His eyes remained locked onto the water for another brief moment before his body spurred him into action. He shrugged himself out of his already drenched jacket and carelessly threw this onto the floor next to his feet. Next layer he peeled off with his red over shirt which crumpled to the ground in the same style as his jacket.
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT? DAMN IT WINCHESTER ARE YOU COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY OUT OF YOUR MIND!" Ellen screamed not used to being ignored like this. Her anger rose towards the young man. He neither spoke nor did anything to acknowledge her existence, this just infuriated her further. Ellen reached out and clawed one of his shoulders forcing him to turn and face her.
It was then that she really noticed his appearance. His skin was pale with his freckles standing out more than usual. Lines creased his normally youthful forehead which added ten years onto his biological age; these lines seemed to be caused by some form of pain. His mouth was set into a grimace reiterating her assumption of pain, blood stained his chin and various cuts and scrapes from the rocks were apparent across his handsome face. But it was his normally expressive emerald green eyes which really caused a sense of shock throughout her body. Underneath his eyes dark bags hung loosely as if he hadn't slept in a decade. His green eyes were dull without their normal brightness to them but that wasn't what caused a slight hesitation within her. No…Around his iris his eyes were bloodshot and the green seemed to be darkening as a hint of black threatened to overwhelm them.
Underneath her hand Ellen could feel an extreme amount of heat erupt off of his body even though he shivered through his damp clothes. Something wasn't right and there was no way she was going to let the boy stalk off without a decent explanation. At the moment she was in full throttle mother mode and there was nothing stronger than a parents concern and determination. Especially not Ellen's.
"Dean what the hell is happening? Are you alright? Where is Sam? Who has him? What the fuck is going on here? Please tell me," she found herself almost pleading with the stubborn man. His eyes failed to make contact with hers as they continued to flicker anxiously over towards the water. His distraction etched across his face. In response Ellen tightened her grip upon his shoulder.
"Listen to me Ellen. I don't have the time right now, now let go of my fucking arm before I am forced to drag you down with me," Dean snarled slightly. His eyes remained locked onto the water, a hint of fear obvious within the blackening green. But there was no way Ellen was going to let him go that easily, threat or no threat.
"Don't you dare speak to me like that and I hope to god to never hear another threat like that come out of your mouth towards me. Now I want to know the truth and I demand to know it now!" it took all of her self control to not erupt towards the young man. At the moment she was on the verge of giving him a well deserved reality check but this she knew wouldn't solve anything. It would just make herself feel slightly better.
Underneath her grip his whole body tensed up suggesting his rise in anger levels. She had seen this boy in action and even though she hated to admit it he could send fear through her that no others had been able to. He was a damn near perfect hunter, a lethal weapon that you wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of.
"I don't have time for this!" he called out impatiently aiming his voice at no one in particular. His right hand swung up towards her face, connecting with her mouth gently but forcefully. It was the shock rather than the pain that forced her grip upon the young hunter to slacken. Dean pushed her hand off effortlessly and walked over towards the water. He stopped right at the edge and turned his head slightly towards the stunned woman behind him.
"I'm sorry but you didn't exactly give me another choice," he whispered before stepping into the water.
Ellen watched with wide eyes as his whole body was enveloped by the grasping hands of the river and he was pulled down to the bottom. Her mouth opened wide unable to comprehend what was happening and what was going on. Her instincts screamed at her to reach in and retrieve him back but she knew better. If he wanted to kill himself then she would let him, if he wanted to abandon his brother than fine…but Ellen's eyes never moved from the water. Hoping that he would emerge once again…
The tears pricked at his tear ducts painfully with his heart still within his throat. The inside of his eyelids burned with the horrific and emotional sight of his brother's body parts reforming. Of his brother's blood and skin molding back into shape, creating the perfect vision that was Dean Winchester. If he thought seeing it was bad what must it feel like living it? How Dean had managed thirty years of that was beyond him as he was sure if it was him in his place he wouldn't have been able to last a mere five. But then again that was his elder brother for you; he had developed a high pain threshold and rarely allowed himself to be ruled by his emotions. The one piece of Dean that Sam had tried to mimic throughout those almost unbearable four months of his own personal hell.
