A/N: Not mine, no money.

Chapter 9 – Perspectives

November

When the smell of roasting turkey began to fill her quarters, Lia felt more at home than she had felt in months. This is what life was about. Lia realized she had been trying to find a family again. And here, in a castle in the remotest area of Scotland, she had found one.

She watched Harry and Ron sitting at the end of a transfigured dining table, absorbed in a game of Wizard's Chess. Hermione was sitting with them, giving unwanted input to the two players. Oliver and Neville sat with them, more intent on listening to the wireless since Ireland was playing Bulgaria. Ginny and Luna were watching little James run around the sitting room, who was chasing the good natured Tybalt to his heart's content.

She was happier than she could remember being.

If only …

She shook her head. There was that phrase again.

She checked on the turkey again, applied a little more butter to the skin and hoped no one would ask her just how many calories went into the making of their first Thanksgiving Day meal. Well, sort of Thanksgiving, since the only time they could all get together that was not on a school day was the Saturday after the traditional American holiday.

Lia looked back out at the group, then found the black clad figure staring out of the window in her sitting room, looking unnaturally stiff and cold in this room of warm company. As if he knew she was watching him, he glanced back over his shoulder at her. The corner of his mouth raised slightly in the imitation of a smile, before he turned back to look at Black Lake.

She sighed.

If only …

December

From the windows from his Defense against the Dark Arts classroom, Severus watched the last group of students depart from the castle to the catch the train home for the holidays. They had no students staying behind this year and the entire faculty and staff were free for the holidays for the first time in recent memory. The Weasley's would be going to the Burrow, of course. Longbottom and his odd fiancée would be visiting his grandmother, since the old bird had decided that she would not leave this world until she saw a great-grandchild in it. Many of the older professors were staying here, as Hogwarts had been their home during the season for so long that they couldn't consider another place to be. Himself included.

She would be going to Potter's house for a few days before returning here Christmas Eve. He was pleased about that. All he had wanted for Christmas this year at all was to have at least part of the holiday with her without anyone else pestering her every five minutes for attention. And since he got his Christmas wish, Severus was going to covetously take and enjoy moment alone with her that he could get.

He thought for a minute about how beautiful she looked last night at the Yule Ball, in a festive crimson dress and her hair gathered in a style that looked like it would all tumble down if you looked at it wrong. He'd wanted to pluck every pin out of her hair, sink his fingers into it, and kiss her until her cheeks were as scarlet as her lovely dress.

Severus had been able to steal two dances with her. All the co-Heads of House danced the first dance with the Head Boy and Girl and the prefects, and this year he'd had someone to dance with other than Minerva. That first dance was formal and stiff from the affected waltz that was always the first dance of a Hogwarts Yule Ball. But he could still feel her hands on him as they twirled around the floor, how weightless she felt when he lifted her during the ridiculous spins. It was the second dance, where she shyly asked him to join just as the music changed to a slow romantic warble, which had moved him to the point of distraction. The gentle sway of her hips so close to his, the small little breaths that inched her breasts closer against him, and the smell of lavender in her beautiful hair – it had almost too much for him to cope with.

He felt Lia in the room with him before she announced her presence. There was just the slightest shift in the air. Electricity where none had been before. And then the softening within him that always occurred whenever she was within reach.

"You said you would teach me how to cast the Patronus Charm after all the dunderheads left," Lia said as she walked over to meet him at the window. "They're gone."

He nodded and talked her through the theory, the wand motions, the incantation. When he stood just behind her, her tiny hand in his as he corrected her wand motion, he felt something so familiar about this scene, like a dream he couldn't quiet remember having.

Severus shook it off, and watched her as he secretly rubbed his thumb over hers. With her eyes closed, thinking about her happiest memory, he decided that she was what artists saw when they attempted to paint angels.

"Expecto Patronum!" she intoned with power far beyond her experience as a witch. He shivered involuntarily as he watched a silvery butterfly escape from the end of her wand. The beautiful creature glided around the room and almost touched his head before it flew out of the closed window and disappeared.

