10. ROCKING CHAIR
Smile. Painted on with a cheap Target lip gloss. Clothes. Skinny jeans and a black, off-the-shoulder top. Bought by her mom in a back-to-school frenzy before she left for college. Afterward, Renee had cried, saying her baby was all grown up, begging Bella not to leave. Held her tight in a gin-soaked embrace, asking for forgiveness in one breath, accusing in the next. That was Renee; a curious mixture of sweet and bitter. A rocking chair lined with nails.
Bella swallows down her memories with the warm keg beer, the red plastic Solo cup crackling in her hands. In the corner, some jocks play beer pong. She leans on the wall, watching them curiously. There's an atmosphere of forced jollity in the air, a determination to submit to the joy of youth, no matter the cost. People flit from group to group, trying to find their social status, working out where they belong. Forced conversations between scientists and dance majors, hoping for the next big prospect. She looks around the room, wondering where she fits.
Wondering if she fits.
She really wants to fit in somewhere.
Later, after the beer has worked its magic, they're all sitting outside, enjoying the last of the summer evening. Somebody has brought out their iPod. Bass pumps through the yard, its rhythm merging with the thumping of her heart.
"I've been looking for you." Mike Newton drops down next to her, not waiting for an invitation that would probably never come. Not that she's upset he's here—quite the opposite. She's pleased to see him, delighted, in fact. He offers her a sip of his beer. She smiles before she takes it; the cup pressed against her lips. When she pulls it away it's replaced by Mike's mouth, soft and warm against her own. He kisses her gently, his tongue tentative against the crease of her bottom lip, then bolder as she breathes against him. The drink topples over, beer fizzing into the grass, but neither of them notice. When he cups the back of her head she closes her eyes, trying to submit to the moment.
She feels nothing at all.