Before long, they both were in the car that had been waiting nearby. Apparently, Mycroft's driver was instructed to not leave Greg's general area. Initially Greg had been annoyed, but soon realised that he suddenly had possession of a chauffeur.

"Nice of Mycroft to let you take one of his cars about the place."
"Yeah… yeah it is." Greg responded somewhat absent-mindedly.

John asked Greg what he'd like once they made it to the pub. Greg had responded with 'anything, beer', and so John ordered two pints of the tap beer they both enjoyed. He carried them carefully over to the table Greg chose - it was in the back, away from the crowds. He slid the glass over to Greg, who thanked him, and then sat opposite him in the booth.

"So, what's up?" John asked, trying to sound more cheery than worried.
"I almost kissed Mycroft." Greg mumbled into his beer.

John grinned.
"That's good, though, right? Why didn't you?"
"His phone rang."
"Hahaha… cock blocked by Anthea. Classic." John sniggered and gulped his pint.
"I wasn't going to … oh never mind, you just mean it as an expression." Greg said, drinking some himself. His demeanour wasn't lost on John.

"I don't understand why it's gotten you down, Greg."
"Because… because I'm left with this awful choice."
John raised his eyebrow as he took another gulp, inviting Greg to continue. He sighed, and continued in a hushed tone.

"Look… he said he has feeling for me. I said I did for him. But it didn't all go down great. I'd just escaped having a conversation with him out in the hall about being watched over all day. I was a bit overwhelmed by it all. He followed me into my bedroom, like I asked, and started talking much calmer than before. God I wish I could just get a hold of myself like I used to. But anyway he starts talking, and I grab him around the middle … and he said he has feelings for me. But I didn't just respond… no… bloody had to have a panic attack didn't I? Somehow that didn't matter to him, and after I said that yeah I had feelings for him… which was when we almost kissed."

Greg took a large swig of his drink.
"Ok, well that's not as bad as it could have been."
"That's not the problem, John."
"What's the problem?"
"... what do I do now?"
"You think he'll take it back? I don't think he would…"
"I don't know what I should do, John. I know I want to pursue things with him, god, I would want that so much… but obviously I'm not in much of a place for that kind of thing."

John tiled his head questioningly, and Greg couldn't help associate it with a dog. He smiled at the thought.

"Well… I'm… you know."
"… Bi? Wouldn't that mean…"
"No… I mean yeah, but what I meant is… this. Broken. I'd not be able to give him any happiness like this… not when I don't even know if I CAN be happy myself…"
"Greg… I don't want to tell you what to do. But as your mate, I feel like I can give you some advice."

Greg nodded, fully expecting to be told to leave Mycroft alone. He breathed deep and finished off the last of his drink.

"Go for it mate."
"What?"
"Mycroft's fully capable of handling a bit of complication, and of knowing what he wants being aware of what that means. He knows things are going to be rough for you for a while, and if he's said he wants to try a relationship with you, then he's done it knowing what it's going to entail. That it'll be hard sometimes. But I have to stress, Greg… it's not your responsibility to protect him from hurt he might feel in the future, even if it's from things related to depression."

Greg was silent for a moment, and then started pushing his glass from side to side between his hands.

"But I couldn't do that to him."
"For all you know, he'll be much happier. I know you would be, from what you've said. Do you feel like you aren't allowed to try being happy?"
"What? That's crazy…"
"Yes, it is, but it might be true."
"Yeah, alright…I find it hard to believe I deserve to be happy having Mycroft as mine when I'll no doubt cause him pain."
"No. You can't think like that. If you do, then you'll just make both of you miserable."
"See? That's why I have to not…"

"Greg, stop. It sounds to me that you're making up excuses to rationalise your fears. I'm going to be honest with you. I believe you and Mycroft could do wonders for each other. You need a sense of belonging and purpose, and to not be alone. And Mycroft needs to feel trusted and loved… and also not alone. And I am worried that you're afraid to see where things go because you're afraid of getting attached to something in life, to make it much harder to just leave it."

John spoke with determination in his voice, and while he was complimenting him to begin with, ended up speaking with honest concern. Greg mentally rolled his eyes - sometimes John couldn't stop being a doctor. But… he couldn't deny anything that he said. Greg hadn't really thought of it in that sense, but hearing it made him realise that it was in a way true. Committing to Mycroft in a romantic sense would effectively cut off his escape route from life, and it was a bit scary.

"I think I need another." Greg said, and left the table. John sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. He's always known Greg as appearing chronically unhappy, but just thought that was his way. Looking back over the time he'd known him, it was rather obvious that Greg had depression but was just suppressing it to get on with life. Knowing that, he didn't really know how to convince him that he did actually deserve a shot at happiness. He grumbled to himself. This was all a lot harder than it needed to be.

Greg returned with another two glasses. He slid the second one over to John and threw himself into the seat. He put his elbows on the table and put his face in his hands. He groaned.

