Chapter Ten: The Song I Wanted to Write with You

Two hundred and fifty seven years apart. One hundred and seventy years together, once every ten years. Seventeen summers. That was all they had shared, a mere breath in space, a single leaf amongst the tree, a single flower.

The sweetest flower in all the field.

Her thoughts poured unbidden, unwanted, numbers and memories and withering loss and terrible anger, unlocked by some force and inexorable beyond measure.

Sing to me, my zhanshi. Show papa your pretty fangs.

Xiao zhanshi – little fighter. His tiny warrior. The slate cub that would not obey any who did not earn it first, squalling with miniscule rage when lifted single handedly by her nape and swiping at the air with stubby paws. He laughed, pointed incisors moist in the candlelight.

Lixue ordered her muscles be faster, her leaps farther, the trees themselves to leave her path – iron muscles before iron muscles, every leap a predecessor to endless leaps behind it. Her mouth gaped, frothing and glinting in the sparse moonlight, her eyes rolling and wild, white-ringed and daring any to cross their path as fire tore through wind water and earth alike.

And yet she could not lose him, the shadow of men stretching on the ground behind her. Sun-warmed fur descending in the night, persistence and persistence again. Lotus.

Go and apologize to your mother before I drag you in there myself. It is unbecoming of a lady to act in such a manner.

Always her father's voice – why didn't anyone else speak?

She did not register the battlefield until she was almost upon it – fire and blood in the moonlight – cheaply outfitted soldiers of poor lords seeking to increase their status by attacking each other into poverty.

She bore down through the center of it, blue flames blossoming from her flanks, dripping from fangs, distraction for moments at least. The confusion was immediate and palpable, tasting of sulphurous copper, delightful and maddening; they scattered, panicked beetles from the fire, vermin, quarrel forgotten as both sides turned to flee together.

My father says tigers and dogs don't sing together. He glanced coyly at her, fangs peeking out from his lips. Sing with me, Lixue. It's a song I only want to sing with you.

She knew Sesshomaru watched, and she could not care. Let him see. He said I'm not who I used to be – let him see how right he is. Sinking her fangs into the man before her, she jerked him from his panicked steed and placed a furred paw over his legs, hooking claws into meat and pulling his body in the opposite direction. Test the resilience, stretching… before… the splitting of flesh, screeching and fine mist of blood, screams swallowed with the body down her throat. Tattered strips of flesh hanging as laundry from the line, sharp bones dyed pink and tan, long ropes of intestine looping into thick pools to be lapped up by a hook-covered tongue. Ream the delicate from the shell, warmth stolen for a day. Crush another as he crawls, his pleas of no, please, I have a family, exploding in her mouth with his skull. The body goes limp, discarded and slumping grossly onto the dirt. Waste.

She thundered long, laboriously, her eyes filling with heat that dripped from her face. She closed them against it, fury and fear infecting her voice. Sing for me. Tainted words.

For a tainted beast.

oOxXxOo

She rumbled through her marrow, through the moon's passing into the pale blush of dawn, broken into cries low and shuddering. Fur receding into the skin with faint itch and prickle, heat and wet coursing in equal measure from within her while she sank into the blooded dirt and carrion.

He hadn't moved since coming to stand behind her, watching her. She didn't turn to see his face. What he must think of me… of who I am now. The past doesn't matter anymore, not now. I should just wait here in the mud for the mirror to take the rest of my soul. I haven't anything left.

Sesshomaru regarded her as she bitterly grieved, her shoulders collapsing toward her body and her back bowed. The tea did this.

Soft touches, feathery and erratic. She turned to see his hand poised on the very edge of her shoulder, perching the claws and the very tips of the fingers like it might fly away at any moment. She sought his eyes in the low light, half hidden in a curtain of silver.

"Please."

Please. The single word echoed into time, long ago the days of her youth, the last thing he had said to her in that fateful summer. Please don't go. He had held her hand tightly then, as if his grip alone could make her stay.

She robbed a shuddering breath from her lungs. "I'm here."

Words that made no sense, in a time that didn't belong – he lifted her from the dirt carefully, a gallant gesture unnecessary, her heart ticking in her chest, then… nothing. He hadn't released her hand, almost unsure what was to be done with it, leaving them standing together in the evidence of her slaughter with tears still fresh on her face; neither here nor there.

They walked slowly, sometimes taking foot trails through the forest, sometimes taking the path she had forged in her desperate flight from him. He let go of her hand and she walked a few paces behind, only touching when he made sure she didn't slip on the slicked rocks in the water. Eyes never meeting.

