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Evelyn's V.O: Which brings us back to wear what I was telling you earlier. Now you know why I was in the middle of a desert with a beat up car and why everybody look like they've been threw hell and brought back, but that's not the end of this story. Theres more…
Evelyn was still in the Mojave Dessert it was morning and the heat-waves rise off the Mojave. The three men with her where in their late 20's and she was the youngest 21. Her dirty blond hair was tied in a messy bun, her cowboy boots where hurting her foot, her once pale skin was now in a nice tan. The heat was uncontrollable the only thing keeping her alive was her ski blue jean shorts and her short tan shirt that showed off her abs and her belly button and her new tramp stamp tattoo of a colorful butterfly that she still have no idea how it got there. She stared at her boyfriend Phil who was standing alone dialing Tracy's cell phone number in the middle of the desert. He was tall, rugged, and currently a mess. His shirt was ripped open, his aviator sunglasses where bent, his lip was all bloodied, and he clearly hasn't slept in days. Well, none of them has. Evelyn squinted her eyes from the rising heat and turned to look behind her to see Alan and Stu slouched inside the backseat, also looking like hell.
"Tracy, it's Phil." Phil said as he turned around to look at them. He ran his eyes over the parked car on the dirt road; behind him was a 1969 Mercedes-benz Cabriolet convertible near totaled; it was scratched, dented, and filthy.
"Phil, where the hell are you guys?" Tracy asked panicking "I'm freaking out."
"Yeah, listen. Uh-we fucked up." Phil said as he stared at Evelyn sight. Black Doug walked over to the guy who where out of the car already. Evelyn leaning on the hood of the car with her arm crossed on underneath her chest.
"Thanks for the lift back to town." Doug said sincerely.
"I got a question for you." Stu said.
"What's up?"
"How did you wind up in Chow's car?"
"That crazy asshole kidnapped me yesterday."
"Okay, but why? I mean, why you?" Evelyn asked getting interested in the conversation.
"He thought I was with you guys because we were hanging over at the Bellagio."
"What?" Stu said "We were at the Bellagio?"
"We were shooting craps. The she decided to go get a tattoo she said something about her parents never giving her freedom. You don't remember?"
"No. No, we don't remember. Because some dick drug dealer sold him Ruphylin and told him it was ecstasy." Evelyn said pointing over to Alan with her thumb.
"Ruphylin. There you go with that word. Ruphylin. What the hell is a Ruphylin?" Doug said confused.
"Wow, you are the world's shittiest drug dealer. Ruphylin, for your information, is the date rape drug. You sold Alan roofies." Stu spat at Doug.
"Oh, shit. I must have mixed up the bags. My fault, Alan." Doug said turning to look at Alan "Damn, Marshall gonna be pissed off at me on that one."
"Whatever." Stu said under his breath turning to look at Phil.
"It's funny, because just the other day me and my boy, we was wondering why they even call them roofies. You know what I'm talking about?" Doug as Evelyn.
"No. Don't know." Evelyn said squinting her eyes.
"Why not floories, right? Because when you take them you're more likely to end up on the floor than the roof." Doug said Evelyn thought for a minute.
"Roofies…roof" Evelyn said under her breath.
"What about groundies? That's a good new name for them. " Doug said.
"Or, how about rapies?" Alan suggested.
"Wait, what did you just say?" Stu said also catching on.
"Rapies." Alan stated.
"Not you. Doug, what did you say before?" Evelyn said.
"I said groundies."
"No, before that. You said, "You're more likely to wind up on the floor than-" Evelyn said as she realized "THE ROOF!" Evelyn ran over to Phil and tackled him to the ground straddling his hip. Stu ran after her and took Phil cellphone.
"Listen I'm Eve, iI'm not in the mood to have sex. I never knew you where so desperate." Phil said smirking at Evelyn who was on his hip.
"Phil? Hello?" Tracy said worried.
"Tracy, it's Stu." Stu said grabbing the phone.
"Stu. Talk to me. What's going on?" Tracy asked.
"Uh, nothing. Don't listen to Phil. He's completely out of his mind. He's probably still drunk from last night." Stu lied.
"Where's Doug?" she asked.
"He is paying the bill. We just had a delicious brunch. We're in a hurry to get back, so we gotta get going. Okay, we'll see you soon. Bye." Stu hanged up.
"What the fuck, man?" Phil yelled at Stu as Evelyn helped him up.
"We know where Doug is." Evelyn yelled excitedly. Stu drove the car as Evelyn sat on Phil's lap on the passengers seat.
"You remember when we saw Doug's mattress impaled on that statue?" Evelyn said staring into his blue eyes.
"Yeah, we threw it out the window." Phil looked at her.
"No, impossible. You can't open windows in Vegas hotels." Stu said with a smile.
"Well, then how did it get…" Phil gasped "Oh, my God!"
