A/N: So rumor has it that responding to reviews in reviews is not cool with the powers that be. Guess I won't do that, then.

Looking up something in the manga, I stumbled upon an example of Ranma finding - and immediately trying to use magical flowers to turn Akane into a "perfect housewife". Book 29, Pink & Link. No doubt, he only wanted to see if it worked.

Rewind: We seem to have similar fanonical preferences with regards to the Amazons. So much so that I found your old reviews a fairly convenient checklist as I was writing part of the dialogue last chapter.

eternalfox: The Chinese Amazons in Ranma 1/2, while based on the Greek myths, I'm sure, are not the same. And as evidenced by Mousse's growing up near enough to Shampoo to be a constant nuisance, they don't separate boys from girls geographically. And I don't think his eyesight is the main problem. I guess what I'm getting at is that, in my universe, you are wrong.

This chapter goes out to ryu238, and the person he says is sending their mail through him. You two are gonna love this chapter and the next.

Thiiiiiis much.

zzzzz

So, hypothetically, if an insane person wanted to impress the hell out of a bunch of dried up old mummies whose authority was being challenged, what would she do?

It was a question he wasn't entirely unable to ponder. Not everyone had fought their way through a mountain palace and knocked a decade off a minor god. In his case, it had been to save Akane, but...

In Shampoo's case, it was to stop bothering him.

That one hurt to think about.

Ok, so technically, she'd ended up in this situation because she had decided to stop stalking him and didn't want to get kicked off the pedistal as most promising Amazon warrior of her generation.

But as far as he was concerned, if the quest was the only way out without losing honour, it was the only way out. Yeah, he'd wanted her to give up, just like he'd wanted Ukyo and his parents to give up. But... of all his fiancées, Shampoo was probably the one who had the most to lose if she gave up.

And he'd just assumed all those nasty things about the Joketsuzoku.

Well, some of Shampoo's tricks had been a bit... extreme. Mind altering drugs were thrown left and right in Nerima, it seemed, and they'd allways failed to have any permanent impact. But Shampoo was the only girl in his life who seemed willing to actively hurt people. Well, except for Kodachi, but they were hardly in the same category.

And yet she had been the first one to step back... Was the ruthlessness Shampoo occasionally displayed not so much a sign of Amazon hostility to men as just part of the fierce competitiveness that seemed to be part of their society? Shampoo hadn't chosen to really hurt people when she must have known she could get away with it.

Even when Pink and Link had attacked - and they had used poisons to try to take out him and Shampoo, the Amazon girl hadn't returned the favour, but had contented herself with beating them up no worse than he tended to beat up Ryoga in their fights.

After which, of course, she had promptly blackmailed them into putting on a charade so he'd have to go in and save her... Which if it hadn't been surprising, had been annoying.

But... she had been the one of his fiancées who'd stepped back, eventually, simply because he wanted her to.

Granted, any relief her decision might have brought was undone the second Cologne decided to start their little sessions, but he could hardly blame Shampoo for that.

He frowned. Why was Cologne dong this?

Shampoo's trial was already underway. There was nothing for the Matriarch to accomplish in Japan but to... To what, actually?

To convince Ranma to go to Nyuchiehzu without being bound by the Kiss of Marriage? What would that accomplish? Would he get to see how things were there without being prevented from leaving? The Jusenkyo guide hadn't minded coming there with them, so presumably going there as a man wasn't necessarily bound to get you into trouble.

Unless you were Ranma, of course, in which case you'd probably get another Kiss of Marriage within five minutes.

He blinked.

Aw hell no.

No. No, all of Cologne's talk couldn't just be an elaborate scheme to lure him back to the hunting ground to replace one Amazon suitor with a new one. Surely not.

He groaned, feeling all his energy being drained away at the prospect of a new Amazon suitor - and all the collateral damage that would come with her.

He moaned unhappily.

A mother on the opposite sidewalk pulled her daughter in closer and glared at him before hurrying on.

Was there never going to be an end to anything?

Gloom and doom on his mind, Ranma made his way back to the Tendo household. The closer he came, though, the less depressed he seemed to become, until finally he remembered the source of the lightening of his mood; Kuno was coming tonight.

With Nannichuan.

zzzzz

The last hour of the afternoon dragged by at a snail's pace. The first hour of the evening crawled backwards. At some point he must have splashed himself with cold water for Kuno, but all she could remember was staring longingly at the clock, or looking around her to see if any men or pandas looked like they Knew and were Up to something.

And all throughout, she had been catching Nabiki giving her looks which ranged from scrutinizing to amused.

They had just sat down to eat when there was a knock at the door.

Ranma flew to her feet, and though her plate was empty by the time she had finished turning around, she couldn't care less what her father was doing - as long as he stayed out of the hallway.

