Chapter 10:
September
Nick
"Please tell me this is the last of it." Carla whines, carrying a cardboard box of pillows up the road. "These heels weren't made for carrying heavy boxes around."
"Heavy?" I retort. "Want to swap? Besides, you wait until that moving van comes, they'll need an entire lorry just for your wardrobe."
"You're not kidding." She agrees, dumping the box outside of our new place and unlocking the door with her new set of keys. "You do realise you're sorting all of this out, don't you?"
"You wish." I pull a face at the stacks of boxes that surrounded the living room, and these were just from my flat. Carla's things from Devon were arriving later on, which meant a lot of space needed to be cleared before it did.
"Oh..." She groans. "There's so much that needs to be done..."
"Some people would say that's the fun part." I shrug, pacing around and noting the labels on some of the boxes.
"Yeah, those women who are used to domestic bliss." She points out, tying her hair up in a ponytail. "I meanwhile, I have a business to run."
"Which Johnny and Aidan have agreed they're very happy to take care of for the next for days." I grin at her sour reaction, she worked day in day out at the factory, putting everything into it, but when it came to household chores, she was the first to say no. "So, get unpacking."
"Maybe I could get Kirk to do it." She contemplates. "I mean he packs boxes for a living, I'm sure he can unpack them and all. Then again, it is Kirk."
"Oh come on, half of the furnitures already been done for you." I point to where my sofa and coffee table were already in place, having been moved over a few days ago.
"Technically this is all your stuff." She reminds me.
"Right okay so I'll leave you to sort all of yours out alone then." I suggest and she hesitates, before heading over to a nearby box and pulling the flaps open.
"What the hell is this?" She scrunches her nose up, pulling a yellowing, misshapen teapot out of the box.
"Oh, mum made me that." I tell her and she raises her eyebrows, holding it at arms length. "It can go under the bed."
"Yes it can." She agrees, putting it back in the box before there's a knock on the door. I head over to it, opening it up to see Michelle stood on the doorstep.
"Hiya, came to see how you were getting along?" She smiles, as I welcome her in, closing the door behind her and heading back over to Carla.
"Ah, good it's nearly break time." Carla checks the clock on the wall. "Fancy a drink in the pub?"
"Uh, no you don't." I grab her waist, wrapping my arms around her so she can't get free. "We haven't even started yet Michelle, all thanks to this ones complaining."
"Well I brought you this." She hands me a bottle of prosecco and I inspect the label.
"Is this from the Bistro?" I ask and Carla laughs at Michelle's reaction. "So technically you're just giving me my own prosecco?"
"No, I put the money in the till don't worry." She assures me.
"Well, thank you." I smile and Carla takes it from me.
"Honestly Chelle, if you're gonna take his booze, at least take the good stuff." She mutters, reading the label.
"Oi!" Michelle exclaims. "It's nice that!"
"Fancy helping us wade through boxes of teapots and books Nick's never even read?" She asks, placing it down on the coffee table next to us and clasping my hands, that were still wrapped around her waist, in hers.
"Ah now I would love to." She grimaces. "But I've got to cover your husbands shift so..."
"Lucky you." Carla grins, as Michelle heads back over to the door.
"I'll see you later." She smiles, opening the door and letting herself out. "Have fun."
"See you." I wave her off, as the door closes. "Right come on then, the sooner we start, the sooner we finish."
Carla
"Hey you know what we could do?" I suggest, flicking through my magazine whilst Nick hangs clothes away in his wardrobe. "We could put my bed in here as well and have one big massive bed."
"Why?" Nick chuckles, closing the wardrobe doors.
"You finished already?" I frown, looking at the pile of boxes scattered around the room.
"No, but I'm running you a bath." He tells me, heading towards the landing. "Because I am taking you for dinner."
"Ah well in that case, why don't you join me?" I put my magazine down, walking towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck.
"What, for dinner?" He asks as I run my hands through his hair.
