Another update up, thanks for reading and the feedback!
C.J. stood there stroking the mare, not seeing him at first. Her hair hung loosely around her face in gentle waves, a glimmer of gold erring showing. She had changed her clothes into jeans and an even worn out tee-shirt. Not that it made her look less lovely to him.
He watched her talking gently and softly to the mare who responded by closing her eyelids and leaning against her shoulder. She had been one of his favorites but had needed medical care to save her and had faced an uphill climb to recuperation. He and C.J. had come to check up on her and spend time with the mare while she recovered until the day she could return back with the others.
She heard him approach, he could tell the way her body suddenly tensed but she didn't look at him or say anything, just focusing on the mare.
"She really likes you," Matt said.
C.J. shrugged a bit and kept stroking the horse.
"She's always been my favorite, just don't tell the others."
He smiled.
"Your secret's safe with me."
She looked sideways at him, and he saw a trace of tears on her face. Not that she wanted him to look. He wasn't all that sure she wanted him there with her. But he stood silently as she talked gently to the mare who responded by pricking her ears. He saw the emotions work on her face, her love for the horse, her patience and gentleness intertwined with emotions that tore through her to steal what was left.
And that made his own heart ache.
"I don't know if anything's ever safe," she said finally, "Not like I thought."
He didn't know what to say to that because the frustration that he couldn't have been there to protect her had stayed with him.
"I heard you had a tough day at the office."
She sighed as if part of her believed he would say that he told her so but she knew Matt would never think to say that. But her own mind had done that on the drive to the stable, her time with the mare had been one way of turning that voice off at least for a little while.
She just knew she felt like the biggest failure, like she should have been able to pull it all together to go to work and to be just like everyone else or at least to be herself again.
"I guess you could say that," she said, her voice trying not to break in front of him.
"C.J…it's going to be tough for a while," he said, "but you've got people who care about you."
She sighed.
"I know that…but I spent today feeling like I was walking on egg shells, as if everyone had to treat me with kid gloves, afraid I'd break down or something."
Matt thought about that.
"Listen I know, they're just concerned and they don't…well they don't know everything…so they're left guessing."
He wanted so much to reach out and wrap his arm around her shoulder, but he read enough in her body language to know he couldn't do that.
"I know it's awkward for them," she said, "I tried to make it easier…and then I thought how can I do that when everything's gotten so hard?"
"You don't have to be anyone but yourself," he told her, "I think everyone will understand."
She scratched the mare beneath her jaw and was rewarded by a soft rumbling.
"And you don't have to tell me or anyone else anything unless you feel like it…"
She nodded at that.
"I saw Miranda, the counselor today and she seemed nice," she said, "I felt like I could talk to her at least a little bit…and I felt better about that…but then Det. Perkins showed up."
Matt grimaced.
"Yeah I heard about that," he said, "Hoyt told me."
Her brow furrowed in question.
"How did he know?"
Matt sighed.
"Chris overheard part of it and she wanted to give him a piece of her mind but she told me instead and I called him up."
She rubbed her face.
"Why…why did you do that?"
He guessed it hadn't been the right move but he had felt that the detective's behavior had been so far out of line, if he had been there when it had happened, he might have thrown him out of the office.
And maybe opted for the exit 14 floors down from the helipad.
"Because he had no right to say those things to you," Matt said, "after what you've been through."
She looked at him then, her eyes looking into his own intently.
"How do you even know?"
"I don't have to…I know you and I can see what this is doing to you," he said, "and I hope they find this guy."
"You mean you hope you find him."
He sighed, unable to deny it. She looked at him sadly.
"Houston…I don't want you to do that," she said, "If anything happened to you…I couldn't take that."
"C.J…"
"No…you don't understand…I can't be responsible for what happens to you…if you catch him up and he either hurts you or he forces you to kill him."
"The world doesn't need a guy like that," he said,
"No, but I need you to be okay…so that I don't have to worry because I can't do that right now…I can't do anything…I can't even work at my job without running away."
He heard the pain in her voice and the fear and he believed that a lot of it might be for him but he just couldn't let Dallas get away with what he had done to her. He knew he would catch up to the guy soon enough.
"C.J. maybe you need some time off," he said, "Maybe being at the office isn't the best thing right now."
He expected her to maybe disagree about that rather strongly but she instead paused and then nodded.
"Maybe you're right," she said, "what am I going to do instead, I can't spend all day thinking about what happened to me and what might come next…because the police seem to think I asked for what happened."
He heard the weariness in her voice and knew she had enough of the investigation being conducted and the questions that were being asked. And he gave it some thought but the idea came to him quickly enough.
"I'll tell you what, maybe you could do me this incredible favor," he said, "I'm looking for a very special person, the right person for the job."
She tilted her head.
"Okay I'm listening…what is it?"
He smiled softly and patted his mare's neck, which led to her bumping her nose at him.
"I need someone to spend some time one on one rehabbing one of my favorite girls here," he said, "It would have to be someone who really cares about her, knows horses and had a lot of patience and some serious time…know anyone like that?"
"Maybe…"
"I do…and I'm looking right at her."
She looked over at the mare.
"Okay maybe you are," she said, "but I'm a little banged up right now."
"That's okay, so is she…you should get along fine."
C.J. looked up at the mare and believed that they had more than that in common but she knew that the time spent with the horse helping her along the road of recovery might allow her to stop thinking much about herself.
"Okay…I'll do it."
He smiled at her and she did back at him, a shadow of her usual smile but it warmed him up inside anyway.
