The Sacrifice Chapter 10, a walking dead fanfic

A/N Thank you all so much. When we left Merle and Beth she'd just told him about the offer, and she also told him she wouldn't go. Let's see how it all plays out.

It was what she wanted, she said so. She said she didn't want to leave him, go to New York and study for a year. It was her call. He'd asked her more than once and she insisted. It made him happy because the last thing he wanted was for her to leave.

She was under pressure though and he knew it. She was getting the full court press from her folks and from her sister and brother in law. He knew their thoughts. They were convinced she was throwing away a huge opportunity for no-good reason. The no-good reason being one Merle Dixon. A rough and rowdy nobody who was never going to be able to give her the life she deserved.

The only one in her family who didn't seem to feel that way about him was her. Beth kept telling him he was indeed the life she deserved, everything she wanted. It was so hard for him to believe those sweet things she told him, but he wanted to because he loved her. She was it for him.

It went so far as him visiting the local jeweler and buying a little diamond ring. It wasn't some big fancy deal. It was small and delicate and it reminded him of her. Now all he needed was to plan the right time and place to ask her the big question.

As much as he wanted to forget all about it, it kept gnawing at him. He was holding her back. He was nothing but a big old redneck roadblock to her future. But then he'd see her and she'd smile and he'd hold her in his arms and he tried hard to convince himself that she really didn't care about culinary school. She was over all that.

He still hadn't told her what happened at that interview. She never even knew there was an interview. He told himself she didn't need to worry about it anyway, he was about to turn things around. The thing was, now that she was going to stay, and now that he had the ring, he also had renewed motivation and even stronger determination to succeed.

He'd given himself a harsh talking to and he told himself to get off his fucking pity pot and get on with it. Do this thing. He started seeing that tutor and he enrolled in the English class. Then just when he started to feel pretty damn good about it all he'd get slapped in the face again. He'd come home from school and she'd be there. She'd been baking and there would be some sweet and delicious little creation and he'd feel it, the guilt.

He thought back to that first date they had, back when he still thought he was just in it for fun. He'd listened to her tell him in that soft sweet voice just what she wanted. He could still hear her words, "Someday I'd like to be a real pastry chef. It's been a dream of mine for a long time, but it's very expensive to get the education. I'm not really a trained baker. Mama taught me everything I know, and I've experimented with recipes and things. I just don't know that I'm ready yet. I've been putting almost all my money back though. I'm saving to maybe go to Baking and Pastry school."

He was such a know-nothing he hadn't even been aware they had schools for such things. And now she had a chance to go. A real good deal too. The school would be paid for, the living expenses would be covered. It was an opportunity she should be jumping all over and he knew she would be, if not for him.

But she convinced him she was happy right where she was so he chose to believe that. He made his plan. He was going to take her to that fancy steakhouse on Saturday night, he already had the reservation and everything. He'd gotten his one and only suit pressed and he polished his shoes and most important, he had that little diamond ring.

The plan was that after supper he'd take her for a walk around town, just like their first date. There was a spot in the park, a little spot they'd been to many times. That was where he'd ask her the big question. He was sure of all the things he'd ever done in his life, this was by far the smartest thing. He wanted to marry her and he wanted them to build a life together. If she wanted two kids they'd have two kids, and yes, even that pup for the yard. If she wanted a pup he'd get her that pup.

Beth

There had been that moment when she got the call. It was a feeling she'd never forget. It was the feeling of a long-held dream coming true. How often does anyone have that feeling?

Mama had told her that once she was old enough to toddle into the kitchen on her own it was the place she wanted to be. She was sure Mama hadn't just made that up because she couldn't remember a time she didn't bake. She loved it and it was apparent from the start she had an innate talent for it.

When she was only about 12 she decided she wanted to learn all about decorating. She'd watch YouTube videos and check books out of the library, and she'd practiced on anything that would hold still. By the time she was a young teenager she'd become as adept at decorating as bakers with far more experience.

Then one day it happened. She was home sick, flipping through all the cable channels trying to find something worth watching. That's when she stumbled on it. It was a show all about people decorating cakes and there were challenges and she was intrigued.

