10: Love

While Lily and Remus were getting better acquainted, Harry crawled out of bed, grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and the Marauder's Map, and made his way down to the Gryffindor Common Room. When he was sure that it was empty, he opened up the map and pointed his wand at it.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." he whispered into the night.

As usual, Hogwarts came to life in miniature right before his eyes. He threw the Invisibility Cloak around his shoulders, checked to make sure that the corridor was empty, and made his way out of the portrait hole. He walked the familiar route to the stone gargoyle outside the headmaster's office, and checked to make sure that McGonagall was in her office. He saw with relief that she was sitting at her desk. He stuffed the map into his pocket, pulled off the cloak, and approached the statue. It took him a few moments to realize that he didn't know the password.

"Look," he said to the statue, "I don't know the password, but it's really important that I speak to Professor McGonagall."

The gargoyle stared at him dispassionately and didn't budge an inch.

Harry growled in impatience and decided to wait until the next morning when he would see Professor McGonagall in Transfiguration class. He ducked behind a statue, put his cloak back on and pulled the map from his pocket. He wandered along the corridor for a few moments, and ducked into a dark hallway when he saw Peeves coming around a corner. Before he knew it, he found himself on the fifth floor, so he decided to pay a visit to the Room of Requirement.

"I need someplace I can be alone for a while to sit and think." he thought to himself as he walked back and forth in front of the doorway. When he opened his eyes, he was standing in front of a solid oak door with a brass doorknob. He took a deep breath, reached out, turned the knob, opened the door, and stepped inside.

Inside the room was the largest fireplace Harry had ever seen. Sitting in front of the fireplace was a large, squishy armchair with a footstool stationed in front of it. Laid out beside the chair was a coffee table laden with hot chocolate, cookies of all shapes and sizes, and many other kinds of snacks.

"Smart castle." Harry thought with a smile. He closed the door, stepped inside, and began to inspect the rest of the room.

Along two walls were floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, covered with books wizard and Muggle alike. The fourth wall held a large cabinet full of all sorts of board games, in front of which stood a table and chairs set up to play Wizard's Chess. Sufficiently impressed, he walked over to the fireplace and took a seat in the armchair.

"I am the final horcrux." he thought, picking up the steaming mug of hot chocolate. "In order for Voldemort to die, I must die. Meaning that if I don't die, neither will the most powerful force of evil in Britain, and who knows how long it will take him to cover more territory than that."

He took a few swallows of chocolate and stared hard and deep into the fire. Doing so reminded him painfully of Sirius and the night his face had appeared in the Common Room fire. It also reminded him of how Lupin had walked through the flames at Snape's command. He wondered if Lupin would be comfortable talking to him about his situation. He was the closest thing Harry had to a father figure anymore. As soon as this thought entered his mind, he realized who he shold talk to, and he nearly slopped chocolate all down his front in his haste to leave the Room of Requirement.

"Thank you!" he called out into the empty space as he closed the door behind him.

As an afterthought halfway down the hallway, Harry threw his cloak on and activated the map. It was a good thing he did so, because he nearly turned a corner straight into Mrs. Norris's path. When he was safely away from anyone else, Harry began looking for his mother on the map. He found her in her dungeon office, accompanied by a little dot labeled 'Remus Lupin.'

"Good." Harry thought, "maybe they can both help me with this."

"Mischief managed." he whispered, clearing the map. He stowed the map in his pocket and headed down the hall. Very slowly, avoiding teachers and any other nighttime hallway activity at all costs, Harry made his way to the dungeons. When he got to Lily's office door, he stopped and raised his hand to knock. Before he could though, his hand froze in midair. A thought had just entered his mind; his mother was a Hogwarts professor now. What would she think about him being out of bed after hours? He was also concerned about what Remus Lupin might be doing in his mother's office at this time of night. The two had been looking at each other oddly for weeks. Maybe… Harry pushed the thought from his mind and raised his hand to knock again. This time, he had only a split second to move out of the way before the door opened from the inside. Remus Lupin emerged, Lily's hand in his. Harry watched closely, his mouth gaping in awe.

"Thank you for coming." Lily whispered, a mischievous smile on her face.

"Thank you for inviting me." Remus returned, truly grateful that Lily had taken the initiative, since he obviously hadn't had the courage to do so himself. Leaning in, he kissed her softly on the lips before letting go of her hand and walking up the hall.

Biting her lower lip to keep from giggling, Lily watched until Remus was out of sight around a corner. Very slowly, she closed the door and went back into her office to get ready for bed.

Harry couldn't believe what he'd just seen. Harry had always known Lupin to speak of Lily with a certain fondness, but he'd had no idea that his fondness was actually founded on real feelings. Very slowly, he snapped out of his daze and knocked on his mother's door. For a few seconds, he heard no movement, then Lily whispered;

"Remus, I thought you were going to bed?"

"I-it's Harry." he stuttered, removing the cloak.

Slowly, the door opened.

"Come on in, Harry dear." Lily said, waving him inside.

Harry stuffed the cloak in his pocket hastily and did as he was told.

