Author's Note posted below.

Part 1

Chapter 10

Disappear

"I wish I could lay down beside you when the day is done and wake up to your face against the morning sun. But like everything I've ever known, you'll disappear one day so I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away."

~Brandi Carlile, Hiding my Heart

Christian leads me inside his Redmond bungalow and as the lights turn on, I admire the beauty inside. The lights illuminate the modern architecture. There are paintings on the wall and everything is just neat and tidy. Of course, he has a lot of places to stay in. He is a CEO of a multi-billion company for heaven's sake!

He intertwines his fingers around mine before leading me upstairs. He opens the nearest door and it's his room. He grabs two shirts from his closet and hands one to me. We are already comfortable with each other, so we take our wet clothes off each other. I take a quick bath and when I'm all dried up, I wear his big shirt and though oversized, it fits me perfectly.

As I come out, he's already lying down the bed and I slowly make my way to lie down beside him. We lie on our sides, face to face, not saying anything—not saying a word at all. When he reaches out to grab my hand, there is an intimacy.

It frightened me and made me feel happy all at once.

He wraps his fingers around mine but I never wrap mine with his. They remain open.

Sensing my hesitancy, he gives me a sad smile and says, "When I first saw you in the club, I thought you were so beautiful. You were wasted yet so beautiful. You were a wonderful mess and it just drew me in."

"Oh? I thought you liked me for my sexpertise?" I lazily joke.

He laughs a little too, "My attraction intensified when I discovered that you're so good in bed."

I smile a little before turning serious, "So you weren't drunk that night too?"

"No, I wasn't. Sober or drunk, I was attracted to you."

I close my eyes and remind him, "You have a meeting and flight tomorrow."

"I cancelled the meeting and the flight's at five in the morning. I still have this night with you." Then he grabs my hand and kisses each of my knuckles.

I pull my hand away from him, feeling the panic.

He then asks me, "What happened to you, Ana? Tell me what happened. Why are you so scared?"

I remain silent.

"What are you so scared of?"

"I'm scared you'll disappear," I barely whisper.

"Why would I disappear? Tell me . . . please tell me."

Resisting his begging is the hardest thing I could do.

I used to not talk about this anymore. I used to bury them all in the past. What I've experienced wouldn't be remembered. They would long be forgotten. All these band-aids covering the wounds on the edge of my heart are removed. I tell Christian everything.

"When I was young, my father would sing songs to me. We would always sing 'Can't Help Falling in Love' because that's how he feels about my mother. He would always tell me that they're destined together. When I was nine, he divorced Mom and left her for another woman. I wasn't okay. I never was. I heard Mom cry at night and it was nothing to Dad. He lived with that woman and I had a stepsister.

Mom wasn't the same. She used to be joyous and colorful but she turned into a workaholic who brought men at home. Then, when I was ten, I went out with my Dad and my stepsister and I could never ever forget how he could only afford one doll. He bought that doll and gave it to her. It became evident that he loved her more than he loved me. He started comparing me with her. He insisted how she's so smart unlike me. She's so amazing unlike me. She's so creative and social unlike me. She was everything he was looking for in a daughter."

I didn't even know that I was crying.

Christian moves closer so he could lock me in for an embrace.

"I remember how he changed. Dad who loved music turned into this man who wouldn't even touch his guitar. One time I asked him to play our favourite song and he claimed that it didn't mean anything anymore. That was the day I shuddered and ceased to believe that love could stay. I took his guitar and lived with my mother. He tried to reach out . . . rarely but I didn't care.

Mom died when I was fifteen and I was only in touch with him because he was sending me money. When I graduated high school, I cut off all contacts from him."

Tears are falling like waterfalls and Christian's eyes glimmer while wiping each of them away.

"I told myself that every man is like my father. I told myself that I should never fall in love because men will only leave me."

With a hopeless broken voice I say, "I'm never enough."