She learned some things watching that show, including that there were schools that taught the finer aspects of cooking, and there were even those that specialized in what she enjoyed most, baking and pastry arts. The idea of attending one of those schools became her dream. She just knew that once that part came true she'd be able to fulfill the second dream. The dream of becoming a dessert chef at a nice restaurant, or even opening her own little shop.

Then Merle came into her life. She'd never even thought about something like it happening. She never thought she could meet a man and have such deep and profound feelings for him, that what she'd always thought was her big dream would be overshadowed by the love she felt. But that was exactly what happened.

Living her life with Merle, hopefully the two of them deciding to make a lifetime commitment, that was the new dream.

So, once she thought about what she would be giving up if she left; if she went to New York City to attend The Tripp Culinary Art Institute of North America. It just wasn't worth it. Nothing was worth the risk of losing the love of her life. Besides, she enjoyed doing just what she was doing.

She knew Merle had trouble believing she would give up what was once her biggest dream. He couldn't believe it suddenly just wasn't that important to her. So she tried very hard to show him both with words and actions.

And she was excited now. He hadn't told her where they were going, only that they were going somewhere special. When she asked, "Well what should I wear?" He smiled and kissed the top of her head and told her. "Ya wear what ya want Honey, ya always look beautiful ta me."

She smiled looking at him like she knew he had a secret, "Well what will you be wearing?"

"I'ma be wearing a suit."

A suit? She thought about that. She'd never seen Merle in a suit. This must be some kind of really big deal. Then she wondered, could he be planning to ask her to marry him? She smiled and shook her head, "No Beth Greene, don't you get your hopes up." But she couldn't help hoping.

It was the Tuesday morning before the big date. He was over at the mini market restocking their coolers and putting the extra cases in the back room. When the job was done he pushed his hand truck to the rig, and who in the world was there waiting? Hershel and Maggie Greene.

It started out pleasant enough, well as pleasant as things got between Merle and the Greenes. Then Maggie got right to the matter at hand, "Do you really want to be the one who stands between Beth and a dream she's had for practically her whole life? There may have been a time it was out of reach but now it can happen for her. But you've got her head so turned around she's ready to just walk away from everything she's ever wanted, and for what? So she can be some ignored and overburdened housewife raising a litter of Dixon babies?" Her Daddy touched her arm in that way, the way that told her she'd overstepped.

Merle drew in a deep breath and worked hard at keeping his voice steady, "I don't appreciate y'all comin' by my work so you can tell me what a worthless piece a shit I am. I ain't gonna fight you people on this. I told her ta go an if she still wanted me when she got back, well I'll be here. Thing of it is, she likes me a whole lot more'n you folks like me an she claims she'd be happier stayin' here. What kind of fool would I be forcin' her to leave me?"

It was Hershel's turn to try to stay calm while having his say, "You're right Merle, we shouldn't have come here and blindsided you this way. Despite what you may think, I like you Merle, my wife likes you. We just don't like you for Beth. I think you see it and I think you'll agree, you're not well-suited. Bethie is a sweet girl who deserves something different in life. Now she has a golden opportunity to fulfill a dream she's had for years and to achieve a goal. You and I both know what's keeping her here. If you'd let her go I believe she'd take her chance, and you know in your heart Merle, she'd have a better life."

"Like I said, it's Beth's call. Right now, I'm a workin' man an on the job, I ain't got the time ta discuss this." He got in his truck and he could feel the steam rising in him. Those assholes. If he wasn't an old man and she wasn't a woman he would have kicked both their asses.

The trouble came in the fact that he just couldn't quit thinking about those things they'd said. There were those words that just kept coming at him, the woman he thought the world of was going to be overburdened, ignored, she could do better, she could have so much more, but mostly that it was him. He would ultimately be the one responsible for standing in the way of her dream. He'd be the one ruining her life.

So, how would that make him the winner? He'd be married to a woman whose future he'd stepped all over. He'd always know he was the one who had prevented her from fulfilling a dream, and from having the life she wanted. How could he ever live with himself knowing he'd ruined the life of this woman that he loved more than anything else in this world?

