That night Berwald couldn't fall asleep.
After Mathias left, he ate his dinner in silence ignoring the curious stares that his mother sent him from time to time. She had even tried a couple of times to start a conversation, but when she mentioned "how Mathias was a very polite boy " and saw his son's clear discomfort, she gave up.
Berwald felt bad for her, but in those moments he had other thoughts in his mind.
He then returned to his bedroom and locked the door, sat on the bed and tried to read a book to distract himself. He didn't want to think at what less than an hour before had happened, so he tried to concentrate as much as he could on the storyline of the book that now seemed too boring and unimportant.
In the end he opted to go to sleep, understanding that stare at the letters on the slightly yellowish pages was just a waste of time, and laid on the bed.
The same bed where he and Mathias had kissed.
Berwald sighed and gave up: he couldn't continue to ignore what he had felt when their lips connected, or how much he had craved for Mathias's touch when he was there with him.
…And he couldn't stand the idea that once the two of them would meet again at school, Mathias would probably pretend that nothing happened, just because he had behaved like a kid and ignored him and his feelings.
Right… Mathias's feeling.
He couldn't understand them. He couldn't say if the boy was just joking and playing with him, or if that was what he wanted him to believe. Berwald was aware that Mathias was a more deep person than what he may have looked, but he still couldn't fully understand him, and that annoyed him more than a little.
Now that he had calmed down and that he could reflect more clearly on what happened, he really felt bad for how stupid and misleading his reaction had been.
In the end, he continued to contemplate the recent events and around three o'clock he fell asleep: he was too exhausted, more mentally than physically.
The following Monday, Berwald was getting ready to go to school as he usually did more calmly than he thought he would have just two days ago.
When he was finishing to put the books in his schoolbag, he heard his mother screaming in a rather cheerful way from the living room.
"Berwald, Mathias is waiting for you outside! Hurry up, it's not polite to let someone wait!"
"What?"
The surprised response came as natural and spontaneous as it could, since he was sure that he and Mathias haven't made any plan to see each other that morning.
And hell, he could have sent him a message at least!
'Wait a second, that's not the real problem here! I hoped I could have avoided him at least for the first two or three hours of school… and how should I act around him now?!'
He had spent the whole Sunday wondering how to behave around the other teen, but all the ideas that came through his mind were stupid or impossible, so in the end he had opted to just hide in his class like a coward with Vash.
But now that he was outside his door, he couldn't escape from him.
…and he wasn't ready for whatever he would have told him.
Breathing in, he picked his converse and put them on, said bye to his mother with a small kiss on her cheek, and opened and closed the door without looking at what he knew was waiting for him outside.
When he slowly turned around, his heart skipped a beat just at the sight of Mathias.
He had spent more than the last twenty-four hours thinking about him, and he felt like the last time they saw each other was a long time ago.
Needless to say that he looked as good as usual.
He was wearing a dark green sweater and a pair of white trousers; his hair were messier than usual and he had on that small black hat that he saw when they first met just a couple of weeks ago.
Mathias was looking at him, as if he wanted to say something, but instead nothing came out of his mouth.
"Uhm…" After a couple of tense seconds, Berwald wanted to break the ice between the two of them, just because the situation was becoming unbearable, but Mathias stopped him.
"Before you say anything, I want to apologize to you for the other day. …Maybe I went too far with that joke, I know, but I don't want you to be angry at me."
Mathias paused for a moment, his mouth slightly open, as if he was thinking at what to say next, but then continued without moving from where he was standing. "I… I know that this may sound contradictory, but I also wanted to ask if you… enjoyed it"
After the initial awkward silence and the flushed cheeks of both teens, Berwald pretended to not understand the question in a very unconvincing way, causing a little genuine smile from Mathias.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Have you liked the kiss?"
Not knowing what to answer, Berwald didn't say anything and just stared at the ground, expecting Mathias to insist on the matter, but instead he just sighed, ran a hand through his hair and said trying to smile,
"It doesn't matter. We should go to school now, I don't think that you want to arrive late again"
Feeling guilty about his insensibility and his cowardice, but at the same time don't wanting to reopen the argument, Berwald just answered "Yeah, thanks", not looking at him in the eyes just like two days ago.
They started to walk towards the school building not saying anything else, not that Berwald expected anything else.
