There will be two more chapter to finish. After this one, we will have only Cora and Robert, I promise.

Hope you'll enjoy it, and please, send me your lovely reviews.

X

"Regrets collect like old friends,
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn"

Florence and the machine – Shake it Out

She didn't want him to go with them to the train station. Then he had told them goodbye in front of the house and watched the car move away until it disappeared behind the trees.

Before leaving, Mary had met him in the great hall. Robert was sure that his daughter hadn't believed Cora's explanations about his staying home, even more than Mary knew they had argued days before precisely because of this. Robert tried to smile at her, attempting to hide his agony and Mary gave him a soft look. There was affection in her voice when she finally spoke.

"Will you be fine alone, Papa?"

"With so many servants in this house, it is hard to say that I'll be alone, Mary."

"You know what I mean," she touched his arm gently, and Robert covered her hand with his, deeply moved by her concern.

"Please, don't worry about me," he approached her to kiss her on the cheek. "Go to London and have some fun."

Then Cora passed them, heading out to the car that was waiting for them in front of the house, without even looking at him. Robert took a deep breath, feeling again the whole weight of the conversation they had had earlier on his chest.

Mary raised her brows and look at him. She opened her mouth to say something but gave up, and just squeezed his hand slightly. He accompanied her to the car, to say goodbye to her and Little George, who smiled at him happily, oblivious to everything, in the arms of his nanny.

He decided to go out for a ride on that morning. After all that Cora had told him the day before, and the way she had left without even saying goodbye to him, he had barely been able to sleep last night. He had to do something or soon he would become mad in that empty house. He asked Barrow to send someone to groom his horse and soon after breakfast, he walked decided to the stables.

He kept the horse in a slow pace, not knowing which direction to go, while he thought about all that had happened. He felt immensely guilty for making her suffer. And he was hugely disappointed by not being able explaining to Cora how he felt. He couldn't forget the pain he had seen in her eyes. Again, he had let her down. Just because he was not strong enough to prevent old wounds of the past to reopen, and for some reason that he couldn't explain, he was still affected by Elizabeth. They had a painful past, in which many things remained unsettled. But he didn't expect that Cora could understand it, because he himself didn't fully understand.

Robert closed his eyes and suddenly all the anger and frustration seemed to want to take over his head, felt a pressure on his chest, making him want to yell. Then he hit his heels on the horse's hips and loosening the reins a bit, let the animal run. He felt the wind in his face, the horse running freely, the tension in his own body decreasing as the animal increased its speed. He left Downton behind and followed the old road that went through the woods, outside the property.

When he came to the crossroad, he made the horse slow down until it reached at a gentle trot. He left the road, crossing the woods and went up a small slope.

He had gone till there without even realizing it. He stood some time at the top watching the creek and the old abandoned chapel in the distance, now in ruins, but still standing after all these years. The flower field was still there, punctuated with its white and lilac flowers, by the creek.

He slowly went down the slope, crossing the creek. He got off his horse, tying the reins on the trunk of a tree and walked to the front of the chapel, looking around. He could see in the distance the woods he had just crossed, and the green fields as far as his eyes could see.

He had never come back there in all these years. That place brought him back memories of his past, a special place for him and Elizabeth, when they even hadn't an exact idea about the nature their feelings for each other. Robert took a deep breath and sat down on the steps in front of the chapel. It was ironic that even now he could feel like that.

Then he saw her, in her horse horse standing on top of the small hill, and immediately recognized the elegant silhouette of Elizabeth. She seemed to look directly to him. He watched her as she made the horse go around, moving away a few yards, and then giving up, turning around again, and rode slowly toward him. She jumped from her horse before he could help her, avoiding another embarrassing moment of closeness between them and tied her horse next to his, on the same tree. They exchanged a long and silent look, until Robert finally spoke.

"I supposed you were in London."

"I came back a few days ago. I needed to get some rest and spend some time by myself. " He shook his head slowly, his eyes fixed on the horizon.

"And you? You should also be in London enjoying the season," she told him, without looking at him.

He merely smiled and didn't answer her, choosing not to comment on his own reasons for being there.

They sat side by side on the steps in front of the chapel, and she looked around, as if she was analyzing the place. "It's still the same as I remembered it, except of course for the chapel, which seems more damaged than before." He nodded, turning to look the old building behind them. Elizabeth closed her eyes for a while and then smiled looking at him. "I can almost hear James and Rosamund bickering with each other," she said finally. They exchanged a glance and laughed.

"Well, I thought Rosamund is quite different," she said and Robert rolled his eyes, shaking his head.

"Don't buy her for her looks," he told her, and Elizabeth giggled. "The old sharp tongue is still very much alive," he added, chuckling. "But yes, she changed, a bit. You're right." He looked at her.

"Well, we all changed, after all," Elizabeth smiled, with an amused look. "These are the benefits of maturity."

"Except by these white hairs that stubbornly continues to show up." He ran a hand through his hair, with a smile. "I always believed that aging would be a slow and progressive process. But then one day, you look in the mirror and find out that you got old."

She laughed openly. "Don't be silly, Robert! You're not old." It was the first time she addressed him by his name since she had come back. And he had been inwardly satisfied with that.

"No?" He raised an eyebrow, an amused look on his face.

"No," she smiled back.

Robert narrowed his eyes as if doubting what she had just said and Elizabeth laughed at him. "All right, it's true that there are some white hairs that were not in there thirty years ago, but, aside from that, you still are pretty much the same."

