I don't own anything at all.

Competition Can Be Murder

-Chapter Ten: Booze and Bunny Suits

"Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh fuck!" Tetsuo Kai paled at the sounds coming across the intercom.

"He's torturing the Captain," he stated in horror.

"Oh my God!"

"That bastard!" one of the Section-2 agents yelled. "We have to save her!" Tetsuo hit the button on the comm.

"Attention terrorist. We are willing to negotiate."

"One minute!" the man called.

"Now see here. . ."

"He said one fucking minute!" Captain Ibuki snapped.

"Yes ma'am," Tetsuo replied meekly.

(:ii:)

"Ritsuko!" Misato pounded on her friends door. "Are you in there?"

"What's wrong Misato?"

"There's a terrorist in the building!" Misato snapped. The door opened and a groggy looking Ritsuko appeared. "Jesus. Were you sleeping?"

"Yes," Ritsuko replied testilly. "I was catching up on the two hours of sleep I get every night while working on the god damned Plan VGC!"

"Oh," Misato replied. "Sorry." Ritsuko sighed and stepped aside.

"Come in." Misato stepped into the office and froze in her tracks.

"What the fuck?" The computer was lying shattered against a wall, the couch had been rolled over, the television in the corner had a massive hole through the screen, a clock had been knocked off the wall, and the chair that normal sat in front of Ritsuko's desk was imbedded in the ceiling. "What happened here?"

"I haven't gotten to clean in a long while," Ritsuko stated as she sat behind her desk.

"Sure," Misato replied slyly. She knew what Ritsuko was hiding. "Do you have any spare printer paper?" Without waiting for a reply she made her way to Ritsuko's closet. "In here, right?" She ripped the door open and stared at the empty closet in disappointment.

"Something wrong?" Misato grabbed a large stack a printer paper, even if her plan had been a bust, printer paper was an important commodity.

"No." She turned back to face her friend and felt one eyebrow raise. Ritsuko was blushing rather brightly and squirming in her chair. "You okay?"

"Just. . .just fine!" Ritsuko shrilled.

"Okay." Misato pushed the door open. "See you later!"

(:ii:)

Ritsuko slumped back in her seat as the door closed. "You bitch!"

"What?" Mana asked from under Ritsuko's desk. "I'm an opportunist and these kinds of opportunities don't come by too often."

"Whatever." Ritsuko decided to argue later and bask in the afterglow now. Maybe she'd even push back argue till tomorrow and continue with the 'basking' thing. 'That's the plan,' she decided.

"What did she want?" Mana asked.

"Something about a terrorist," Ritsuko replied. She did enjoy the warm hazy glow.

"Have you seen Shinji?"

"He was gone when I woke up," Ritsuko replied. She frowned. "You don't think. . ."

"At least we know he's around here somewhere," Mana replied positively.

"You two still haven't told me exactly what you're doing here," Ritsuko accused.

"Uh. . .enjoying our honeymoon?" Mana lied feebly. Ritsuko scowled at her. "Bedding all the women Shinji can think of from where he lived here?"

"At least that's partially true," Ritsuko decided. "Now get back to work!"

"God damn you are horny."

(:ii:)

"What's the situation?" Misato demanded as she glanced around the gathering of security guards.

"The terrorist is stalling for time," one of the men stated. Misato stepped up to the comm and pressed the button.

"This is Colonel Misato Katsuragi!" she stated. "What are your demands?"

"What'd she say?" a man's voice asked.

"It's Colonel Katsuragi," a woman's voice replied.

"Shit! Hand me my gun."

"Here." Misato frowned. That didn't sound like a hostage situation to her.

"We need a plan."

"Hey, hey! That light's on! They can here us!"

"Your bra got hooked on the button," the man grumbled.

"Well who's fault is that?" the woman demanded. Then the comm line went dead.

"What should we do ma'am?"

"We wait," Misato stated. The comm buzzed to life.

"Attention! I have our. . ." The sound of someone being punched in the back of the head filtered across the comm. ". . .I mean my demands. I have my demands, not ours!"

"We are listening," the security guard asked.

"I demand five bottles of the new black cherry Smirnoff to be delivered by Colonel Katsuragi in a Playboy bunny suit!"

"Is that last bit negotiable?" Misato asked.

"I'll check," the man stated. "I mean, no!"

(:ii:)

"You're new to taking hostages, aren't you?"

"Just shooting is easier," Shinji replied. "A Playboy bunny suit?"

"Leave my fetishes alone!" Maya ordered.

"I'd rather not," Shinji commented. "I never thought you swung that way."

"Sex is sex," Maya stated. "I'll do anybody who's really good at it."

"Have you talked with Ritsuko?" Shinji asked. Maya's jaw dropped.

"Doctor Akagi? She's gay?"

"Bi," Shinji corrected.

"Shit! I've been trying to figure that out forever!"

"Why didn't you just ask?" Shinji asked.

"NERV has a really strict 'don't ask don't tell' policy," Maya explained. "I like this job. I get decent pay for doing nothing at all."

"Oh," Shinji replied. "That's a bummer. How long do you think it will take them to get the booze and the bunny suit?"

