Never Say Never
I don't wanna spoil the chapter, but with this one, I'm happy it's nothing but fiction.
It's a Darren chapter ... and by the way. The last scene would be so beautiful on camera ;-)
Please review!
I don't own anything Glee related - all I have is my buzzing imagination!
Chapter 10 – Asian F
Darren was running as fast as he could. Everything around him was covered in a strange foggy substance and he could hardly see a thing. Somebody was calling his name. It started as a broken whisper and then the sound of his name got stronger and started to twirl around in the darkness, making it difficult to locate the direction of the call.
He decided which way to go and started running again. His
heart was beating out of his chest as the cry increased and intensified. He had to run faster. He had to get there in time. From the corner of his mind the recognition of the voice took his breath away. It was Chris calling and the sound was overwhelmed with panic now. Darren called back, but it was like the fog took the sound of his voice before he made it. "Chris I'm coming – I'm on my way, hang on." He shouted from the top of his lungs. "I won't let anything happen to you!"
Then the fog gradually changed substance and shape. It started to bother his breathing and made every gulp of air feeling like razorblades in his lungs. It wasn't fog, it was smoke! There had to be a fire somewhere. "Chris I'm coming, I'm nearly there." Then out of the smoke a building on fire appeared in front of his eyes. He covered his mouth to try to avoid the suffocating sensation and looked desperately for Chris. "Where are you Chris? Let me help you!"
Chris was stuck on a balcony on first floor and the fire was roaring in the room behind him, getting nearer by the second. Darren made eye contact with him and new strength rushed through his body. "Don't be scared Chris. I'll get you down." Darren looked desperately for a ladder or something he could use to get to Chris and out of nowhere he stumbled on three wooden boxes, he could put on top of each other.
It wasn't solid ground to stand on, but it was all he had. As Darren stood on top of them, Chris suddenly backed away. "I
can't get down there Darren. It's too dangerous." Darren got a hold of Chris' hand. "You have to do this, Chris you have to let me help you." Chris' eyes filled up with tears. "I'm scared Darren. I'm so scared!"
At this point Darren felt how everything suddenly got silent
inside of him and how fresh air was relieving his lungs from all the pain. He saw Chris so clear and dwelled for at moment in his blue eyes. "Chris, you can do this. We'll do this together. Will you let me help you?" Chris blinked away the tears and got hold of both of Darren's hands. "Yes Darren, please help me. I can't do this alone." Darren got a hold of Chris, but as Chris' foot touched the top box, the whole construction started to shake.
They tumbled down on the ground and Darren felt something tangle around his waist…
When Darren opened his eyes, everything was pitch black. He found himself on the floor next to his bed, with a sheet tangled around his body. His heart was still pounding and he was covered in sweat, as if he had actual been near a fire. He grabbed his phone from the bed side table. It was three in the morning. He didn't hesitate for a split second, but just speed dialed Chris.
Chris answered almost right away. "Darren?" His voice sounded scared and broken at the same time, as if he had been crying.
"Chris, what is going on? Are you okay?"
Chris got silent on the other end of the line. Then he cleared his voice. "What made you call me, Darren?"
Darren sat down on the bed and held on to the phone really tight. It was hard to hear Chris like that. Something was completelyoff. "I had a dream about you … and you needed my help."
"Darren I'm so sad and so scared. My grandmother died three hours ago. My mom called just before I went to bed and I have been crying ever since. I have turned on all the lights in the house and the television is on as well. I don't know why I freak out, but I cannot be alone right now."
"Chris." Darren closed his eyes and held his breath. "Why didn't you call me? I could have been with you hours ago."
"I don't know Darren. I wanted to, but I didn't want to bother you. We're both shooting tomorrow … and it didn't make sense that none of us slept."
"That is about the stupidest excuse I've heard for a long time. I don't care about sleep, when you're this unhappy. Don't you understand that?" Darren placed his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he grabbed a pair of pants and started putting them on. "Chris, give me 20 minutes and I'll be outside your door."
"Thanks Darren … it's really … you're so …"
"I know Chris. See you soon."
