A/N: Thanks for the reviews and Follows as well as favorites! This was fun!
(I don't own any characters)
Enjoy!
Morgan was sitting in his car outside his house. He couldn't believe what Reid had said. Reid knew how Morgan would feel about those words. Morgan wasn't ready. He liked Reid a lot. He may have said he loved the kid, but to be in love? That is a whole different story. Morgan didn't understand why Reid would choose that moment, that particular moment when Morgan felt vulnerable and angry, to tell him the dreadful news. Morgan felt like he was drowning and Reid was the reason he couldn't go back up. Maybe he made a mistake. Maybe he didn't really like Reid. Maybe he confused his feelings for Reid with just a familial bond. Maybe he just cared about Reid in a brotherly way. Brothers love each other and will pick each other up when they were falling. Brothers don't kiss. They don't get jealous when you meet other people. They encourage it. They try to help each other get the girl. Morgan must've confused his feelings. Maybe he felt that he was going to lose his best friend. Maybe he didn't want Reid to settle down. It was heart breaking. Morgan couldn't think of a way to back out of this. He should call. No too personal. Maybe send a text… That was better. Less personal, but still tells Reid the truth. Morgan wanted to type it, but he did feel like it was too impassive. Maybe he should write it. Morgan nodded. Even better, but he's an adult. Adults talk these things out. It left him with the phone to his ear calling Reid.
"Hello?" Reid sounded terrible.
"Hey Reid," Morgan breathed.
"Hey," Reid said quietly.
"Um, I think there's been a misunderstanding," Morgan sighed. The line was silent. "I um, I was confused, and I'm sorry for sending you all the wrong signals. I mean, I do care about you… A lot, but not the same way you care about me. Reid you're like my little brother. The little brother I never had. So, yeah, it was quite easy for me to think that maybe I had stronger feelings for you, but I don't," Morgan admitted. The line was still silent.
"Reid are you still there?" Morgan questioned. He wouldn't be surprised if the kid hung up.
"I am," Came the soft voice. Morgan felt like crap. He knew was crushing Reid slowly.
"I hope this doesn't put a damper on our friendship. I mean I would love to help you work on your shooting and maybe teach you how to defend yourself a bit better so stuff like today won't happen but-" Morgan sighed. What more was there to say?
"Morgan, don't worry about it. I'm alright," he heard Reid say. Morgan felt the world freeze. What did Reid mean by that.
"What?" Morgan said in surprise.
"I'm alright. I am the reason why you're unhappy. When you're unhappy, then I am, so I'll make this easier for the both of us. Yesterday and today never happened," Reid said softly. Morgan wasn't sure what to say or do. He was completely shocked. What was Reid talking about? Morgan has never been unhappy. He was happier when he told Reid how he… felt.
"Good bye, Morgan," Before Morgan could say anything, Reid hung up. Morgan was a tough guy. It takes a lot to make him cry, but Spencer Reid was an exception. He didn't know how to feel. He tried to lie to himself. Made him think that everything he did for Reid was a mistake. He didn't have any feelings for Reid. Morgan rested his head against the steering wheel. He did have feelings for Reid. No matter how hard he tries to justify them, he couldn't get rid of them. Spencer was going to leave him… For good. Even though Morgan broke it off, he secretly hoped Reid would put up a fight, not just be alright with everything. But Reid said it himself, he expected Morgan to leave. Why would Reid be so hurt when Morgan actually does leave?
Morgan sighed. He had to make a choice. Reid had done everything Morgan had hoped for. Reid kissed him, didn't push him away, gave him a chance, reciprocated his feelings, and helped him when he fell. In return Morgan ditched him, avoided him, left him, and now lied to him. Reid didn't deserve anything Morgan had just done to him! Reid had just gotten out of the hospital yesterday. So much had changed between the two of them that it was ridiculous to say Morgan didn't feel the same way. He was letting fear win the battle. When it came to Spencer Reid, Morgan had stopped being the strong one. He became weak and stupid.
He wouldn't do this anymore. He had to go back. He had to tell Reid. He had to salvage what was left when he decided that lying to Reid was the best way to go.