Christian opens his mouth to disagree I already cut him off.

"Of course, that is not the only story. When I was nineteen, I broke the laws I set to myself when I met Jose Rodriguez. He was this classmate who had an eye for photography. My college life became significant because of him. We met, we fell in love, and it's probably because he made me feel like I'm enough.

It was a serious and deep relationship. He was my first everything. When we were twenty-two, we moved in together and it was the best year of my life. I thought he was the one. I thought we had it all figured out. Then . . ."

"Then?" Christian pushed with a grim voice.

Then I just crack. My voice becomes entirely different. I sob, letting all the pain out.

"I lost our child. It was miscarriage. I was two months pregnant and I didn't know. If I'd only known, I would've taken care of her. I expected Jose to be distraught. I expected him to cry with me. I expected that we would go through pain together. But of course, I went through it alone because Jose didn't even care. When I told him about the death of our unborn baby, he breathed out a sigh of relief. He said, 'Thank God! Or else I would have given up photography!'"

Christian can't catch all the tears now. He was frozen by the revelation.

"Of course, it crushed me. I went ballistic. I admit I was impulsive but that was so hurtful. How could he be grateful that we lost our child? I made him leave our apartment and I haven't seen him since he travelled around the world for his photography."

"And then?" I can see Christian's hands turn into fists.

"We met again 2 years ago. We were twenty-four. It seemed like destiny, you know. We were in the same café in Seattle. I thought destiny brought us together. We spent a whole week together. We didn't have sex or anything physically intimate. We talked and talked about our secrets, plans, and dreams and that was my most intimate. Then, I thought we were back together. I stupidly thought that we were getting married. He brought me to this wedding store and made me wear a gown. He bought it and I thought we would be together but then he said . . ."

"What did he say?"

I quote what Jose said word per word, "Ana, I'm getting married next month. You and my fiance have the same size so I thought you'd be the perfect model for her gown. Thanks for the week."

"That motherfucker!" Christian screams on top of his lungs.

I just cry and press my face to his chest. I pull him closer and tears pour down as I recall all the events from my past that led me to become this cold-hearted monster.

Christian doesn't say anything. He listens to my crying. He kisses my wet face from time to time. I fall asleep, pretty sure my eyes will be swollen when I wake up.

~Somewhere in the Middle~

I don't know what time is it but I woke up when Christian's finger languidly trace my pussy.

The rain is pouring hard outside and the green trees are swaying behind the glass walls. Christian's lips are on my neck and they give me sensual kisses. Regardless of how tired I am, I moan. His fingers work like magic on me down there.

Then he takes off his shirt on me and I take his off too. I move the direction of my head and search for his lips in the dark. When I finally find it, our lips move slowly and passionately together, tongues swirling and dancing like they perfectly fit.

His fingers move faster and I pull away from our deep kiss to moan his name. Before I reach my orgasm, Christian moves on top of me, kisses both of my breasts and sucking each nipple with much passion. He plunges deep into me and this is very much different from all of our sex before.

This time, we don't rush. This is not fucking. This is making love. He moves slowly in and out while I keep up with the pace. He thrusts back and forth, again and again, telling me that there is heaven here on earth.

My fingers are all over his copper hair and our eyes are wide open, facing each other with such passion and vulnerability.

"Anastasia, come with me."

"Christian . . ."

"Anastasia . . ."

"Christian!"

Then we come together.

He rests his entirety above me, careful not to slam his full weight. It just fits. He is everywhere. I feel him.

Then he utters the biggest words somebody could say, "I'll never disappear."

Despite all the pain in the past and cowardice that crept within me, this time I chose to be brave. I didn't say anything. I didn't say a word. I just wrapped my fingers around his.

And in that moment, I felt enough.

Author's Note:

I was so emotional writing this chapter, guys. You have no idea.

Thank you for your warm response for Somewhere in the Middle.

How do you feel about this chapter?

Margo.