A/N: I know. I know. It's been 3 months. But I've been sailing around the Bering Sea, and I've been writing whenever possible. So I've comprised an extra long chapter for you all chalk full of exposition and other goodies. I hope I haven't lost you in my absence. Please know it was all for the good of the country. So without further ado, we return to Emma coming face to face with the absolute center of her demons. I humbly and joyously give you chapter 15. I hope you love it.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, the beautiful Stephenie Meyer does.

We get some rules to follow. That and this, these and those, but no one knows.

We get these pills to swallow, how they stick in your throat. Tastes like gold.

Oh what you do to me, no one knows.

And I realize I'm blind, indeed a fool am I.

And I realize you're mine, indeed a fool am I.

I journey through the desert of the mind with no hope, I fell low.

I drift along the ocean, dead life boats in the sun. And I come undone.

Pleasantly caving in, I come undone.

And I realize I'm blind, indeed a fool am I.

And I realize you're mine, indeed a fool am I.

Heaven smiles above me, what a gift here below.

But no one knows.

The gift that you give to me, no one knows.

-Queens of the Stone Age

15. Confessions

William's smile widened even further as Kate approached him. He held out his hand for her, pale and shimmering in the bright, unrestrained sunlight. His teeth glistened.

"Emma?"

His wide, golden eyes beamed and softened at her touch, as she accepted his hand and moved to stand at his side. His eyes never broke from hers.

"Emma." Jasper whispered.

They turned now to Carlisle who stood before them, a book in his hands.

"What is it?" Alice whispered.

"I don't know…. Emma?" Jasper said quietly.

William stole glances at his bride, smiling contently and breathing deeply.

"Something's wrong." Jasper whispered.

"Alright…. Em, come with me honey." Esme called softly, her eyes appraising me quickly. We were moving, she was gently maneuvering me toward the house. Alice made to follow, but Esme shook her head ever so slightly and a gave a subtle look that told her to stay. We moved past the open French doors to the living room, her arm securely around my waist.

She turned to stand in front of me, placing both hands on my shoulders.

"Emma, sweetheart?" Her eyes were soft with concern and nurture but also sharp with calculation, diagnosing me and searching for the cause of my sudden trauma.

"Em, honey what is it?" She asked softly, placing a gentle hand on my cheek. It is odd the things that roam through your mind at even the most consuming and difficult moments. The random and carefree observations made at even the most gripping of times. It was odd that I was so touched by her motherly concern and protection. It was so strange and yet so appropriate for me to be so taken with it now. Her warm, comforting care began to thaw the shock that had frozen me. Her gentle words melted away the choking fright. For a moment, I felt my own mother.

"Em…."

"William." I said.

Her gentle features paused in confusion for a moment. "What about William?" she asked calmly.

"I know him…." I muttered flatly.

The confusion grew in her eyes. "How?" A small, befuddled laugh escaped her lips. "Whenever did you meet him?"

There was movement in the other room. People were returning into the house, laughing and talking freely. Giving congratulations and remarking of the beautiful ceremony.

"In Kodiak…." I muttered distractedly, my eye following the sounds behind the wall that separated us from them.

"In Kodiak?" Esme whispered, the confusion tightening her eyes. As the wedding party began to file past the living room, her eyes widened with understanding. William's deep voice carried closer and Esme spun around, holding me behind her and shielding me in a protective stance as he came into view. And again, through the haze of distress, I was touched by her maternal instincts for me. That they applied to me, that she thought of me as one of her children.

William laughed cheerfully as he spoke with guests and held his beautiful bride next to him. Esme's arm wrapped around my waist again and we were in another room, we were moving up stairs. Soon we were in a bedroom and she set me down on the corner of a bed. She bent in front of me, peering into my eyes.

"William is one who changed you." she said, more of a statement than a question. Her eyes were alight with concern and her lips were tense. "Are you certain?"

It was then that I realized I had never actually discussed the event of my change with her. She of course knew the general facts, but I had never spoken of it with her in detail.

"I was hiking." I said, looking into her eyes. I could remember the day more vividly than others. The important, most impressing moments had a way of remaining clear. Like they were burned into my new mind. A legacy of memories that summed up my previous life. "We had all gone hiking up the mountain behind our barracks. It had been such a beautiful day…. The first good weather in a while. I was in the back of the group, just behind Robbie Dorse."

I could see their faces. Smiling and laughing with each other, with me. I could see Dorse look back at me before disappearing around the bend.