…
Reid swore he was going to die. The pain in his heart was unbearable. He never felt that way before. He really was just another pawn in Morgan's game. He felt like he lost a friend. He felt like he should've rejected Morgan from the start. Why did he have to be so darn caring? He didn't have to care about Morgan's feelings. He didn't have to give Morgan a chance. He didn't have to turn down Mark. There were a lot of things Reid did just to find a way to be with Morgan without complications, but it seemed never ending. There was always something. This time, it wasn't the fact that Morgan thought Reid was in a relationship, or that Reid had a date with Mark. This time, Morgan left because he didn't like how strongly Reid felt for him. Reid expected him to leave, but not call everything off.
When Reid had gotten that call, he made up his mind. He wasn't planning on staying in Virginia. Too much had happened. Too much had changed. They say never run from your problems, but what happens when you are the problem. Reid had made mistakes. He trusted the wrong people. It was nothing new. He always made that mistake. He knew what he told Morgan wasn't a mistake. He did love the man, so why let him think otherwise. He knew Morgan thought he had lost his chance, but Reid wanted him to know he didn't. All those things Morgan said about never hurting him, never leaving him behind came to the forefront of his mind. Somehow, it hurted more than what Mark did to him. Reid sighed and sat on the floor, phone book in hand. Maybe he could move back to Las Vegas. Become a Professor for one of the Universities or he could always join the police force down there. He nodded in thought. There was even an FBI headquarter stationed nearby, so transferring wouldn't be an issue. He would be by his mother and still be doing what he loved… Just without Morgan. It didn't seem fair for the rest of the team, but he knows they'll move on. He grabbed his phone and started dialing the moving company. All he really wanted was his books and a few necessities. He didn't want to spend money on moving everything else.
He heard a faint knock on the door. Reid decided to just ignore it. Whoever it was would go away.
"Kid! You in there?" He heard Morgan's voice and froze. Why would Morgan be back? Right, to tell Reid he shouldn't feel bad. Reid shook his head and placed the phone by his ear. When someone finally answered, there was a loud bang. Reid looked up to see that Morgan had broken down his door. Automatically hanging up the phone, Reid stood.
"You broke my door!" He shouted.
"I had to see if you were in here. You obviously didn't answer me," Morgan justified.
"So you kick down my door? How can I move out of here, when I don't have a door! They won't let me leave," Reid said before a slight cough took over. Reid forgot all about the breathing treatments. He looked at his watch. It wasn't evening yet.
"Leave? You're leaving? Well maybe I don't want you to leave," Morgan said softly.
"Of course you don't," Reid mumbled. Morgan stepped closer and Reid took a step back. He wasn't falling for Morgan's tricks anymore. He knew Morgan didn't know what he wanted; he was confused. Reid didn't have that type of patience anymore. Reid still loved him, but Reid needed to take care of himself. As much as he hates the thought of it, he's going to get some counseling. He wouldn't be able to stay on the right path without Morgan, but he had to make an attempt.
"Reid, don't shut me out," Morgan said in fear. Did Reid finally give up on him? He only left for about an hour.
"Leave," Reid said gesturing towards the broken door.
"No," Morgan stated. He wasn't leaving Reid. Not this time.
"Morgan," Reid whimpered and Morgan watched as a tear fell from Reid's eyes. Had he really broken Reid down that to that level?
"Reid, I was afraid alright? No one has ever told me they loved me. You were the first one. You can't expect me to be alright with it," Morgan said softly.
"I didn't expect you to be alright. Morgan, what I didn't expect was for you to sit there and do the same thing you did to everyone else," Reid said wiping away a tear. "I have come to realize that recently, a good amount of pain I have, has been from you," Reid whispered. "I'm sorry, maybe I was trying to protect you, but I have to protect myself. Morgan I'm done with it all," Reid said walking away towards his room. He hoped Morgan would accept it and leave. Instead he felt Morgan grab his wrist.
"Don't do this to yourself," Morgan said, voice thick with emotion.
"You're not affected by any of this," Reid snapped. "You think I'm hurting myself? I'm trying to help myself. Obviously Morgan, you never stick around for long." Reid would try to pull out of Morgan's grip, but he knew he wasn't strong enough. In a way, Morgan leaving was like a mini reminder of Reid's father.
"Reid, I want you to be with me. I don't want you to leave me here by myself," Morgan said holding Reid's wrist tighter.