Just as he'd done so many times since she'd come into his life, Merle Dixon made a decision to change the plan.

That's all he thought about the rest of the day. He was so preoccupied he could hardly do what needed to be done, and for the first time ever he screwed up a delivery. He caught himself and made it right, but he knew for sure then, his head was somewhere else.

Early on in the relationship, the minute he realized he really did care for her. The minute he knew it wasn't going to be possible to have some hit and run with Beth Greene, he'd begun to feel plagued with guilt and self-doubt.

He'd managed to squelch it for the most part, at least until the day he didn't get his shot at the logistics job. With her being the way she was though and treating him so special, he almost thought it could work. Then she told him about the call and the offer and he felt a huge weight drop on him.

Then she managed to change his mind again, she had him 90% convinced she no longer had a desire to go to culinary school. She'd made him believe she wanted to stay right where she was. She told him how much she loved him and he knew how much he loved her, and he wanted it so badly he allowed himself to believe it could all be true.

Then her Daddy and her sister had confronted him. He probably should have told them to go fuck themselves. He would have if in his heart he didn't know they were right. He was nothing but a hindrance to her. He was going to ruin her life.

He couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't be the guy that ruined the life of the only woman he ever loved. She made it clear though no matter how many times he'd told her to go, she wasn't going. He promised her everything would be fine, and he promised he'd be waiting for her when she got back. He told her he loved her and he wanted her to go. He told her he wanted her to live out her dream. Her response was always the same, "No."

His plan was to give her no real choice. What if he said he was done with her? What if he told her he didn't now and never had loved her? What if he was just mean enough that she'd want to go?

As luck would have it he really had no chance to rethink this new plan. He pulled in the driveway and saw it, Beth's car was parked in front of his house.

He steeled himself and he told himself this was for her. It was the right thing to do. She deserved to have her dream.

He walked in the door and he could smell the delicious aroma coming from the kitchen, she'd cooked him supper. Fuck. Why did she have to be so sweet? And then she came walking out of the kitchen with that big beautiful smile on her face and he almost caved. But he had to forget about what he wanted and about what made him happy, he had to sacrifice it all for her.

"Hi Merle."

"Yeah hey Beth, we gotta talk. Things ain't workin' out."

"Okay. What is it that isn't working out?"

He pointed at her and then himself, "This here, you an me. It ain't been workin' for me for a...well never really. Thing is all I ever wanted was ta just break ya in. Get with ya, take ya, make ya mine. I never intended ta keep ya around all this time. Truth is, I just ain't a one-woman man an I'm tired a this, tired a you. Ya just don't do it for me no more."

"Merle I don't know what you think you're doing but you're not funny."

"Well good cuz I ain't tryin' ta be funny. Listen Beth, it was fun while it lasted but it ain't gonna last any longer. I'ma head on out an I'll be gone for a couple hours. When I get back I want you an your shit outta here. An leave my key on the kitchen table. Don't bother me no more, don't come around no more. I'ma be busy with someone new."

She was hurrying over to him and he saw that fury in her eyes and he knew in that moment she was hating on him. Good, that was what he wanted. Except it hurt so bad. He couldn't believe he'd said those things to her, he couldn't believe he was capable of treating the woman he loved in such a cruel way. But he had to, he'd done it for her. It was the right thing and the only way she'd do what was best, leave him and go to school.

He just stood there with his arms hanging at his sides, feet spread apart, eyes focused straight ahead and jaw clinched tight, while she beat on him.

Her tiny hands were clinched into fists and she was hitting his chest as hard as she could. She was strong but a little thing like her wasn't causing Merle Dixon any real pain, at least not physical pain. Her words were painful, they hurt and he couldn't deny they cut real deep. And he'd never heard her talk like that, use those words, cuss him out that way, but he was glad for it. He wanted her to hate him, he wanted her to walk out that door and never look back, never regret having left him.