"I fell behind because I was looking at the scenery. I was out of their sight for one second…." I said. Esme's eyes softened and her lips began to part.

"Then they were gone. I was knocked down and fell down the slope. And he….William was there." I looked up at her again. She wasn't breathing. Her eyes were strong with empathy and a growing anger. Her motherly protectiveness was being provoked with the thought of harm coming to one of her children.

"His eyes were different. They were red. I didn't know what that meant then, I didn't know he had attacked me. I thought I was being mauled by a bear and he was someone nearby. I thought he would go get help."

Esme remained perfectly still, except that her lips formed a tight line again and rage flashed in her eyes.

"After that, I didn't know exactly what I had become, only that I was dangerous." I shuddered, but laughed brusquely. "I ripped a bear to pieces."

One of Esme's eyebrows began to quirk slightly and small smile began to grow on the corner of her lips. She knew me too well.

"So I ran." I said, all humor disappearing from my voice as I remembered. "And I hate that, because I never ran from things. I hate to run from things, but with this….this changed everything."

Gentle comfort returned to her eyes and her hand came to my cheek once again.

"Then Alice came." I said and a small, quiet smile brightened her features.

"I remember." she said. "She told us about you and that we needed to leave for Alaska immediately." She laughed quietly. "She insisted that she approach you alone though, of course Jasper wouldn't have that. His wife alone with a newborn, trying to convince you to follow us. So she agreed to allow him to stay at a distance, down wind from you. She said she wouldn't need any assistance or protection, that you would trust her. But he argued that a little influence wouldn't be harmful."

I remembered meeting Alice there in the forest. I remembered trusting her hand held out to me, trusting her.

"That was Jasper?" I asked, completely surprised.

Esme laughed again. "Yes, but I don't think it was all his doing…." Her thumb gently rubbed my cheek and a small, sober smile grew in her eyes. "I think Alice was meant to find you." she said. "I think you were meant to be here, with us."

Something unspoken passed between us. Something words couldn't capture or convey, but that was understood. In almost every sense of the word, Esme was a mother to me. Without condition, she loved me and I knew it. Without condition, and in every sense of the word, I was her daughter.

There was movement on the staircase, and a deep voice assuring that he would be right back.

"I'll just go grab it, I won't be long." William told someone.

Esme spun around again, placing herself between me and the door.

"Esme, no." I said.

The door opened suddenly as the tall man with long dark hair stepped in.

"Oh! Esme, excuse me. I did not know you were in here." he laughed, smiling warmly at her. His eyes traveled from hers to rest on me and his smile faltered slightly. His eyebrows began to pull in the center.

"William." Esme said curtly, pulling his attention back to her.

"Pardon me, I just needed to collect a few things." He smiled warmly again before his eyes returned to mine, a slight confusion in them.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" he asked, moving toward me.

Esme moved between us and her eyes tightened. William paused in his step, taken aback by her seemingly sudden hostility.

"Esme." I said.

She moved forward slightly, tensing.

"Mom." I said, suddenly on my feet, my hand on her shoulder. She relaxed measurably and looked between us.

William's confusion grew. "Mom?" he asked slowly.

"Emma came to our family several years ago." she said tersely. "From Kodiak."

William looked at Esme, puzzled by her uncharacteristically harsh attitude. But at her words, something in his mind clicked and some elusive piece of information fell into place. His eyes returned to mine.

"Does she seem familiar to you?" Esme asked shortly.

"Esme, please." I said again.

"Emma." She said quietly, her eyes still on William. "Leave the room, please."

No. This was wrong.

"No."

"Emma." she said again. "Leave us."

"No." I said sternly. She turned to look at me. "I need to speak with him."

"I'll speak with him." she said coarsely.

"No you won't." She turned to view me fully as William looked between us. "I won't run from this." I told her, my voice unable to raise above a whisper. My throat began to tighten.

Her lips formed a tight line and she breathed in deep, even breathes. "It's my job to protect you from these things…." she whispered.

"Protect me from what?"

Her eyes flashed to William again.

"From hurt." she breathed.

"Esme… he won't hurt me." I eased. "I need to speak with him."

Her eye brows pulled up in the center as she viewed me.

"I don't want to run." I whispered.

She looked from me back to William, her eyes flashed with warning and a small growl bubbled in her chest.