Lia clapped her hands and smiled. "I think I found my new happiest moment!" she cried as she flung her arms around his neck. "I can't believe I did it!"

He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a very quick squeeze before he backed out of her embrace, unsure whether to be supremely pleased, or to be completely terrified.

January

"That's not fair, Oliver. Honestly." Lia rushed past him so that she could return to her rooms.

"I just don't understand, Lia. I've told you how I feel about you. Don't you care about me, just a little?" Oliver pouted and tried to catch her hands in his. She stopped walking.

"Not like you want me to."

"I guess my initials should have two S's then, for you to even consider me?" he huffed sullenly.

Lia felt her blood boil. She narrowed her eyes and tried very hard not to lose her temper. "How dare you even try to bring up my husband?"

Oliver racked a hand through his fair hair. "Fine, sorry."

"I care for you, Oliver. Very much, but as a friend. Please remember that," she said as she whispered her password to the farmer.

He nodded, and gave her a withering smile. "I'll come for you at dinner?"

"If you wish," she said.

Oliver nodded and walked off.

Lia sighed, and then smiled at the Farmer as she walked into her rooms. There was nothing to be done, really. They had such an easy friendship otherwise. They made each other laugh, and they could talk for hours. Except, that the conversations were a little vacuous – always about his aspirations and dreams, very rarely about her.

She wished that they could talk like she and Severus did, about all parts of Magic, about her hopes to run a Healing service, and his love of potions making and dream of one day opening a potions shop in Hogsmeade when he retired from teaching. Their friendship was very special indeed. But, not everyone was like Severus, and she knew comparing the two men was not fair to either as she would always find one of them lacking.

Unfortunately for Oliver, he was usually the man who was.

Putting her feelings aside, she walked in to her kitchen. For she had a cake to finish preparing.

When she found out that Severus had never had what she considered a proper birthday, with a cake and presents, she decided to remedy this as best she could. She had told no one else about her plans. No one else was invited, as wanted to respect his intense need for privacy.

He thought he was merely coming over for afternoon tea.

The vanilla cakes were cooling in her kitchen, almost ready to be iced. The presents, a 15th century book on potions making that she'd found at Flourish and Blotts when she was picking up a copy of Advanced Potions Making, as well as a framed picture of the two of them dancing at the Yule Ball, were sitting on her desk.

She realized that the gift of the picture was a rather romantic notion, considering that he did not love her. But when she had discovered the photograph's existence while going through pictures of the event with two 3rd year Slytherins who were budding photographers, she could not resist asking them develop two more. Hers sat next to her bed, and was usually the last thing she looked at before she retired to bed for the night.

As she gave the icing a final stir, that nagging word popped back into her mind, even though it had been mostly dormant for months.

If only …

February

Lia peered at a cauldron simmering in the corner of his classroom.

"What are you brewing?" she asked, mesmerized by the spiraling swirl of steam emitting from the cauldron.

Severus knew she caught him rolling his eyes a little before he answered, because she stuck her tongue out at him like a petulant 1st year.

"It's a potion for my 6th year NEWTs class. You don't have to worry about it for a while yet."

She walked to the cauldron and appreciated the beautiful mother of pearl sheen of the potion simmering inside the vessel.

"What do you smell?" He'd walked up behind her, as quiet a cat. He fanned a little of the grey steam in her direction.

She ook a deep breath in and smiled.

"Freshly baked bread."

"Anything else?" He looked down and pretended to be interested in a loose thread on his teaching robes.

She inhaled again. "Rain." He looked up and saw color rise on her cheekbones. There must have been an interesting association with that scent. He watched her take one last breath of the steam. "Firewhisky and … sandalwood," she finished. A little secretive smile appeared on her face when she glanced up at him.

Severus turned his back to her and stacked the parchments on his desk while he tried to regain his composure. Wiping the smile from his face, he turned to watch her walk back to her seat, appreciating the sway of her skirts.

"What is that potion?" she asked as she returned to her seat. "It's very odd."

"Amortentia."

