Chapter 9

May 1865

The news of the end of the war had reached Rock Creek as a long-sought moment which came along with some bitterness and regret. Yet, relief and joy filled everybody who had seen how this plague had ripped their country and slaughtered too many. Soon the men had started returning to their homes, but both winners and losers had been defeated in one way or another by the long, cruel war. Many would never go back and those who would weren't the same men who had said goodbye to their families four years ago. Their spirits and hopes were broken, but they were relieved that the end had come, no matter the outcome.

Though there had been a ceasefire back east, Kid still was fighting his own personal war at home. Every day it seemed harder and harder to keep going. He missed Lou with all his soul, even though in one sense, she was still there. Seeing her in the same state day after day, week after week, month after month was killing him. His hopes for her recovery were gone now and all there was for him to hope was that somehow she knew that she had a family and a husband who would love her always. Kid was aware that some people thought that Lou would be better off dead and at her eternal rest. Maybe they were right, and part of him wished for her sake that she would stop her suffering. But a selfish part of him just couldn't face losing her forever. In some way, she was still with him and he often unloaded his soul to her lifeless figure... painfully expressing his anguish, his sense of loss, and of course he telling her the only true joy he now had in his life... their children and how they grew up strong and healthy day by day.

Jed was almost two years old now and Isa was a nine-month-old baby. Kid's days were full of little discoveries as the children learned their way in the world. It was an amazing experience and he wished with all his heart he could share their first steps, words and challenges with his wife. She'd be so happy if she could see the two beautiful children they had created together, but she didn't even know they had a baby daughter, who was starting to look more and more like her with each passing day. Because of Lou's state at her birth, Isa had been a peculiar-looking baby, but even though she was still thinner and smaller than her age, she was becoming a cute little thing. Her face was so pretty; dark, soft hair covered her head, while big, blue eyes dominated her expression and her cute mouth and nose were almost an exact replica of Lou's. Right now her stomach was doing better and the peevish cries had been replaced by a beautiful smile, which charmed everybody who saw the little girl.

Sometimes he brought the babies in to see Lou and he tried to explain to them who the sleeping woman was. Jed kept looking at Lou with curiosity and awe since he was too young to understand. Kid wanted their children to know who their mother was, but they only saw the shell; there was no way to explain what she had been once.

Jed was becoming much attached to Natalie; wherever she went, Jed followed her, clinging to her skirts and Kid had to admit that it was a nice picture to his sad eyes. The young man was glad that the person he had hired was so good and caring. With working on the ranch and looking after Lou, Kid couldn't spend all the time he wanted with his children. So it was a good thing then that they had somebody they could turn to when he wasn't around.

While all these thoughts kept him company, he heard a humming voice approach. He lifted his eyes from the leather strap he was fastening tot he house and saw Natalie walking closer with a contented gait. Her blonde hair shone in the last rays of the setting sun and when she noticed his eyes directed towards her, she lifted her hand and waved, smiling from ear to ear.

"Another day gone by," the lady said when she reached him.

"Yeah..." Kid replied unenthusiastically.

"The children are already sleeping and I've left some stew for you and Jeremiah in the kitchen," the lady added with a smile.

"Thank you for everything, Natalie. You're doing so much more for us than you are expected to... you know that."

"It's my pleasure," Natalie replied, beaming proudly. "I don't know... I feel happier, more cheerful lately... everything seems so bright since the war ended, don't you think?"

Kid tensed at her question and his features hardened at once. "To be perfectly honest with you, I don't. Nothing looks brighter from where I stand."

Natalie's hand flew to her mouth as she realized her blunder. "Oh, Kid, I'm sorry! I forgot you were from the South. I imagine that your people's defeat has been hard on you. Please forgive me."

"Natalie, I don't care about the war. To tell you the truth, I couldn't care less if the whole country falls apart. That's the last thing on my mind right now," Kid exclaimed.

Suddenly, he stopped his angered words at half way, which weren't actually directed to Natalie but to himself and the situation he had lived for almost two years now, as his eyes got drawn to an outline on the orange horizon. The sound of hooves approaching and the figure of a rider attracted his curiosity. It wasn't odd to receive customers on the ranch; they were doing very well and the business was progressing, but because of the late hour, Kid could tell that this wasn't a business visitor. When the rider was closer, Kid recognized him at once: his black, broad-brimmed hat, his long, dark hair, his incipient moustache, his tan jacket and his unmistakable nacre-handled colts. "Jimmy…" The name escaped his lips in a whisper and Natalie turned her head to see what had attracted her employer's attention.

James Butler Hickok raised his arm and waved when he noticed his friend looking his way. He spurred his horse into a quicker canter and as soon as he eased off his mount, he rushed to hug Kid.

"It's so good to see you, Jimmy… safe and sound," Kid exclaimed when they broke their friendly embrace. "We were all wondering when you'd be coming home."

"Well, here I am… finally," Jimmy replied. "It's good to be back after all these years of terrible war." The army had dismissed him a few weeks ago and Jimmy hadn't even questioned himself where he would direct his horse this time. He had no doubts. He wanted to get to Rock Creek and see the people he considered family. But Jimmy didn't think he'd be able to stay in Rock Creek for long. Things were too painful and he wasn't safe to be around. "Last time we saw each other was at Buck's wedding… about a year ago. By the way, how are the newlyweds doing?"

