Chapter 10
The bruise is at that pale yellowy phase, fanning across the bridge of his nose and barely noticeable now. It hardly hurts at all now but sometimes he'll forget and rub his hand across his face and the pain returns like a dull toothache. It's dark in the office; the only visible light is from the screen of the laptop which is perched on his knees. His fingers dance over the keyboard as he finishes another chapter in his next Storm novel.
The soft knock on the door breaks his concentration and he looks up to see Beckett standing there.
"Damn, I'm sorry. I must have lost track of the time, occupational hazard." His watch reads eight-twenty. "I'll be right there in a second." Castle saves the file and hustles to his feet.
"It's ok, I've already put Alexis to bed," she waves him back. "But I did want to have a word with you, if you've got a spare minute."
"Sure, what's up?"
"You don't need me."
"I don't?" The writer looks startled. He doesn't need her? It's only been three months, not a long period of time, but he can't remember what it was like before she was there.
"There's been no further letters. No-one suspicious has tried to approach Alexis. The most dangerous thing that's happened to her is when you tried to get her to eat that grilled cheese sandwich with grape jelly concoction." Kate smiles at the memory.
Castle had looked so proud, like it was a culinary masterpiece and then the comical look of disappointment when the two females had given it the thumbs down. "It's called a grilled chelly and I still think it was delicious," he mumbles.
"Chelly aside, Alexis hasn't been in any more danger than your average five year-old. Maybe it's time to reconsider my job here."
"What are you trying to say Beckett?"
"Castle, at the moment you're paying me to be a glorified nanny and that's not what I've trained to do. It's time for me to move on." It's a hard thing for her to say but emotions don't outweigh the logic. She likes it here, in fact, she loves it. It would be so easy to just keep coasting along, to keep living here like she was an actual part of the Castle family but it wouldn't be right.
"Is this about what happened in the diner? If you want me to call Will and apologize then I can, whatever you want I'll do it," the writer pleads.
Beckett shakes her head. "It's not about Will. I do a three-month situational reassessment with all our clients. My job is not only about reacting to threats, it's also about risk analysis. I haven't seen anything of concern this entire time."
"I could pay you more money, or how about a pony?" he offers.
"You already pay me a hefty amount, it's not about the money," Beckett declines the offer. "Morally I can't keep bilking you for a service that you don't need."
"It's my money and I don't mind being bilked," Castle whines. "And what about those letters that we did receive? I didn't just imagine them."
"You were right to be concerned when you got those letters but it's been months now and nothing has come of it. If the person responsible was going to do something then it should have happened by now. Typically the pattern of behavior escalates."
"Don't try to confuse me with logic. I just know that I feel happier when you're here ... for Alexis' sake," he hastens to add.
"She'll be fine, you'll both be fine. If things change, if a new threat crops up, then I'll be right back on the job."
He sighs in defeat, the bodyguard is a stubborn woman but she's also right. There's been not a hint of anything suspicious for months now.
"So when are you going to leave? I want to give Alexis some time to ease into this. She cares about you and she's going to miss you." He pulls out the guilt card but Beckett has already given this considerable thought.
"Maybe another week? Besides, it's not like I'll be in another country. If it's ok with you then I'd like to keep in contact with Alexis. Maybe take her to the park or the zoo sometime. I'll miss her as well."
"Yeah I think that Alexis would like that. But how about you stay until after my Halloween party? It's only another ten days from now and your firm could do the security for the event. With that many people in the loft I'd normally hire someone anyway and I'd feel happier if it was your people. Please Beckett?" he pleads.
"I'll leave after the Halloween party then," Kate nods her agreement.
There's a loud crash as a glass tumbles to the floor and both adults turn towards the lounge where the sound originated from. Alexis stands in the epicenter, her pajamas are soaked from the water and she's oblivious to the shards of broken glass around her.
"Alexis, what are you doing up? Are you ok?" Kate walks over to the mess.
"You don't care, I hate you!" She's flushed with anger and the reddened cheeks class horribly with her red hair.
"Alexis Castle! You apologize to Beckett right now," her father reprimands her but the girl ignores him.
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" she screams and with a sob the child dashes back up the stairs to her room.
"Alexis must have overheard us talking. I didn't mean for her to find out this way," Beckett shakes her head sadly. The poor kid already has abandonment issues because of her mother and this was precisely the kind of scene that Kate wanted to avoid.
"She doesn't hate you, she's just upset. I'll go and talk to her." Rick's had far too much practice at consoling his disappointed daughter; starting with the day Meredith ditched them to pursue an acting career on the other side of the country.