What did you expect, you stupid woman? She berated herself. He's a childhood friend. He didn't want you crying in the dirt while he was bound to stay by you after you stupidly ran off. What do you even want from him?

She watched him walk before her. He's grown so much. With his power and status, he probably has no end of women trying to get him to be their mate. They wanted to sing for him when I was gone. More when I wasn't.

She had never understood the obsession with the moon that the canines held, lifting muzzles in the dark to thread their bodies with gold. Layer upon layer of simple richness, singing in the basest tongue of adoration and longing, joyousness and suffering. Every note meant nothing and everything. And it had everything to do with the moon.

The sweetness of the broken grass kissed her nose, the sun finally breaking on the horizon, as the pair returned to the remains of the fire. She hadn't run very far at all, a frenzy that lasted mere miles before the battlefield. Everything was as they had left it, the kettle turned over in the soot from where she presumed her sudden bolt had pushed it. Rin and Jaken were waking slowly, Ah-Un trumpeting a hello to his returning master.

Rin rubbed her eyes vigorously with the back of her wrists, shuffle-running to the youkai pair. "Rin wondered where Sesshomaru-sama and Li-san went!"

Lixue glanced at Sesshomaru's stony expression. "I wandered off thinking about something, and Sesshomaru-sama was bringing me back." She turned to look at the girl. "Are you hungry?"

Rin nodded emphatically before dashing to Ah-Un's saddlebags.

Sesshomaru looked at her then. "You needed no help finding your way here."

She kept facing ahead. "I wasn't referring to my body."

"Hnn."

oOxXxOo

The day passed slowly, returning to a hint of normalcy as the magnolia passed through their systems. Rin continued to munch on the waxy petals, her honest nature unchanged by their magic. Sesshomaru had instructed Jaken to clean and pack the kettle, saving the petals for the next night he would use them, until she caught on to the reason for her sudden changes. Perhaps next time the result would be a little less… explosive.

Lixue trailed behind the group, not caring where they were going, only barely keeping Rin's cheerful kimono in sight. She curved her path, sometimes stopping to lie down on a warm rock or shooting forward in a random direction only to fall back again. She didn't respond to Rin's calls, the girl's voice the thin reed of birdsong, and eventually she stopped calling.

oOxXxOo

"I need to reclaim the rest of my soul."

Sesshomaru did not turn from his seat by the fire, Rin long past asleep and its light dwindling. Jaken eyed her, clutching the staff of two heads across his lap with more sincerity. She had been flitting just on the edge of Sesshomaru's senses all day, a strange little dance that had made his mark maddeningly active then dormant with rapid succession as she tested the limits of her leash. It was only now, the long sigh of daylight long passed and stars holding silent counsel above them, that she approached from behind him.

Her shadowed voice held no hint to her demeanor. "I have been wasting time while the monk gathers strength and allies. I need to reclaim my soul before he tracks me here and takes the rest of it. I will run no longer."

Sesshomaru blinked slowly at the fire, knowing the answer before asking. "Then why don't you go?"

A hint of a growl at his back. "I would have already. If you haven't forgotten, I can't leave without you willing it, and even then just barely."

The stillness once more.

Sesshomaru knew her thoughts without her voicing them, her scent giving her away.

She was unsure what she had expected. I can't just expect him to drop whatever it is he's doing, leave behind his wards, and wander around looking for a priest with a soul-stealing mirror just because I asked him to.

"Sit down." His eyes sought hers, the tiger's eyes twin flames, reflecting the light to glow amongst the blackness. An order without emphasis.

Her fragrance a wake behind her motion, she gingerly sat beside him at arm's length.

"What will you do when you find the monk?"

She brought her knees up to her chest, resting her chin on them as she cradled herself. "I don't know, smash his mirror I guess."

He lifted the kettle from its home amongst the outer coals, careful to only put half a petal in her tea this night. He knew she would return.

She gripped the teacup lightly, inspecting the liquid as it steamed.

"Sesshomaru?"

"Hnn."

"Why are you giving me these petals?"

"You do not like them?"

"Don't play like you don't know what they do to me."

He was silent.

From the corner of her eye, she could see him look into the fire, his hands uncharacteristically toying with the edge of his sleeves. Will he tell me the truth, knowing I can smell a lie? Or perhaps he has mastered the aristocrat half-truth.

"This Sesshomaru will not tell you."

"If you tell me why, I may drink it."

Her demure attitude seemed to confuse him. "You do not do things because it pleases others."

She shrugged. "If it's a good enough reason."

"Hnn."

"Well?" she urged him.

