Chapter 10: Anger

"Why haven't they even closed his eyes" Jacob suddenly fumed and jumped out of his chair, causing it to fall back and make a huge crashing noise. My eyes opened wide and looked at him with disbelieve. He was not a drama queen, and throwing tantrums was not one of his specialties. "Why is it that every single person I love leaves me?" he exclaimed and looked at me outraged.

"I don't know" I mumbled and looked at my hand that weren't in his anymore.

"It's unfair and stupid! Ugh! I could just kill something right now!" I could see him starting to tremble and panic streamed through me. Trembling meant transformation. Transformation meant huge werewolf in the small hospital room. Bad idea.

Panic did nothing good for me, and without noticing I was standing in front of him my lips sealed on his for the second time today. Damn it! I should be illegal; I was a monster when I didn't think. Now he definitely thought I wanted to be more than friends. And how would a kiss help anything? The only thing a kiss would do was make him even more confused, and that was not a good thing.

He didn't respond the way I thought he would – responding passionetly like our first kiss - instead he pushed me away, threw his arms up in the air in frustration and stormed out on the hall and out of the hospital. I ran after him in human speed, but when I got to the forest behind the hospital, a pile of shredded clothes were visible behind some bushes. He'd changed.

Once again the tears streamed down my face as the picture of Billy's dead body filled my mind. Was that what had upset him? I couldn't quite decide if I liked this angry stage more than the happy one, because it was probably good for him to get rid of the anger. On the other hand I hated when he wasn't happy. And he clearly wasn't anything close to that.

A pair of cold hands on my shoulders startled me and I jumped up in surprise. Then I realized that only vampire hands were so cold, and since I was standing outside the hospital, this could only mean one thing; Carlisle!

I spun around and embraced the person, while my tears soaked his hospital scrubs. "Carlisle" I croaked, and looked at him with a smile on my face.

"Hello" he said, always polite, and smiled back at me, "It's great to see you, my favorite grandchild. It's been far too long," he said and pulled away to look at me with another one of the worried expression people had been given me since I came home.

"Right back at ya'" I said and grinned. I tried my hardest to not focus on anything else than Carlisle's presence.

"What are you up to?" he asked.

"Nothing, right now" I answered with a sigh as I glanced at the shredded clothes.

He followed my eyes, and understood immediately what I meant. "My shift is over in half an hour and I thought you might like to say hi to the rest of the family." His compassionate voice was something, I would never forget; always calm and welcome.

"I would love that" I said and smiled at him, whilst wiping the last tears away from my messed up face. Some people say you get prettier when you've cried, some say you get uglier. I was most definitely in the latter group.

I sat quietly in a white plastic chair– observing – as Carlisle worked the last half hour. His endurance with blood was compelling: patients passed him with blood spluttering everywhere and weakness so great the tiniest bump could break their spine, but instead of taking advantage of that, he looked at them with concern and anxiety. All the nurses came to him for advice and he always had the extra time to help.

I could see why his job was so important to him, and how much every person loved him. All the nurses sighed when he passed them, and that annoyed me a bit, but Esme would have no reason to be jealous, because Carlisle never looked at any of them twice.

I tried my hardest not to think of Billy's body, because the thought paralyzed me momentarily everytime it passed through my mind. They would remove him soon, take him to a quiet place before they would put some nice clothes on him, and put him in his final bed.

The half hour passed by quickly and before I knew it, I was sitting in the familiar black Volvo on my way back to my first home: The Cullen's house.

Excitement filled me and I caught myself bouncing the tiniest bit as the car turned to drive up the well-known road where I'd driven so many times in my earlier life. The fir trees were bigger than I remembered and the summer light made everything a lot brighter: It was a beautiful change.

"The sun's out" I noticed and leaned out the window of the car, trying to suck up the vitamin D despite of the huge shadows covering the road and car. I could hear Carlisle's chuckle from inside of the car, and I closed my eyes in satisfaction.

I could literally smell it in the air when the house was close enough to see. I opened my eyes, and there it was; big, white and timeless.

Esme – my too young grandmother – stood in the entrance a long jade dress flowing around her body. When she saw me hanging half outside the window of the car she started running towards the car and I saw just by the look in her eyes, how much she'd missed me. Her eyes shone in a hazel color that revealed her resent hunting trip.

I jumped out of the car and closed the space between us ending it with a hug. A new pair of arms joined the hug and then a pair more; Alice and Rosalie. I was surrounded by my father's side of the family, and it felt, sounded, smelled even tasted like home.

When the hug ended I saw my two uncles standing in the doorway, their arms crossed over their chests and both smirking, but still managing to look as different as pear and apple.