Never had she moved so fast. She threw the door open with enough force to break the hinges off their frames. A shocked Kuno stood outside, and she moved out and into him and picked him up into the air with the strength of mad desire.

"Where?" she demanded.

Kuno looked panicked - but he was holding two sealed metal buckets. She let him down onto the floor, and blurted out: "I'm sorry I'm a little nervous could you tell me which one is the Nannichuan?"

Kuno raised one of the buckets, gasping, recovering from the shock and the grip.

Ranma snatched the bucket. She tore the lid off and emptied the whole thing over herself.

And he roamed with his hands over his body, discovering nothing curvy, nothing extra and nothing missing.

He was male.

He grabbed the other bucket, giggling hysterically, tore the lid off and splashed its contents over the front yard.

There was a distressed shout from Kuno, but he didn't care.

He felt his body again. Nothing curvy, nothing extra and nothing missing. And no cursed water anywhere.

He burst out screaming in mad triumph. Nothing had ever felt this good! Nothing would ever feel so right! He was cured! He wasn't cursed! He was a man! He was a man!

He was vaguely aware of Kuno shouting something in a panicky voice, but he didn't care. He jumped into the pond just because he could do it. He sommersaulted back out to find his father standing in the doorway, mouth agape. The old man shouted as well, but unlike Kuno his voice wasn't so much panicked as greedy and eager.

"Boy! Boy! What's happening? Where is the water? Did you find a cure?"

Members of the Tendo household were spilling out around the large man, and Nodoka-

"Mom! I'm cured! I'm a real man again!"

His mother's face lit up - and then her gaze shifted to just behind Ranma.

He frowned, turned around, and-

Splash!

He looked up to see Kodachi Kuno standing on the wall, her eyes tear stained, but with a grim, hateful smile on her face.

He shouted, but what came out wasn't human.

He looked down on his hands - only they weren't hands, they were claws. And he had a long grayish black nose, and-

Nooooo!

Too stunned to think, he just stood there, until-

Splash!

He grew in size, and he felt his eyes moved further apart, his clothes tearing.

He neighed.

Splash!

He shrunk down, and what remained of his clothes caught at his wings, leaving him to flap about uselessly on the ground.

Splash!
Splash!
Splash!

Sometimes the water struck him, sometimes it touched nothing but the ground as he managed to thrash away in a panic before the water landed.

He protested in more voices from the animal kingdom than he had ever seen or heard, until with a horrible, mind shattering sense of the abyss opening up beneath him, he heard himself meow.

He lay still, violent nausea leaving his brain a blank slate of terror. He heard in the distance that martial artists were fighting, and he looked up to see the contour of somebody he vaguely recognised.

Her name was... Akane, wasn't it?

She picked him up, and she said something, but he didn't understand.

One more splash, which the Akane person dodged, but which sprinkled heavily enough on Ranma to trigger another transformation.

The worried look on Akane's face turned to a numb incomprehension, to horror, to anger, to hatred like he had never seen in his wildest nightmares.

He oinked.

He could feel her hands tightening around his throat, pressing hard! Gahk!

Splash!

This time, Akane too was drenched, and he felt himself expanding again, her hands unable to keep their grip on the expanding flesh.

He stood limp. Thought through the haze of madness and oxygen deprivation, something within him wondered why Akane hadn't changed.

Akane's hands fell limply down to her sides, and Ranma backed away, feeling with her hands over her naked body.

Was she... was she human again?

She laughed hoarsely. Human. She wasn't sure in the writhing madness that was her conscious mind at the moment, but she thought human was good.

She roamed with her hands again, and she found breasts. She squeesed them.

She sighed, as some part of her realised that this was familiar. This was safe. She wasn't a... a... a...

She was human. Yes. Her breasts were positive proof that she was human.

She squeezed them again.

Akane was backing away, staring. She had her arm raised, pointing at her, mouth opening and closing soundlessly.

The fighting had stopped. By the door stood three women she recognised, and over by the pond, a panda, a man with a sword, another man she reckognised, and the mad girl swinging buckets.

They were all staring at her.

She frowned, concentrating. She was... human now. Her naked breasts were proof of that. And she didn't have a -

She moved down to examine another part, but found her hand scraping something on the way.

She frowned. What was this flabby thing under her breasts? That hadn't been there before.

Her frown deepened. "I'm fat," she said, and thought her voice sounded strange. But her breasts were- hm, they were a little smaller than they should be, surely.

Oh, and her hair was blue.

zzzzz

No lasting trauma for Ranma for experiencing life as a cat for a short time. He may be a bit shaken, though. Good thing his beloved soul mate is going to be so understanding and supportive and rational about everything next chapter.

It would be bad taste to comment on the relative proximity of Nerima and Fukushima, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would be bad taste. Too soon, and all that.