The Random Megaman Parody Show: Second Offense
By: Metal Sonic EX
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Megaman series. Nor do I own anything else that they might choose to make fun of.
Parody #11
A Parody of Edward Scissorhands
By: The Zero series
(Zero, who has four chainsaws strapped to each hand, walks up.)
Zero - I'm a fucking emo!
(The scene changes into a room.)
Ciel - Snuggle in, sweetie. It's cold out there.
Alouette - Why is it snowing? Where did it come from?
Ciel - Well, that's a long story. You see, one day, God got a horrible case of dandruff…
(Ciel sits down.)
Ciel - Anyways, there was once a man who had chainsaws for fingers. There was once an inventor who lived up there in that mansion. He once created a man. He gave him insides, a heart, a brain, everything. Well, almost everything. I don't think that he could've sexual enjoyed himself if you catch my drift.
Alouette - Did he have a name.
Ciel - Of course. His name was Johnny.
(Leviathan rings the door bell and a Pantheon opens it.)
Leviathan - Hello, slut. I mean, Joyce! Joyce.
(Leviathan goes to a different house.)
Leviathan - There was Prostituion Purple, which looked charming on you, and Whore White, which was also good.
Pantheon - I am programmed to agree with you on both subjects.
Leviathan - Excellent!
Pantheon - Do you recall that I am without funds?
(Leviathan punches out the Pantheon.)
Leviathan - Do you recall that I have fists.
(Leviathan goes up to the castle and enters the garden where there are numerous bushes of people in sexual positions.)
Leviathan - Oh my… So beautiful… I didn't know you could do that…
(Zero walks towards Leviathan.)
Leviathan - What happened to you…
(Zero swings his chainsaw fingers at her wildly.)
Zero - Bitch, I've got fucking chainsaws for fingers! What the hell do you think happened?
Leviathan - Well, I'm stupid, so I'll invite you home with me!
(In the car, Zero notices kids playing with a Slip & Slide. He points to it, but cuts off the steering wheel on accident.)
Leviathan - Well, shit. Nice going, Johnny.
(In the room, Johnny tries putting on a shirt, but fails horribly. When Leviathan reenters the room, he's wearing a shirt like pants.)
Leviathan - I guess it works.
(At dinner, Zero tries to eat, but cannot.)
Zero - Ah, fuck it.
(Zero slams him face into the plate of food and begins eating like a pig.)
(The next morning, everyone gets into their cars and Zero screams.)
Zero - All the houses look exactly the same! It's a conspiracy! A conspiracy!!
(In the yard, everyone watches as Zero uses his chainsaw fingers to make a bush sculpture of a penis. Later, Zero makes a giant vagina.)
Zero - I think it balances it out. Penis over there, cootchie over here. It's perfectly logical!
(Just then, some crazy woman walks up.)
Woman - Blah blah blah… I'm far too religious!
Zero - Leave or I'll show your my fast fingers of doom!
(Outside, as Leviathan talks to the neighbors, the woman walks up again.)
Woman - Blah blah blah… I'm still too religious!
(As Copy X looks at a heart-shaped cookie, he looks at a robot.)
Copy X - Maybe I could turn a robot into a cookie robot… Hmmm…
(Later, during the barbecue, Zero looks at the food that is haphazardly placed on his fingers.)
Zero - Who wants to risk their life to try a shish kabob?
(That night, as Ciel enters her room, she looks in the mirror.)
Zero - -in creepy tone- Hi…
(Ciel freaks out. Later, in the bar, Zero drinks lemonade then spits it out.)
Zero - What are you trying to do? Poison me?!
(The next day, Ciel is walking down the street with Phantom. She looks at all of the genital-relate bush sculptures.)
Ciel - I think they look weird.
(At the dinner table.)
Harpuia - You can't buy a car with cookies. Am I right?
Phantom - Actually, I beg to differ.
(The next day, Zero begins using his fingers to groom dogs. However, for the finishing touch, he accidentally kills one.)
Pantheon - I can always purchase another one!
(On the talk show, Zero gets zapped and falls backwards. Later, in the empty salon, the Pantheon begins stripping off its' clothes.)
Zero - stands up- I'm gone.
(Outside of the bank, Leviathan pulls out a rocket launcher.)
Leviathan - Well, time to finish that dickhead off. -reenters bank-
(That night, everyone breaks and enters a house.)
Zero - This person stole from you? -raises fingers- I'll kill 'em!
Phantom - That's the spirit!
Policeman - Drop your weapon!
Zero - Okay, Mr. Pig. Give me a knife and I'll cut off my fucking hands!!
(Later, as Zero is released.)
Woman - I saw the sign of Satan on him.
Zero - Bitch, I'll show you Satan. -revs fingers- Rip & tear! Rip & tear!!
(Moments later, Ciel walks in.)
Ciel - You knew it was Jim's house?
Zero - Yes.
Ciel - Then, why'd you do it?
Zero - 'Cause I felt like it, okay?! I had nothing better to do!
(Phantom whistles and causes Ciel to go outside.)
Zero - This pisses me off. Time for some vandalism. -begins ripping the curtains-
(Later, at dinner.)
Harpuia - Johnny, we're waiting.
Zero - E. I use the money to finance my war against the humans. Uh… I mean… C?
(Later, as Zero is sculpting a penis out of ice, Ciel begins dancing in the snow.)
Phantom - Hey!
(Zero spins around and cuts Ciel's head off.)
Zero - Oops…
(As Zero rampages down the street, he cuts down a penis-shaped bush, then winces before continuing his rampage. Then, as Zero is sitting down, a dog walks up. He cuts the dog's head off and smiles, then turns to the police car that's approaching him.)
Zero - The fuzz… -runs off-
(In the flashback, Copy X has a heart attack.)
Copy X - Ow! Heart attack!
(As Zero and Ciel embrace, Zero notices a car that's swerving out of control.)
Zero - Shortie…
(Zero runs outside and tackles Fefnir to the ground, then begins slashing at his face.)
Zero - Are you okay? How 'bout now? Now? You okay now?
(At the castle, the policeman fires at Zero.)
Policeman - Blam! Blam! Blam!
Zero - -is bleeding- You asshole… I'll kill you!!
(Phantom hits Ciel and Zero impales him on a chainsaw finger.)
Zero - Enjoy Hell, fuckface!! -throws Phantom out of the window-
Ciel - I love you.
Zero - You do know that means that you're gonna die, right?
Ciel - What? -gets stabbed-
Zero - Sorry, babe. Gotta go with the flow, right?
Alouette - Then, how are you alive…
(Ciel is slumped over in her chair.)
Alouette - Grandma? Grandman?!
(Zero spontaneously appears in the room.)
Zero - I can make you feel better…
(Alouette screams and the screen goes black.)
Next time: The Battle Network series goes on the hunt for a man named Waldo.