"I'll be just outside." she told me, not looking away from him. She hesitantly moved from her shielding position between us and slowly made her way to the door. When it closed, I looked up to see William staring at me. His features had darkened gravely, mixed with some sort of awe. We stood looking at each other for a while, I didn't know quiet what to say to him, but wanted to say everything. I felt numb all the while consumed and flooded with a torrent of emotions. A flood of questions and statements raged through my head, yet all that passed my lips was polite etiquette. A product of how my parents had raised me.

"Please have a seat." I told him, though we were in his own home. My voice was low and hoarse.

But he did not move, he continued to view me.

"Your name is Emma…." he whispered.

"Yes." I answered, and his face fell heavier.

His head dropped and his eyes closed. "I do know you." he said. He looked at me again, pain and guilt heavy on his features. His shoulders seemed to cave under the weight of it, and slumped forward.

"I always wondered what your name was…." he breathed. "I wondered what all their names were, the lives I took."

He looked away from me then and sat down in the arm chair by the window. I could see the pain it caused him, the tremendous shame he felt…. And I wanted him to feel more. The torrent of emotions that raged in me howled up to the surface and drowned out the polite etiquette. It overthrew reason and hushed the shock that clouded me. My mind became clear and sharp, fuelled with the intensity that welled in me. Inside, a dam broke.

"My name was Emma Sophia Brammel." I said quietly and clearly. And I could see the weight grow heavier on him. There was a small part of me telling me to stop. Telling me what I already knew, that it was wrong to cause him more pain when he obviously felt enough. When it obviously weighed so heavily on him. But I pushed on. A selfish part in me wanted him to feel the full weight of the life I had lost. The full weight of a life that had a family and friends. That had plans and a future. The life he had taken. I wanted him to know what he had ended in every detail.

"I was born on April 20th 1987 to Maureen and Dennis Brammel, in Merced, California." I said, and felt the weight of my words, of my life, leave me and load onto his shoulders. I could see him breaking under them.

Stop this.

"I looked a lot like the both of them…if I stood next to my mother, I looked just like her. But if I stood next to my dad, I was a spitting image…." He nodded slowly and brought his hands to his face.

I wanted to push further.

"I used to have his eyes."

William became still, and stared into nothingness behind his palms. His brow began to crease in the center.

"I had a nice childhood, did well in school… I joined the military after college, when I was twenty-two. I planned on going career, but I didn't know if I wanted to be in when I had kid-" My voice faltered and his head fell into his hands.

Stop. You're hurting him.

He hurt me.

My breath came in deep and shaky. I could feel it coming to the surface then. The things that had meant the most. The heaviest parts of my heart that had been stolen from me screamed for vengeance. Demanded his pain in return.

"When I had kids…." I whispered.

A soft gasp and low moan of pain issued from behind his hands. His shoulders shook slightly. And as I bared down on him, I watched as he felt all that I did. I watched my pain physically manifest in him.

It's his wedding day….

I felt a pang of guilt burn through me. Of all days to confront him, of all the times to seek vengeance, this was the one day he should have pardon. That he should be happy.

And what of my wedding day? What of that life I had planned? Who else but him is responsible for that loss?

It isn't your place….it isn't for you to seek revenge.

No? He is guilty for this crime, how is not fair for him to be punished?

It's not for you to punish him.

He's a murderer.

He is what you are….

I never killed anyone. Even before I knew what I had become, what he made me, that it was "our nature" to crave human blood, I abstained.

It is his nature, and you know it isn't easy.

He had a choice.

I moved closer to him, looking down on him as he sobbed.

This isn't you.

And I knew it. But I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to watch him suffer the weight of his choice. I wanted to watch him burn in the guilt of what he had done. To know the weight of the life he had taken, I wanted to forget right and wrong and seek justice for the crime committed against me. It was unfair. It had all been taken from me without my say.

He killed me.

And yet you are here. Alive and breathing.

It's so unfair….

But you are here. Alive and breathing.

I could feel myself bowing to the guilt building in me, rising slowly from the burning pain that blinded all else. Bending to adhere to right and wrong as always.

A product of how your parents raised you….

And I crumbled. I looked down on William, his shoulders shaking.

Be the daughter they were proud of.

I shook with the conflicting emotions swirling inside of me like a hurricane. The unanswered anger clashing with guilt and pride. Hurt confronted with truth. Past and present. William shuddered as my hand came to rest hesitantly on his head. At my touch, a deep sob rumbled in his chest.

"William…" I whispered.

He did not remove his head from his hands. He did not look up at me. I knelt in front of him and gently pried his hands from his face, taking it in both of mine. I pulled it up to face me and tilted my head to look him straight in the eyes.