"I'm sorry for all this shit." Greg said through his fingers.
"Don't be sorry. How about instead just don't make it an issue." John shrugged.
"Yeah, I'll get on that." Greg responded sarcastically, and downed a large mouthful of beer.

"I'm serious, Greg. All of this is just in your head. What matters is what you and Mycroft want. Hell, I feel like Mycroft should be sitting here with us so I can get you both to confess your feelings for each other and agree to give it a shot."
"He wouldn't like that…"
"Ha, don't have to tell me. Mycroft never likes being told anything. Unless it's from you, it seems. Anyway, I just meant … you just have to let go of your hang ups and see that all that matters is being happy in the end. And this is a means to get there. I know you haven't had a whole lot of that lately, but this could be a way to change that, yeah?"
"Mycroft wouldn't want someone like me."
"Don't you think that should be up to him?"
"Well…"

Greg went silent, unable to think of a rebuttal.
"He asked me to dinner."
"So… go?" John said, unable to understand Greg's hesitation.
"But what if I do go and later realise that I can't do it?"
"Then tell him? Greg, agreeing to go on a date isn't committing your life to being with him. You're allowed to tell him if it's not working out… like you would with anyone else…ah. Right."

John had a moment of realisation when he was talking. Greg actually hadn't done anything like that in a long time, or possibly ever. He'd committed himself to his awful cheating wife… no doubt there were plenty of warning signs, transgressions made by her, even before marriage… but Greg had remained loyal. Maybe there was a bigger problem at play than John had thought.

"Greg… you… you know you're allowed to give it a shot and end it if it's not working out, right?"
"I… I mean, it's hard…"
"Saying yes to dinner doesn't mean you're going to end up like you did with…her."
"I can't help but worry, John…"

"Trust me, Mycroft's not like your ex wife. And he is an adult, capable of handling the end of a relationship… probably… I don't know a whole lot about his personal life. But that's not helping. The point is… just see how it goes, and you're not locked in for life. If you find you're happy, you stay…if not, then talk to him. You can work something out."

Greg was silent and sullen. He had just nodded through most of John's little speech. It seemed that there were a few deeper reasons to his anxieties than he'd initially realised. John was right, wasn't he? I could always just say to Mycroft it wasn't working out. Mycroft would be understanding… he said he'd be there to help relationship or not, so he wouldn't just abandon me right? But what if I hurt him when it wasn't working out?

"Greg?"

No, no it'll be ok. I shouldn't hide in this pit of darkness in fear of ending up back in it… I should take the chance for an escape.

"Greg?"

Yes. I'll try. Yes. I wish it was easier than this. But like John said… I just have to talk to Mycroft. He's very understanding, or smart at least… he should be able to understand.

"Greg!"

Greg snapped out of his reverie and looked at John's worried face.
"Huh?"
"You spaced out on me. You alright?"
"Yeah… just thinking."
"About?"
"That you're bloody right." Greg said with a grin.

The worry left John's face and he finished off his first pint. Greg ran his hand behind his neck and rubbed it forcefully while sighing.
"I'll just need to talk to Mycroft about all this. I think being open about everything is best."
"Yeah. It usually is."

They drank more in relative silence. Greg could see that there was something more John wanted to talk about, but didn't press it. He just waited. Eventually, John sank a little.
"Greg I have to ask."
"Hm?"
"I mentioned before that I thought part of your anxiety was fear of being attached to life. You never denied it. I'm concerned that you still think of suicide."

Greg stiffened slightly.
What do I even say to that? The truth would cause more worry, but lying might make him worry more if he knew I was lying…

"I… I'll be honest. Yes, I do still think about it."
"I mean that's understandable, given that it's only been a month…"
"Yeah."
"Yeah." John agreed, nodding. He swallowed and continued.
"Greg I need to ask how often you think about it, and if you have any plans."
"Why?"
"Because I'm your mate, and a doctor."

"I don't have any plans, ok? I just can't help the idea hovering around my mind. It's almost like an intruder into my thoughts. Sometimes when the emotions drag me particularly down, I think about it… more like, sadly wishing I had died, not so much thinking that I should go out and try again."

John nodded solemnly.

"Thank you for being honest. It's not particularly good, but it's good to know you're not planning anything. I … I know you've said that you'll come to either me or Mycroft if you are feeling unsafe, but I just want to remind you that you can contact me at any time, for anything… not just what you'd consider an 'emergency'. Cause I know you, you'd wait until you were staring down the barrel again before calling."

Greg nodded softly as he drank more. Thank god for the alcohol. Things went from deep to intensely deep very quickly.

"And so yeah, do call me when you've gone out with him. Or we can meet up. I just wanna be there for you and it sounds like it'd gonna be a bit emotionally taxing."
"Thanks mate." Greg said. It might have been a bit overkill on the support, but it seemed to help John as well so Greg just accepted it.

"Now that all that's outta the way, I have got to tell you what happened on the way to work today…" John said, shifting the topic and the mood.
Greg sat and listened to the tale, laughing at the funny parts, and genuinely enjoying talking about something light for a while.