Emmett was big and burly with short black curls covering the top of his head like a helmet. He shone danger, but when you knew him – like I did – you couldn't do nothing but smile, when you saw him.

Jasper though, was muscular but in a more subtle and lean way and his head was surrounded by a halo of honey colored hair. The southern gentleman many girls dreamed about.

"Hey" I said and smiled at them.

"Loch Ness!" Emmett bellowed and held his hand up for me to high five as I made my way to the door.

"Emma!" I roared back and slammed my hand in to his with as much force as I could produce, before I passed him. I heard him chuckle approvingly behind me, and again the homey feeling hit me hard.

Jasper didn't say anything and it offended me a bit, because I'd missed him. Maybe the feeling wasn't mutual.

Alice – my short elegant aunt with spikes of black hair surrounding her pointy face – saw how he ignored me and shot him a deadly glare. He looked outright physically hurt by her silent accusation, and as soon as he was focusing on something else I felt the sadness overpower every other emotion in my body.

That's what he'd been focusing on so hardly; my stupid feelings. And now that he wasn't it felt like I was shrinking into a puddle of sadness, because I wasn't with Jake, like I'd promised. He was sad, which I hated. He was alone, and that was wrong. Once again a wave of happiness and that strange homey feeling flowed through me, and I gratefully sunk down in one of the white sofas next to Rosalie.

"Thank you" I said out loud and looked in at Jasper who had settled himself in one of the white chairs.

Everyone looked at first me and then Jasper with confusion planted in their inhuman faces. Jasper took it on him to explain. "You're welcome," he started and nodded at me, probably a little imprest that I knew he was messing with my feelings.

"She's a mess" he explained and looked at Alice, hoping for forgiveness for his rather rude behavior.

Esme, Carlisle and Rosalie nodded in understanding and then looked at me with concern. Rose – my extremely close aunt who was the most gorgeous person in the world with long blonde hair and ivory skin - was sitting right next to me. She stroked my cheek gently and looked truly worried. Esme came to stand behind me and the couch and then started combing her fingers through my tangled hair.

Alice was pleased with Jasper's excuse and danced across the room to sit on his lap. He smiled like a child being given its' favorite teddy bear, which was what Alice was to him in a strange way.

And that was what I was to Jacob and what he was to me. We were soul mates and I shouldn't just be sitting here like some stupid girl with no clue what to do. I knew what I had to do. Didn't I? Stupid Alice distracting Jasper!

"Alice!" I complained and glared at her mouth placed firmly on Jasper's.

"What?" she asked and looked at me with her wide bird eyes, not removing her mouth from his.

"Could you control your pixieself for just a little while, when I'm around?" I asked and she responded with even wider bird eyes. "Emotional mess" I said in a monotone voice and pointed at myself.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot." she said and sat down on the floor in front of Jasper allowing no more space between them. I felt the happiness overflowing me again but it felt misplaced and I couldn't figure out why. I just sat still and thought my day through over and over again.

It could have been hours after when Rose's voice interrupted the silence. "Do you mind talking to me alone?" she asked.

More time passed before I realized she was talking to me.

"No" I said hastily and got up from the couch. She took my wrist and dragged me up the stairs and without hesitating steered towards her and Emmett's room.

Nobody had ever been inside their room except for Rose and Emmett, not even Esme had been able to give any decorating tips in there. I was more than shocked, when she opened the door.

The room was bigger than I'd expected, but then again it was Emmett who had to fit in here. The walls were a dark shade of brown except for the one across from the door, which was covered in white wallpaper with small lily's and tulips spread across it. The floor was an even darker shade of brown. Against one of the brown walls was a wardrobe with a light brown frame and huge doors with mirrors on. A gigantic bed with a tall wooden frame and a big probably handmade headboard was placed against the floral wall. The millions of pillows in different shades of brown placed perfectly made it look like something from a decorating catalog. One word for it would be romantic.

"Did you do all this?" I whispered as if my voice could ruin the gorgeous room.

She sighed, sat down on the bed and padded the space next to her, wanting me to sit down. I did and was surprised by how soft the madras was. "Promise you won't tell anybody," she looked at me, waiting for confirmation.

I nodded, and she continued. "All of this is Emmett's work." She said and smiled to herself.

I was too shocked to speak; I just stared at the room once again and felt my mouth pop open. Was this why I hadn't seen this room before? Why nobody had ever seen this room before? Because Emmett didn't feel like sharing his secret? Because Emmett was an interior designer?

"Wow" I finally managed to say.