"They're fine… Jenny's expecting."

"Why am I not surprised?" Jimmy joked and it was then that he noticed the beautiful woman standing next to Kid and listening to their conversation.

As Kid saw his friend's eyes shift to Natalie with evident curiosity, he hurried to make the proper introductions. "Jimmy, this lady here is Natalie Mortimer. She's been an invaluable help with my family for a while now."

"How do you do? James Butler Hickok at your service," Jimmy greeted her politely, removing his hat and tipping his head.

"Hickok?" Natalie repeated. "Won't you by any chance be a relative of Wild Bill Hickok's?"

"Wild Bill? I'm afraid not. I never came across the fella. We might share the same name but nothing else. I'm just Jimmy," he replied, feigning ignorance, and when the woman wasn't paying attention, he shared a grin and a knowing look with Kid. Despite the years gone after that infamous J.D. Marcus had written that bunch of lies, stories about Wild Bill Hickok still circulated. For some unknown reason people kept inventing tales about Wild Bill, the fastest gun in the West. Jimmy had learned to live with that ghost that had little to do with him and consequently, his hopes for getting rid of his unwanted shadow had gone too.

"Well, Kid, I better go now. See you tomorrow," Natalie announced and then she let him help her onto her buggy.

"Thank you for everything, Natalie," he called as the woman flapped the reins and the horse started trotting out of the property.

When Natalie was already at a safe distance, Jimmy turned to Kid and said, "She's a beautiful woman."

"Yeah… I guess she is," Kid replied without much enthusiasm.

"Does she have a husband?" Jimmy continued with his questioning.

"Used to. He died in the war."

Jimmy rubbed his chin as a smile played on his lips. "Beautiful and available. Interesting." he remarked amusedly. "Kid, my friend, if I were in your shoes, I'd be pleased to have her work under me in a very literal meaning."

At his comment Kid turned his glaring eyes to his friend as he said, "Mind your manners and your tongue with me, Hickok."

"I was joking… for Pete's sake."

"It ain't funny," Kid replied in the same angered tone. "Not only does your comment show no respect for Natalie, a woman you don't know the first thing about, but for me and Lou."

Jimmy considered his friend's words for a moment and then added, "I'm sorry, Kid. You're right. I guess being around men all the time has undermined my good manners. I guess I'll have to relearn how to behave."

Kid nodded, accepting his sincere apology and thus forgetting his irritation. "Come on, Jimmy. Let's go to the house and have some dinner."

Both men crossed the yard towards the house and as they reached the porch, Jimmy dared to ask the question that had been on his mind since the moment he had set off towards Rock Creek, "Kid, how's Lou?"

"The same," Kid replied with a tired voice. "She's holding onto life stubbornly and Dr. Harris can't believe that she's lasted this long."

"She was always a strong woman."

"Yeah, she is," Kid agreed. "After Isa's birth, I feared I would lose her in every sense, but luckily she's still with us."

"Luckily?" Jimmy echoed, arching an eyebrow in surprise. Luck and the state Lou was in sounded as incompatible as water and oil. The couple of times Jimmy had been to see Louise, he had hardly recognized her… that woman in the bed wasn't their Lou, but an empty body. Since the first day Jimmy had received the news of her terrible accident, he had mourned and cried for her, feeling in his heart that Lou would never go back to them. Her spirit was gone and her whole self was dead even though her body remained.

"I know it's difficult to understand, Jimmy, but in a way she's here with me… and it does me good. I don't want her to die… I don't want her to leave me," Kid explained.

"Kid, she already did. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you know she'll never come back."

"Yeah… and I know she'll go forever someday," Kid admitted sullenly, feeling his throat tighten and his eyes itch.

Jimmy noticed that the conversation was upsetting his friend and decided to change the subject to something that would surely cheer Kid up. "So I heard I had a new niece."

"Yeah… our little miracle girl… the doctor wasn't very hopeful but thank God, he was wrong. She's still a frail baby but she's getting stronger. She's beautiful, Jimmy, and looks just like Lou."

Hickok smiled, seeing how Kid beamed as he talked about his baby daughter. It was a blessing that the children were there for Kid. If it weren't for them, Jimmy feared that his friend wouldn't have survived without Lou. In fact, Kid was not the same person now… he had changed a great deal since the day Lou was shot. Apart from his sullen and subdued mood, his body also shown signs of the predicament he was going through. He seemed to have aged in just a few months and looked much older than his twenty-four years. "I'd love to see her and also little Jed," Jimmy remarked as Kid opened the door to his house and they both stepped inside.

"They're already sleeping but you'll see them tomorrow… and hear them. My two little ones are a handful and when they feel like it, they can make such a fuss that it's as if you had them inside your head. Believe me."

Jimmy laughed, imagining his friend trying to calm down his two children at the same time. They were crossing the living room when they saw Jeremiah coming down the staircase. The youngin widened his eyes in surprise when he noticed Hickok in the company of his brother-in-law. "Jimmy!" Miah exclaimed and rushed to shake his hand. "When did you come back?"

