Disclaimer: I hate saying it but I do not own Criminal Minds

That didn't know how hard I'd scrubbed until I left the bathroom.

The hospital were not impressed with my stint.

I knew they wouldn't be.

I was a danger to my health according to them.

True, I'll give them that.

Now I have to do counselling sessions.

That was a given.

I'm seriously messed up, but then I think Derek.

He'll sort my head out.

'You shouldn't have scrubbed so hard Penelope.' Fran berated Penelope as the nurse reapplied new bandages, Penelope just took it in. It'd been too long since she had someone mother her. She said next to Penelope when the nurse left and placed a hand on her arm. 'Are you okay?'

'I guess so.'

'When was the last time you slept properly?' Fran was even more concerned with Penelope after she bled her heart dry about who Doug was and her past, she felt now more than ever to help protect this one woman.

'I don't know, I tried to at mine but every time I did the pains set in or I kept dreaming about losing him or Doug winning.'

'You do realise he didn't right?'

'I seriously thought I'd lost my best friend again.' Penelope didn't realise she was crying again until Fran pulled her into her arms. 'I love him so much.'

'And he loves you so much too Penelope... it's nearly killed him in here without knowing where you are.'

'I just panicked and did what I know what to do... but that's hurt him even more.'

'Come on... you are going to see him.' Fran said and Penelope smiled at the hold this one woman had over her. 'I'll drag the girls out.' Penelope nodded and stood gingerly taking Fran's hand, Penelope's breathing raced. 'What's up?'

'It's just tight and painful.' Penelope replied gaining some composure. 'The doctor said my breathing would get worse before it got better.'

When they reached Derek's door Penelope pulled back but Fran didn't withstand the hesitation she walked in, her hand in Penelope's and Derek looked up shocked, his eyes stuck firmly on Penelope. Fran looked at her son. 'I found someone you might like to see.'

Derek then smiled and pushed up. 'Baby girl... where have you been?'

'Hiding.'

'Des, Sarah, lunch now.' Fran said as her 2 daughters exuded hostility at Penelope, then eyes unforgiving, Fran knew she had to tell her daughters everything, Penelope was family now, with or without Derek. 'Now.' She reinforced and the girls got up and left. 'Sit down Penelope, you're exhausted.' She then left with a smile on her face.

Penelope looked down again, at the IV that was uncomfortably place in her hand, the urge to fiddle it there. 'I'm sorry.' She whispered, and cursed herself as the tears fell again.

'You've got nothing to be sorry for P.'

Penelope's head snapped up. 'Nothing to be sorry for? Look at you!' Penelope snapped. 'You wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me! I wouldn't be fighting the urge to just hug you because of what he did to me if it wasn't because of me!'

'Penelope Garcia stop this now!' Derek yelled back. 'What he did will make me want to kill him all over again but this is not going to destroy it, not unless you're willing it to and are you?'

'It's already done that... I thought I'd lost you.'

'But you haven't and you aren't going to.' Derek said sincerely. 'Do you have to sit so far away?'

'I'm scared.' She saw his features present dead set confusion. 'I don't want to hate your touch.' He saw her look devastated at the fact. 'I can't get myself to feel clean, I scrubbed so hard but nothing worked... I can't wash Doug off me.'

'Maybe it's my touch you need goddess.' Derek said to her, he watched her look at him, almost scared to move. 'Come on.' He held his hand out to her, she slowly raised from the chair her breathing racing as she knocked herself with unsteadiness and she walked the small distance to him and perched next to him, and Derek grabbed her hand. 'You're shaking.'

'Well so would you if you were me.' Penelope said quietly. 'I tried to stop him getting you I really did but he... after he...'

'It's okay baby girl, you don't have to go into details.' He said to her as her eyes watered. 'Unless you want to talk to me.' Penelope nodded. 'Well I'm all ears.'

'I tried so hard to stop him but he, he raped me there and then you came home and he stopped and I didn't think he would stab you! The problem was I couldn't move when he kept doing it and when I did I thought I was too late.' Penelope looked at Derek now and felt her heart twist as Derek sat staring at her, tears running down his face. 'I- I seriously saw my past happening again and when I was holding you in the kitchen I didn't want it to be it, I wanted so much more from you and as selfish as it was I would've never forgiven you for dying on me.'

'I would've never forgiven myself.'

Penelope laughed. 'Like you'd be able to, you'd be away from me.' She then turned serious on him. 'If you don't want me anymore I don't blame you, I wouldn't want me, I don't want me.'

'Hey! Will you stop this. There is nothing wrong with you! I love you Penelope, more now for what you did, you closed part of your life down, you stood up to Doug. I might have been hurt but I'd do it all again to protect you. Plus you got hurt more than me, maybe more.' Penelope laughed in disagreement but Derek remained undeterred. 'But we'll get through this together because that's what partners do, they help one another.' Penelope sat staring now, the urge for crying gone, the dirty feeling near minimal now. 'Now get that chair and sit in it because you look in pain... and don't think about hiding it because I know every injury you've got even down to a broken nail.'

I let him in.

The best thing I did since this beautiful nightmare began.

A nightmare for the beginning and ending of it.

Beautiful for bringing me and Derek together. Beautiful for showing me I am loved by a man.

We just sat there for a while, hand in hand, but soon I finally fell asleep.

No guilty nightmare again. Just happy dreams.

All thanks to my best friend, my saviour, my hot stuff, my everything.