"Morgan, you left me so many times in these past two weeks. I don't even think you deserve my empathy," Reid said. He felt the anger come straight to his head. Who was Morgan to ask for him to stay when Morgan could not do the same? Reid was tired of putting up with Morgan's lack of emotion. Reid needed something more than that.
Morgan wasn't going to give up. Not this time. He learned that the hard way. If he gave up now, he would lose Reid forever. He didn't want that to be an option. He had let Reid see his true emotions. There were no more chances after this.
"I came back for you," Morgan said as gently as he could.
"You always come back and then you leave!" Reid shouted. His headache had come back and now his stomach was starting to hurt. He was sure a good amount of his pain came from the lack of food.
"Well tell me what you want! Reid you're not exactly helping the situation!" Morgan yelled in frustration.
"All I want from you is the truth," Reid said quietly. He was officially done arguing with Morgan. He was done with everything. He just wanted to forget about everything. Maybe he should go back to Mark. There, he can forget. Morgan's mouth fell open slightly. He was thinking about what he wanted to say.
"Morgan, you shouldn't have to think about it. I'm-uh- about to leave. Take care of a few things," Reid said looking down. Reid's thoughts were on Mark, not so much him, but what he had. Morgan was still gripping Reid tightly. Reid could feel his hand starting to tingle.
"Where are you going," Morgan demanded.
"I don't have to tell you. We are nothing," Reid said quietly. He pulled his arm back and Morgan let him go.
"You know Reid. When you hide things from me, it makes me wonder if anything you say is true," Morgan said hoping that Reid would calm down.
"Morgan, the only one who has been lying these past couple of days were you. I told you everything. I told you about Mark, I told you I was craving, I told you how I feel, I told you what the doctor had planned for me. You think I'm the one lying?" Reid questioned. "If you really want to know what I'm about to do, then listen carefully. I am going to Mark's house. I am going to grab some of those good feeling relaxation pills and then I'm going to come home and take a couple of them."
Morgan was stunned to say the least. Had he really push Reid back to his own attacker? To drugs?
"Reid, that isn't even your usual drug," Morgan questioned.
"I like the effects. Besides there's a better chance I might overdose and you will finally be rid of me," Reid mumbled. Morgan didn't know what came over him. All he saw was red. When the haze finally lifted, he saw Reid on the floor holding his jaw looking up at him in fear.
"Reid I'm so sorry," Morgan said bending down to help Reid. Reid pushed himself further away.
"I'd rather spend a lifetime being drugged by Mark, than to spend a lifetime getting beat by you," Reid whispered.
"Reid, I just-No! I don't want you to hurt yourself," Morgan said hoping Reid wasn't too afraid of him.
Reid was at a loss for words. He wasn't too sure if he could trust Morgan or anyone else for that matter. He wasn't lying. At this moment Mark was starting to sound like an angel. Morgan's anger was uncontrollable. Reid didn't want to be scared to live his life. Suddenly they heard someone in the living room. Morgan turned around to see an old woman with a purse. She started hitting him with it.
"Leave that baby alone you ol' heathen! I'm gunna hurt you for hurting that boy! You monster! Breaking in people's home!" She ranted. Morgan tried to dodge her hits, but there wasn't much room in the hallway for that.
"Lady, I'm his friend!" Morgan shouted. She still kept hitting him.
"Friends don't hurt one another," She shouted and Morgan knew she was right.
"Mrs. Cavendal, it's alright. I'm fine. I'll arrest him for assaulting a federal agent," Reid said softly.
"Do it while I have him!" She ordered. Reid slowly got up and walked to his room. He grabbed his handcuffs and quickly walked back towards Morgan, handcuffing him.
"Good job!" She smiled and Spencer smiled back. "Call me if this here boy gives ya trouble," She said glaring daggers at Morgan. Once she was gone, Reid undid the cuffs.
"I advise that you leave before she comes back," Reid said moving towards the couch grabbing a random book.
"I'm not leaving until you know how much you mean to me. I am not lying Reid," Morgan sighed.
"Morgan you left me, came back, and punched me… I think I need more than just an explanation," Reid admitted. Truth was he felt safer with Morgan cuffed.