When Darren arrived, he just dragged Chris' into his arms. Chris was shaking and started to cry again. They just held each other for at long time. "I'm so sorry for your loss, Chris. I'm so sorry," Darren whispered in his ear. When Chris finally let go of him, his eyes were red and swollen. Darren took him by the hand. "Just sit on the couch Chris … and I'll warm you a glass of milk and honey. It will calm you down a bit."
"I don't have milk and honey." Chris said tired and sat down on the couch.
"But I have." Darren tucked a blanket around Chris, turned off the TV and dimmed the light in the room. He lit on a couple of candles, found some quiet music on his phone and connected it to a loudspeaker Chris had on the shelf. He went to the kitchen and warmed the milk that he had brought. He added a spoonful of honey and carried it to Chris. Then he sat down at the other end of the couch and tucked his feet under the blanket, so their legs got entangled. Chris was sipping carefully to the warm milk and gratitude filled his eyes.
"Thanks Darren, for all of this."
"You're welcome." Darren took a sip of his mug too. "Tell me what has happened. How did she die?"
Chris' voice got broken again. "She had a stroke. She and my granddad were getting ready to go to bed and then she just collapsed in her chair." Chris had to pull himself together before continuing and Darren just waited patiently for him. "My granddad called 911 right away and tried to give her CPR, but she was dead before the ambulance arrived. Just like that … a full life gone, by a heartbeat. Isn't that weird?" Darren just nodded.
"My mom was a mess when she called. She'd only known for ten minutes and Hannah was screaming in the background. She had overheard by a coincidence and just kept crying: Granny, Granny, Granny." Chris closed his eyes and tears began to stream down his face again. "… and I do get why I'm sad and why I'm upset, but I don't know why I suddenly got so scared. I have been freaking out here."
"But death is scaring, don't you think? It's so … finale and the separation is so difficult to comprehend."
Chris nodded and dried away the tears one more time. Then he got a wearisome look on his face. "Darren, do you believe there's something after death?"
Darren got a hold of Chris' hand and held it tight. "Yes, I actually do. I don't know what it is and I don't know if it's God or Heaven. But I don't think a soul just vanish like that. A soul is such a powerful thing, the essence of a person you know." Darren paused and hesitated a bit with his next thought. "I mean, don't you think it's weird … that I dream you need help … and then it's actual much closer to reality than I knew. Now I get to think of it, it's kind of rude to call somebody at three in the morning, because of a dream."
Chris looked at him with a serious expression. "So you think her "soul" reminded you to call?"
"It could be, couldn't it? It would make sense, that she needed you to be alright and that she was being protective of you."
Chris smiled, "Yes that would be something she'd make sure of." He closed his eyes and leaned back in the couch. "She was my biggest fan and supporter … and she was my first editor, you know. When I was 8 or 9 I started writing my first stories. I would like write a page and call it a chapter … and then I would show it to her and ask for a review." Another smile appeared on his face, as he sat up straight again. The most beautiful smile in the world, Darren thought. "Then she would read it, while I tripped on the floor next to her. And when she had finished it, she would look over the edge of the paper with her blue wise eyes and say: "It has potential Christopher, you just have to stretch it out a bit more."
Darren felt all warm inside. This was why family mattered, those memories of support and love that melted together and turned into this core in life later on. A certainty, that no matter what, they would always be there to support you. Chris continued, "I know my life is in L.A. and that I experience all these amazing things, that I've always dreamed of. But my family, in Clovis, they're the ground I stand on. Without them I'm nothing, I'm just this … empty shell."
They just sat for a while without speaking, but the silence wasn't awkward in any way. When Chris said something again, he seemed more calm and relaxed. "I'm dedicating "The Land Of Stories" to her."
"Did she had the chance to read it?"
"Yes, she has read the main parts. I mailed the chapters to her as I finished them … and she was so proud."
"Did she know you were gonna dedicate it to her."
"Yes, I told her. But I was looking so much forward to handing her a copy. I've played that scene in my head so many times."
They ended up talking for at couple of hours and Chris started to doze off more and more.
"You should go to bed now Chris, you need the sleep." Darren stroke Chris' legs.