Lia wriggled her cute little nose. "Finally gotten into the spirit of the month?"

He sneered, and cursed himself for not realizing she was probably reading ahead. Hell, she probably had already bought a copy of Advanced Potion Making at this point. "I brew it every year to remind the little idiots of the dangers of using it. It's rumored that it's the potion the Dark Lord's mother used to ensnare his father and that turned out just wonderfully for our world, didn't it?"

"Indeed," she replied, nodding her head a little. He watched her face flicker with annoyance, but then that little smile came back to her face. Her eyes darted back to his. "What do you smell when you are near it?"

He walked back to the cauldron, and went through the motions, even though he already knew the answers. They were the same scents that he recognized the first time Horace Slughorn brewed it for his own 6th year class over 30 years ago. Surprisingly, after he met her, some of his answers finally made sense.

"Laundry soap, red ink, sea air, and lavender." He walked back to his desk and sat down, grabbing his quill and a jar of the aforementioned ink to start marking her last essay. Not that her essays ever needed much of the ink, but he did enjoy the ritual.

He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, and saw her watching him curiously before she took a seat back at her desk and started taking out the ingredients for her practical exam from her kit.

He went back to his reading.

March

Lia walked down the aisle in a pale pink dress, still wondering what brought her here. She looked out at the people sitting, recognizing only a few – faculty and staff of Hogwarts were the only people she did recognize as the only time she got out of the castle was for trips to Hogsmeade.

Minerva was standing at the front. She was officiating the event, and looked very regal in her crisp black robes. Neville stood next to her, looking as though he might throw up at any moment. It was a small wedding party. Harry was Neville's best man with Ron as a groomsman, the latter looking very uncomfortable in his dress robes. Ginny was Luna's matron of honor, with Hannah Abbott as a bridesmaid.

Lia took a seat next to Hermione, and they watched as Luna walked down the aisle on the arm of her father, looking wonderful in soft white dress robes. Her bouquet matched that of her attendants, roses mixed with tulips and Dirigible Plums, except that she also wore a pair of the plums as earrings.

She let her mind stray during the ceremony and glanced at Oliver, who was looking at her with such intensity that it made her nervous. Hermione looked from him to Lia with worry. She caught Lia's eyes and frowned. Lia tilted her head and shook it slightly. Hermione nodded, looking back to the bride and groom, who were now exchanging rings.

There was a low cough at the back of the crowd. Lia looked to find the source, and met Severus's eyes as he lowered his hand from his mouth. He smirked at her, then cut his eyes back to the bride and groom. She took the hint and started paying attention to the ceremony again.

Except, that from time to time, she found his black eyes again. And her heart was always a little more at peace.

April

Severus could think of no more excuses to keep her at the castle for the Easter holiday.

"Just tell them the truth, that you want to stay home," he told Lia, now almost exasperated with her tired arguments of why she needed to go to Harry's home for the entire week.

"I haven't seen the Potters since Christmas. James had probably grown a foot. It's nice to be around little ones, since Sam and I never got to have any of our own."

He snorted impatiently and said, "So you could have been saddled with a fatherless child at nineteen? You should count yourself lucky." He walked into her kitchen to grab a tin of his favorite biscuits that she apparently had decided to always keep baked for him. He went back to his cup of tea, and grimaced when he found it cold. A Warming Charm took care of that inconvenience.

He looked up and saw her eyes were damp when he finally saw her small, silent sniffles. Wordlessly, he gave her his handkerchief and watched her dry her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Lia. That wasn't intended to sound as cold as it came out." He patted her hand as she cried, cursing himself for being such an insufferable shit.

"I had a miscarriage after he was deployed. I didn't know I was pregnant when he left, and his mission was so deeply undercover that I never got to let him know," she said, sounding miserable as she wept.

If Severus had ever wished that he had been given a more gentle personality it was now. He put an arm around her, and not for the first time, let her cry on his shoulder because of his stupidity.

"I'm an arse," he said, brushing the hair from her face. He felt her nod against him.