"You son of a bitch, how can you be this way, how can you be so cold?! You said you loved me and all that time it was a lie? You were just feeding me a lot of bullshit so you could what? Play with my feelings? Play with my heart? Get another notch on your bedpost? I never thought I'd be capable of hating anyone but I hate you Merle Dixon! I'll go to my grave hating you."

He was good with that, oh he didn't want to hear it, not ever did he want to hear those words coming from her lips. But he wanted her to have those feelings toward him, to hate him just that much. It was what came next that nearly killed him, nearly made him take it all back, nearly made him tell her why it was that he'd said those things.

Because suddenly she quit hitting him and just stood there in front of him, crying hard. Her whole body was shaking and never had he wanted to hold her more, scoop her up in his arms and tell her how much he loved her, but he couldn't. In his mind it was because he loved her that he was doing what he was doing. He never thought of himself as being a noble guy, in fact he was pretty sure he was about as far from noble as a man can be. But for her, for Beth, he was trying to do the right thing.

"Damn, I can't be listenin' ta that shit. It was fun girl an now it ain't fun no more. Get over it. I'm out."

And he turned and walked out the door. He got two blocks before he had to pull the truck over and jump out. He spent the next five minutes throwing up in the street.

When he kind of got it together he drove to the store, stocked up on beer and headed to little brother's place.

He must have looked bad because when his brother answered the door Daryl took one look at him and asked, "The fuck happened Merle? Someone die? Ya okay?"

"Sit down, shut up an drink some beers with me."

It was the look, it was the stance and it was the sound of his voice. All those things told Daryl it was something heavy, it wasn't about brothers having a couple of beers together. "Dude, what? Is it Beth?"

"Shut the fuck up about Beth. I don't never want ta hear her name again, got it? Now like I said, sit down shut up and drink some beers with me."

That's when Daryl knew, it had to be Beth. The other thing he knew was this wasn't going to be the time he and his brother would talk about it. Merle was obviously on a mission to get shitfaced and Daryl didn't argue, "Sure thing. I could use a beer."

The he watched as his older brother plopped himself down hard on the sofa and buried his face in his hands. Whatever this was it was bad. All Daryl could think was she must have kicked Merle's ass to the curb.

She was crying so hard she could barely see what she was doing, but she was doing it. He told her he wanted her out and that he never wanted to see her again. She didn't know which feeling was more powerful, her hate for Merle Dixon or the ache of her broken heart. But she packed up her things in a trash bag and hauled it out to her car.

Her family had tried to warn her so many times about the kind of person Merle was. How could she have been so blind? How was it that everyone had seen the real him except her? She must be the most stupid person in the world. She'd given herself to him and loved him in every way, and all that time all he'd wanted was to have his way with her, and then toss her aside so he could move on to the next unsuspecting girl.

She only got two blocks before she had to pull the car over. She was crying so hard she couldn't see the road. And her heart was so broken she could barely breath. He had to have loved her. How could he have treated her so special for over a year and not have cared for her in some way? It had to be more that just conquest and sex, didn't it?

She wanted to ask him those things but he'd told her not to call, not to contact him, and anyway she was in no condition to. Instead she called her sister Maggie. She sobbed into the phone as in a choked and broken voice she told her sister Merle had broken her heart. "I don't think I can drive Maggie. Please can you come get me?"

Her Daddy and her sister came for her. Maggie would drive Beth's car back while Beth rode with their Daddy. That was the plan.

Then they saw her. They had no idea it would be this bad. It took them both trying to settle her down just to get her to move over so Maggie could drive. She couldn't even tell them what had happened. She couldn't get the words out to let them know why she was so broken and so brokenhearted.

She didn't need to, they knew. Now they had something in common with Merle Dixon, that feeling about Beth that he'd felt for so long. Guilt.

A/N Well there it is. Now what? Thank you so much for reading along and please comment / review. The chapter photo is posted on my tumblr blogs gneebee and bethylmethbrick, please check it out. Again, I thank you all for reading along and I hope to see you back here next week for more of The Sacrifice. Until then remember, I love ya large! xo gneebee