Another update! Whoo! The anticipation has been killing me, and it still is! I just discovered this little ramen restaurant nearby but I haven't been able to try it out yet. I'm hoping to go soon, because it reminds me (aesthetically) of Ichiraku; maybe that will help me garner some inspiration for this story. Well as always your reviews and attention to this story are greatly appreciated. I hope you enjoy this chapter. XO
I walk upstairs, balancing my medic pack under one arm and two bowls of vegetable rice in my hands. I realized when I was making dinner that Tsunade didn't really give us much variety to work with. That's another thing I have to add to my long to do list of discussion topics with her, if I ever get out of here to talk to her again. The muscles in my limbs ache as I climb the last step; I should have punched the guards that came after me. I may have gotten in even more trouble then, though. I'm fairly sure my temper tantrum will be reported to Tsunade before the day is over.
I nudge Sasuke's door open with my shoulder and enter. In Lui-san's place is a soldier I don't recognize. His shift must have ended. The rotations are so seamless, half the time I don't even notice. I sit in my chair beside Sasuke's bed and unload everything. As I hand him a bowl, I think of how he yelled at me to leave him alone last night. I should probably leave him be now.
I don't want to, though.
He takes the food without a word.
"You're welcome," I joke. He looks at me briefly, puzzled like he didn't know I was there, then starts eating. His eyes glaze over as he lifts bite after bite into his mouth. He's somewhere else right now, thinking intently on something. I pick up my own bowl and start eating.
Halfway through the silence has thickened and I think maybe I should just go back to my room.
"I don't want any guards in here," Sasuke states as he sets his empty bowl down, looking at the man in the corner.
"Well, tough, 'cause you're not allowed to be left alone," the guard retorts smugly.
"You can come back once I'm under," Sasuke says it like a command rather than a negotiation. The guard looks at me for approval.
"It's okay, I'll notify someone once we're finished," I acquiesce. The guard nods, scowls at Sasuke, and shuts the door behind him.
I set my bowl beside Sasuke's and look at him. His eyes are trained on the door before he sighs and tries to remove his shirt; I have to help him. Some figment of the little girl I used to be is rejoicing at the fact that I am undressing Uchiha Sasuke.
"Let's just get it over with," he says. I nod and peel away the gauze, having to awkwardly wrap my arms around him to unravel it. I take out an antiseptic wipe and carefully run it over the abrasion. He hisses painfully.
"Sorry, it's almost over," I toss the wipe and blow air gently on his cut through pursed lips.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm soothing the burn," I reply, then continue my soft exhales. He smirks, eyebrow cocked questioningly. Then I burst out laughing, "What?"
"I didn't say anything," he says with the hint of a smile.
"Don't look at me like I'm weird," I say defensively, feeling a little embarrassed, "I do it with the kids all the time, they love it!"
"Oh, okay, maybe I'm just not mature enough to appreciate it," then he smiles. It brings a grin to my face, the kind that only a few people can get out of me, "If it makes you feel better, it doesn't sting anymore."
"I didn't study medicine for over a decade for nothing," I pump my fist in the air triumphantly.
"You've been practicing for that long?"
"Yes, I have," I say proudly.
"What made you want to do that?" I roll out a new piece of gauze, thinking carefully.
"A lot of things," I admit, "But most of all, I wanted to be more than just a nin. I want to be able to rebuild, to heal, not just destroy. I want to help people. I wasn't able to do that before," I smile softly as I move my chakra over the laceration, "But I am now."
Beneath the stoicism, there is some part of him that understands and I wonder what kind of regrets he has.
"And what about Naruto?" I grimace, remembering that dark period of my life where I had lost two of my best friends. I felt so vulnerable, but Tsunade rectified that and I am forever grateful to her for it; even if she irritates me most of the time.
"Naruto went to train for two years, with another Saanin."
"That seems to be a theme with the three of us," Sasuke remarks, as I dress his wound.