"Whoa, wait. What's going on?" Alan asked from the back seat.
"Doug was trying to signal someone." Evelyn said furthermore.
"Holy shit." Phil kissed Evelyn "Wait. How did you figure that out?"
"Doug made us realize it." Evelyn said smiling over to Stu.
"Doug?" Phil asked confused.
"Uh, not our Doug. Black Doug." Stu said.
"Hey, hey, easy with that shit. Come on." Doug said offended.
"Sorry." Stu mumbled.
"Can someone tell me where white Doug is?" Alan asked still not getting it. Evelyn rolled her eyes.
"He's on the roof, Alan." Stu said
"He's on the roof. We must have taken him up there as a prank so he'd wake up on the roof. Like that time in summer camp." Evelyn reminded Phil and Stu "We moved his sleeping bag out in the jetty at the lake?"
"Which was hilarious." Phil said laughing.
"It's not so funny now, though, because we forgot where we put him." Stu chimed in.
"You guys are retarded, you know that?" Doug said from the backseat. Evelyn was the first to open the roof door open she ran into the roof looking for Doug.
"Doug, you up here, buddy?" Phil yelled looking around also.
"Where you at, Doug?" Evelyn yelled but when she found nothing she gripped her hair her eyes watering.
"Shit!" Phil murmured holding Evelyn.
"Hey, guys! He's over here! Hey, I found him! He's over here!" Stu called out to them. Evelyn let go of Phil and ran into Doug who had a really bad sunburn.
"Oh, shit." Phil breathed.
"Oh, we have been looking everywhere for you." Evelyn said letting go of Doug. Evelyn ran into Phil's arm kissing him as he twirl her in the air.
"What the fuck is going on?" Doug groaned as Phil put Evelyn down.
"We can explain everything, but right now we gotta go." Stu said.
"You look good, you got some color. I'm jealous." Phil said.
Evelyn couldn't wait to go home. They waited for Stu to say his good byes to Jade. Evelyn sat in the back with Doug her arms around him she was so happy they had found him. Stu walked back over the car and got in and soon they where back on the road again.
"So Evelyn Jade told me how you got that tattoo and why you and Phil ended up in the hospital." Stu said with a smile.
"Do tell!" Evelyn said interested.
"Well, the reason you got the tattoo was because you where drunk and Phil encouraged you. And why you two ended up in the hospital was because you two decided to go down a hill on the shopping cart you had stolen from the homeless man." Stu said.
"This trip was a disaster!" Evelyn said burying her face in her hands.
"No it wasn't." Doug said thinking for awhile.
"What makes you say that?" Evelyn asked him like he had grown a second head.
"When I woke up on the roof. I happened to find $80 grand worth of Bellagio chips in my pocket." Doug said.
"Looks like we're going home with some money, boys." Evelyn cheered. Alan was smart enough to get one of his friends Neeco to drop the guys tuxedo and Evelyn's dress while they were driving. They stop real quick at the highway to change Phil insisted for Evelyn to get dress at the house but Evelyn said 'no'. In the end Evelyn striped off her clothes and changed into her dress. Evelyn got a few honks and guys whistling. They all ran back into the car and while Phil kept driving Evelyn jelled his hair back. She did her makeup just like Tracy had asked her to do it. They walked in the door as Evelyn tugged on the top of her dress.
"Hey. Sorry, MapQuest took us on a really crazy route." Stu said as he put his hand into his jacket. Evelyn waited with the rest of the the maids for Tracy. Phil send her few winks witch made Evelyn smirk. Tracy and Doug were finally married and Evelyn and Phil talked to Sid.
"Daddy." a little boy came up running towards them.
"Hey, my man." Phil said picking his son up. Evelyn felt like her heart was going to come out of her chest she was jealous. She didn't understand why she was jealous of Phil carrying his on kid. Evelyn seen him a couple of time and she really got along with Phil's son she remember once he said that he wished that she was his mommy.
"Wheres your mom?" Phil asked his kid he pointed his finger to a women with short blond hair sitting down in a round table with some guy drinking champagne.
"You know what, Phil, I'm just going to go talk to my parents." Evelyn said turning on her heels. Phil cached her arm arm and flipped her around pulling her into him and crashing his lips into hers.
"Your not going anywhere!" Phil murmured as they pulled away Evelyn giggled and went in for seconds. Evelyn felt peoples eye burying into her back but she didn't care.
"Ew! Daddy put me down!" the little boy complained. Evelyn and Phil laughed as he put him down. Phil pulled Evelyn in him and rapped his hand around her waist.
"Well it was about time!" Tracy said walking over to them with Doug, Alan, and Stu.
"Yeah this trip made us realized how much we love each other!" Phil said kissing Evelyn again "Actually Evelyn before I forget." Phil started to go down on his knees. Evelyn thought he wasn't feeling well so she also went down on her knees.
"Are you okay?" Evelyn asked him.
