Thanks for the reviews and I'm sorry for the wait. I try to make a point of updating a fic once or twice a month, clearly I failed since for this fic September and most of October heavily lacked updates. I had a tad of writer's block. I was trying to get to point A to point B with this fic, but to do that I had to get to A point 5 and that's were I got stuck (I'm sure someone out there understood my insane logic). But now I've got a stupid cold, hopefully it doesn't change into something worse, and so I'm working through writers block while congested…not easy to do.

Chapter 10

Flags Waving

Calleigh had wished tonight with all her heart that she and Eric had just stayed at her old house in Bal Harbour. At least then she wouldn't feel subjected to wearing this ridiculous hat and sitting on her front porch with a jack-o-lantern bowl, filled with pumpkin shaped Reese's Cups, in her lap. In Bal Harbour, she would sit out and hand out sweets and such on Halloween if she wasn't working, but the neighborhood was so big that most of the time no one made it out to Saratoga Avenue. Then when she and Eric got married with plans to build a family, they needed a new house and they found it in the cozy neighborhood. Unfortunately, now it was anything but cozy. Any other year, Calleigh wouldn't have minded digging out the velvet witches hat and hearing the phrase "trick-or-treat" or "Happy Halloween" time and again. But she was alone, Eric having to head back to the lab an hour or so ago, and with the endometriosis diagnosis still fresh in her mind, Calleigh wasn't opted to celebrating a holiday that children mostly enjoyed. Still, she felt that she had a certain responsibility to staying outside until the last costumed child passed; it was a commitment she couldn't explain.

So here she sat, watching the various children in their numerous costumes come up the path. Some costumes were that of classic taste, such as witch, fairy and cowboy. Others were bit more original, such as the Terminator or a food product, she had even seen two siblings that attempted to imitate Fred and Wilma from The Flintstones. Under ordinary circumstances, Calleigh may have found the costumes amusing in the sense the children seemed to be having fun in their ensembles, but her own smile was a costume and it drained the enjoyment out of the others she was seeing. A fortnight had passed since the despicable endometriosis had been diagnosed, but the disbelief of the sentence had yet to vanish. The grim cloud had yet to fade from the air surrounding them, no matter how buoyant the surrounding atmosphere could have been.

Calleigh attempted to keep her emotions in check, not wanting to have the emotions brewing inside her to accidentally come forth as children came up to her. She was successfully able to keep back most emotions that could have negatively effected her mind; she would simply have to worry about them later. Calleigh tried not to think about the bleeding in her heart or the pain her body had forced her and Eric to endure and achieved without fail; except when one emotion came up that her mind couldn't help but process anytime it flared.

When the children came up with their mother standing at the end of the path, out of Calleigh's line of sight, she would be fine. However, when a very young child came up they normally were grasping their mothers hand as they hobbled up the path. Calleigh would look at the mother with a certain amount of joy and envy, strange considering she very rarely envied anybody about anything. By all accounts, except for her childbearing upset, she was living a great life that she was thankful to have. She had a nice house, a job she adored and had found a husband that she couldn't see living without. From an outsider's perspective, Calleigh would be the one envied. But tonight she envied all the mothers who were walking hand-in-hand with their child or children, thought she never showed it on her face.

Calleigh looked up then to see yet another duo coming up the path, irony once again rearing its head; once again it was a child with his mother. The toddler was dressed like a pumpkin walking along side his mother, who wore a long black dress and a hat identical to Calleigh's. She tried to be nonchalant about seeing the woman, but many mothers had came up by this point and it was taking its toll. She just couldn't keep thinking to herself "I'll never be her" each and every time they would come up the path and it was getting harder and harder to contain herself.

"Twick-o-tweat," the little boy quoted to her, his little arm holding out a plastic grocery bag in front of him. Strangely enough, Calleigh couldn't resist at smiling back at him as she dropped a Reese's Cup into the bag. Just like it had been with Mike, there was a certain joy and sadness that overcame her when she held him and the same bittersweetness returned as she smiled down at the boy who had trouble with the letter "R."

