Chapter Ten: Shadow

My sleep that night is plagued with strange dreams...dreams that seem almost like memories. The first takes place in the Cathedral, and it has a familiar-yet-unfamiliar figure standing in the center of a crowd.

"Master, the turtle will be of no use to you in a condition such as the one he will be left in after this." The girl's voice is smooth and deferential, yet still filled with a touch of warmth and compassion.

"And do you suggest, then, han'nin, that I rescind the penalty?" Now that is a voice that I recognize easily. But the girl is not deterred.

"I accept the punishment."

The dream changes. Suddenly I'm standing in a worn kitchen, staring at two of the turtles who captured me - and one more that I haven't seen. An orange-masked one. "I didn't mean to make you upset," Donatello says desperately. "I want to help-"

"You can't," Orange snaps. "Okay? None of you can. You don't know what it was like. Nee was right. Until you've seen the things that I've seen and been forced to do the things that I was forced to do..." He trails off, swallowing. "Just leave me alone, Donnie. Please."

One more set of images flashes through my mind, this time of the orange-masked turtle and the girl with the blurred face.

"I don't understand why you've done all this for me. Why you took me in and stitched me up. I don't...I don't deserve any of this. I've done far too many terrible things in my life to be forgiven. I'm so broken, Mikey. My mind is sick and twisted and wrong and I-"

The turtle stops her midsentence, putting his large hands on her cheeks. "If all that's true, then I'm just as sick and twisted as you are. I've done things that I never want the guys to find out about because I'd be too ashamed. But our past doesn't make us who we are. It's what we do with our future that defines us. And maybe we are broken. Maybe those pieces of us that shattered won't ever be whole again. I don't know. But maybe...maybe if you and I stick together then we can start to heal. Maybe the pieces will start to fit together again. I don't know if or when that will happen. But wouldn't you like to stick around and find out?"

And the girl slowly - so slowly - places her hands over his.

I jerk awake, panting. My head is aching and my stomach twists. I lurch to the side as whatever food left in my stomach makes its way back up, but there's nowhere for me to go. The bile leaves an acrid taste in my mouth and a small puddle on the floor.

My brain registers the presence before I actually see the outline of the body in the darkness. "How?" I ask hoarsely. The person comes into the light and I realize that it's Nisshoku herself. Speak of the devil.

"Are you okay?" Her voice is soft. Concerned. She doesn't seem at all angry or upset because of what I said earlier.

"Why would you care?"

"Because you and I are...were friends." The correction looks as if it physically pains her. "You were my friend, and it's my fault you're lying there right now. It's my fault you were brainwashed and tortured and...and I'm sorry."

You don't want to face the truth because it hurts, doesn't it? It rebels against whatever control Shredder has exercised on you. It goes against the serum coursing through your blood. It brings up too many painful memories. Like the very first night you met Nee. Or the night when you convinced Leo to let her stay with us because you'd made a promise. Or the night when she ran away from you because she was hiding a secret that damn near killed you. Or the night when you saved her life and she left you stranded in Foot Headquarters, all alone and half dead-

SHUT UP!

I blink, snapping back to the present. Nisshoku is still staring at me, waiting for a response. A frown crosses my face. "You know, I honestly don't understand what you four are hoping to gain by this charade."

The brunette flinches at my words. Then she quickly collects herself. "I know you'll remember. Maybe not right now. Maybe not tomorrow. But you will."

"You really believe in yourself and your friends that much?" I ask as she makes for the door. Her final response echoes in my mind long after she's disappeared.

"No. I believe in you."

A/N: Yup! Nee's got her hope back, guys! And maybe - just maybe - Mikey's on the road to recovery.

Wanted to apologize for not updating this one sooner. Life's been kinda hectic for me lately. I'm doing my best to get back into the swing of things though.

Please review.