DISCLAIMER: I do not own divergent or THGs at all, Veronica Roth and Suzanne Collins do! (keep forgetting to do thses)
Tris POV
Al committed suicide because of me, I should have forgiven him but I couldn't, he tried to kill me. I don't know how to feel, Tobias just dropped me off at my room and I'm now nicely tucked into bed. I can't cry over Al, or Tobias even though I really want to. I've refused to believe that I have feelings for him but now It's hard to ignore the butterflies I get when he's around or how safe he makes me feel and his determination to keep me alive, I really don't know what that's about. I mean he couldn't possibly like me. There are much more beautiful girls out there that would die to be with him and here I am the short, skinny, stiff who looks like they're 12 but Tobias makes me feel like I'm wanted, like I could have a life after this, that I'm brave enough to move on. I don't know hoe he manages it but he makes me feel loved even when he's not trying. And I drift off and dream about Tobias.
PAGE BREAK/ Still Tris' POV
Instead of training today we spent the day preparing for the interviews, tomorrow we go into the arena and I savored my last day as much as possible. Portia said that I was going to wear Katniss' wedding dress for the interview and I'm pretty excited, If its anything like the interview dress then Its bound to be radiant and rebellious. My prep team attacked me all morning and Effie and Tori talked conversation and presentation this afternoon, now I have 2 hours before I have to meet Portia to get dressed and I'm sitting by the chasm with an avox. She's tall with dark skin and shoulder length hair, her name is Christina, she's been helping me with different things since I arrived and she's been pretty helpful. The force field has been fixed but the game makers were paranoid since Al died so I had to come here with Christina. Then I see a shadow by the glass room where we had the fights, I can tell its Tobias. I stand up to leave and Christina follows, I stop walking, "I'm going to go walk around," I tell her and she gives me look that says, 'not alone you're not' I hold back a sigh, "I won't be alone I'll be with Four," I say pointing, she thinks for a second then suspiciously eyes me, "Go ahead," I tell her and she walks away still suspicious and I run up the stairs, once I reach the top I see Tobias standing with a black box, the kind that holds the syringes. "I suppose you're going with me," he says without looking at me. "In your simulation?" I ask, "My fear-landscape. I told you about it." He says and I nod. "You'd let me see that?" I ask quietly. "Why do you think I'm going in?" he says and I shrug and walk closer to him. He pulls the syringes out and injects me then hands me the other. "I've never done this before," I tell him but he just taps the place on his neck, "Right here," I stand on tiptoes to reach and inject him, he doesn't even flinch. He takes my hand and we walk into the room. I look around and see clouds, we're on top of a tall building, very tall. I can't even see the ground, he looks over the edge and gasps, he's scared of heights? "We have to jump off," I tell him. He nods and takes shallow breaths. "Hey, look at me," I say and he turns to face me, "It's just a simulation," I tell him. He bites his lip and I reach out to take his hand, "On three?" I ask. "1," he starts, "2," I say and we run on 3. We jump and it feels great, I feel alive and free. Then the scene changes and I'm on my hands and knees smiling, I love that feeling, I get up and help him to his feet. "What's next?" I ask. "Its-," something solids hits my spine. I slam into him, walls appear on my left and my right. The space is narrow Tobias barely fits, A low ceiling collapses over the walls around us with a crack, Tobias hunches over and makes a guttural sound. "Hey, it's ok," I say trying to distract him. "We have to face the fear head on right? So we need to make it smaller," I tell him. We crouch tighter and he starts to pant, "Ah," his voice is raspy, "This is worse, this is definitely…" "Shh," I say. "Arms around me," I tell him and he obediently does so. My spine is pressed against his chest, his knee is pulled up to my head and I lay on his other leg. With his arms around me he pulls me closer until there is no closer. "Why don't you tell me where this fear comes from," I suggest, "Maybe talking about it will help…somehow." "Ok…this one comes from my fantastic childhood, childhood punishments, the tiny closet upstairs," he shivers, "My mother used to keep our winter coats in our closet." I say because I don't really know what else to say. "I... I don't," he gasps, "really want to talk about it anymore," he says, "Ok why don't I talk, ask me something." I say, "Why is your heart racing Tris?" he asks in a quiet and lusty voice. I cringe, what do I say? "Uhh I hardly know you." I try, not a good enough answer. "I hardly know you and I crammed up in a box with you," I say and he smiles a little. "What else." I say desperate to change the subject. "Tobias?" I ask in a shy quiet voice desperate to distract him. He looks at me concerned, "Hmm?" he asks, "Why did you do all this?" he gives me a confused look, "Why are you helping me?" I ask and he flushes looking down then the box collapses. He must have forgotten about the box because of my question. I dust off myself even though there's nothing there and feel Tobias staring at me. Then there's a woman standing with a gun aimed at us, and a gun on a table. "You have to shoot her," I say and he turns to the table and loads the gun. This fear is different than the others, no panic just absolute dread. "Every single time," he murmurs. "She's not real," I tell him as he aims at her. "She looks real, it feels real." His voice is shaky. "If she were real she would have shot you already." I tell him and then he shoots the gun. She crumbles to the ground