To begin with Deano managed to retain that oh so loveable charm and wit about him. He managed to deal with the pain even when it started to increase over time. When I started I knew I had my work cut out for me but he pushed me to further my standards even higher. That was when cracks began to form in his façade. That was when I worked out how to break Dean Winchester, how to break a righteous man. A man like him has some emotional problems that he conceals deep inside and all I had to be bringing them to the surface. Deal some emotional pain along with the physical blows.
The demon's voice faded from his mind taking the darkness with him. Once again Sam found himself standing in the part of hell which consisted of the one rack. The part of hell that tormented his brother every single night through his nightmares. The one part of hell that he knew would haunt his own dreams from now on.
Sam stood facing his brother on the rack and a frown crossed over his face instantly. There was a major contrast between the last scene and this one and that was Dean. Last time Dean still had some confidence within himself, he still had his soul intact but now looking down at his elder brother Sam saw the immediate difference.
Dean's eyes darted inside his head furiously, looking all around the room when there was nothing there. His body shuddered every few seconds which caused a pain filled groan to emit from his mouth. Underneath his eyes fresh tear stains were visible showing the proof that even he cries sometimes. Deep within the green there was pure terror lurking, one emotion that Sam had seen his brother display twice before. Once was when they were on that airplane and the other was the first meeting he had with Alastair out of hell.
His mouth moved but no words came out. He seemed to be talking in mute. Sam leaned down towards his mouth trying to make out what he was saying.
A tear trickled down his cheek as Sam straightened up once again. Dean was uttering a silent pray to himself, a man who claimed he didn't believe in religion was actually praying for a savior, praying for some relief, praying for death to come and claim him and praying for his Sammy. Even here in hell his big brother was concerned about him, trying to remain his protector.
Sam's heart tightened in his chest while his grief threatened to overwhelm him at the sight of his broken sibling. His knees felt weak underneath his weight as they attempted to buckle beneath him. But his determination and horror allowed him to remain upright.
All he wanted to do was pull Dean from hell himself, to hold him in his arms like he used to when they were younger and never let go. To assure him that everything was alright that they would be brothers once more. Go back to how they used to be before fucking heaven and hell decide to intervene in their lives. Now he might not even get the chance to see his brother one last time, Dean could die without him there, out there alone and never be found. Rotting away, his memory forgotten as everyone carries on their lives as normal. Like he had never existed. Just like Bobby had.
When Dean had been taken by the hell hounds Sam had spent the first week or so afterwards at the elder hunters place. He had lost all his appetite and would spend his days with a bottle of jack in one hand and Dean's favored leather jacket in the other. Occasionally he would breathe in the scent of his older sibling just to feel that connection. And everyday Bobby would attempt to bring Sam out of his current 'funk' as he had dubbed it. And every day it failed to work. So the hunter did what he did best…he carried on hunting as if he didn't have a care in the world. He carried on his life like Dean had never existed within it.
Of course this sent Sam over the edge. In a drunken blaze he remembered storming out of the auto yard after smashing up nearly everything he could find within the house. He engraved Dean's name into every piece of wood he could find and on every mirror. Before he left he remembered writing a note to Bobby with lots of choice curses and his brother mentioned within every sentence. At the end he signed the note fuck you from Sam and Dean.
His mind couldn't comprehend back then how much grief Bobby had gone through. That he wasn't stalking off to hunts all the time but sitting alone in one of the unused cars with a picture of Dean, crying until his tears rang dry, muttering prayers for Sam and downing as much alcohol as he could manage into his system. Sam was just too drunk to realize this; he was too caught up in his own feelings to notice others around him.
Sam drew in a deep breath which he immediately regretted as a new bout of sulfur entered into his lungs. He coughed in what was an automatic response for him. Beside him a mini imitation happened in the form of this lowly cough.