"No, Evelyn! Get up!" Phil said to her.
"What's going on, Phil?" Evelyn asked him confused.
"Stand up, please." Phil insisted.
"What do you mean?" Evelyn asked him.
"Just stand up." Phil kept on. Evelyn sighted and stood up.
"What's the matter, you sick?" Stu asked him clearly not understanding Phil's intentions.
"Can a guy propose?" Phil exclaimed. Evelyn gasped. Phil went into his pocket and pulled out a red small box he opened it reveling a silver diamond ring. Evelyn gasped again and so did everybody around her.
"Evelyn will you marry?" Phil asked looking up at her.
"Oh, no." Evelyn breathed.
"No?" Phil asked along with everybody.
"No. That's not what I mean. What I want to say…YES PHIL I WANT TO MARRY YOU!" Evelyn said tears rolling down her cheeks. Phil slipped her the ring in her finger Evelyn grabbed Phil and pulled him into a kiss as everybody around them clapped. Evelyn sat down with Phil at table and told Phil's son everything that was going on, and boy was he excited that Evelyn's was going to be his second mommy.
"Stu? You avoiding me?" Melissa said walking up to Stu and Alan. Evelyn tapped Phil's shoulder so he can look.
"Hey. Melissa." Stu said.
"Oh, my God. What happened to your tooth?" she gasped.
"Have you met Alan? Tracy's brother. Brother of the...Okay. Ow." Stu complained as she stuck her finger in his mouth to take a look.
"That is disgusting. Why haven't you returned my calls?" Melissa asked realizing him with a shove.
"Well, there was a snafu when we stopped…"
"I called that bed and breakfast in Napa." she cut him off. Evelyn started to get up but Phil held her down.
"They said they had no record of you even checking in." she went on.
"That's because we didn't go to Napa." Stu confessed.
"Stu. What the fuck is going on?" Melissa yelled. Phil covered his sons hears.
"We went to Las Vegas."
"Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?"
"My friend was getting married. That's what guys do."
"Okay, that's not what you do." she jabbed a her fingers into Stu chest "And it's obviously not what guys do because the tramp of Evelyn was there!" she yelled.
"That bitch!" Evelyn murmured.
"Really? Well, then why did I do it, huh? Because I did it. Riddle me that. Why'd I do it? All you want me to do is what you want me to do. I'm sick of doing what you want. In a healthy relationship, a guy should be able to do what he wants." Stu yelled.
"That is not how this works!" Melissa yelled.
"Oh, good. Because whatever this is ain't working for me!"
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June. Boom!" Stu yelled everybody gasped and the music stopped.
"You told me it was a bartender." Alan whispered.
"Oh, you're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender."
"You're an idiot."
"You're… You...You're such a bad person. Like, all the way through to your core. Alan, shall we dance?" Stu said turning over to Alan. Phil went off to cheer Stu on the dance floor as Evelyn walked over to Melissa and stood next to Alan.
"It was a real pleasure meeting you." Alan said nicely.
"Fuck off." Melissa said her eyes not leaving Evelyn's
"I'm getting my bartender's license." Alan went on.
"Suck my dick." she said.
"No, thank you." Alan said then left.
"You know that's not how a lady should talk." Evelyn said laughing.
"You shouldn't be the one to talk Evelyn. Your the one who went to a BACHELOR party with FOUR MEN in LAS VEGAS. I'm sure you fucked them all. You dirty whore." Melissa spat at Evelyn's face. Doug elbowed Phil and pointed over to Evelyn.
"Oh, god. Evelyn's going to rip her apart." Stu said. Evelyn chuckled.
"You know I came over here with the intentions to make peace, but I see thats not gonna happen. You just made me realized that your just a dirty slut, and that a dirty slut will always stay as a dirty slut." Evelyn said then turned around to walk away.
"Evelyn your no better than me. Your a slut whose three best friends are guys. I'm sure you fucked each and everyone." Melissa said laughing. Evelyn turned around and punched Melissa in the face she stammered back into a table she straighten up and glared at Evelyn. Evelyn walked over to her and grabbed her by her hair, and dragged her out of the party. The guys fallowed Evelyn scared that she would kill her. Melissa screamed and tried to break out of Evelyn's hold. Evelyn opened the door and pushed Melissa out.
"AND STAY THE FUCK OUT YOU LITTLE TRAMP. YOUR LUCKY I DIDN'T DESTROY THAT LITTLE PRETTY FACE OFF YOUR." Evelyn slammed the door and turned around to fine Doug, Tracy, Alan, Phil, and Stu gaped.
"What?" Evelyn asked putting a few pieces of strand hair behind her ears.
"Nothing." Tracy said.
"You guys are awesome." Stu said pulling Evelyn into a hug then everybody joined in.
An: Hello, so I sadly have to say that this story is coming to an end...sadly, but you know good things HAVE come to an end!