"Reid I had hit you because I never want to hear those words from you. You are not something that people can just forget about. You can't just sit around drugging yourself in hopes that you die. There's better out there for you, but if I am the reason why you want to kill yourself then tell me now. I don't want that to happen, and I will leave if that's what it takes. But I won't leave until you know how I feel. I do like you... A lot. You've made me happier these past two days than anyone could have in these past years. I know I suck at keeping some of my promises, and I am not going to be the perfect guy for you. I can try, Reid. That's all I can do. I can try to make you smile when you're sad. Help you stay strong when you're feeling weak, and make you feel loved when you're lonely. That's all. I can't quote poems or bake you fruity little cupcakes, but I can try," Morgan said feeling like everything he just said came from those stupid romance movies he was forced to watch with his sisters.
Reid stared at the book. He ran his fingers over the title. Morgan hated when Reid hid his face. It made him feel anxious.
"Do you really mean that Morgan?" Reid asked finally looking up. Morgan could see the hesitation and insecurity in his eyes.
"I mean it, Reid. 100 percent," Morgan said squatting down in front of Reid grabbing both hand hands.
"Morgan, I don't want you to be perfect, or memorize poems. I mean maybe bake a little because I like cookies, but nothing else. Morgan I only liked you for you. It's just that when I feel like we are going somewhere, I do something and then you leave. This relationship is a bit rocky and I've always been a bit nervous on boats, I just don't feel… Safe," Reid admitted.
"Reid, I won't let anything happen to you," Morgan said softly.
"That's not a promise you can keep Morgan. It's impossible," Reid mumbled. Morgan sighed, until his eye caught onto something.
"Look, Reid. You got mail," Morgan said with a half-smile handing Reid his mail. Reid blinked a couple of times at the random change of topic. He looked at the mail. Bills, bills, and some anonymous package.
"Open it," Morgan encouraged. Reid wasn't too sure what was going on and secretly hoped that Morgan didn't pay someone to put a bomb in it. Reid opened it slowly. He reached in and pulled out a book by Friedrich Nietzsche. Reid didn't order any books. He could tell it was a special edition.
"Did you know it was one of the originals?" Morgan whispered. "It's even written in his original language," Morgan smiled.
"Did you..?" Reid let the question hang.
"No, it must have been that guy who has been sending people gifts. It's all over the news," Morgan said raising an eyebrow.
Reid looked at Morgan in confusion.
"Santa?" Reid said looking at Morgan like he was crazy. Morgan only smiled.
"Turn to Page 143," Morgan smiled. Reid did as he was told.
"Love is not consolation. It is light," Reid read aloud.
"I know that you love me Reid. I know you didn't tell me that to make me feel better or worse. You just wanted to let me know. You, are love all in itself. Everything you do is an act of love. That's just who you are. Reid, this may sound cheesy, but you are the light in my life," Morgan said staring into Reid's eyes.
"That was kind of cheesy," Reid smiled kindly. "But I liked it."
Morgan smiled at the man he worked so hard to keep. It was the longest and hardest effort he ever put in a relationship.
"Since you liked my cheesy lines, how about we make this official. Unless you have another date," Morgan added sarcastically. Reid couldn't help but laugh.
"No… There's no one else, just you," Reid smiled. He was happy to say that this time, he would put Morgan first. As hard as he was on Morgan, he knew that he was at fault too.
"I'll take that as a yes," Morgan smiled brightly. Reid nodded and threw himself into Morgan's embrace. Morgan hugged him tightly. This time, he was sure, he wasn't going to let go. No one was going to make him let go.
"I told Hotch that I was taking over for your strict diet plan and breathing treatments," Morgan mumbled through Reid's hair.
"Good," Reid breathed in content. He felt like everything finally fell into place. No more troubles, no more worries. Morgan was still his. He could still try to make Morgan happy. That's all that mattered in the end. None of the demons in his closet could hold him back. None of the people in and out of his life can sway him in any direction. Morgan was his best friend, brother, helper, comedian, and other half all wrapped into one. Something told him that he wouldn't have to worry about Morgan running from him any longer. There was future that Reid didn't think he saw before today. This future, throughout all the darkness, will have a light to guide him home. That light just so happened to be none other, Derek Morgan.
"I love you too," He heard Morgan whisper and Reid was sure that this time… Morgan had meant it.
A/N: I pulled out every romantic bone in my body for this ending (Which isn't much!)
I changed my mind! It's totally not the end!
This will be a bit longer! Muahaha, evil ideas came into play!