"I know: My husband's an artist," she crooned and enjoyed the thought. But then she remembered why she'd brought me here. "Anyways… You have to talk to Jacob. I know, it's weird, hearing that from me," it was truly weird because Jacob and Rose loathed each other, "but that only makes it that much more obvious.

"You're what he needs right now, no matter if he's mad at you or not. I love you, Alice loves you, Esme loves you, Carlisle loves you, Emmett loves you, Jasper loves you, Leah loves you, Seth loves you, Charlie loves you, Sue loves you, Embry loves you, Billy loved you… I bet the whole world loves you!" My heart sunk when I thought of Ally and William, who quite possibly hated me.

"But not one person loves you as much as he does. As much as I dislike him, I know when I see love; and he loves you. It's even more important now, when he's struggling to keep positive because of everything that's happened… You have to talk to him" She sent me a serious look and I felt my stomach shrink into a little knot.

"I know, I do, but it's just that…" I trailed off, because I didn't have anything to say. "I'm just afraid" I admitted and felt my shoulder slump together with my mood.

"Of course you are. I would never have been able to handle a situation like this, but I know you will, because you're strong. You're a Cullen." she said in a soft voice and stroked her hand through my hair. Why everyone was so eager to stroke my hair, I didn't know: It must have been at least two days since I last showered.

I sighed. "You're right." I said firmly. Then I remembered a question that had been bothering me: How did he die? Rosalie was the best to ask this question. If she knew the answer of course. "It's hard to comfort when I don't know how he died," I said, and hoped she wouldn't see me as a terrible person for not knowing this.

She looked at me with such intensity, I couldn't find the muscles to blink or turn my head as she spoke: "I only know the version Carlisle told us, so if you want to know the details, you have to ask Emily or Rachel," Emily's name was a surprise to me, because how would she know more than any of the other from La Push? Rosalie answered my question before I asked it: "They were the ones who found him."

I knew it made sense that somebody had found Billy, but the thought had never crossed my mind until now. The shock it must've been for them. That was why she'd been the one to apologize, and that was why she –such a strong woman- started crying.

"They had been cooking some of Billy's and Charlie's fish from the fishing trip they'd been on that morning, and now they wanted to stop by at Billy's to give him some. When they came through the door the sight of Billy unconscious on the floor met them. They called Carlisle quickly and he was there in a second. He could see right away that it was serious and he, Sam and Paul got him to the hospital in a matter of ten minutes.

"Carlisle worked for eight hours straight with such desperation only Esme dared to go near him. We all waited in the waiting area. When Carlisle came out he just sighed once and the whole place sounded like a battle field: Some of the werewolves were shouting at Carlisle, a few shrieks of horror from especially Emily and Rachel mixed in with the shouting.

"Charlie didn't stay; he walked out of the hospital and nobody saw him or got in contact with him before we told him Bella was on her way. Quil, I think his name is, ran straight for the telephone and called Leah and Seth's apartment."

I removed my eyes from Rosalie's and wiped away a few tears. But how exactly did he die? He couldn't just have died of nothing. "What caused his death?" I asked with a hoarse voice and tried to sound like the information hadn't caused me pain.

"His diabetes. He stopped taking medicine for a reason still unknown, and then one day his body gave up and his heart slowed down. Then came the unconsciousness, and that's probably what made him fall out of his wheelchair," she said in a distant voice.

Of course it was his diabetes. It had taken his legs so why not his life? I was glad he hadn't been hit by a bus, or worse: Committed Suicide. That would've been a hard one to explain to Jake. A new question popped into my head: "Does Jacob know about how it happened?"

"I don't' know"

"You're right, I have to talk to him," I said firmly, now armed with information. Then I stood up and stretched, popping a few joints. "Really… Emmett placed all of these pillows?" I asked and gestured towards the headboard of the bed.

"He wouldn't have it any other way" she said as we walked out of the room. She locked the door behind her, and when the click sounded, I was off.

Off to find Jacob once again.

First of all: SORRY, that I broke my computer with all the chapters, and because of that broke my promise of uploading every Friday!

Don't you all hate me for making Rose the one giving advice and not Alice? Remember that Rose is like a mother for Nessie, so she is of course the one giving this advice.

Did you like the Cullens, or was something wrong about them? Tell me! I really want to know!

Billy's death… finally we all found out how he died… I briefly considered suicide or an accident, but I think in the end it just had to be the diabetes.

The secret I told about last time? Emmett as interior decorator xD

What do you think will be the next "stage" of grief?

REVIEW as always because I love when you do it, and because if 10 of you do I will include Bella or any other character you want in the story :D (just write in the review which person you want)

Over and out

-The humble Author

Btw… THANK YOU for reaching 50 reviews :')