"No Castle," the brunette puts a hand on his chest to stop him. "Let me talk to her first."
He hesitates but finally nods. Beckett isn't Meredith and she understands the girl a hell of a lot better than her own mother does. She deserves a chance to explain herself. "Ok, ten minutes and then I'll come up."
Kate eases the door open and peers into the dim room. The ladybug night-light outlines a figure buried under the bed covers.
"Alexis? It's Kate," she says softly.
The child burrows even deeper under the blankets but doesn't reply, turning her back on the woman. Kate walks over the bed and sits down on the edge. Sitting this close she can hear the quiet sobs, she can see the hunched shoulders shaking, and it tears at her heart.
"I guess that you heard that I'm leaving. I'm sorry that it's upset you," Kate picks her words carefully.
"I don't care," Alexis says defiantly. "I'm happy that you're going. I hate you."
"It would make me sad if you hated me because I love you." Beckett puts a comforting hand on the child's back and rubs in gentle circles.
"You're a big, fat liar. You're just saying it to make me behave. Grown ups lie all the time."
The brunette nods her agreement. "Adults do lie sometimes but have I ever lied to you?"
Alexis replies with a reluctant, "no."
"I've never lied to you and I'm not lying now. I really do love you. Who wouldn't when you are so pretty and sweet and you give the best hugs in the world."
The redhead turns over and stares up at Kate with watery, reddened eyes. "If you love me then why are you leaving?" the child demands.
"It's because my job is done," Kate strokes back the hair that has fallen over Alexis' eyes. "Your Daddy hired me to look after you and part of it was about keeping you safe. He was worried that … something might happen so he wanted an extra set of eyes to be on the lookout."
"So you're like a spy or a ninja?"
Beckett smiles at the analogy; Alexis is certainly her father's daughter. "Kind of like that. But nothing happened and you're all safe, so my job is over. You don't need me anymore. So I have to go and help other boys and girls who do."
"But I do need you, I do!" The child wraps her arms around Kate's waist with surprising strength. "Please don't go Kate."
Beckett returns the hug with interest. "Hey, just because I won't be living here doesn't mean that we won't get to see each other. You won't get rid of me that easily. I'll still come over to visit and we could go to the park or the aquarium. Maybe your Dad will even let you come over to my place for a girls-only sleepover."
The crying has diminished to just the occasional sniffle now as Alexis mulls it over.
"But it won't be the same."
"You're right, it won't be the same but it can still be good. It's like when your Gram goes away for her shows. You're sad for a short time but then she's back and that makes you happy again." The woman kisses the child gently on the forehead.
Silence.
"Kate," Alexis finally says. "I lied."
"What did you lie about?" Beckett swipes.
"I don't hate you, I was just angry," the girl confesses. "I love you Kate."
Emotions well up inside the woman at the admission. She couldn't love the child any more than if she was her own. "I know you do Alexis and I love you too."
Silence reigns for a period as they both soak in the moment.
"Can Daddy come too?"
"What?" Kate squeaks in surprise at the unexpected request. "For the sleepover?" Having Castle in her single bedroom apartment would be a bad idea.
"No sillly. Daddy's not a girl," Alexis says solemnly. "Maybe he could come to the park with us as well? 'Cos I think he's going to sad when you go away but you could make him happy again when you come back."
Outside the door Castle has been listening to the last part of the conversation in silence. He hasn't come in because it's clear that Beckett has it under control. He was just about to slip away when he heard that last comment from Alexis. For a five year-old, she's amazingly perceptive sometimes.
It's true he is going to miss the beautiful woman who's been sharing his home for the last three months. He would never have imagined this scenario happening, not after their inauspicious meeting on that first day. Beckett had been such a regimented bore or maybe he'd been an immature jerk. And yet somehow they've now got an … attachment, he's not willing to put another name on it yet.
Other than that one kiss, it's been a purely platonic relationship, but at the same time it's also strangely intimate. Despite where they started, they've ended up somewhere completely unexpected. He still teases her but now she'll fling her own quips back instead of going icy and withdrawn. Beckett still lets him now when he's being childish but it's with a grin and a roll of her eyes rather than a condemning stare.
He knows so many things about her, like how she likes her coffee and the fact that gets a little crease between her eyes when she reads because she concentrates so hard. He knows that her father is an alcoholic and that her mother's unsolved murder still eats at her. There are a million and one things that he knows about her that you just don't share with a casual acquaintance. So yes, yes he is going to miss her.