"Are you leaving?" The worried look reappeared on Chris face immediately.
"No, I'm staying for as long as you want me too."
"I know this sounds weird, but can you lie next to me until I fall asleep?"
"Sure, no problem"
As they were lying next to each other in Chris' bed, Chris reached for Darren's hand – and Darren held it tight.
"Darren, I don't know what to do, I'm supposed to be at Fox's in two hours."
"Don't worry about it Chris, I'm calling Ryan soon and telling him about the situation, I'm sure they can work around it, so you can take the day off."
"Okay." Chris sighed tired. "… and if my mom calls, just tell her … that I'm calling later. Maybe Hannah needs me to come home … I just don't know how it's possible."
"I'll call your mother too. I'll take care of the practical things Chris, you don't have to think about it now. Just go to sleep."
And then he was gone.
Darren watched Chris as his body started to relax and the breathing got heavier. It was like losing him to "sleep", even though it didn't make any sense. It was overwhelming how much Darren wanted to protect him. To make sure, that nothing bad happened to him and that he would he never be this unhappy again. He felt the warmth of Chris' hand and watched the thick hair surrounding his face … the soft lips. Sleep was a merciful friend in times of trouble.
Darren was just lying there next to Chris for a while. He wasn't tired at all and he needed to make those phone calls before Chris woke up again. At six in the morning Darren tip toed out on the balcony for fresh air. He enjoyed the view one more time. It was so weird, that it was only two days ago, that he and Chris had dinner out here. Chris had been so relaxed and open about a lot of personal stuff.
Darren decided to call Ryan first. Ryan was strict in some areas. He expected the cast to be very professional about their job. Don't be late, don't forget your lines and concentrate – that was what he expected of each one of them. But when it came to their personal life and their well being, they couldn't ask for a more protective friend in the world.
"That was an early call, Darren." Ryan's voice sounded rusty and tired.
"Yeah I know, I'm sorry for that Ryan. Look, Chris lost his grandmother last night … and he has been pretty upset and I have been here with him. He hasn't slept all night."
"I'm so sorry to hear that." Ryan said quiet. "He was pretty close to her as far as I recall."
"Is there any way the shooting schedule can be planned without him today. I'm not sure he can perform anything as it is right now."
"Of course, we have to work around that Darren. Give me ten minutes and I'll call you back to confirm."
"That's just great Ryan." Darren could hear the relief in his own voice.
"Talk to you in a minute … oh, and Darren."
"Yeah."
"It's really good that you're there for him … I just wanted you to know that."
"Thanks Ryan."
As Darren hung up he wandered, if Ryan though he had a relationship with Chris. To the outside world it could look suspicious that Darren had been there most of the night, but right now he didn't really care. He sat down in one of the chairs on the balcony and closed his eyes while waiting for Ryan to call back. He was getting tired now. He had almost dozed off, when the phone rang again.
"Okay Darren, here's what we have pulled together. Chris doesn't have to work for the next two days. We will shoot around him. As soon as he knows the date of the funeral, it's important that he calls me, so we can plan around that too. As for you, I can give you today off too, but you have to come in tomorrow."
Darren's respect for Ryan grew right there and there had been a lot of respect already. "Ryan … that is just … thank you for helping out."
"Sure, take care of him Darren."
"I will."
Now Chris' phone started to buzz in the living room. He had left it on the table and Darren hurried to get it. He wouldn't want Chris to wake up already. He missed the call, but saw it was Chris' mom. There were four missing calls from her. She was worrying about Chris for sure. Darren checked her number and called from his own phone.
Her voice sounded tired. "It's Karyn Colfer."
"Hi, it's Darren. I'm sorry for calling you this early."
"Oh Darren, thank God that you're calling. I can't get a hold of Christopher. Has he been talking to you? Do you know that his Grandmother died last night?"
"Yes, I know. I'm with him right now … and I have been here most of the night. He has been very upset and unhappy, but right now he is asleep." Karyn started to cry on the other end of the line. It felt weird. Darren had only met Karyn and Jim Colfer once, at the Glee Tour and now they had to deal with this.
