Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

Thursday's Child Has Far to Go

Shego impressed the manager at Pickle on a Pike™ the moment she walked in the door and asked about the Help Wanted sign. "You came made up for the job, great. Can you start immediately?"

Within minutes he issued her a helm, chain-mail, tunic, and halberd (she didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't a pike) and she began making the rounds at the Middleton Mall.

After her second swing through the mall she stopped by the store as a woman asked her child what kind of a pickle he wanted. He looked up at Shego and fell on the floor crying and kicking his heels, "I do'n wanna be green! I do'n wanna be green."

As the woman took the shrieking child from the store the manager reluctantly asked Shego to turn in her costume.

Shego reflected philosophically as she headed over to Wade's house that she now had more time to work out her plan to neutralize Bonnie. Shego feared it might be difficult to procure Wade's help. "I really have a problem," she told him, "What do you know about PHDs?"

"Well, I'm working on my third PhD," he sniffed.

"Not PhDs, PHDs - Personal Holographic Devices."

"I've worked some with them. They aren't really great for disguise. While you look like the image in the device if anyone feels you they can tell you don't feel like you look. There are a half dozen other ways to see through them so they're really close to worthless in terms of serious methods of taking on another identity."

"Well, I need a favor, you got time?"

"For you? No, too busy with my PhD program to help with your PHD problem. There is no way to get over the inherent limitations of the PHD."

"Well, I'm dealing with a couple people who probably have no clue about those limitations, so they can be fooled. I need two PHDs of Kim… And then I had a request I'm not sure you could have done anyway."

"What was it?"

"The problem would require a genius to pull it off."

"I'm a genius."

"Maybe Dr. Freeman could help me."

"Darn it, Shego, what do you need?"

"I don't need anything. Kim needs it. And Kim really needs it to be done right. I like Dr. Freeman, a real genius. Easy guy to talk with too."

"I can do it."

"I thought you were too busy?"

"Your… Kim's problem intrigues me."

"I don't want to bother you. And you don't even know that it is."

"Please tell me."

"I don't know… Kim is trusting me because she—"

"Kim trusts me! Please. I want to help."

Shego paused for dramatic effect, "Well… I suppose Kim might be willing to let you know… One of the Kims messed up and Bonnie knows there are two of them. They want me to confuse Bonnie—"

"Sounds like no big. Is that why you need to the PHDs?"

"Afraid it gets a little more complicated. Someone else got thrown into the mix. So we need a holographic projector also—"

"I've got projectors."

"Will you stop interrupting, or I'll get a real scientist to help." Wade bristled at the insult, but kept his mouth closed. "I don't need a plain holographic image projected. I can get those projectors at Radio Hut. I need something that's never been done before. I need something rigged where a projector seems to cast a light, just like a light bulb, only anyone stepping under the light will appear to look like the holographic image stored in the projector - sort of casting the PHD onto anyone who walks under the light."

"It can't be done."

"I didn't think you could do it."

"IT CAN'T BE DONE! You can't make any kind of disguise that can fool anyone like that. There would just be too many limitations on the projected image."

"And we're dealing with two people who probably have half a brain between them. I don't need a foolproof image."

"Look, I've got a reputation to uphold and protect. If I produce some slip-shod work for Kim-"

"That's perfectly all right," Shego interrupted with a soothing voice. "If you can't do it you can't do it. I'll just give Dr. Freeman a call. He really impressed me."

Shego worried Wade might explode when he replied, "I CAN DO IT! But you've been told it can't be very effective. That's impossible!"

"And I told you it doesn't need to be as good as the basic PHD. I doubt if it gets used for more than six seconds, max. The PHDs need to be good though."

"Fine," Wade grunted wearily, wondering if he'd been conned. "Get Kim here after school and I'll get the images I need for the PHD."

Shego wanted a job so she could start taking money out of her secret accounts. She hated walking all over town and her feet hurt as she leaned against the Sloth and waited for Kim to get out of school. "Are you the real Kim or the cheap fake?" she asked as a familiar figure approached.

"Drop dead."

"Okay, bad answer to the woman who is trying to save your reputation."

Kim took a deep breath. "Sorry, hating you just feels so normal. Besides you don't want to help me, you just want to keep your hooks in Kim."

"You got my motives right, But you've got it easy. I hate your guts and want to get into Kim's pants. Talk about Cognitive Dissonance."

Note: The FCC requires I point out that the preceding dialog represents a shameless promotion for the Best Enemies series by King in Yellow. No animals were harmed in testing the ad.

"Okay, that's just weird and sick. Any good news about our mutual problem?"