"A while," Maya stated. "Getting some new ideas?"

"Always."

(:ii:)

Kozo winced as he stepped out into the brightly-lit hallway. He felt bad. At least puking all over the command center had made a stomach pump unnecessary. "Hello sir." Kozo watched as a Playboy bunny suit-clad Colonel Katsuragi walked past him.

"Colonel," Kozo returned cordially. "You are aware that NERV does have someclothing guidelines, are you not?"

"I'm just taking care of a terrorist sir," Misato replied. Kozo noted the bright flush on her cheeks and the bottles of alcohol under her arms.

"Right. Carry on then."

"Yes sir!"

(:ii:)

"Way out, way out, way out." Shinji looked around the office that had become his temporary fortress.

"Keep it down," Maya whined. "I just need a few more minutes." She rolled overl and apparently went back to sleep.

"Sorry," Shinji whispered. He stared at the tiny vent in the ceiling and grabbed the filing cabinet that had been up against the wall. That plan was derailed as a large vent was revealed behind the filing cabinet.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"You know, that weights about eight hundred pounds," Maya commented.

"Yeah," Shinji replied. He tossed the cabinet aside, grabbed the padlock holding the vent shut and ripped it off.

"Attention terrorist! Colonel Katsuragi is here and she has the vodka. She's coming in to negotiate!"

"Yeah!" Maya cheered happily. "Wait! This looks bad. I'm supposed to be your hostage."

(:ii:)

Misato stepped bravely into the room. Then the door snapped shut behind her and she almost pissed herself. "Hello Colonel."

"Hello." Misato carefully took in the situation. The terrorist was sitting behind the desk, his face obscured by shadows, and doing a decent impression of the Commander. Captain Ibuki was sitting in front of the desk, a leash running from the collar around her throat to the terrorist's hand. What really made Misato nervous was the fact that the first three buttons on the other woman's shirt had been ripped off.

"Lock of the door please." Misato locked the door.

"Finally." Maya stood up and pulled the collar off. "That thing was too tight."

"Well it belongs to a girl with a thinner neck," the man replied as he stood as well and made his way around the desk.

"Booze," Maya cheered as she snatched one of the bottles under the puzzled Colonel's arms.

"You. . .you mean. . .you're not a terrorist mastermind?" Misato stammered.

"Terrorist," the man commented. "You could say that." He stepped in the light and smiled at her. "Mastermind? No. That'd be her." Misato felt a hand seize her scantily-clad ass and spun, staring at the grinning NERV employee next to her.

"Oh."

(:ii:)

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Tetsuo stared at the comm in disbelief.

"Now he's torturing the Colonel!"

"Does his villainy know no bounds!" Tetsuo hit the comm button.

"Attention terrorist!"

"Shut up!" the Colonel snapped. "Oh God Maya!"

"Break down the door!" Tetsuo ordered.

"We don't have that kind of equipment!" someone stated.

"Get the Rod!"

"What?" Rodney asked. "Oh hell no! You are not using me as a fucking battering ram. . .again!"

(:ii:)

Shinji glanced up as the sound of something very heavy slamming into the door echoed throughout the room. "Guess its time to go."

"Yeah," Maya replied. "We should take her." Shinji glanced over at the unconscious Colonel bent over the desk.

"Definitely."

(:ii:)

"Banzai!" Ritsuko nearly jumped out of her skin as someone tumbled out of the air conditioning vent in the ceiling.

"Shinji?"

"Oh, hey!" Shinji replied. "Where's Mana?"

"Here!" Mana called from under the desk. She crawled out. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Taking a couple of hostages," Shinji replied. "You can come down now." Two more people dropped out of the vent and Ritsuko stared at her assistant and old friend.

"I like that outfit Misato."

"Don't ask," Misato replied. She seized Shinji by the throat. "Now, who the hell are you?"

"I knew letting you wake up was a bad idea!" Shinji squeaked through his constricted air pipe.

"Ah chill out Colonel," Maya replied as she reclined on the desk. "How can anybody be so tense after multiple orgasms?"

"You're. . ." Ritsuko began.

"Yeah," Maya stated.

"Damn it! I was trying to find out. . ."

"Don't ask don't tell,' blah, blah, blah," Shinji squeaked.

"Stop ignoring me!" Misato roared, shaking the young man wildly.

"Christ you're dense," Ritsuko grumbled. "You only lived with him for about five years." Misato froze.

"Shinji?"

"Air!" Shinji rasped

"Sorry." Misato quickly let go and Shinji sucked in two deep lung-fulls of air.

"No problem," Shinji replied. "You two been having fun while I was gone?"

"Yeah," Mana replied. Ritsuko glanced at Misato and eyed the outfit she was wearing.

"Sneaking around with Maya and Shinji, huh?" she asked. "Since when did you swing that way?"

"Since about ten minutes ago," Misato replied.

"Took a lot to prove it," Shinji commented. "Now how do we get out of here?"

-End

(:ii:)

-Author's notes. Well, that's a new moral low point for me. Well, by other people's morals anyway. I don't really have any of me own.