"No, for a bath." I bite my lip, causing him to gulp at the thought.
"Well... I've got to unpack my clothes." He murmurs, temptation in his eyes, as I run my finger up and down his thigh.
"Are you really turning me down?" I ask, innocently, my lips so close to his I can feel the heat emanating, the lust rising.
"Never." He whispers, before moving forwards, kissing me and pushing me towards the bathroom. Unpacking could wait.
Nick
"Two glasses of red wine, please Michelle.." I order as we enter the Bistro.
"Oh no, just a sparkling water for me." Carla inserts and I look at her with surprise.
"Huh?" I raise my eyebrows, wondering why Carla Tilsley had turned down a glass of red wine.
"I've got a bit of a head ache." She tells me, rubbing her head and I put my arm around her waist.
"Hey, if you don't feel up to it?" I ask her, but she shakes her head, adamant she wanted to stay here.
"No, I want that new duck thing you were telling me about!" She argues and I kiss her on the forehead, pointing to a table which Carla obediently goes and sits down at.
"Is she okay?" Michelle asks, staring after her as she hands me the two drinks.
"Yeah, just tired I reckon." I return, before heading over to our table. "Your sparkling water, miss."
"Ah thank you." She takes a sip. "Sorry I'm just really thirsty."
"I have no complaints." I shrug. "Cheaper for me."
"Tight wad." She teases, flicking her hair backwards off her shoulder, picking up a menu.
"I thought you wanted that duck dish?" I remind her.
"Yeah doesn't stop me looking, does it?" She smiles, looking up from her menu and seeing me gazing at her. "Do you reckon my stuff will be delivered while we're here?"
"I've told mum to let me know if it is." I tell her, checking my phone to make sure she hadn't contacted me. "We need to do a food shop tomorrow, so we've actually got something edible in."
"Ugh a food shop?" She pulls a face, putting the menu down. "I don't think I've done a food shop for about three years, just pick things up from Dev's now and again."
"Yeah well you need to get used to it." I tell her.
"Oh no." She shakes her head, winding me up with a grin on her face. "Nicholas I love you, but turning me into one of those house wives? I don't think so."
"We've still got to eat." I chuckle, as she looks over to where Kate is approaching us.
"Speaking of which..." She greets Kate. "Hiya."
"Hello, may I take your order." Kate addresses us in a polite tone.
"Ooh, very professional." Carla nods, turning to me. "This one's a keeper."
"Already sick of your new set up?" Kate raises her eyebrows.
"No, just sick of unpacking everything." Carla groans, taking a sip of her water.
"What are you doing drinking that?" Kate frowns, looking at me confused.
"Ah, just got a bit of a..." She points to her head, coughing before scanning the menu again. "Right, I will have that duck thing, what's it called Nick?"
"Duck a l'orange." I recite and she looks impressed.
"Wow very posh." She marvels, folding her menu up and giving it back to Kate.
"I'll have the same." I shrug, not bothered about the food, as Kate nods before walking away. "Hey, are you sure you're ok?"
"Nick I'm fine." She reassures me. "Stop worrying, yeah?"
Carla
"Well, you were right about that." I push my plate away, sitting back in my chair and looking at Nick's victorious expression.
"Thought I would be." He puts his knife and fork down, studying me. "You were well enough to finish it off though."
"Yes well, works up an appetite doesn't it?" I point out. "Lifting boxes, moving furniture around."
"Uh, excuse me!" Nick exclaims. "You sat there flicking through Grazia for most of it!"
"I did not!" I argue and he laughs at my stroppy expression. "You getting dessert?"
"You're still hungry?" Nick questions, looking surprised. "Okay then, what do you want?"
"Oh I don't know." I shake my head, standing up. "You decide for me, you passed that test for my main course. I'm just going to the little girl's room." I squeeze his shoulder as I walk past, feeling his gaze on me as I round the corner, pushing the door open to the toilets and seeing Michelle, sitting on the platform that holds the row of sinks. "Oh hello, don't you have a staff toilet in this place?"