"Yeah," I laugh softly, a little bitter, "When he came back, we pooled our resources and started looking for you together. Wherever we were, whatever mission we had, we always made time to search for information. Kakashi, too, though he was a little more realistic than us," I watch as something foreign plays across Sasuke's face. He's silent and his eyes refuse to meet mine, "One time, we were stopping to rest at a nearby village. I guess somebody must have recognized us when we went out for food, or maybe when we were looking for a place to stay. Word was out that Naruto and I were asking about you, and it was no secret that Konoha put a price on your head. This group of nins approached us on the street, it was just Naruto and I, Kakashi was resting. One of them, the leader, she said that she knew where you were, that she could take us to you. We weren't as skeptical as we were desperate, so we followed them. They took us to this old warehouse. We thought maybe they had managed to capture you. But, when we got inside, there was a body lying in the middle of the floor. They had everything covered except for the head. From a distance, it looked like you," a chill runs up my spine as I remember that night.
"NO!" I screamed, tears spilling freely. Naruto dropped to his knees beside me, trembling with anger and sorrow.
"AGH!" Naruto's fist cracked the floor. My legs gave way. Naruto and I clung to each other as all of our hopes, all of our perseverance was snuffed out.
"We got a closer look, of course," with some effort on our part, "We were so relieved when it wasn't you. After that, we were more careful. But when Naruto and I were training, we had less opportunities to search. Now, we're ANBU and he's next in line to be Hokage."
"The dobe?" Sasuke asks, finally meeting my gaze.
"The dobe," I nod with a smile, "That baka is our next Hokage. And we couldn't be in better hands."
"Hn," Sasuke says, yet it conveys so much; his admiration, his childhood rivalry, his concurrence. He respects Naruto, just like Naruto respects him; though they may never voice that. In some way that I may never grasp, they understand each other. I think, given time, they could become the best of friends again. Perhaps we all could.
Or maybe I'm being too hopeful.
In a normal conversation, I might say, 'But enough about me, what have you been doing the last ten years?' With Sasuke, it's not that simple. Though I want to, I may never know what happened the years he was away.
"Sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't left."
The admission shocks me and I try not to show it. I feel like I've just knocked down a wall and taken five steps forward with Sasuke. It might not be much, but for him, it's everything. My mind is buzzing with inquiries and theories. What could have happened for him to proclaim such a thing?
"So do we," I say instead. His eyes bore into mine and I find it difficult to look away. I thought I could never forget the depth of his eyes, but I did. They were never this dark in my memories, and never so clear. I remember the first few nights after he left I would lay awake burning the image of his face into my mind so I would never forget. Naruto would make a list of everything that annoyed him about Sasuke. We all grieve in different ways.
Tearing myself away, cheeks flushed from holding such prolonged eye contact, I rifle through my bag until I find the suppressant. Sasuke frowns and lays down; he looks hurt, almost. It feels like something seizes my heart and I realize I've just taken a giant leap backwards. I just threw progress out the window.
"I'm sorry," I finger the needle, feeling ashamed, "I tried to - "
"Just do it," he says, closing his eyes, "Stop apologizing for something you have no control over."
I take his arm, finding a vein and drain half the normal dosage of the sedative.
"It will take a little bit longer for the effects to kick in, and it will leave your system faster, so I'll need to come back some time in the next few hours to do this again," he nods and takes deep breaths as if he's preparing for battle, "What is it you see when you're under, Sasuke?" Two steps back; I try to recover, "Just so that I can include that information in my report."
"That doesn't concern either of you," Sasuke says, his voice level. I scoff.
"Everything to do with you concerns me," I match his gaze, unwavering, "That hasn't changed."
"It's not something I'm willing to talk about," Sasuke returns. "Okay," I concede, not wanting to push him when I know how much effort it takes for him to even admit that. I gather up my medical supplies and leave without another word.