Back to Doubts

Edward's POV

A/N: back to when Edward leaves the hospital in a rage -intending to find and destroy Jacob. this takes place before the previous chapter.

The street was a blur as I sped faster than a human would dare over the few short curvy miles that joined Forks to La Push. Boundaries, treaties, enemies -those words meant nothing to me. Someone would cease to exist in a short matter of time and that someone was Jacob Black. It did not matter to me that he had been a dear friend to Bella. He had taken chances with her that I could not allow. He had crossed boundaries that I had fought so hard to maintain. Her innocence was gone.

The desire to spill the dog's blood grew exponentially as I came closer to where he was. I could feel my hands at his throat already. I imagined the steady thrum of his heart slowing until it beat no more. The anticipation was almost too much to bear. I would revel in his death. Consequences be damned.

Screams of profanity and feral growls dug their way into my thoughts. The wolves were not waiting for me to come to them. They were already aware of my impending arrival and they had taken to the woods. So, the border did nothing to stop them this time either. I wondered how long it would take for them to finally overcome me. With the rage I felt building in me now, I was almost positive I could take down more than half the pack before I succumbed to their razor sharp teeth and claws. I smiled at the challenge.

Damn him. If I was making my way to hell today, I would make sure that it was with Jacob Black in my clutches. We would make a fine pair to add to the devil's collection of lost souls. Eternal fire was not something I feared. I was already suffering more than I ever had. My Bella, my precious delicate Bella, was lying in a hospital all because of that mongrel. For whatever reason, he had deemed it necessary to go to her and hurt her one last time. I would make sure it was the last pain he ever caused her.

"EDWARD! STOP!"

Alice's voice rang out like a bell in my head. I swerved, nearly hitting an oncoming logging truck head-on. Not now, Alice. How in the hell had she caught up to me so fast?

Headlights flashed off and on in my rear view mirror. Alice's car was riding my bumper. I thought momentarily about hitting my brakes, but decided I did not need an "accident" slowing me down.

"Don't do this, Brother."

"Now is not the time."

Emmett and Jasper? They couldn't be with Alice. There would not have been time for them to reach her at the hospital. They must be running and they were close. Their voices were strong.

I was not going to be stopped by anyone, including my family. With the accelerator pushed down, completely flush with the floorboard, I outran Alice. Her headlights faded and as I rounded a curve they dimmed and vanished. I slammed on the brakes and hit the ground running before the car came to a complete stop. I had not gone far before something shot out from behind a tree and knocked me down. I was so startled that I lay still on the ground for a full minute before I recognized Esme's smooth, steady voice.

"This is wrong, Edward. You need to listen to me before you run head-long into a disaster. Alice has been trying to reach you," Esme placed a gentle but firm hand on my chest and held me down. She wielded amazing strength even for a vampire when she put her mind to it.

"Leave. Me. Alone," I growled through clenched teeth. "This is not your decision to make, Mom."

A hand as hard as a steel bar struck my face. "Stop now, Edward or you will regret ever being born the first time."

Esme's eyes were darker than I had ever seen them. They reflected no light at all. She stood stone still above me. I could have overpowered her, but she was adamant about making me listen to reason. I allowed myself to be bullied by her for a second longer.

She removed her hand from my chest and crouched down beside me. I lay unmoving while she continued with her prepared speech.

"Alice had a vision, Edward. Bella is going to need you...and Jacob. She will never forgive you if you go through with what you are planning."

"What does it matter now, Esme? After what he did to her-"

"After what they did together, Edward," Esme's eyes softened now. She drew closer to me and ran her hand down my arm lovingly. She guided me to a sitting position, as a mother would help her child up after a tantrum.

"Are you accusing Bella of-"

"Edward, listen to what I'm telling you. Alice saw it," Esme's voice seemed to drift far away with the wind that now stirred the leaves in the trees above us. "It wasn't clear before, but just as you left the hospital the whole picture came into focus for her.

"What, Esme? What are you saying? Bella willingly took him into her bed? That would be cause enough for her to want to die, but she would never do that!" I was mortified by the thought of Bella making love to Jacob. He forced her. That was the only explanation.

"I know what you're thinking. That's just not true, Edward, and you know it. He loves her. Maybe just as much as you do," Esme sighed and wrapped her arm around my shoulders. "Jasper has spoken with Jacob already," she whispered.

"He did what?" How dare they interfere in this way. Jasper, the very one of us who could instigate a war by discreetly planting hate in his enemy's heart, had crossed into Quilluete territory and spoke with the leader of their pack? The one soul I loathed more than my own? To what end? Not peace. Not with me, ever.

"Jasper felt he was better suited than Emmett to speak with Jacob. You know that Emmett would rather act first and think about it later."

I could not find the words to express the emotion I was feeling at that moment. I hoped Jasper showed up soon. Perhaps he would choke on it.

"Edward, she didn't mean to. She thought it was you," Esme would have blushed if it were possible.

"And the dog? Did he sleepwalk into her room on the one night I happen to be far enough away to be unable to protect her?" I was going to tear him apart.

"No. He was coming to tell her that he was glad she was happy...with you."

"And he just happened to volunteer all this information to Jasper? Just now?" If this was all a ploy to keep me from ripping Black to shreds, there would be hell to pay.

"No. Jasper left with Emmett just after you. Alice called them right after she spoke to Carlisle. Emmett came to the house to find Rose and I. Jasper went directly to Jacob's father's house to speak to him. Jasper said that Jacob was in shambles. He said that he had never felt such sorrow and remorse in all of his life."

"I don't believe you." But deep down something told me it was the truth.

"Go back to Bella, Edward. That's the only place you need to be right now. Jasper wants to speak to you, when you will agree to see him."

How could I look at her when I knew that she had been with him? It cut me to the core to think about him raping her. But this? I didn't know what I was feeling. I would never stop loving her. But would she feel the same way about me if she could see my doubt of her love? My Bella would not betray what we shared. Soul mates did not cross each other out of their hearts so easily.

Bella had lots of accidents. Some hurt others just as much as they hurt her. I hoped this could all be blamed on an accident. If she loved him...If she chose him instead of me...but then why would she react the way she had?

No. There was proof. Alice had thought she had seen Bella having a nightmare. It had not been a mere dream. Bella had suddenly realized what she had done, and she panicked. She panicked because it was not me who shared her bed. She loved me. I loved her. And that was all that mattered.

I repeated that over and over to myself -sometimes out loud- all the way back to the hospital. If I kept saying it, maybe it would be true.