Chapter 10

Olivia knew she had just let the best thing that had ever happened to her walk out the door. She collapsed on the couch. Her tears had finally stopped. There probably weren't any more tears left. The blanket lying on the back of the couch fell on top of her and she did not have the strength to move it. It covered her face and somehow that made her feel a little better. It was like she could block it out, like she was hiding from everything. That is what she has done for her whole life why stop now. The only thing she never hides from is her job. She meets that head-on, no matter what. Life was easier to hide from because she really had no one. People at work and the victims they help depended on her. She had finally gotten back to normal at work. It had taken a while to stop thinking like a victim. Now she could go to work knowing what to expect. Thank goodness she at least had that.

"Damn it," She breathed.

Why was it so easy to let things slip away even when you wanted them. Was it easier to go through life alone? No one for you to hurt and vice versa. That's what Olivia's life had been like for forty-four years why try to change it now. She had felt so alone growing up, even though, she had her mother. What was wrong with her? Why could she not just accept someone's love and affection? Was she so screwed up that she would die an old lady with no husband or no children? The thoughts racing were making her want to scream.

I have to close my eyes, she thought, this would be easier to handle if she had some sleep. Her mind finally stopped racing and the last thing she remembered before she drifted off to sleep was his face. He looked so hurt when he left. She did not want that to be the way she remembered his handsome face. Finally, she fell asleep and did not move until her phone woke her up.

"Hello?"

"Liv, where you at? The captain is chompin at Elliott's ass. You better get here quick." Fin never even said goodbye he just hung up.

She jumped up off the couch. As she ran to jump in the shower, she glanced at the clock, 9:30. In big red numbers staring at her. Holy crap, she hated to oversleep. It threw the whole day out of whack. She climbed in the shower and turned the water on, it was freezing. She lathered her hair and went through the normal motions of showering. Rinsing off quickly, she jumped out and grabbed a towel. She ran into the bedroom and grabbed a pair of jeans. Slipping them on, she walked back to the bathroom. Glancing in the mirror she noticed something on her shoulder. She turned to the side and saw red bite marks above her shoulder blade. How did that happen without her even remembering. She smiled to herself and grabbed her toothbrush. She hurried through everything else and grabbed her bag and keys. She never even dried her hair. This was gonna go over so well at work.

"Well look what the cat dragged in," Munch shouted. She had barely even made it through the doors when his statement startled her. Why did he have to be such an ass so early in the morning. "Long night Olivia? This doesn't have anything to do with the Marine looking for you yesterday?"

"John mind your own business. What I do in my free time is not your business or anybody else's for that matter. I overslept, nothing more!"

She had not even noticed Elliott had walked in from the locker room. She could feel him staring at her and hated that this was going to be one long-ass day. These men that she loved so much all thought they had the right to pry in her private life. The only one that did not think that way was the captain. Well Fin did not pry either, well not much. She walked over to her desk and sat her bag down. She tried to keep her eyes down and not look at Elliott, but she couldn't. Why was she so worried what he thought of her?

"Long night huh? I guess I would have overslept too. We have something down on Canal, I'll wait in the sedan." Elliott turned to walk away from her, headed towards the elevator.

What the hell has happened to my partnership? Why is Elliott always so cold now? It used to be so easy with each other, now we hardly even talk. She unlocked her locker and stuffed her bag inside.

"Benson, my office now."

Olivia jumped at the anger in the captain's voice. This day just kept getting better. This was definitely not the way she needed to start this day. She put her keys in her desk drawer and walked slowly towards Captain Cragen's office.

"Close the door Olivia."

She could see the anger written all over his face. She hated when she made him mad or disappointed. Captain was the only father figure she had ever had in her life and it made her sad to think he was disappointed in her.

"Olivia what is going on with you? It's not like you to be late. Especially, when you know you were supposed to meet with Carmen."

Oh God, Carmen. She had totally forgotten about the meeting this morning. Carmen was a rape victim that was having a very hard time with going to trial. She saw her attacker and knew exactly who he was but she was also terrified of coming face to face with him again. "Captain I'm..."

"Wait a second and let me finish. Are you having issues with something Olivia? I have never seen you so distracted. Your behavior is erratic, and that is not like you. Elliott told me about yesterday. You are walking a thin line Olivia and I hate to have to tell you that. You are one of the best cops I've ever worked with, and I just want you to get your head on straight. You need to get over to Carmen's before she thinks you guys are not coming."

Olivia turned to walk out of his office but stopped. She turned back to look at the Captain.

"Olivia?" Cragen saw the tears swimming in her eyes. "You know you can come to me with anything."

Olivia stepped back in his office and closed the door. Her whole body was trembling. She could no longer hold the tears back. "Captain I want you to split me and Elliott up, it's just not working anymore."