"I'm sorry Darren - it has been a long night."
"Don't think about it Mrs. Colfer."
"Please, call me Karyn."
"Okay … Karyn … Chris has been very worried about Hannah."
"Yes I know he has. Just tell him, that Hannah is alright now … he can call her later … and tell him, that the funeral will be this Saturday."
It was so hard to listen to her. She needed to talk to her son, not to Darren. "I'll tell him to call you, the minute he wakes up."
"Yes … but let him sleep for as long as you can."
"I will … I promise."
"Darren … thank you for being there for him … and for being his friend."
Okay, so everybody was thanking him at this point, for being there for Chris. Maybe rumors would grow out of all this, but they just had to deal with that later on.
Chris didn't wake up until noon. Darren made brunch for him that he had managed to buy, before Chris woke up. Chris still cried once and a while and he had a long conversation with his mother. In the afternoon they decided to watch a movie together, but they just ended up falling asleep on the couch - holding hands.
Darren went home to his own place later that night, but only because Chris reassured that he would be alright.
It was supposed to be a very sweet moment between Kurt and Blaine. But it was heartbreaking to see Chris struggle with all the sorrow. It was his first day back and Kurt would give Blaine flowers, looking all happy and supportive.
Chris was very professional about it and Darren enjoyed his smile for those few moments the cameras were rolling, but between takes, the sadness in Chris' eyes reappeared and he got sort of lost. Everybody was being protective of him, but Chris didn't really say much. At one point though, when nobody was paying attention, Chris suddenly stepped closer to Darren and said quietly: "I don't know if I'll ever be one of those guys, who buys flowers for another guy … but if I ever were, I would buy them for you."
There was no trace of teasing or sarcasm in his blue eyes, just sadness and gratitude. Darren felt how he legs turned to gel. He was going so soft for Chris at this moment, that he didn't know what to say.
But later Darren managed to give Chris something in return.
All the cast had been rehearsing and waited for a cue to get started again. When they had shorter breaks like this, they had a common room with couches, snacks and a fridge full of sodas, juice and water. Everybody was just relaxing, or lying down, or talking.
Chris was sitting alone on the floor with his back against the wall checking his phone. Mark chilled out with his guitar on a couch opposite of Chris, and Darren grabbed his own guitar and decided to join him. Sometimes people needed the breaks to be "music free", but no one complained right now and everybody around them sort of calmed down, as they started to play.
Darren began with the chords for a song, that had been with him for the last couple of days and that he really wanted to sing for Chris. After a while Mark recognized the song and played along.
Darren closed his eyes and started singing
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
Darren could tell that Chris was listening.
When you feel so tired, but you just can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
Chris put down his Blackberry and caught Darren's eyes.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Chris didn't take his eyes off Darren and kept listening, with a sad look on his face.
Could it be worse
Now Mark started to sing the harmonies.
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try … to fix you
No one around Mark, Darren and Chris were talking anymore, everybody just listened, afraid to break the beauty of this moment. They looked at Chris once and a while, and Darren could literally feel all their love pouring out on him.
High up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
Tears filled Chris' eyes now and when he didn't even try to hide it, Darren struggled to control his voice. Marc noticed immediately
and finished the verse with him.
But if you never try, you'll never know
just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try to fix you
Now Chris closed his eyes and the tears ran down his cheeks.
Tears streaming – down on your face
when you lose something that you cannot replace
Tears streaming – down on your face
and I …
A pair of crystal blue eyes reached for Darren and that was all he sensed at that point.
Tears streaming – down on your face
I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes.
Tears streaming – down on your face
and I …
Mark stopped singing and let Darren finish the song.
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones
and I will try … to fix you
No one said a word when Darren's voice silenced. But Chris got up and walked straight to him. Then he just hugged him and whispered: "Thank you, Darren … for everything you have done for me." Chris let go again, squeezed Mark's arm and left the room.
Mark was the first one to talk: "Man, it just kills to see him like that."
"Yes" Darren said, suddenly feeling tired to the bones, "Yes, it really does."
Melissa MoTown Side 15