"Just now."

While Jeremiah and Jimmy kept talking, Kid watched his brother-in-law curiously. He was wearing his Sunday best and by the strong smell he gave off, Kid could tell that the boy had showered himself in the cologne his sister had sent him for his birthday. Kid suspected that his attire had something to do with Penny but he was curious.

"Where are you going so dressed up, Miah?" Kid asked.

"Uh… I'm escorting Penny to the social tonight. It's going to be our very first social in town together," Jeremiah explained, beaming happily.

Kid and Jimmy exchanged a grin. "Did Mr. Douglas let you go with his only daughter unchaperoned? I'm surprised," Jimmy asked with curiosity.

"Naw… her two older brothers have been kind enough to volunteer to go with us," Jeremiah explained sarcastically.

"You should be happy that you're allowed to escort her at all. You know how particular Mr. Douglas is with Penny and he doesn't approve of his only and youngest daughter having a sweetheart," Kid reminded him.

"Yeah, I know," Jeremiah replied. Kid was right; he and Penny were having it rough with her family. The Douglases thought that at fifteen the girl was still too young to be courting. And since the family knew Miah's intentions, they lately didn't let the girl alone when he was around. She was always accompanied by her mother or one of her brothers, and the only times he managed to catch her alone was when she was sent to do some errand in town, which was not a very frequent occurrence. Jeremiah was tired of the short leash Penny's family had them on and he couldn't wait for them to be a year or two older, when he could then be allowed to court Penny as she deserved.

"Have fun then," Jimmy remarked, patting the boy on the shoulder.

"And don't do anything you shouldn't," Kid added.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to," Jeremiah groaned as he started towards the door. "Thomas and Peter will be watching us like two hawks."

"Better that way," Kid concluded.

The boy snorted at the comment and after bidding goodbye, he left the house. "Miah seems much taken with that girl," Jimmy commented as he followed Kid to the kitchen.

"Yeah… since Theresa left, he and Penny have grown even closer," Kid explained as he ladled the stew that Natalie had left into two bowls and left them on the kitchen table. "I'm glad he has something to focus on other than the ranch. When Lou …well, you know, he focused on work, maybe too much, and now he seems more ready to give life a chance." he added as he sat across his friend and started eating the stew.

"And what about you, Kid? Are you ready to give life a chance too?"

Astonished, the sandy-haired former rider stared at his friend, his hand brandishing the spoon held in mid-air. He hadn't expected the direct question at all and after a few seconds he let the spoon drop in the bowl and said, "I don't have an alternative. I have two children to live for. I don't care about the rest."

"How's Teaspoon, Kid?" Jimmy asked, changing the direction of the conversation.

"I don't see him very often, but from what I've heard, he's staying at Rachel's," Kid replied without lifting his eyes from the bowl before him. "Everybody has given up on him because he won't listen to reason."

"Maybe if you tried talking to him…"

"And tell him what, Jimmy?" Kid asked in a loud tone as he met his friend's eyes this time.

"What about telling him that drinking won't bring Lou back? Or how your children need their "grandfather"? Or…" Jimmy paused a second to finish his words cautiously, "Or that you don't blame him."

"I don't blame him, Jimmy. God knows I don't, but I can't talk to him about Lou… I just can't. You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to keep sane… I just can't do it with anybody else… not even with Teaspoon."

Jimmy decided not to insist. Kid wasn't well and forcing him to talk to Teaspoon might have disastrous consequences. Jimmy thought he'd have to try his luck again with Teaspoon but he feared that it wouldn't be easy. The other times he had seen the former marshal, it had been almost impossible to reason with him. Not once had Jimmy been able to catch him sober and when he was drunk, Teaspoon just wouldn't listen.

Both friends finished their food in silence. Then Kid cleared the table and poured the rest of the stew left in the pan through the food mill until it turned into a homogeneous puree. He filled another bowl with that concoction and poured a glass with milk, placing them both on a tray. "Dinner time for Lou too," he explained. "Will you come to see her, Jimmy?"

Jimmy didn't move from the chair and shook his head. "I'd rather not."

Kid nodded in understanding. "I imagine you must be tired and when you have rested tonight…"

"I don't want to see Lou like that, Kid, never again," Jimmy cut in. "I just want to remember her like she used to be… strong, happy, fresh… galloping against the wind. That poor woman I saw in your bed is not Lou. Call me a coward but I can't see her like that… I just can't."

Kid could empathize with his friend. It was a terrible ordeal to see Louise in the state she was in. She had been such a lively woman that it was incredible that she had been reduced to a lifeless form. Kid wished he could choose not to see Lou in her current situation… he wanted to see her well and alive. "I'll tell Lou you said hi," was all Kid said as he started towards the door. "Make yourself at home, Jimmy. You can stay in the spare room as long as you want."

"Thanks, Kid."

Kid didn't reply and continued towards the stairs and the bedroom. The door was ajar and as soon as he pushed his way inside, he forced a smile onto his lips as he exclaimed, "You can't imagine who came just now, Lou. You'll be happy to know…"