"What do you say?" the mother asked, her voice gentle.

"Thank you," the boy grinned, shyly, up at Calleigh.

"Your welcome, sweetie," Calleigh smiled at him before he and his mother turned away, the envy flaring again towards the woman she didn't know.

"Stop it, Calleigh," she whispered to herself, tipping her head to talk to herself. "You are being irrational, quit it."

Calleigh looked up in time to see the pumpkin boy and his mother walking down the street to the neighbors' house. Looking at them now from this angle, Calleigh noticed something about the woman she had failed to observe a few moments ago. The fabric had covered it for the most part, but now Calleigh noticed the slight bulge that stuck slightly out of the woman's torso, her hand resting lovingly on the side of her pregnant belly as the other held her child's hand.

Calleigh's eyes almost misted over, but she stopped them before they could develop into actual tears. This wasn't fair, it was as though someone was sending this holiday and all these fortunate women up in front of Calleigh just to laugh at her, to rub in the fact she would never have what they did.

Calleigh now frustrated, she pulled as Reese's Cup from the bowl and unwrapped the plastic that concealed the chocolate, hoping something within its sweet taste and soft texture would soothe her.

"Trick-or-treat," Calleigh sighed before taking a bite off the end.

At last the three bags of Reese's Cups they had bought ran out and Calleigh felt no guilt now heading back inside. She pulled herself off the step and walked back inside, pulling off the witches hat the second the door shut, storing it and the jack-o-lantern bowl on top of the single shelf in the storage closet, where they would sit collecting dust until next Halloween.

Calleigh closed the curtains and turned off the porch light out front, hoping that no one would disturb her now that it looked like no one was home from the outside. All she wanted to do was forget about this unpleasant night and the assortment of emotions that came with it. All the sadness she had tired to conceal the better part of the evening now came at her with deadly force, the heartache so heavy it was almost physical.

Hoping to elude the agony for awhile longer, she lay on the couch and flipped on the television. She passed every horror movie that was on; they never played the classics on TV anymore, just the senseless grotesque ones that used a redundant amount of blood and brutal killings as a scare tactic, she simply couldn't stand them. Instead she turned to the first show she enjoyed, well she used to enjoy, at least, she wasn't sure if she would anymore…nothing else seemed to.

"In the criminal justice system, sexually based offences are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated..." The narrator of the introduction to Law and Order: SVU began to speak as the show opened, but the monologue drifted into the background as sleep overcame Calleigh. Her head rested on the cushion that padded the back of the couch and the remote slipped from her hand, the slight thud it made as it made contact with the floor didn't stir her, as she slipped into her subconscious. The misery that seemed to constantly increase with every given day followed her into her dreams and kept them dark, almost as though a lens cap was blocking any envisions her mind could have offered. Even if she had noticed, Calleigh wouldn't have cared about the absence of her dreams…she didn't care about much these days apart from Eric, work and the sadness that she wished would vanish.

When this started, Calleigh thought that the diagnosis had brought this constant pain about, but she had been lying to herself; she had been in pain for years.

At last Eric was able to shut his locker the final time that evening and head back home. Graveyard shifts had called him in for his expertise in automotive technology, their expert conveniently calling in sick for the evening and insisting (almost to the point of begging) that Eric would come back to MDPD to help them. Eric had had the phone to his ear as he looked over at Calleigh as she poured the chocolates from their bag into the container, apprehensive about leaving her alone. Her heart wasn't in the Halloween spirit at all; the smile she used to wear on this evening as she performed the task of handing out candy was absent. The reason why he clearly understood, but that just left him caught between a rock and a hard place. Either not offer his assistance, which would possibly let a killer escape, or leave a distressed Calleigh by herself as she did a job she was not completely in the mood to do.