Lily flicked her wand and the empty hot chocolate mugs disappeared, only to be replaced by two bottles of butterbeer. Handing one to Harry, she took a seat in one of the armchairs, and indicated that Harry should take a seat in the other.

"What's wrong Harry, dear? You look upset." she asked, noting his troubled expression.

Harry took a deep breath. He knew it was a bad idea to talk to her about this, because all it could do was cause her pain, but as he took a sip of his butterbeer, all of a sudden , it was like a sixteen year floodgate was opened, and his troubles just started pouring out of him.

"Do you remember the night Dumbledore came to see us through that old portrait?" Harry asked.

Lily's heart sank. Harry knew what had happened with Remus… "Wonderful" she thought "I finally get to see my son, and I'm screwing up already."

"Yes dear, I remember. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Harry continued, "after everyone had gone to bed, he came to see me through a different portrait in Ron's bedroom. He basically told me that I have a very important decision to make, one that pretty much effects the entire world. The problem is, I'm only seventeen! I don't think I'm ready to make a decision like that."

Lily took a deep breath. "Does this decision have anything to do with the Prophecy?"

Harry gulped his butterbeer and sat bolt upright in his seat, sputtering all over himself.

"Yes." he managed to cough out.

Lily took a moment before continuing. "When Dumbledore received that Prophecy from Professor Trelawwny, I think he knew deep down inside that he wasn't going to be able to protect you forever. No one can stop the future from happening, but we can do our best to delay it."

Harry remained stunned.

"Harry, everyone has done their best to get you this far. I know that doesn't make you ready to risk your life yet again, but it should let you know that you don't have to do anything alone."

"Yeah, but this is a really big decision. I can't risk anyone else's life. It's bad enough I have to risk my own."

"Life is full of difficult decisions; some more difficult than others. Your father and I both knew that Voldemort would be after you, so we did everything we could to protect you. We wanted so much for you to have a normal life. We lived in a normal neighborhood, held normal jobs, and did everything we could to be the best parents we could be." Lily paused. "When the Prophecy was made, everything went wrong. We all agreed that it would be best to go into hiding. Dumbledore used the most powerful magic he could think of to keep us all safe, and yet Voldemort still came. No matter what anyone did, we couldn't keep you safe. So far in your life, the best caretaker you've ever had has been you." she paused again. "But now I understand: it's your destiny to face Voldemort. No matter what anyone does or says, that fact will never change. You're never going to be ready to make this decision; when it's time, you'll just make it." Lily ran her hands over her face and realized that she had tears running down her cheeks. She looked up at Harry and realized that he'd been crying as well; fresh tears emerged from underneath his glasses.

"You're trying to tell me I'm going to lose you for good this time, aren't you?" she choked out.

Harry nodded solemnly and began to explain everything to her, from the night he smashed the Prophecy, all the way up to exactly what Dumbledore had told him that night over a month previous. When he was finished, Lily walked over and wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh my son." she said, holding him close, "If I had only known things were going to turn out this way. I'd have worked so much harder to stop it."

"Sometimes we have to follow the paths set before us, even if we don't always want to." Harry finally realized. "After all, nothing worth doing is ever easy."

Harry wanted to say something, but he wasn't sure how. He must have tensed up, because Lily let go of him and looked at him in a way that seemed to ask "What's wrong?"

"Do you and Professor Lupin have feelings for each other?"

By way of answer, Lily stood up and returned to her own seat, taking a deep breath before speaking.

"What makes you think that?" she asked almost nervously.

"I was standing outside the door in Dad's Invisibility Cloak when he left."

Lily wasn't sure where to begin. "I'm sure you've heard that when your father and I were in school, we couldn't stand each other. Whenever he would do something stupid, I'd go running to Remus for comfort; even after James and I were married. James drove him just as crazy as he drove me sometimes. Half the time, Remus was the first to tell your father that he was being an idiot. In fact, I fully expected Remus to ask me out long before James ever did, but he was terrified of losing his best friend." she paused.

"One day after graduation, James showed up on my front door alone. I swear to God I'd never seen him go anywhere without Sirius in tow. He apologized for everything bad he'd ever done and begged me to forgive him. He told me that even if I didn't want to date him, at least have dinner with him once so he could keep his sanity. After one dinner, I just couldn't get enough. We were married not long after that, and Remus stood at the altar the whole time, never saying a word."

"Do you love him?" Harry asked slowly.

Lily sighed. "Remus? I'm not sure anymore. This past month has been like reliving our childhood with him. Whenever we're together, it makes me feel like your father is still here somewhere."

She was no longer looking at Harry, but gazing deep into the fire instead.

"It's ok if you do, you know. He's a really nice guy. I like him a lot. Until Sirius came along, he was the only adult I could really talk to - besides Dumbledore. I could always tell he liked you. Whenever he talked about you, his eyes would sparkle, and he'd get this sad look on his face."

Lily smiled, but it was so sad that it almost made Harry's heart break to see it.

"I'd better get back to the Common Room." he said, realizing how late it must be, "I'd hate to fall asleep in McGonagall's class."

He stood up and headed for the door. Lily didn't move.

"Good night mom."

"Good night, Harry." she called from her seat. "I love you."

"I love you too."