Sam's eyes cast down towards his brother. For once the roles had reversed and it was Dean following in Sam's footsteps…well in a form of a cough anyway but it was in that moment that Sam felt the connection between his brother springs to life once again. Determination crossed him in the same moment; there was no way he was going to let his brother go once again. There was no way he was going to allow his brother to end up back down here.
A whimper from Dean's lips brought Sam out of his thoughts. His eyes found themselves following in the same direction of the terrorized green. Emerging dramatically out of the hellfire was the familiar fiery figure and this time he had some company. Hot on his heels was two figures whose identities were covered by thick black cloaks, the stereotypical dress sense for the Grim Reaper. Sam guessed that this was Alastair's sick attempt at a form of humor. And he meant attempt.
As Alastair approached the brothers Dean's whimpering increased in pace and became more desperate. The black eyes flickered from one brother to the other, his mouth set in a permanent smile as he digested their separate expressions. One full of fear and sorrow while the other full of anger and hatred. How he loved the Winchesters. Most of the time all he had to do was set a ball into motion and watch how the pair reacts. Both being each other's personal demons. Made his job easier in some cases and in others made him increase in his boredom. Slowly his patience had begun to wear thin so this game was formed with both Winchesters fates stored securely in his own hands. So here he was…passing the time with the youngest…fulfilling his boredom while he waited for his student to crack, to return to him once more. The outcome of this game had been sealed but now all that needed filling was the middle sections.
"Did you miss me Deano? I'm so sorry I left it so long this time but other matters came to hand that was beyond my control. Seems there is some commotion happening down here with a few of the souls and demons, I hear of a great plan forming. Now kiddo you are growing on me so I shall let you into the little secret," Alastair cackled. His eyes grew wider with satisfaction as he leaned his mouth down towards Dean's ears. The flinch in reaction didn't go unnoticed.
"Lilith is planning on taking control once more by giving you a present. Sammy has joined us," The anguished scream that came pouring out of Dean's mouth ripped Sam in two. His heart fell to the pit of his stomach and twisted so violently he was sure it had missed a few beats. Alastair was using Dean's one weakness against him. Horror flood over him, angry tears cascaded over his face with a snarl escaping his dehydrated lips.
Alastair's hand reached out behind him, with a small gesture a person stepped forward. The cloak remained in place for a little while longer. The demon's eyes sought out his hazel and they locked together. Sam clenched his hands into fists by his side while all he could do was wait for the next turn of events. His brother's cries continued to affect him emotionally, how he wished he could reach out and offer some form of comfort, to tell him that it was all part of a trick and the fact that he couldn't was killing him slowly inside.
"YOU'RE LYING! SAM IS STILL ALIVE!" the sudden shouts from Dean startled Sam right out of his own emotions. Tears were falling down his brother's face gracefully, lines creased his forehead. All this caused the demon to cackle in response. With one click of his fingers the second figure removed his cloak.
Dean screamed louder in a mixture of horror and disbelief.
Sam's mouth dropped open as his eyes connected with his own. Apart from instead the usual hazel they were the purest black. This caused him to clench his fists harder until his whole hand turned snow white. This tactic was low even for the demon.
"You fucking bastard," he muttered towards the demon who merely flashed him a brilliant smile.
The demon Sam withdrew a menacing looking knife from the concealment of his cloak; a crooked smile crossed his face instantly. He walked closer to Dean whose green eyes widen in fear. By now his shouts had stopped but his whole body had been immobilized by terror. His eyes followed the every movement of the knife, not willing to let it out of his sights.
"Hello there big brother. Long time no see, thirty years too long," demon Sam spoke as he leant down over Dean. The blade stroked the side of his cheek, lines of sweat rolled down his forehead while his eyes continued to survey the sharp object.
"You're not Sam," Dean uttered bluntly in an attempt to reassure himself but this caused the demon to laugh using Sam's favored chuckle. Right now normal Sam knew how Dean felt when the shapeshifter had stolen his identity.
He reached his hands attempting to pull the demon away from his brother to no avail. He was a mere ghost to the events, not existing in this reality but cursed to be a mere observer. With this thought his heart wept inside his chest. He was the reason Dean was sent down to hell and here a version of him was…used to break through the hard shell known as Dean Winchester. Sam had sent his brother to hell and he was the reason he broke.