"I didn't come to use the toilet." Michelle jumps up, coming over to me with a concerned look on her face. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing?" I frown. I was sensing I was in for a lecture about something I had no idea about, from her expression. "I just came to use the toilet."
"Why aren't you drinking?" She asks and I nod in realisation, of course Michelle would have picked up on that, she always picked up on everything I did.
"I told you, I didn't feel very well!" I insist. "Why can't anybody understand that? Hey, I mean I know I like my wine but it doesn't have to be printed across the gazette if I choose to have a soft drink for a change!" I finish, looking at Michelle's amused expression. "What?"
"You're pregnant." She states, so bluntly that I almost don't register it.
"I'm sorry?" I force a laugh, freezing in the position I was standing in.
"I'm not stupid Carla." She shakes her head.
"And I'm not pregnant." I retort, trying to walk around her but she stops me. "Excuse me, I need the loo!"
"Carla, you don't have to pretend." She says, softly, which infuriates me even more. She might be my best friend, but it didn't mean she knew me better than I knew myself. Although sometimes I felt that was true.
"I'm not pretending." I argue, adamantly.
"Look, ok?" She sighs, letting go of my shoulders and stepping back. "I clock off in fifteen minutes, Robert's here until it closes... I'll be at the flat all evening if you want to talk."
"Thank you, but that won't be necessary." I sharply respond, avoiding her gaze. "Now can I please?"
"Yep." Michelle nods, sounding annoyed and she steps aside, hesitating before leaving. I wait until she is gone, before sighing, leaning up against the sinks and staring at my reflection. I search in my bag for my lipstick, feeling the corner of a box and pausing before pulling out a pregnancy test. I close my eyes, momentarily, tapping it against the sinks, nerves making my heart rate quicken. I jump as the door opens, stuffing it back into my bag as Sophie Webster enters, shooting me a smile and heading into one of the cubicles. I pause before putting my bag back over my shoulder and exiting the toilets, noticing Michelle looking at me as I pass the bar, heading towards Nick.
"Hey, you took a while." He greets and I force a smile, feeling Michelle's gaze burning into me. "I ordered you the chocolate-"
"Yeah, can we go?" I ask him, urgently and he looks up at me, worried.
"Go?" He frowns. "I thought you wanted..."
"Yeah, I really don't feel well." I lie, putting my hand on my head to be dramatic. "I've just been sick, I think I'm coming down with something."
"Oh, ok I'll just cancel the dessert and pay." He nods, obediently, standing up and placing a hand on my cheek. "You are quite hot."
"Mm." I nod, following him over to the bar.
"Michelle, could you cancel my last order?" Nick asks, and she paints a smile on her face. "We're gonna have to go, Carla's not well."
"Really." Michelle inserts and I glare at her. "Yep, sure, that's just £38.60 then."
"Keep the change." He hands her two twenty pound notes.
"Well it is your business." Michelle shrugs, filing them into the till. "Hope you feel better soon Carla."
"Thanks." I mutter, following Nick out.
"I got a call from the removal company." He tells me when we get out into the street. "Your things aren't going to be delivered until tomorrow, they say there's been a hold up."
"Great, just what we need." I snap, and he looks taken-aback.
"Well you've managed ok until now." He calms me, taking my hand in his as we walk towards our new house. "Besides, would you really want to be unpacking everything tonight?"
"No, sorry." I murmur, as he unlocks the front door, pushing it open and allowing me to enter first. "I'm just... Migraine."
"Well then, why don't you put your tracksuit bottoms on, take your make-up off, chuck your hair up..." He suggests. "And I will try and get this TV working."
"You know that nobody can ever know I do that behind closed doors, right?" I warn him and he nods, knowingly. "And I've seen you try to fix my laptop, Tilsley, don't break that television too." I pause, watching him as he goes over to sort it out. "Actually we haven't got any tea bags. I better pop to Dev's."