"You are aware that I can simply not tell you what want to know and will you to drink it, whether you wish to or no."

"I am. Doesn't mean I can't ask."

"You will not have an answer; you will drink." Sesshomaru clicked his claws together, his eyes distant. "Do not make me force you."

A sigh. "Will you at least say 'please'?"

"No."

She looked down into the tea again. Fighting with him over this small thing was futile, and she was tired. The water was lukewarm as it passed down her throat, the foreign sensations filling her again in a softer motion.

She sat with Sesshomaru, allowing her eyes to close as her perceptions shifted and realigned to break again.

"Sesshomaru?" No response.

"I missed you."

"Hnn."

"I guess you didn't miss me, huh?" She flopped to her back, watching the stars swell to massive proportion before retracting again in a lazy wave. "Figures."

She sat up to unbuckle her armor, the metal plates thunking mutely on the grass before she shoved them away with her foot. "I could say I don't care if you missed me or not but I'm not sure. Things changed a lot. And now they're changing again."

She turned her profile to face him, giving him an uncharacteristic jolt of concern. Not for his life, but from the intent glowing in her mercury eyes as she crawled closer.

"Sesshomaru."

"What."

"I want to sleep in your mokomoko again."

"Why?"

"It's soft. And it smells like you."

He didn't give his permission, but she reached across him for it anyhow, gently petting it and brushing it against her face. With a long-suffering sigh, he slid it from his shoulder for her. If this was his part to guiding her back, so be it.

She leaned against his side, wrapping her neck and torso in the luscious fur with what could only be described as soft purring. Her body was warm, the cloth freed from her armor smooth and pleasant. He sat stiffly, mediating his breathing and holding the weight of both of their bodies erect.

"Wha – Sesshomaru, do you only have one arm?" She sat upright, peeking through his sleeve to confirm it. "What happened?"

Her shock and concern was palpable, and completely unlike the new her – sensationalized by the influence of the magnolia, no doubt – but he shook his head minutely.

"I will tell you tomorrow when you're feeling better."

She settled back into his side, brow furrowed. "The magnolia makes me think about things I don't want to. Mostly about father… you too."

He knew; he had felt the same urges the night before, an experience he did not desire to repeat.

She buried her face into the fur, curling her body to press against him more fully. "I know you don't like me anymore, Sesshy. I didn't want to leave. Papa wouldn't let me come back. That's probably not why you're mad though."

"I am not angry with you, Lixue."

"Sure you are. You don't look at me, and you don't talk to me either. You didn't even look happy to see me again."

"I had just been stabbed."

"That doesn't mean you couldn't say 'it's good to see you again' or something. I missed you. I already said that, though." She sighed. "I'm babbling. You did this to me, for some reason. Do you want me to tell you the secrets to kill me? Well it wouldn't be hard. You could just will be to be still and let you kill me and I'd have to eventually. Maybe you could tell me to kill myself. I don't have all of my soul, so you know, I'm pretty easy pickings already. If—"

"Lixue." He broke in. "Be quiet."

"Oh."

He skimmed the form leaning against him. She was staring hard into the darkness, gripping tightly to his mokomoko as if trying to hold herself in. Like she might fly apart into a million pieces.

"It's good to see you again." He murmured, gaze leaving her body. Her taut grip was relaxed, becoming pliant again against him. So strange and so simple.

It was only after she had closed her eyes and drifted away that he relaxed his stiff position, leaning over to look at her face. The hard creases between her eyes were smooth, showing how young she really was. It was hard to remember sometimes that she was just barely an adult, nearly a century his junior.

He cocked his head to view her profile more fully, strands of his hair pulling across to mingle with her own. She had retained the roundness of cheek from her youth, her jaw longer than before but only adding a small amount of maturity to her structure. She would look young much longer than she should.

The diamond and inverted arch were her father's, the slashes between them probably came from her mother. He had never met her, but Lixue never seemed to miss her so he hadn't had much curiosity about it. He pushed her bangs aside to view it more fully, admiring its rich crimson hue. She had no other markings, but this was acceptable. It was unusual in its complexity.

Her beaded necklace rested half hidden by the sapphire folds of her clothing and the cream of his fur, a deceptive fragility to them that held the power to subdue a taiyoukai like her with little more than a thought. They whispered an odorous tint of bone and magic.

She sighed, pressing closer to his warmth and breathing his scent deeply as if to assure herself that he was still there.

In her sleep, she was his Lixue again.

Her eyebrows lifted in her sleep, an 'o' forming in her mouth as she muttered.

"No, Sesshomaru, don't eat that…"

A/N: I couldn't resist.