep drink of juice. He stared at the envelope sitting innocuously on the table. He weighed it in his hands, and tore it open with shaky fingers. Sam moved the meats to a paper towel covered palate and put some cheese on the eggs.. Cas pulled out the single sheet of paper and studied it closely for a moment.
"Oh thank God."
"He's yours?"
"Yes." Cas smiled. Two weeks ago he'd have been terrified to have that paper in his hand with that result. Now, though, after having spent time with Rebel, getting to know his emerging personality, he wouldn't have it any other way. Judging by the ways his roommates were currently grinning at him he guessed they weren't entirely opposed to it either.
"That's one victory today. Let's hope to make it two." Sam felt some of the weight lift off his shoulders, weight that hadn't been his to bear, but that he had chosen to bear anyway.
"I'll drink to that." Dean raised his coffee cup after depositing one in front of Castiel.
"Shut up and eat," Sam prodded. Dean threw his tie over his shoulder and dug in.
An hour later the three of them were sitting in the Impala. Dean was driving, of course; though he was shaking so badly Cas was worried they were going to crash into the highway's concrete barrier. When they had gotten off the highway and were sitting at a stoplight Cas leaned forward and put a hand on Dean's shoulder.
"Dean, relax. You will be fine."
"Yeah, right." Dean was terse, breakfast churning in his stomach. Cas and Sam were both determinedly not looking at him as he hunted for a parking spot, knowing there wasn't much to do that could comfort him and that it was up to him to pull himself together. They made their way through the security checkpoint and Dean had broken out in a cold sweat by the time they reached the designated courtroom.
"Breathe Dean. You're not any good unconscious."
"I'm fine. This will go fine."
"That's the spirit. You ready to go in?" Sam was doing his best to be encouraging.
"As ready as I'll ever be." They cracked open the heavy doors and walked in. Balthazar and Anna were already there, sitting next to Leah and Steve. The social worker was sitting in front of them. The kids turned when they heard the creak of the door. Balthazar stood and walked quickly over, wrapping his arms around Dean. Anna made her way over more slowly, looking wary.
"Hey guys." Dean's voice was low, rough with suppressed emotion.
"It'll be ok, Dean. No matter what happens you're still our big brother." Anna caught the mood and automatically reassured him.
"I know. I know."
"You're Sam." Balthazar finally spoke, looking up at him. "I drew you."
"Yeah. And you know what? It's hanging on the fridge at home."
"I know it is. Dean told me." Cas was shuffled off to the side, while Sam managed to look slightly awkward as he interacted with Balthazar.
"You're Cas." Balthazar turned his attention to the dark haired man.
"Yes. I am Castiel."
"You have very expressive eyes."
"Thank you. You draw very well."
"I want to draw you." Dean and Anna were watching the exchange. Listening to them talk was odd given Balthazar's characteristic bluntness and Cas' tendency towards formal speech patterns,but it fit in its own way. Dean couldn't help but think Balthazar had found a kindred spirit. They made arrangements so that Balthazar could in fact draw Cas at some point. Court was called to order not too long after and they settled into the seat Leah had saved for them. Time seemed to slow until it was very nearly standing still. The time the trial took stretched, until finally they were ready to hear the judge's decision.
"Custody of Anna and Balthazar Winchester shall remain with Leah and Steve Ulnar for a minimum of six months." Dean heard the words and had to suppress the urge to punch the bench in front of him. He nearly did it anyway, until the felt Anna's hand rest on top of his closed fist. It was ok. It was going to be fine. He was still their big brother. The group rose and made their way outside when court was dismissed. Standing outside on the steps of the courthouse, Dean couldn't help but think the day was a little too nice, the sun a little too bright. Steve spoke first.
"We are so sorry, Dean."
"It's- it'll be fine. Maybe by Christmas." He said it carefully, knowing his siblings were listening. Anna was still clinging to his hand, had been since they reached the hallway. Balthazar was holding onto him, both arms wrapped around his hips. Dean knew there would be a tantrum coming from him when he had to leave.
"We were hoping this time."
"We all were. Let's just-"
"Dean, we were thinking if you were amiable we could let Anna and Balthazar stay over at your place for a weekend sometime." Dean could feel the eyes on him without having to look down.
"Yeah. Yeah I'd like that."
"We'll give you a call?"
"Yeah. Of course."
"Sam, Castiel, it was wonderful to meet you."
"You too." Sam smiled.
"Anna, Balthazar we need to be getting home." Anna sighed, and dutifully walked towards Leah after giving Dean a quick hug. Balthazar proceeded to cling tighter, just as Dean had predicted. Dean could feel Balthazar shake his head.
"Balthazar." Sometimes, given his blunt nature, Dean forgot Balthazar was only six, and as prone to tantrums just as any six year old.
"I don't want to go. I want to stay with Dean."
"Now. Balthazar."
"No." Dean had to resist the urge to wrap an arm around his brother, keeping him close. He carefully extricated himself from the child's grip, and knelt down on his level.
"Balthazar, you need to go with Leah."
"But I want to stay with you."
"I know you do, kiddo. I want to stay with you, too."
"But if I want it and you want it-."
"It's not that simple. You know that."
"I don't care anymore." Balthazar wrapped himself back around Dean, burying his face in his shoulder.
"I know it's hard. Do you want me to carry you to the car?" A muffled nod. "Ok." Dean lifted him up, realizing he was almost too big to carry. They made their way to the van, Cas and Sam trailing behind. The door slid open and Dean got Balthazar arranged in the car seat.
"Dean? Are you going to be ok?"
"Yeah. I will be. Are you?"
"Yeah."
"I'll see you soon."
"Ok." There were still tear tracks, but it could've gone much worse. Anna gave him a sad smile from her seat next to her brother.
"Love you guys." Dean's voice was gruff, and he could feel tears clouding his vision as he slid the door shut. He turned around as they pulled off to see Sam and Cas standing there looking at him as if they were resisting the urge to hug him.
"Dean-" Cas began.
"No. Sammy, you're driving." Sam dutifully caught the keys that had been thrown to him. Dean felt like a five year old sulking in the front seat as Sam drove them home. He was acting like a five year old sulking in the front seat and he knew it. He just didn't care. Cas kept looking at him pityingly,but didn't say anything.
They made it home. Part of Dean wanted to get mad, throw dishes against the wall, run away. He knew it wasn't going to happen. He plopped himself down on the couch and turned the TV on. It was mindless Hallmark style movies that were complete and utter bullshit. He found tears running down his face in spite of himself. Five minutes later Cas appeared with the fluffiest blanket they had in the house and tossed it over him, before silently retreating. Sam entered five minutes after that bearing a slice of pecan pie from the fridge and a cup of hot cocoa, brimming with marshmallows: just how Dean liked it. He put the pie on the end table and forced the cocoa into Dean's hands, making sure he took a sip before he began his retreat.
"Sam-"
"It's ok, Dean. You know where we are when you need us." Dean nodded. God, he was pathetic.
A/N/: Oh, hey look plot. This will likely be the last update before I leave on a three week study abroad. I won't be updating during this time due to Internet access/class obligations, but I'll still be writing and will have updates ready as soon as I get back! Thanks for reading.