"Well I can do that." He turns grabbing his coat again. "You sit down and rest."
"No really, I could do with the fresh air.." I assure him, approaching the door. "I won't be long, you make sure that's working for when I get back."
"Ok." He nods, still looking concerned. "I love you."
"I love you too." I smile, opening the door and beginning to walk up the cobbled street towards Victoria Court. "Oh God sorry!" I suddenly bump into someone, looking up to see Ken, brushing hair out of my face. "Ken, sorry."
"Carla, are you alright?" Ken returns, concern in his expression. I look down at Eccles momentarily, before looking back at him.
"Fine, yeah." I lie. "Sorry."
"Stop apologising." He smiles. "It's really ok."
"Sorry..." I say again, flustered before walking past him. I can see him turning to look at me out of the corner of my eye, but continue walking towards the familiar block of flats. I type in the code, knowing it off by heart, before pulling the glass door open and heading up the stairs. I hesitate, holding my fist centimetres away from Robert's flat, before softly knocking on it. The door opens almost instantly and Michelle is stood with a glass of wine, eyebrows raised as if knowing that I'd give in and come over.
"So what was your excuse?" She asks, as I welcome myself in of my own accord, flopping down on the sofa.
"I've gone to get tea bags." I inform her, pulling my phone out of my bag and being distracted again by the pregnancy test that is resting between all of the clutter. "I'd better text him actually. Michelle having breakdown, back in half an hour."
"Oh cheers." Michelle exclaims. "What am I supposed to do when he asks me about that?"
"I'll just say it was a girlie issue." I shrug and she stares at me intently, before picking two wine glasses up from the side, one with red wine and one with orange juice and placing them both down in front of me.
"And is it?" She stands back, arms folded and I stare up at her, exhaling sharply, before taking a sip of the orange juice. She picks the wine glass up, putting it back on the kitchen surface, and I stare after it longingly. "You'd better get used to that."
"I've done it once." I mutter. "Twice..."
"You taken a test?" Michelle questions, sitting down in the arm chair that faces me.
"No." I reply, before picking my bag up and pulling the test out of it, slamming it down on the coffee table.
"Carla, I thought this was what you wanted?" She sighs, picking the test up and reading the instructions, as if neither of us had done this before. Multiple times.
"It is! I just, I don't know..." I groan, leaning my head in my hands. "It's all so soon, I didn't realise it'd happen this fast."
"You been trying?" She puts the test back down.
"No." I shake my head, which was always the case.
"You been using protection?" She continues and I give her a look.
"Who are you? My mum?" I snap. "No."
"Well, no offence love." She says in a matter-of-fact tone. "But you're not getting any younger, you haven't got a lot of time to make up your mind."
"Ah thank you." I nod, annoyed, taking a harsh gulp of my orange juice to prove a point. "I feel a million times better now."
"Does Nick want a baby?" She continues to interrogate me.
"Well of course but..." I trail off.
"But what?" She narrows her eyes.
"But I don't think he expected one this quickly." I explain, relaxing slightly as I lean back against the sofa cushions. "I mean, Michelle, we've just bought a house together. Half the stuff isn't even unpacked yet, this wasn't supposed to happen for a good few months."
"Well sometimes Carla." She begins and I roll my eyes, knowing I was going to receive some sort of sarcastic comment. "Things don't always work out the way you planned."
"Yes and don't I know it?" I point out, watching her take a sip of her wine, practically feeling it trickle down my throat.
"You could be stressing over nothing." She taps the pregnancy test. "And you know how to find out."
"...I'm scared, Chelle." I finally admit and her look softens. "Twice, twice this had happened... Still no baby. What if it's my body trying to tell me something? Hey? What if my instincts were right all along and I'm not supposed to be a mother? I mean, biology backs me up there, doesn't it?"
"Sweetheart, you can't keep thinking this way." She sighs, care in her voice.