But in the end he reluctantly headed back to the lab, knowing Calleigh would have objected to him staying home when a murderer was on the loose. Eric knew she would have lied and insisted she was fine, putting on a fake smile in the process and would of kept telling him to go until he gave in. He had went back and did his part, now pulled into the driveway of his home where he finally felt himself relax for the first time in hours.

He took a moment to look at their one story house, the blinds were drawn and the porch light was off, giving the house a feeling of tribulation that contradicted the positive mood it used to withhold. The house was no longer full of smiles and joy, but had disintegrated into a place of emptiness and silence. He was exaggerating about the silence either; the house was literally quite the majority of the time. Calleigh barely spoke nowadays, except while working, but at home she was silent and if she did speak it was normally because she was asking a question. What's the date today? Have you seen my keys? and other questions of that nature, but other times Eric would be the one to start the conversation, a conversation that wouldn't last long.

Their conversations didn't last long, their embraces even shorter and any trace of a smile that would etch itself onto Calleigh's face would very quickly vanish. The only time Eric saw her smiling now was in the pictures around the house, one particular always standing out in his mind.

There was a framed picture on the chest of drawers in their bedroom, its contents a memory that never failed to bring up a certain amount of joy in him every time he looked at it. Though the picture only captured from their waists up, it would be apparent to anybody what that day was. Anyone could tell that Eric was wearing a tuxedo and that Calleigh was wearing a white bridal dress, but it was their smiles and aurora that surrounded them that made it clear it was their wedding day. Calleigh had her arm wrapped around Eric's as Valera, who had been almost too caught up in the moment at this point, took yet another picture in the midst of the small reception, which was being held at Eric's parents' house.

The particular feature on Calleigh was what his eyes were most drawn to when he looked or even thought about the picture was Calleigh's breathtaking smile. It was the same smile he had known since she walked into the garage when they first met, only increased and almost brighter. He had been looking forward to seeing that smile everyday for the rest of his life, it's glow never once decreasing. But Eric had been well aware for sometime that that wish was, at this point, nothing more than a pipe dream. This smile hadn't been on Calleigh's face for years, he just thought it had been and that any stress she was feeling had been due to yet another failed attempt. Perhaps the years of hope had been enough to keep her strong enough to keep her cheerfulness, but that hope had burned out and now the last amount of happiness was slowing fading from her and he was losing the woman he loved.

Eric got out of the car, getting tired of dwelling on the negativity that had been surrounding them lately. He had to remind himself that, as difficult as it had been for him to hear about the infertility, the news had to be much harder on Calleigh and that she wasn't going to have to deal with this in her own time. Things would get easier as time progressed, but Calleigh wasn't going to move on from this easily and all he could do was be there for her when she wanted to talk about it, not that she had since the day after they went to see Dr. Benson. But the day she did, Eric would comfort and hold her as willingly as he did on that terrible day.

He walked inside, hearing the TV on from the living room, advertising what sounded like yet another diet plan commercial. Eric approached the couch to see Calleigh leaning against the back of the couch and fast asleep, he smiled at how peaceful she looked as she slept.

He picked up the remote from the ground and turned off the television, placing it on the coffee table as he stood behind Calleigh. Eric gently put his hands on her shoulders and tenderly rubbed them as she stirred in her sleep. Her heavy eyelids opened to reveal her dark green eyes, devoid of any emotion except tiredness.

"Hi," she greeted Eric, her voice faint.

"Hey," he grinned at her, sliding his hands over to massage her neck and, for the first time in days, Eric felt Calleigh lean into his touch.

"That feels good," she breathed, her muscles loosening under Eric's touch.

"Yeah?" he smiled at her. "How was your night?"

"Okay, I guess," Calleigh sighed, though her expression suggested otherwise. "How about yours?"

"Not too bad," Eric shrugged, softly applying pressure to the tendons in her neck. "I saw Walter, he says 'hi.'"

Calleigh let out a weak chuckle before stifling a yawn.