"I'm so sorry…." he breathed.

I broke. Everything in me broke at his words, at the torment in his eyes, the anguish that crippled him. I fell to the pain that we both knew so intimately. It didn't matter what I told him of my old life. He didn't need the details, he knew them already. He carried them with him.

"I know." I said, my voice catching. "I had plans….There was so much that I hadn't done yet." I whispered, and his eyes closed shut again. "But I'm alive… I'm here now, and I've done so many things I wouldn't, couldn't have before."

He looked at me again, his eyes heavy.

And as much as it pained me, I knew my words were the truth. It was the hand I was dealt, and I had to make best of what was given to me.

"What you've done… is done." My voice shook under the effort to restrain the anger that demanded retribution. "There's nothing that you or I can change about it, William…but I'm here. I have a family, I have life. It is not what I had planned for, but…it is life."

"William, I will never be able to forget. And it will be the hardest thing I've ever done to let go…. But I can forgive." I said hesitantly, not wanting say it. Not wanting to bring it to light, to have to face this part. But I didn't want to run, did I? I had to face all of it, every facet if I were not to run.

His eyes returned to mine, filled with even more guilt. "I don't deserve your forgiveness…." he whispered. "I don't deserve any of their forgiveness."

I took a deep breath. "I can't speak for the others, William. But I do have say over this. If anything at all, I have the right to forgive you."

His head fell from my hands and to his own again and he drew in a massive, shaky breath.

"It's why we called off the engagement…." he whispered. "Kate and I."

He looked up again, to my eyes. " I had promised her, that wherever she went, I would follow. That I would renounce my old ways, and adopt the lifestyle she and her sisters had and become a 'vegetarian'. "

He looked away again, suddenly more ashamed at his memories.

"Then, there she was…she couldn't have been more than thirty. Just walking her dog along the path, in the wrong place at the wrong time…. I suppose it was from habit, but there wasn't even a second thought. Her blood was just so appealing, that it stole over me. She became the intended prey, rather than the elk I had been stalking…." he recalled, his eyes burdened.

"She wasn't the only one…" William gasped and hung his head. "I couldn't go back to Kate. I couldn't face her….I had failed. And so I fled. I ran south only find water. I swam to the island, where you were, looking to hide in my guilt. But then at worst the part of it all, in my darkest hour, there you were…. What were you doing out there?"

"I was hiking." I answered. "My friends and I had been planning it for a week."

His eyes closed again. "I am so very sorry….I am so, so very sorry. You reminded me of her, just walking in the woods. Which I tried to use, to try to convince myself into not doing it. But then there was a brief moment of opportunity, you were separated from your group for just a second…and instinct took over."

He opened his eyes again to look directly into mine. "I didn't finish. I was so torn by guilt and desire that I ran from you before your heart had failed. There was still blood in you, you were still breathing…."

I was shaking ever so slightly, recalling that sunny day at the bottom of the mountain as he spoke. I remembered my blood caked with dirt on my hands and face. I remembered how his face changed. Then the blackness and fire.

"Alice saw me." I said. "She found me not long after. She had a vision of me in Alaska, then with them in Forks."

He looked me straight in the eyes again, his features heavy with shame and regret. "I will never be able to atone for my sins… for the pain I've caused you. The pain I've caused your loved ones."

"But that's what forgiveness is, William. Atonement." I countered.

"In your eyes, perhaps…but not in God's…." he breathed.

"Perhaps not. ..But we all sin, don't we? All we can do is seek penance, and do our best with the time given….and we have an awfully long time."

He laughed briefly and nodded his lowered head. "That we do."

I took another deep breath. The words were so weighty, and so difficult to bring to the surface. But they needed to be said. He needed to hear them, and I needed to say them.

"I forgive you." I whispered.

He closed his eyes tightly, grimacing against the pain, against the relief.

"You have Kate, William…You've found happiness with her, you should have that." I said quietly.

His eyes opened and fell with disbelief, and the guilt racked him again.

"We have second lives with this." I told him. "Second chances….You deserve to be happy with her. You deserve to be happy."

He exhaled deeply.

"What's done is done…." I whispered, dropping my eyes from him. "And your wife is waiting for you downstairs."

I felt his eyes on me, but I couldn't meet them.

"Emma Sophia Brammel…." he whispered. "I will never forget your name."

I swallowed hard. "Cullen, Emma Sophia Cullen."