"Not convinced are we Dean?" with those words the demon sliced the blade along Dean's cheek causing him to cry out in pain. Blood trickled down from the deep cut, marking the physical pain but the emotional turmoil was invisible.
"It's me Dean, your precious little brother. The one you saved from death, the one who sent you here and the one who you promised you'll kill if he went dark side. I haven't forgotten that promise you made…have you?" the knife dug in deeper into the skin causing a flap to form upon his cheek. Blood poured out in streams.
Sam felt the bile rise in his throat once more. The tears continued to run down his cheek as the nausea he felt grew. He could feel Alastair's eyes upon him but at the moment he couldn't tear his own away from his brother and the imposter. His heart felt heavy inside of his chest, the sorrow a great burden anchoring it to the deepest pit of his stomach.
"Always were pathetic, never could handle being on your own could you? That's why when Dad went missing you came for me. You couldn't bear to have no one left around you, so you selfishly decided to pluck me from my happy normal life just so you didn't have to suffer from loneliness. Feel proud about that don't we big brother! Because of you I gave up everything. Because of you I wasn't able to save the woman I loved. Remember her? Jessica? I was going to ask her to marry me. We were going to have the life we deserved together with no interference from you or dad. I would have had a family of my own; I would have been a father. AND YOU STOLE THAT FROM ME! YOU TOOK ME FROM HER AND NOW I CAN NEVER HAVE THAT LIFE!"
The knife had moved from his cheek now down to his arm. The squelching of the sound of the blade penetrating through skin and blood sent a shudder down normal Sam's spine. He squeezed his eyes shut tight, only to have the scene playing out behind his eyelids. It seemed that Alastair wasn't going to let him go so easily.
"I'm sorry…I wish I could have left you to be Joe normal. I'm sorry Sammy I never meant for any of this to happen. If I could I would turn back time," Dean shouted through his cries of agony and the freely falling tears.
"IT'S A BIT LATE FOR THAT ISNT IT BROTHER! WHAT ABOUT DAD HEY? HE CAME HERE FOR YOU! HE GAVE HIS LIFE FOR YOUR LIFE, FOR HIS PERFECT LITTLE SOLIDIER. IF YOU HAD JUST DEALT WITH THE FACT THAT HE HAD LEFT THEN NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED. HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE, JESSICA WOULD BE ALIVE AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY," The skin from Dean's right arm fell onto a bloodied heap on the floor. Blood gushed out fiercely. The pain exaggerated through his big brothers terrifying screams and admissions of pain. This truly was hell.
"WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS WHO HAVE DIED BECAUSE OF YOU! WHAT ABOUT THE OTHERS WHO SACRIFICED THEMSELVES FOR YOU THE PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUNTER AND A BROTHER. I WAS BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU, HELL THOSE YEARS AT STANDFORD WERE THE BEST OF MY LIFE UNTIL YOU FUCKING CAME AND RUINED IT. NOW IT IS MY TIME FOR PAYBACK. IT IS MY TIME TO SHOW YOU HOW MUCH PAIN YOU HAVE CAUSED ME IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! I'M GLAD YOU'RE DEAD AND ROTTING IN HELL. I HOPE YOU ROT FOR THE WHOLE OF ETERNITY!" the demon Sam shouted. The venom poured out of his mouth almost as fast as the blood poured out of Dean's body.
Those words stung at Dean's soul. His cries wailed louder, a noise so horrific that it vibrated all the way through Sam's head, which in turn caused the tears to become more erratic and double in size. He couldn't take it anymore…he wished for it to stop. He wished for some form of relief but most of all he wished he never wanted to know about hell, he wished that this had remained Dean's secret that killed only him inside not Sam as well.
"Dean…This isn't real…I would never…," the intended sentence died on his lips not wanting to utter another lie towards his brother. The truth was during the hard times he had those thoughts niggling away at the back of his head, trying to get him to crack, to erupt on his brother but every time he had pushed them aside as Dean showed his love towards him in different ways. Whether it was patching him up after a hunt, getting in the way of him becoming hurt or even just caring for him when he needed it most. During those times he knew that he could never be mad at his brother. It wasn't his fault…it never was his fault.