"Or you are the most kind of the people or you have no ability to evaluate others," he said, teasing her. They laughed together when she pretended to be offended. And for the first time Robert felt that the awkwardness between them seemed have disappeared giving way to that old feeling of closeness, making once again to be very easy to talk to her.

"Did you come here alone?" He asked with a hint of concern in his eyes. She nodded her head, with a coy smile, and he grinned. "You should have asked someone to escort you."

"Well, didn't make much sense to take an escort if I wanted to be alone," she said finally.

"...So did I ruin your plans?"

"A little," she smiled. "Not too much."

"Thank you," he said with a coy grin. They continued chatting for a while in a peaceful way, enjoying each other's company, as they used to do so long time ago. So, after a long silence, in which they had been watching the horizon, he finally spoke.

"I need to apologize to you for what happened at the ball the other night." She looked at him blankly and he went on. "If I offended you in some way, if I did something that made you uncomfortable, I beg your pardon. It was never my intention."

"You did nothing wrong, Robert. There is no reason to apologize." She looked down at her hands, seeming to choose carefully her words. "I just felt a little dizzy and had to get out for a breath of air."

Robert looked at her silently for a moment. "Apparently you still try to hide the truth from me," he said, and his voice sounded more bitter and harsh than he intended. She stood up and walked a few steps away from him, remaining back to him, her shoulders trembling slightly. Immediately he regretted what he had just said.

"When I decided to come back, what I feared most was to see you again." She finally said, without looking at him. "Because I was afraid you could never forgive me after all."

Robert stood up and approached her, stopping a few steps away. "I've already forgiven you. A long time ago." There was a long silence between them, until he moved closer to her, touching her elbow gently so she turned back again to him. There was a deep sadness in her eyes when she looked at him. "It took me a long time to realize what had happened," he told her in a soft low voice. "But once I found out the truth I knew immediately that you just did what you thought it was right. And I could never blame you for that."

She lowered her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. "I knew you'd come before you had sent me that telegram about your arrival date," she said.

"My father?" Robert asked and she nodded her head, her eyes still staring at the ground.

"Your father asked for my father's help. And my father convinced me that the best I could do for you was to let you go. Because you would never be happy if you lost Downton... because of me... So I had to leave you free to marry someone who had enough money to save Downton, to save you." She finally raised her eyes to look at him, and there were tears in it. "I know how much I was cruel to you, Robert. And I'd never forgiven myself for that. I'd never forgiven myself for breaking your heart in that way."

Robert had taken a few months, after he had come back from Italy in that trip that seemed to him more a endless nightmare, to find out for himself what had happened. He didn't know all the details, but he knew that somehow, his parents had influenced Lord Dunnington and Elizabeth so they had acted that way. He had never been mistaken about what she felt for him, and he knew that, as much cruel it might seem, she had only done what she thought was the best for him.

Even after finding out the truth, even after having understood that she should have been forced to say those things to him, he had never looked for her. And that was a guilt he had carried within him for a long time. But after all, something had broken inside him, in a way with no return. So, come back to her made no sense anymore, even though he knew that there was still love among them..

He looked at her, feeling tears in his own eyes, and struggled for control himself. "Don't blame yourself, Lizzie. Because deep in my heart I had never blamed you," he said, holding her hand lovingly. "I just took me some time to understand. But I'd never blamed you." He paused, looking into her eyes. "We were too young. We both did only what we thought it was right."

Despite already knowing everything, hear the truth from her lips, could tell her how he felt, made him suddenly feel free of a burden he had carried in his chest all these years. Tears ran down her face freely now, and he held her tightly, letting her hide her face in his chest. They were holding each other for a long time, until she finally pulled herself together and stepped away from him gently.

"Please, excuse me, I..." she said, still shaken.

"It's all right. We'll be fine, won't we?" He squeezed her hand softly, reassuring her with a grin, and handed her his handkerchief. She forced a smile, thanking him.

"I think so," she said, with a soft look. They were silent for a long time before he spoke again.

"I was never very bright, you know," he said jokingly. "But I knew you would not replace me so quickly for a... charming and fun Italian." He smiled when she looked at him with an amused expression in her eyes, seeming to have bought his prank. "What you ended up doing, eventually."

"Eventually," she repeated, with a grin. And he felt that things were under control once more.

"After all," she smiled softly, "my dear Robert, I always hold on to something that eased my guilt. You built a beautiful life, a beautiful family, with someone that makes you really happy."

Robert grinned at her, nodding slowly, a shadow of sadness passing through his eyes. He had at his side a wonderful woman who made him immensely happy, whom he had deeply hurt.

"Well, I must go. And you should go home too, or will let everyone waiting for you to have lunch," she told him, giving him back his handkerchief.

"Well, there is no one waiting for me," he said almost unintentionally, the words slipping from his lips in a mournful tone. And when Elizabeth looked at him blankly, he was forced to explain.

"They are all in London."

"Cora, too?" she frowned.

He nodded slowly, looking away. He didn't want her to realize that something was amiss.

"But then, what are you doing here, alone, Robert?" She raised her eyebrows.

He looked at her silently for a moment. Even without knowing the truth, she was absolutely correct. Made no sense he was there alone, while the woman he loved was in London suffering because of him. He had to go after her, he desperately needed to fix things and win her heart back if need be.

They walked to where the horses were and he helped her get on the horse.

"Good-bye, Robert."

He could tell by the expression in her eyes that this was not a simple see you soon, but it was something definite.

"You won't stay, will you?" He asked, before she went away.

"No, I won't."

He shook his head slowly in understanding, and looked into her eyes.

"Be happy, Robert," she said with a smile.

"I will," he replied, watching her leave.