He is healing. He is almost healed. There are subjects you cannot approach with him, and he is silent a lot, but he is actually healing.
He mainly talked to Brent now: his savior.
And he doesn't sulk anymore. Though Jacob will have a dream every other night or so about a small child's voice, that's it. It's almost gone. Almost. Not completely.
Jacob has not let go, but the his grip on the rope is loose.
The best thing is not to think about it. He ignores it. Ignores the feeling.
And now, he is now the best friend of Brent Cahill.
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"Hey Jacob," I ask lightly, sitting down beside the monster at lunch, setting my back pack down beside me. "I have a question."
Jacob nods.
"Well......." I put on a blush. "Would you like to....go see a movie tonight?"
Shock is the emotion on Jacob's face for about five seconds, and then, it turns to sorrow. He looks down at the table, where his journal sits.
"You don't have to! It was just a question!," I try to repair quickly. "It's just Star Trek has come out and people say it's really good! It's not a date!"
"No, it's not that.....," Jacob murmurs.
I raise an eyebrow, leaning closer. "Then what is it, Jacob?"
"I..."
"Yes?"
"I don't mind. I want to go. With you, i mean."
This time, shock turns to me and slaps me right in the face. Then, amusement. But i hide the amusement.
"Ok, Jacob. Call it a date?"
Jacob hesitates, and his body tenses, and i wonder if i took it to far. "I mean—"
"Yes."
"What?"
Jacob's eyes harden and he looks up to me with a 'definiteness.' "Yes, call it a date."
And then he stands up and walks away from the table.
And as i sit there, awed, i can't help but smirk. I want to laugh insanely, but i can't, so all i can do it laugh.
It has been a month and one week—longer then expected, but still working.
This couldn't have worked out better. It really couldn't.
Now, I've got it all set. One week. Definitely.
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I picked Jacob up in a ford focus.
He was waiting for me on his porch in a rocking chair.
He was in black skinny jeans and a red shirt with a black hoody overtop of that. I could see the gauze faintly, but i left it alone.
This was a date. This was dating. This was Jacob letting his heart barriers down.
"So," he asked, as we drove to wall-greens to buy candy. "Star Trek?"
I nodded. "Yeah." It was actiony, and i hoped he would like it.
At wall-greens, we bought gummy bears and Swedish fish and chocolate covered cookie dough. I payed for it.
And when we go to the movie—10:15 pm—i payed for that too.
We sat in the back, watching the previews.
The movie theater filled up fast, but we had no one in front of us, ans we were at the perfect angle.
Then, the lights went low(and some off) and the movie started.
For the first hour, we watched, eating from separate candy boxes. Take it steady. That's what you had to do.
Then, Jacob started relaxing. He rested his head against my shoulder and reached into my Gummy Bears box.
Our hands brushed together. His tensed—surprised at his own action—and then slowly, trembling, retracted.
I smiled to myself. He's having an inner conflict.
And then, after more time passed by, i felt Jacob jolt in his seat as the bad guys appeared out of no-where, and they grabbed captain kerk in the movie.
Jacob's breath hitched and his whole body tensed, and then slowly began to relax, and he rubbed against me more—as if i was comforting him.
Suddenly, no ones there. The movie isn't playing. It's just us.
I turn and take Jacob's thumb between my thumb and index finger, and i lift it up so his eyes meet mine.
He is trembling.
Immediately after our eyes meet, he glances down.
"No," i said softly.
He looks back up at me with wide, half-fearful eyes.
His lips are shaking.
Then, i take the biggest risk i have ever taken with him.
I lean down and press my lips against his.
I am gentle, i have to be.
It is a deep brush, but there is no tongues, no opening of mouths, no teeth.
Then, i pull apart from him.
"Do you trust me?," I whisper.
Jacob eyes widen for a fraction of a second, and then they lower.
"Yes."
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And that started it. Those words.
The trust.
That started the mini dates. The movies. The studies. The restaurants. The parks. The picnics.
I was wrong for the second time.
It took me 2 weeks. But this time, i promise you, it all ends. And it will end quickly.
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