Chapter 10

I set the alarm on my phone for one o'clock in the morning, and it wakes both of us up. She's nuzzled against me when we wake, and she's too tired to form coherent sentences, so it's mostly mumbles and one-word dialogue between the two of us. I throw on my clothes and kiss her chastely before I leave. I stumble around loudly, but I don't have to worry about waking Mel; she's out clubbing with friends.

I can feel the ridiculously wide grin on my face while driving to the airport. I have to get that under control before I'm around people. I'm happier than I care to admit from our impromptu night. Now, leaving without knowledge of my return doesn't sound like an adventure; it sounds like a nightmare.

I meet Eric on the plane. He's not very amiable, but then again, neither am I. However, I'm far more amiable today than I usually am.

Eric's first instruction to me is to remind me not to get in his way. "Just take the pictures I tell you to. I've got the hard part. All you have to do is click your camera."

I snicker, but I don't bother to challenge him. There's no point in correcting his ignorance.

There's turbulence on the flight, which makes it worse than it already is when I remember the height. I try not to look too uncomfortable; I don't want Eric to know about my fear of heights.

August

The violence in Syria has escalated since I was last here. However, we also see many different relief efforts from so many countries, so I don't feel as hopeless as I did right after the initial acts of civil war.

Eric doesn't warm up to me during our correspondence, which has been three and a half weeks so far. It's no matter to me; I hope we never have to work together again.

Phone calls to Tris are not as frequent as I'd like, especially with the way we left things. I can only really call her a couple of times a week when she's just waking up.

"You're the only person I can talk to before I have coffee," she says.

"Really, Tris? Coffee? You'll stunt your growth."

"Was that a short joke?"

"No."

"I think it was. It sounded like a short joke."

"I think you're just self-conscious."

"I'm still growing," she defends lightheartedly, the same mantra she's said since I met her two years ago, probably even before then.

"You can't keep saying that. You're eighteen now. I'm pretty sure you're done growing."

"Bastard," she mutters.

"Should I call back when you're nicer?"

"No. Talk to me now. How is everything?"

"Everything's okay."

"Any idea when you're coming back?"

"No," I lie. I was given the green light to go back to New York this morning. My ticket's set for me to return tomorrow evening Eastern Time, and I want to surprise Tris like I did the first time I came back from Syria. "Listen. I got to go. I'll talk to you soon," I smile smugly to myself when I don't specify.

"Okay. Talk to you soon."

I take a cab from the airport to my apartment to drop my luggage off and freshen up before I drive over to see Tris, mulling over a few things in my solitude.

Tris and I haven't talked about the night we slept together. That's something I want to change tonight. We've barely discussed anything's that's happening between us; I have a feeling that communication will never be one of our strong suits.

But tonight I want to officially start a relationship with Tris. I'm somewhat confident and extremely hopeful that she will accept the offer, but I'm also nervous. I feel the familiar anxiety in the pit of my stomach that seems to unveil itself when Tris is involved. I know that I will likely choke on my words if I prepare a speech, so the only plan I make is to be spontaneous. I'll let the night's natural progression affect the details.

The sky is painted with hues of pink and orange, a final showy display before the sun retires completely for the night. If I wasn't trapped in my car during rush hour, I'd take a picture of it. Lately, I've been more inspired to expand my recreational photography.

I park in the visitor's spot and walk quickly up to Tris's apartment. I knock on her door, and when Tris lets me in, it's not the environment I expected. She hugs me immediately when she realizes it's me, shrieking excitedly and pulling me close, but I look over her shoulder and see a man sitting on the living room sofa. His feet are propped up on the coffee table, and there's a glass of wine beside him. He's looking at me like I'm the outsider.

I hear her asking me question after question about how my flight was, when I returned, scolding me for not calling her when I landed.

I don't respond to anything she says. I've zeroed in on the man on the couch. "Who's this?"

She quickly turns around, like she forgot he was here at all. "Oh, Four, this is my agent Al." Al stands up to shake my hand.