Alastair smirk remained on his face as his eyes continued to connect with Sam's. The two figures behind him stepped forward slowly; producing a similar blade from their cloaks they pulled their hoods down and advanced upon the young hunter on the rack.
Another shocked gasp escaped Sam's lips as the identities were revealed.
"WHY DID YOU DESERVE TO LIVE OVER ME? WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO BE DRAGGED DOWN INTO THIS PATHETIC EXISTANCE OF YOURS? THANKS TO YOU DEAN I AM SUFFERING IN HELL AND NOW AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I FINALLY HAVE MY CHANCE FOR REVENGE!" Jessica shouted. Her blade tore through Dean's left leg causing another pain filled eruption from him.
Sam's heart pounded faster and grew heavier in his stomach. His eyes stung while they looked over the soul which was the women of his dreams. Jessica was still as beautiful as ever but there was this unmistakable rage coming off of her. Dean's blood spurted up into her face. Morphing her beauty into something twisted and unrecognizable.
"YOU WERE ALWAYS MY GOOD LITTLE SOLDIER WEREN'T YOU SON, BUT THAT WAS ALL YOU WERE USEFUL FOR. YOU FOLLOWED MY ORDERS BLINDLY AND PROTECTED MY FAVORTIE SON AND I WANTED TO THANK YOU FOR THAT. YOU SEE ACE YOU WERE NEVER ANYTHING MORE TO ME THAN A TOOL THAT I COULD MOULD, A RECRUIT IN MY ARMY AGAINST THE DEMONS. WHEN LITTLE SAMMY LEFT I COULDN'T STAND TO BE AROUND YOU, SO I LEFT JUST LIKE EVERYONE IN YOUR LIFE HAS DONE. YOU ARE ALONE…EVERYONE HAS ABANDONED YOU EVENTUALLY AND YOU WILL BE FORGOTTEN…NO ONE NEEDS YOU ANYMORE. NO ONE EVER REALLY NEEDED YOU. WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE DIED IN THE FIRE RATHER THAN MY MARY?" John screamed slashing his blade across Dean's bare chest.
Sam's knees crumpled underneath him, landing in a soft pool of blood, the dreaded words cut through his soul sending violent tremors down his spine. If this was affecting him like this he couldn't imagine what his brother must be feeling.
Sam felt like he was drowning in his own tears, Dean's tears, screams and his blood. At this moment he needed his brother more than ever in his whole life and he realized that Dean needed him just as badly. But he was too blinded by the demon blood. He was too caught up in his selfish need to destroy Lilith to notice just how deep his brother was drowning. He should have been there to help keep him grounded, to be his lifeboat, keep his head above the water. Now it was too late…Now he might not ever see him again.
Sam squeezed his eyes shut and once again he was welcomed the sweet release of the impending darkness, however he could still hear all the commotion even if he refused to watch.
"PLEASE STOP IT! I'M SORRY…I NEVER MEANT…PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!" Dean pleaded desperately. His voice was hoarse and grief stricken as he begged. For the first time in his life he had begged. Now he was truly broken and there appeared to be no way for him to come back. His soul had been shattered through the emotional torture he had suffered and for Dean there was nothing more painful than words themselves.
"The offer still stands kiddo. Thirty years worth…,"
"ANYTHING TO MAKE IT STOP. Anything…," An anguished noise escaped Sam's lips as the words died around him. This was the moment his brother broke; this was the moment that hell had claimed him as their own. This was the moment his big brother, his rock, his only family lost himself through the hell fire.
So Sammy what do you think about big brother now huh? Wasn't pretty was it boy? Now for my favorite part, one that I believe shall blow your mind…
TBC (Someone mentioned that the layout was a little hard to read when changing points of view so I hope that this following chapter has been an improvement and easier to follow. As always reviews will be awesome as they always put a smile on my face and make this story worth writing. See you next time in Part Eleven…)