'This silence is becoming too familiar between us… and I don't like it. I should just answer his question and then everything should be alright but… I just can't bring myself to do it. All of this is mostly my fault. Why did I say yes to his offer? And especially, why can't I face him now that he's in front of me?!'
He had liked the kiss, he had accepted it, but he couldn't bring himself to say it out loud, not only to the Dane.
But something bothered him: why did Mathias asked him? What if he answeded him 'yes'? What would have happened?
He could have just apologized and then they would have forgot all that happened…
But then again, did he want to forget?
'I'm behaving like a five years old boy, I continue to contradict myself… I bet that even Tino would-'
Smiling a little, he mentally kicked himself. Why haven't he thought about Tino before? He could ask him for help! Since they were little kids, his cheerful cousin had always been there for him when he needed help, and he was sure that he would have had an idea on how to 'fix' the relationship between him and Mathias.
Without a doubt, Berwald knew that he was also going to talk about the matter with Vash, but he wanted to have more than just a point of view, and it was a good excuse to let his cousin know about what was happening in his, ehm… 'Love life'. In fact, he and Tino hadn't been in contact for the past two or three weeks, and Berwald admitted that he missed a bit the calls with the ever-cheerful boy.
Don't wanting to wait a second more, he took his cellphone from one of the pockets in his jeans and quickly started to type the message, causing Mathias to look curiously at him and at the object in his hand, but after a moment or two he returned to look at the streets in front of him.
In the meanwhile, Berwald had wrote the first and easier part of the text, that he needed an advice about something, but now he wasn't sure on how to continue it.
Should he just drop the bomb or beat around the bush?
After contemplating at the two options, he opted for the straightforwardness, 'Something I should have with Mathias' he bitterly thought, and finished to type the message and sent it.
Somewhere in Finland, Tino, a short seventeen years old boy with light blonde hair and vibrant purple eyes, was lying in his bed with a cold, playing Action Potato on his iPod to kill time.
'Damn, why aren't real pots that cute?!' he thought watching the pots jumping in mid air to catch the potatoes, but then was distracted by the game feeling something on his belly vibrate.
Pausing the game, he checked the sender of the message, and when he read "Berwald:D" on the vibrant purple screen of his cellphone, a big smile appeared on his face.
He opened the text to see what his cousin was writing him for, but as he continued to scroll through the words, it was getting harder and harder to contain the blush forming on his cheeks.
'Hey Tino, if you ever kissed a boy and you liked it, but you couldn't bring yourself to tell him, what would you do?'
Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Tino clicked the 'Reply' button and started to type the message.
Berwald didn't have to wait long, and after five minutes he received his cousin's reply and opened it.
The silence between him and Mathias was as heavy as ever, and when his cellphone ringed he was grateful that Tino had read immediately his text so that he had something to distract himself with.
'When you have the time, call me…Since I don't know exactly what happened ,It's better if we talk about it and you explain me the whole situatio. In that way I can give you a better advice ;D'
Thinking that his cousin was right, Berwald smiled and typed 'Ok, talk to you later' and sent the message.
When the two boys arrived at their school and then reached Mathias's class, the Dane forced a smile and said,
"Well… see you later".
"O-Okkey!" Berwald answered while turning around to hide the relief that was showing on his face. The fact that Mathias wanted to see him again and that he wasn't going to cut ties with him despite what had happened before that morning was already something.
Maybe adjusting their relationship wouldn't be as difficult as he originally thought.
Going to his own class, Berwald couldn't wait to go back home and talk to his cousin… he felt like he really needed it.
Ehm… Hello? Is somebody still going to read this story? ç.ç
I feel SO bad right now D: I should have updated this story months ago, but because of school, tests, problems with my parents and a big amount of laziness I didn't! Ahah… ah.
Anyway, this chapter is short, but I wanted to publish something just to let you know that now I'm back in action and that I'll be updating this story regularly again!:D
Aaand one more thing: in this chapter there will be more grammar errors compared to the others since the girl who was helping me can't right now :/ But anyway, thank you Rena-thecrazydanishgirl !
REVIEW, REVIEW, AND REVIEW. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THING ABOUT THIS STORY! :D
And thank you very much for reading, following, favoriting and reviewing until now my story and this too long author's note…