"Uh-huh. I thought your agent's name was Peter."

"Yeah," her voice sounds unsure, probably because I sound so accusatory. "But I fired him a couple of weeks ago. I hired Al last week. We had only corresponded over the phone, so I invited him over for dinner tonight to meet in person."

"I'm happy to take her on," Al says. "She's really talented."

"Yeah, I know," I say through gritted teeth.

"Four," Tris starts.

"No," I tell her tightly. "Just wanted to drop by. I'll be going now."

"Four, wait."

I don't. I leave as suddenly as I came. Tris only calls after me a few times. I'm sure it was an awkward situation for her. A part of me wishes that I didn't surprise her so the night could go how I planned, but I am glad that I found out about Tris's commitment, or lack thereof, sooner rather than later.

I go to Zeke's apartment for a drink. It works out well since Shauna's out running errands before she goes to a friend's baby shower. Zeke knows me well enough not to ask why I'm not in the best of spirits. After a few drinks, I'll tell him on my own.

Tris calls shortly into my visit at Zeke's. I ignore her call, which does not go unnoticed by Zeke.

"So," he starts. "What's going on with Tris? Never known you to miss a call from her."

"Surprised her at her apartment. Caught her with a guy. She said it was her agent, Al."

"What's wrong with meeting up with her agent?" Zeke asks.

"It's not about meeting with her agent. But, I mean, they were in her apartment, chilling on the couch, talking over dinner and wine. It was like I walked in on a date."

"And I'm guessing you didn't talk to her about it?"

"No, I left. It was pretty obvious what she was doing. She wasn't as serious about this as I was."

"Bullshit," he mutters.

"What?"

"Bullshit!" he exclaims more clearly. "You're acting like a goddamn kid right now."

"She was with a guy!" I defend.

"Her agent! And I bet you're so happy that you just happened to walk in on it."

"Do I look like I'm happy?" I demand, taken aback by his sudden outburst.

"Oh, yeah!" he exclaims. "I know you're happy."

"I'm not happy about any of this!"

"You are happy," he repeats. "Deep down, some twisted part of you is happy because you, Four, are a special kind of masochist. And you felt yourself getting close to Tris; you felt a healthy relationship starting, and you couldn't handle it. You couldn't let yourself take that chance, and I understand why you couldn't, but you need to get your act together. Tris will not intentionally hurt you, and you know that."

"She hurt me tonight."

"Did you ever think that she was telling the truth?" he shouts. "I'm sure you did, but walking in on Tris and Al gives you a way out. It's an excuse for you to be a complete asshole to the point where Tris pushes you away. You can't do that. You can't let yourself suffer like this. You and Tris can be good for each other."

I don't respond. I don't want to believe what he's saying, and I have a feeling that he isn't done lecturing me yet.

"Now I let you be closed-off with Nita and Lauren and every other girlfriend before her, but I don't want you to screw this up. You have to let Tris in a bit."

"I have let Tris in," I remind him.

"She doesn't even know your real name."

"I'm sure she does. It's published in the paper."

"But you haven't told her. It's one thing for me to call you Four. I'm the one who came up with the name, and I've been calling you that since first grade. But when it's the only name she knows you by…"

"Fine," I say fiercely, knowing full well that he has a point about this.

"Don't deny yourself the chance to have something that lasts just because you're afraid."

"I'm not afraid."

"Then stop acting like it." He's finished ranting, and I know he's forgiven me for any of the shortcomings he pointed out a minute ago when he hands me another beer to match his own.

"Here's to you," he says. "Actually here's to Tris. She's the one I need to pray for at night if she's gonna be your girlfriend."

I lightheartedly punch his shoulder in reply.

"Sorry I missed your call."

"No, you're not."

"I don't want to fight, Tris."

"Neither do I, but can we talk about tonight? Nothing happened with Al. Nothing even almost happened with Al. I was just meeting him in person."

"I know. I believe you."

"And do you really think I'd cheat on you?" she asks. She sounds hurt, and I don't blame her.