"Well you can hardly blame me!" I confide.. "I mean if I didn't think it the first time, I do now... And if it didn't work out again... I couldn't do it to Nick, Chelle. It'd break his heart. I don't think he'd be able to take another one, it'd probably break us. I don't know whether I'm prepared to have that taken away from me again-"
"Woah, okay steady on." She calms me and I stop fretting. "You don't even know if you are pregnant yet, do you? And if you are, you need to stop jumping to these conclusions. I mean, look at you; you've practically convinced yourself you'll lose it again... What good is that going to do? For you and the baby?" She pauses, and I pick the test up, flipping it over and over through my fingers. "You and Nick deserve this, Carla. No matter what your head is saying, this, this could be your happily ever after."
"I've never really done happily ever afters." I mumble.
"So give yourself a chance." Michelle whispers, reaching over and squeezing my hand. I look up, smiling at her, taking a deep breath before getting up and heading towards the bathroom. "I'm here if you need anything." I turn, nodding appreciatively before closing the bathroom door.
I pace around the bathroom, the test sitting on the side by the sink, looking at my washed out reflection in the mirror. There is a soft knock on the door and I jump, almost knocking a collection of shampoos onto the floor.
"Michelle you scared me!" I exclaim, hearing the nerves wavering in my tone.
"Have you done it yet?" She persists and I close my eyes, wishing I'd never come round in the first place. I'd have her on my back now, every day until I pulled the courage together to tell Nick..
"I'm just waiting." I snap, sitting down on the edge of the bath and watching my legs shaking, my heels clacking against the bathroom tiles. There is silence, and I know she's walked away again. I swallow, clenching my fist and staring at the test, before taking a deep breath and grabbing it off the side.
Negative.
I immediately want to cry, feeling overwhelmed with emotion I didn't realise I'd have. I look back at the test, just to make sure, my heart sinking at the sight of it. Pull yourself together Carla, this is what you wanted. Isn't it?
Of course it wasn't. I could kid myself all I liked, but a future with Nick was all I wanted and it didn't seem right without a baby in it. Without him bringing home teddies and baby-grows that would make me cry, blaming it on my hormones. Or hearing him singing lullabies through the crack in the door of the spare bedroom, a mobile tinkling in unison.
"Carla?" I snap out of my thoughts, Michelle's voice was softer this time and I sigh, feeling a pang of sadness as I stand, composing myself in the mirror and unlocking the bathroom door. "Well?"
"I'm not pregnant." I cut to the chase, and I see her face fall, just like mine did, because truthfully, we both knew what we wanted the outcome to be. I hand her the test and she takes it from me, cautiously. "See for yourself."
"...Right, so." She tries to brighten her tone. "All that stressing over nothing. Hey? Just like I said."
"Yeah, I guess so." I nod, forcing a smile as I go over to grab my bag.
"Why don't you stay for a drink?" She begs me, knowing I wasn't in a fit state to go back to Nick. "Hey, you can have that glass of wine now."
"Got any vodka?" I crack a laugh, as she hands me the glass that I wouldn't have dared to drink out of fifteen minutes ago. "Thanks."
"So, are you going to tell Nick?" She asks, gently, wrapping the test in kitchen roll before throwing it away, just so Robert wouldn't get any ideas.
"What's the point?" I shake my head, taking a gulp of my wine, making the most of it.
"Well because I thought you weren't going to have any secrets this time around." She reminds me.
"Yes well, it's hardly as bad as the last one, is it?" I remark, and she shrugs in agreement. "Besides, it'll just arise a load of questions and what if's..." My phone vibrates and I glance down at the screen. Three missed calls and two messages from Nick. "Look, I'd better go Chelle. He's wondering where I am." I get up, draining my glass and heading over to the door.
"Carla." She stops me, before I leave, holding her arms out and I sigh, walking into them and wrapping my arms around her. She kisses me on the cheek before pulling back. "Everything will work out. Okay?"
"I'll take your word for that." I wink, squeezing her hand before leaving. She closes the door and I sigh, leaning up against it, longing after something I never had.