His hand came under my chin then, and gently forced my eyes to meet his. "I truly am sorry for what I've done to you…."

I simply nodded.

His eyebrows pulled in the center and his voice was low, but sincere. "I wish only the best for you, Emma. You deserve to be happy, too. Far more than myself."

He stood and slowly made his way to the door, pausing with his hand on the handle.

"Thank you." he breathed.

As he exited, he was met with a stern looking Esme. He paused briefly, and they looked each other in the eyes, some understanding passing between them. To me it appeared Esme had conveyed the fact that she would kill him if ever he so much as breathed wrongly around me. And it seemed to me he agreed.

We kept the event from the knowledge of the rest of the guests, not wanting to spoil Kate's wedding day. Not long after that afternoon, we bid our goodbyes to the Denali clan. To Tanya and her Spanish ball of hotness Hector, and Kate and William. We lived for some time in Maryland, settling just outside of Baltimore.

"I personally think you would be absolutely decedent in those." Alice remarked at a pair of too-high heels as we passed a shop window.

"No, Alice."

"What? It's not like you'd break an ankle." she said, knowing exactly what I was thinking.

I laughed. "Still no."

"Oh, you're no fun." she teased.

It was a cool fall evening, with a light, crisp breeze blowing down the busy street and rustling the trees that lined the walkway.

"Emma…." Alice edged.

"Hmm?"

"I want to talk to about Marc." she eased.

I froze.

"You've kept an eye on him." I said, and she nodded.

So many things shot through me. So many emotions and so many thoughts.

"He's okay?" I asked, feigning calm.

"He's fine." she said, guessing my concern at her sudden mention of him.

"But I wanted to know…. I know what you decided in California. You wanted him to be able to live a normal, happy life. You wanted him to let you go. But you haven't." she said, gently grabbing my wrist and touching to the blue thread wrapped there.

I looked at the thin string I had removed from his jacket that night in Alameda. "It's not like I can, Alice." I said thickly.

She hesitated before continuing. "It's so easy for him either."

I looked at her, puzzled.

"He did move on…in a way. He's happier than before, living, but…I think he's still tied to you." she said, her eyes not leaving the thread.

"He's dated. Had a serious relationship, but…." She dropped my wrist and looked to the ground before returning her gaze to mine.

"I can't see everything, Emma. Especially when it comes to the two of you as a pair, but I can see when something is inevitable, in whatever haphazard way it manifests." she said. "I watched him, waiting to see if what I've done now would be justified. To see if you two were tied together, if your paths would always join again somewhere down the road…."

"Done what, Alice?" I asked, her words provoking concern.

"I had to know for certain…." she said, her eyes far off in the distance.

"Alice, what have you done?" I asked again. My concern growing.

Her eyes met mine then, a bright light growing in them. "You can be so stubborn…."

"Alice-"

Just then the breeze blew from behind me, carrying the loveliest, light, fresh scent. Alice's eyes grew soft as they stared into mine.

"I saw what you couldn't." she explained.

My head had automatically began turning toward the source of the familiar scent as my eyes stayed on hers, breaking from them at the last second. It was unmistakable, but so unexpected. I slowly turned to face what physical evidence told me would be there, but I couldn't believe it. And my heart and mind snarled at the cruelty of this evidence. Not wanting to trust in the hope and light that blossomed in me with its touch. Because it couldn't have been true.

My breathing began to increase and the scent grew stronger, enveloping me. And there down the walkway, his eyes bore into mine. Like fiery sapphires that shinned brightly as the morning sun as it breaks over the horizon. Marc stood stalk still as his lips parted slightly in disbelief. His eyes burned wildly, staring straight into mine. And I felt them pierce directly to the center of me, I felt them see everything in me.

His feet slowly began to carry him toward me. And without thinking so did mine. I vaguely noticed when I dropped the bags I had been carrying. I moved toward him, feeling myself being pulled rather than under my own control. I could feel something building inside me, growing with every step closer to him. My breathing came in slow, and shallow. He was right in front of me now. His eyes never left mine as his hand came to my face, the tips of his fingers resting on my cheek. His eyebrows pulled in the center, a mix of confusion and wonderment.

"Emma?" he breathed.

A/N: Yes! Closure with William, forgiveness and the Momma Bear in Esme! And yes, the sweet, sweet reunion with Marc. Whatever would we do without Alice? I really do hope y'all loved it, and again, I apologize for the extended wait. But alas, there is no internet in the Bering Sea. I love you all. Please leave me some sugar. There's the review button.