and he drops the gun, I wrap my arm around him and rest my head on his chest doing my best to comfort him for just a second. Then we turn around and I see Marcus standing there with an evil scowl on his face. "This is for your own good." He says and pulls off his belt and walks toward Tobias who cowers and shrieks in absolute terror. I don't have to think, I run in front of him and feel a sharp flash of pain on my wrist where the belt wrapped around it. I tug on it and pull it away. By this time Tobias is standing in front of me protecting me from his worst nightmare, then Marcus disappears and we're back in the fear landscape room. He looks at me in awe for a second before rushing to me, he holds me so tightly I can hardly breath but I don't let go, we hold each other for a long time, and when we do we stay close staring into each other's eyes, neither of say anything, we don't have to what just happed spoke much louder than words. I finally turn away and go to the computer and type a name in the system, then the simulation is ready to start and because we've already been injected we don't need to again. He stares at me for a second then when he realizes what we're doing tries to object but I stop him and we walk back into the room. For my first fear I'm in a field, with tall grass and a blue sky then a crow lands on my arm and both me and Tobias try to get it off but nothing works, then another lands on my shoulder digging in with it's sharp talons. I start to panic as more and more bids come and peck and scrape me with their claws. Then I think of something, a gun. Just at that moment two appear in the grass and Tobias and I shoot them all away. My next fear we're both in a glass tank, water filling it up, he water's as at my mid calf but just barely above Tobias' ankles. We both pound on the glass but it doesn't work until I decide it will and it cracks, Tobias then slams it with a fist shattering it. Then I'm tied to a stake and Peter and Ian stand there taunting me then they light the straw at my ankles on fire. "Rain," I whisper and it rains.
Tobias and I stand in my old bedroom in abnegation, then I see them, the men with the grotesque and mangles faces pounding on the windows, breaking in. I hide in the closet with Tobias at my heels, the space isn't too confined that it freaks him out but I can hear the banging on the door and shouts and I start o quiver. 'Breath Tris breathe,' I try to coax myself but with every bang I hear I start to take heavier breathes. I'm panicking now and when I glance at Tobias he sees my state and wraps his arms around me trying to calm me down so it will end, and eventually I do. "I think it's ok now," he whispers in my ear and I nod but I'm really shaken. When we walk back out I turn expecting to see Tobias but he's not there. Then he's standing in front of me but he looks different. I look around to see if there's something else I'm supposed to focus on but all I see is a four-poster bed. A bed? Tobias approaches me with a familiar smile, and then he starts to kiss me. I kiss back but then I as he squeezes my hips I realize what this fear is. My fear is wanting to be with him, I can't be with him and I'm scared of having him just to have him taken away from me. Its not about being with him its about the fact that I'm going to lose him and there's nothing we can do to stop it. I stare at Tobias' face and feel tears form in my eyes, he starts to kiss my neck, I squeeze my eyes shut and laugh a little. I can face all of these fears without a problem but it's this fear that's going to make me break down? I've almost drowned twice, I've been attacked by crows and men with mangled limbs and grotesque faces and been burned to the death by the boys that tried to kill me but I can't handle the thought of losing the guy that doesn't even love me back. I push him off and take some deep breaths and the scenery changes; Tobias is back and staring at me with sympathy, this is simulation Tobias again. Next to him stand Caleb, my mother and my father then I hear a cold voice hiss in my ear, "Do it," I shiver as I hear the gun barrel press to my temple. "Beatrice, please." Caleb says, "Beatrice we love you," my mother says, she holds my fathers hand and I see him squeeze it. "It's alright sweetheart, go ahead." He says and I feel tears wet my cheeks. Then Tobias mouths the words "its ok" before a tear falls down his cheek. I start to sob as the voice starts to count down. At 5 I begin to panic, I can't shoot them they're all I have to live for, what's the point? I love them all too much. The woman's snake like voice gets to 1 and I drop the gun, I hear a bang and it's black. The first thing I see when I open my eyes is Tobias' face staring at me with awe again. "I didn't know it did that," he says thoughtfully. "What?" "If you're in the fear you disappear so that it feels real." He explains and I nod trying to recover from the trauma I just experienced. "Thank you for showing me your landscape," I say quietly. "You too," he says and I walk over to him and we lace our hands together, he stares at the way our finger intertwine perfectly and soon I find myself staring too, he has long deft fingers made for careful work and I mine are small and slender. I look back up at him and smile weakly, "We need to go," he says and I know that this last moment between us is over and we have to go face our harsh reality now. I let go and we walk back to our rooms. When we arrive Portia automatically takes me to a dressing room claiming I need more work than Tobias does so she needs to get me started, I stare after Tobias as she drags me down the hall away from him and mouth 'save me' he just smiles and waves then turns on his heel to go to the dining hall leaving me in the hands of my prep team and stylist.
A/N there will be more, i promise! The interviews will either be later or tomorrow i haven't decided. PLEASE R&R