Matt left her with the mare to give her some space, and so she could begin deciding on a rehab program for her after discussing it with some of the veterinarians and therapists here. They had up to the latest in technology geared at helping injured horses including an aqua-therapy which C.J. decided might help her charge. Her leg had mostly mended from the surgery and she bore weight on it but she had spent much of her timely in her stall and there had been some concern about founder but so far nothing had happened. She went to get the shank from the tack room and hooked it up to her halter after leading her out of her stall.
They walked the shed row back and forth while the mare's ears flickered inquisitively and C.J. enjoyed the sights and smell of sweet alfalfa and liniment as she and the mare walked around checking out the scenery. The mare limped slightly but then C.J. moved rather slowly herself, mindful that even breathing too deeply would make her ribs hurt.
There were other horses in their stalls or getting bathed or tended to and the mare seemed to know most of them already, nickering to check out her favorites and C.J. stopped to oblige her and talk to some of the people with the horses. None of which seemed fazed at how she looked.
Matt got back in his car, after stopping at the bar to check in with Bruiser to see if he'd gotten any information from his bouncer. Bruiser hadn't been in but a young guy with a goatee and who was built like a bull turned out to have some useful information having run into Dallas.
"I think I saw him," Barney said, "He was in the bar…for a few hours with another guy…shorter…wiry than him."
Matt pulled out a mug shot he had of the currently deceased Clyde.
"Like this guy?"
Barney nodded.
"Yeah…kind of, could be him," he said, "The bigger guy was surlier than hell and he had been playing pool for some cash with some of the regulars and a fight nearly broke out over a bad shot and that bigger guy threatened to ram a cue stick down someone's throat."
Matt could believe it.
"Sounds like he's got a real temper…"
"Oh yeah…I and another bouncer named Larry we separated them but then the big guy had to leave because he threatened Larry."
"He never returned?"
"Neither of them did," Barney said, "Not that they were missed."
Matt thanked him and went back to his car. He figured that Dallas and Clyde might have hit a few watering holes before they attacked C.J. because they had been out of prison for a few days and if they had been given a script to carry out then maybe they had some extra time to get themselves into trouble.
He looked at his phone and noticed that Roy had called him so he returned that call.
"Uncle Roy…what have you found out?"
"That Dallas and Clyde might have killed someone to steal a car in Fresno…three days before the attack…a young man too, who just was in the wrong place at the wrong time when they needed to trade vehicles."
"How do they know it was them?"
"Surveillance video showed the vehicle a day later in L.A. with a man like Dallas getting out of it."
Matt thought back, because they had escaped from a penal institution up north then traded cars at least once leaving a dead body behind and they were in L.A. not long after that.
"Okay so now we've got a trail for them," he said, "Only Clyde's dead now and Dallas is still out there somewhere possibly changing his appearance and his identity."
"Tony call you back yet on a sighting?"
"No Uncle Roy, nothing back from him yet," he said, "but there's plenty of places to shop for a new life."
"Are you coming back to the office," Roy asked.
"Yeah…C.J.'s going to be with the mare for a while longer," Matt said, "and then she'll be back at your house."
"I was thinking of Mexican cuisine tonight," Roy said, "I've found a new enchilada recipe."
"Sounds great," Matt said, "I'll see you later."
He clicked off his phone and headed back to the office.
C.J. rubbed down the mare after her brisk walk around the stables several times and then put her back in her stall with some feed and fresh water, before hanging the shank back in the tack room and heading back to her car. She felt better than she had all day and somewhat more relaxed. Being around horses always made her feel good, and she had missed having them around her.
She headed back to her car and back to Roy's house. He had phoned and told her he would be fixing enchiladas tonight and she offered to help him make some salsa and guacamole, recipes she had worked on since her college days. Matt would be eating over after he finished some office work.
While driving she received a phone call from Det. Perkins. She almost didn't take it but decided to do so mostly because she knew she couldn't avoid him for long.
"What do you want," she said, simply.
If he noticed her lack of greeting, he didn't say.
"I just called to say that I'm sorry for what I said earlier today," he said, "I didn't mean to imply that you invited what happened…but those questions however insensitive they might seem are part of the standard procedure…"
"I know, you don't have to tell me," she said, "They're part of the procedure to treat a woman like she can't be raped unless she's a nun, or wearing modest clothing or never had sex…I know all about that…I worked as a public defender and I had to ask those questions when victims were on the stand."
"I see…"
"No you don't," she said, "I hated doing it. I knew it was my job, it was part of providing a vigorous defense for my clients but I saw what it did to those women and I took that away with me…and now I know personally…"
She almost lost the determination in her voice at the end of her statement because she had understood how sharp the pain had been until she had been on the receiving end of those questions from a detective. How much it would hurt and make her distrust the same justice system she had worked under.
"I felt like those questions you asked me were almost as bad as what he did to me," she said, "I'm a woman and you made me feel like a whore."
"That wasn't…"
"It doesn't matter does it," she said, "I'm not helping you anymore not until you treat me with respect and give me any good reason to trust your intentions and your investigation."
She felt emboldened by her own words but her afternoon spent with Matt's mare had filled her with something positive, reminded her that she was more than just the sum of one tragic episode.
"Unless you have something to say that is actually helpful to finding him, I don't want to hear from you," she said, "because I've done nothing to be blamed for or ashamed of, I'm not the one who committed the crime here."
She heard him sigh.
"Okay…if you don't want to help, then there's nothing I can do."
"You haven't done anything anyway…"
"I…"
"Goodbye," she said, before clicking off her phone.
Hoyt might not be too happy with her for dismissing one of his investigators but really the man had to learn how to treat women with more dignity and less blame. She had no intention of being treated as if she invited what had happened from anyone.
Even as she struggled with her own feelings.