"Tired?" Eric questioned, not at all surprised.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded, reaching up to lay her hand upon his. "I'm going to hit the sack."

"Okay, I'll be back there in a few," he promised. "I'm just going to take a shower."

Calleigh nodded, her fingers gently squeezing his hand before rising up from the couch and walking towards their bedroom.

The world simply doesn't make sense, no matter how hard scientists try to uncomplicate it. If the world made sense then there would be no need to find cures for things such as cancer and AIDS, people wouldn't feel the need to start wars with one another and one of the strongest CSIs ever to exist wouldn't find herself in this situation. Calleigh was a woman that found good in hurricanes and most other things people would find unpleasant. She was an optimist, despite any horrors of her Louisiana past and any hell she had been put through, so why now was she unable to pull herself out of bed? She wasn't feeling sick, just tired, but a dash of caffeine would have taken care of that and she knew it. But when the alarm rang and ripped her from her subconscious, Calleigh didn't see any significance in it other than it had disturbed her. She squeezed her eyes closed and tried to block it out, wishing it would stop.

Finally, the ringing ceased and silence surrounded them, Eric having turned it off. Calleigh her body become surrounded by the arms she had eased out of the night before. Eric had held her when he came to bed the night before, something that had simply become natural for the two of them. But last night Calleigh had subtly shifted her weight to wriggle herself out of the arms she used to find so much peace in after he had fallen to sleep. She didn't want to feel the warmth produced by his skin, she didn't want him to feel that he had to protect her and comfort her when all of it would end in vain. The only thing that could offer her even moderate comfort was when her eyes were closed and her mind had drifted into sleep. But once again she had found herself in Eric's embrace, longing to pull back out to drift back into her numbing slumber.

Eric noticed Calleigh and her forbearance of the alarm, her eyes had yet to open, but Eric could tell by her lack of steady breathing that she was awake.

"Calleigh," he whispered, she mumbled something incoherent in response. "Babe, we have to get up."

"I was afraid you were going to say that," Calleigh sighed. "You know…um. I think I'm just going to stay home today."

Eric was taken aback by her statement, he was so surprised he wasn't sure if he heard her right at first, but by the way she nestled her head against her pillow, he realized that he was not mistaken what he just heard. This was the same woman who had been angry about being forced to stay home for medical leave, now she was opting to stay home.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah," Calleigh nodded, her eyes still closed and voice detached as she racked her brain for an excuse to give her husband. "I'm just not…I don't know, I just don't feel like myself."

"Are you feeling sick or…?" Eric questioned, concerned by her very uncharacteristic behavior.

"Not exactly sick," Calleigh sighed. "Just really tired, it has been a long week. I may come in later."

Eric wanted to believe that it was that simple, that she was just rundown and needed to recuperate some strength then she would be fine. But he knew Calleigh better than anybody and he knew that her missing work was not normally an option she liked to accept, her sudden change of heart made him worry. Eric wondered if he was reading too deep into this, maybe she actually was tired and his protective instincts were simply elevated due to recent events, though he highly doubted that was the cause of this.

Calleigh seemed to sense his hesitation and placed her hand on his arm.

"I'm fine," she promised, hoping it would be enough to convince him to go. "Really."

Eric exhaled, she had clearly already made up her mind and his worrying wasn't going to change anything.

"Okay," he nodded as his lips softly kissed her temple. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Calleigh mumbled back as she, once again, allowed her mind to be eclipsed by darkness.

I'm sorry this chapter sucked, like I said, it's sort of a transitioning/filler chapter for the story. But I'll have a bit more free time now to write. Since when I'm not busy I like to spend time outdoors and the weather has recently dropped to 30-50 degrees now (I hate it, wished I lived along the Equator!) I spend most of my free time indoors now and I'm not much into TV viewing (CSI: M and House, M.D are the only exceptions) so I'll be reading a book or writing a lot more…hopefully writers block doesn't get me again or I'll probably die of boredom.

Please review and have a Happy Halloween!