I don't want to answer that question so I deflect. "I wasn't aware there was an 'us' for you to cheat on."

"What?"

"We never officially started dating."

"We never officially started dating?" she repeats bitterly. "You're right. We've only been seeing each other exclusively all summer. At least, I've been seeing you exclusively. I can't speak for you."

"Of course I've only been seeing you."

"Why, then? Why have you only been seeing me? I've only been seeing you because I care about you. I like you. I don't want to hurt you."

"And I've only been seeing you for the same reasons."

"Exactly! I wasn't aware that we needed to have an official conversation that defined what we meant to each other, and how we fit into each other's lives! But if that's a conversation you want to have, then I want to tell you that I'm interested in officially starting a relationship with you, since we weren't official before." There's a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but I have a feeling that beneath her cutting tone, her words are mostly honest.

"I didn't mean it like that," I tell her. "I just meant that because we hadn't explicitly discussed our relationship, I didn't know how committed you were to it. I didn't know what you wanted."

Her voice is softer when she asks, "What do you want?"

"I want to be with you," I answer honestly, vulnerably. I remember what Zeke told me about opening up.

She pauses before she takes a deep breath. "I want to be with you, too."

"So do you maybe want to meet up in person? I know it's late, but I'm really sorry for how immaturely I acted today. I talked to Zeke about it, and he helped me realize that I was acting out because I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"You, I guess. Our relationship. I have some trust issues."

"I've noticed," she says. "But, um, I'd love to meet up somewhere. Do you have a place in mind that's still open?"

"There's a diner near my apartment. It's a little late for dinner, but maybe some dessert?"

"Okay."

"I can pick you up."

"I'll see you soon."

I'm thankful that Tris isn't one to hold a grudge, especially after she says she's forgiven me. She isn't tense at all as we drive to the diner, asking me the questions about my trip that I didn't answer earlier.

"You really need to stop surprising me, or every time you leave, I'll wonder when you'll be back, since you never tell me."

"You're right. I shouldn't just drop by."

"But it is a great surprise. I'm happy you're back. You were almost gone for a month."

"I know, and I probably won't be sent out for a while since I just got back, unless something more drastic happens in Syria."

"I was scanning the paper every day while you were gone to see if any of your pictures had been published. I always felt torn when I saw one."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I was so proud of you for having your pictures published in the paper, and I'd see one from you and get really happy, but all your pictures were of destruction, so…yeah, torn."

I laugh. Then I decide to change the tone of the conversation. "So you know my real name then?"

She looks a little uneasy, like she didn't mean to reveal that she knew. "Yeah."

"You can call me that if you want," I say nervously. "You don't have to call me Four. I'm sure that's kind of difficult to explain. When people ask what your boyfriend's name is, I'm sure you'll feel ridiculous when you call me by a number."

She smiles as she takes my hand. "My aunt's asked me about it a couple of times, Tobias."

I like hearing my name. I'm called by my name at work and by Zeke's mother Hana, but it's something different when it's coming from Tris.

"I like your name, by the way."

"Thank you," I say sincerely.

When we get to the diner, neither one of us is very hungry, so we split a slice of Oreo pie and drink a cup of coffee each. It's nice that there aren't a lot of people due to the late hour, and we have the option to sit in one of the booths.

"Just for clarification," I begin halfway through our date. "We are officially in a relationship, right? Girlfriend and boyfriend?"

She playfully rolls her eyes and leans in to kiss me. It's too short of contact for me, considering we haven't really seen each other in almost a month. "Yes, Tobias," she says when she pulls back.

Once again, I want to thank everyone for the response to this story! I'm so thankful for all of you! Also, I'm sorry to say that I won't be able to update this Saturday because of exams. Hopefully, this will be the only time I have to amend the schedule, but the end of the school year's coming, and I have several exams and standardized tests coming up. Thankfully, I'm a sophomore so I don't have to prepare for SATs. Anyways, the next chapter will be up next week, and then the schedule will resume as normal.