"Hey, where did you get to?" Nick puts his phone down as I enter the house, distress in his face and I immediately feel bad. "I was worried."
"Sorry, sweetheart, I got held up." I lie, putting my bag down and taking my coat off.
"Is Michelle alright?" He frets.
"She's fine." I nod.
"And how are you feeling?" He continues to stress and I can't help but feel loved, cared for.
"A bit better." I admit, turning my head to where the television was blaring.
"I got it working." He announces, looking impressed with himself. "Suppose I'm not all useless."
"Useless?" I repeat the word, surprised it had left his mouth. It was a word that never came into context when I thought about Nick; he'd saved me, he loved me, he made me feel special. That made him far from useless. "You could never be useless."
"I was only messing around." He reassures me, looking at my serious expression. "Come and sit down, look." He guides me over to the sofa and disappears into the kitchen before reappearing with two plates of chocolate berry torte. "You said you wanted dessert, so I thought... If you didn't want it at the Bistro, maybe you'd want it here?" He hands me a plate and I stare down at it, it looked exactly the same as the night we first bonded, first opened up to each other; no secrets. He sits down next to me, turning to face the television and I gaze at him for a few seconds, the side of his face; the creases by his eyes, his greying hair, his smile full of meaning and compassion.
"I need to tell you something." I murmur, shaking as I place my plate down on the coffee table and he turns to look at me, doing the same. He can see I'm worried, and he takes my hand in his, steadying it.
"Ok." He says, quietly, reassuringly. "Don't get upset."
"Nick I..." I trail off, my voice cracking and his eyes search my face, waiting for me to speak again. "I didn't go to the shop... I went to Michelle's."
"I know, you texted me." He reminds me, softly. "Remember?"
"Yes but, I didn't go because she was having a meltdown." I confess, my gaze meeting his. "I went because I was... I thought I was pregnant."
"Oh." He gasps, and I can hear the hope in his voice and it makes me cry, the thought of not being able to make that hope real. I feel tears sliding down my cheeks and my hand starts to shake more. "Hey, Carla it's okay." He reassures me, beginning to realise in my reaction what the outcome was. I can feel his disappointment, and it makes me cry more. "Hey, don't cry, please don't be upset. It's alright."
"I'm sorry." I whimper, as he exhales, pulling me in and wrapping his arms around me. "I didn't realise how upset I would be until after I took the test."
"That's why you said you weren't feeling well?" He pieces it together, stroking my hair, comforting me when technically I was in the wrong. He wasn't mad at me for not telling him, or lying about where I was going. He didn't care about any of that, he just cared that I was alright. "And why you weren't drinking?"
"Mm." I nod, pulling back and feeling his thumbs softly guide the tears away.
"Don't be upset about it darling." He whispers, placing a finger under my chin and raising my head. "We weren't even trying, were we? It'll happen, just give it time."
"What if it doesn't?" I dare to ask, and I see him refrain from wincing at the question.
"If it doesn't, it doesn't." He smiles, running his fingers through my hair, lovingly. "You'll still have me."
"What, even if you can't have a baby?" I breathe, the word still tender. "When you could have one with a younger, prettier, more together, mumsy, fertile woman who can actually carry a baby to full term?"
"...Never, in a million years." He promises me, looking so serious about his answer. "I don't want anybody else but you, ok? Do you understand that?" I force myself to nod, believing him, feeling guilty that he was stuck with me. "You are beautiful, how could I ever want anybody else?"
"I guess I'm not boring." I sniff and he laughs, weakness in his eyes as he stares back at me.
"No, you're not boring. I'll give you that one." He admits. "Listen, no matter what happens, we'll have each other okay? Don't doubt that, please."
"I love you." I whisper and he kisses my forehead, wrapping his arms around me tightly.
"I love you too." He replies, his words so genuine and I smile, resting my head on his shoulder, breathing in his comforting scent and wondering how I ever got so lucky.
Let me know what you think so far if you have the chance :)