"You are," she agreed as she blew her noise and tried to dry her eyes. "But at least you don't mean to be, at least not this time. You didn't know. Since I'm stuck with you I'm learning to deal with it. I just wish …" she started to say and paused.

He looked at her, thinking that she would continue, but she did not.

Lia shook her head a little and said, "I'll tell Harry and Ginny that I need to stay here and study, and especially since you little sadists have decided to do my final practical tests a month before everyone else's."

"So, you'll stay with … You'll stay here for the holidays?" He studied her.

"I'll stay."

"Good," he replied. He felt his hand tingle where their skin had touched, just like it always. If he couldn't have her, and least he could have all the minutes he could steal away. And maybe that could be enough.

May

"I can't believe the three of you got away with so much in school. Good gods, it must have driven Severus insane," Lia laughed.

She and Hermione were sitting in Hermione's Transfiguration classroom. Lia had just changed a mouse into a water goblet, but had refused to take a drink from it despite Hermione's prodding.

"It did," Hermione giggled. "I mean, now we all understand why Dumbledore turned a blind eye when it came to the three of us, but at the time it must have seemed like unabashed favoritism."

"Has he ever figured out that you set his robes on fire?" Lia burst into laughter again just with the thought of an eleven year old outwitting her favorite Professor.

"If he ever did, I'm sure he'd figure out a way to deduct House point from me still." Hermione wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her robe. "This little lady won't get away with anything, that's for sure."

"You are so sure it's going to be a girl?"

"They say the charms are 100% accurate, even this early," Hermione said as she patted the slight bump of her belly.

"Have you thought about names?"

Hermione smiled and nodded, "Rose. I've always wanted a little Rose if I had a daughter. So she will be named Rose Eileen Weasley."

"Is your mother's name Eileen?" Lia asked, bringing her hand to the little swell.

"No, her name is Regina. At least, it was before I Obliviated her. Who knows what she goes by now," Hermione said with a little bitterness.

Lia reached for her friend's hand. "At least she and your father are alive, Hermione. You saved them in the end."

Hermione smiled, but it was not a happy one. She walked over to the cage on her desk and put the water goblet back in before she returned the mouse to its normal state. Then she burst into tears.

"I'm sorry, Lia. These pregnancy hormones are murder. Take any normally sad thought and all of a sudden it's twenty times worse."

"It's okay Hermione, really," Lia said. She put her wand back in her pocket and gave her the handkerchief from her pocket, which was embroidered with an intricate dual "S".

"Actually, we're naming her after Severus's mother. To honor him," Hermione said as she dried her eyes. "But for Merlin's sake don't tell him or he'll probably strangle me. He'll find out after her birth certificate is already signed and sent to the Ministry."

Lia put her arms around the thin little witch, smiling into her frizzy hair.

"I won't say a word," she said, putting her hand back on Hermione's belly and sighing.

Neither of them noticed the dark figure in the shadows in the back of the room. His shoulders had been silently shaking with mirth when he finally found out just who had set him on fire during that nerve-wracking Quidditch game. Now, they were still. Two thin streams of tears escaped from his eyes.

June

Lia wasn't sleeping well. He could see the bags under her eyes, which were now constantly slightly bloodshot and red from being rubbed. She was blaming it on the weather and cursing herself for not packing the Muggle medication that she normally took this time of year. Every offer of a potion was refused, as it would "go away on its own".

Except, that it didn't.

Except that every day, she looked a little more run down. A little more overwrought. And she refused to tell him why.

He'd tried to sneak a peek into her worried mind with a brief Legilimens over supper last night – the first time he'd ever done it without someone's knowledge or permission since the war. Severus would have felt guilty, except that he found nothing.

Lia was a natural and gifted Occlumens. Or else, she had been taught by a wizard or witch even more gifted than he.

Neither answer satisfied him.

He looked through his storeroom and even considered Veritaserum before he pulled his mind together and got angry with himself for even considering it. He put the vial of clear potion away, back in the magically locked safe on one of the highest shelves.

Lia would talk to him, when she was ready. Severus hoped it wouldn't be too late for him to help her when she was.