"I've got a plan that should work. Wade is helping me. But I need one of you to stop there for some holographic images."

"Hmm, I've got to help Ron with his Barkin problem. Kim can do it… Can the two of you come over to the gym between eight and nine? Ron and I may need a little help."

"Things might be easier if the two of you just admitted there are two of you."

"Not until I know what happened, or we graduate high school, whichever comes first."

"Oh, feeling a little touchy 'cause you know you're the fake, huh?"

Kim gritted her teeth, fortunately her ordeal ended soon with the appearance of Kim and Ron.

Kim left them at Wade's. Shego explained the necessity of the holographic images without going into details about her plan. "Oh, one thing to remember, Princess."

"Yes."

"You don't need to take your clothes off for the holographic images. I don't know if Wade would use that old line on you or not. But do not take your clothes off for these images."

"Okay."

"Of course, if you want to take them off later with me…"

Steve Barkin's absence at Middleton High had received everyone's notice and comment, but no one's concern. "Should I call his home and see if he's sick?" the school secretary asked.

"Better not," the principal told her, "he may think we need him to come in today. If he's not back on Monday you can give him a call."

That evening, long after the custodial staff had gone home, Kims, Shego and Ron gathered in the gym. Kim consulted her watch, "Okay, it's about half an hour until he comes out of it. Ron, you know what you have to do." She handed him a package.

Ron did not resemble a happy camper, "I don't suppose anyone wants to help."

"Clean and shave Barkin and put him in new clothing? I don't think so," Shego snorted.

"Well, you're the one who gave me the watch!"

"Well if you'd been more careful—"

"Quiet," Kim told them. "We're here for you Ron. We just won't go in there for you. Let us know when you've got him ready."

When Ron had Barkin ready a Kim and Shego helped drag him out to the gym floor.

"Wasn't it about here?" Ron asked.

"Pretty close… Maybe a couple feet more over this way."

With Barkin in position the Kim in a vaguely futuristic outfit stayed with him as the other three retreated to the safety of the parking lot.

Barkin emerged from statis in a satisfactorily groggy state. "What happened," he groaned.

"You attempted to interfere with the prime directive, twice."

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember."

"No."

"Good, then the mind wipe worked."

"Mind wipe? Interference with the prime directive—"

"Twice."

"Can you tell me anything?"

"I can tell you…" She looked at the Global Justice watch on her wrist, which she had borrowed from Ron. "Oh, bother. This is the wrong night."

"Wrong night?"

"We meant to send you back to last night."

He shook his head, trying to clear away the cobwebs.

"Ron Stoppable could not make it to the awards banquet last night—"

"That was last night? He was here."

"No, he was sick in bed. But it was necessary he appear to be here—"

"Can you tell me why?"

She shook her head sadly. "You've already broken the prime directive twice and paid the penalty by being mind-wiped. If you knew the full picture I would have to kill you."

"That's okay, I've never been curious."

"I can tell you that you interfered with the time agent sent to impersonate Ron Stoppable. You returned to the future with him—"

"I was in the future?"

"Will you listen instead of interrupting? Interfering with the time agent was one offense. I am not allowed to tell you how many weeks you were in the future. You were discovered in the holo-archives seeking information on sporting events. The court convicted you of attempting to alter the past for your own benefit. You were mind wiped from your trip to the future and we attempted to send you back to the night you disappeared from history.

"I disappeared from history?"

"Well, duh, you went to the future, remember? Oh, wait, you don't remember. Never mind. You've been given another chance at life. Don't blow it again."

With that final warning Kim left, feeling certain Barkin would not ask any questions if he saw a second Kim again.

"Well, that's Barkin down," Kim told the others when she joined them in the car.

"Yeah, but what are you going to do with Bonnie and Alex?" Kim asked Shego.

"Ron and I have that covered tomorrow afternoon, with a little help from Wade."

"Will it work?" Kim wanted to know.

"It should," the green woman assured her, "but having to take your National Security excuse into account made it harder. Next time just promise to-"

"There may not be a next time," Ron spoke up, defending his Kim. "And besides, we can just recycle this idea if we need to."

"I want royalties if we do," Shego muttered under her breath. "Hey, what are we going to do now? Want to go out to the lake and watch the submarine races?"

"School night," Kim reminded her. "We have to go to bed at a reasonable hour."

Kim drove Ron and Shego home first. Watching Kim and Shego make out in the back seat left Kim in an irritable mood. "Next time you drive and Ron and I get the back seat," she snapped at Kim when they stopped at the Stoppable home. Compounding her frustration, Ron felt a little shy in front of an audience and only gave her a two star good-night kiss.