Chapter 10

Ivan is a good man, Jackie reminded herself as she eyed Point Place's small wedding chapel. She told him about the kiss her and Hyde had shared and after asking her if she was sure she still wanted to marry him, much to Jackie's surprise; he let the matter drop. She was used to any mistake she made being thrown back up into her face over and over, she had heard of people being forgiven but she had begun to think that was something that happened to other people and never to her. She felt truly lucky to have someone like him in her life. Why did she feel like something was wrong? Ivan was a grown man with a grown man's ambitions for career and family, everything Jackie truly wanted. Why did she feel like something was missing? It made absolutely no sense to her, she should be crowing her happiness from the hill tops and instead she was merely making contented noises. Perhaps that was the difference between passion and love, she silently wondered. Passion may be intense but its short lived while love is subtle and longer lasting. Maybe she just grew up, she reasoned feeling slightly saddened by the thought. The return of the cleric shook Jackie from her unpleasant reverie. "As a matter a fact next Saturday happens to be open after all. We can squeeze in your friend's wedding anytime between noon and four thirty," he announced with a smile.

"Actually two o'clock is the best time," Jackie said forcing a smile for the pastor's benefit. "I'll swing by the shops and have the deliveries scheduled accordingly," she added as the pastor scribbled Megan's information in the appointment book in front of him.

"I hear that congratulations are in order for you as well, Ms. Burkhart," he said handing her a receipt. "Have you and your fiance set a date yet?" he inquired gesturing to his appointment book with a bemused expression.

"Not yet, but thank you," Jackie said straightening her posture and giving her best practiced smile. "I'll let you know when we do though," she promised him gently shaking his hand.

"Great, Now I'm getting my very own wicked step mother," Hyde grumbled as Eric and Donna chuckled to themselves. "Its easy for you two to laugh. You don't have to be related to her," Hyde snapped crossing his arms and staring at the small TV.

"It wouldn't bother me. Megan likes me," Eric said making a poor attempt at suppressing a smile. "Come on man, it could be worse," he said attempting to sound encouraging as he gave Hyde's shoulder a brotherly pat.

"It is worse. She's having his kid," Hyde grumbled with a sneer. That's it, God's a woman; Hyde decided mentally. It was the only explanation that made any sense and he said as much to the group.

"Come on, Hyde," Donna said sharing a secret look with Eric. "She'll warm up to you eventually. WB is not going to want her being nasty to his son," she said with an encouraging grin.

"She's not outright nasty. That's the thing," Hyde said with a sigh. "She'll shoot me a look here and there but she keeps it cold and civil. Besides, he's already taken her side on a couple things," he grumbled with disgust.

"Oh like how you still live with the Foreman's and how you aren't good enough for Jackie kind of thing?" Kelso said conversationally. "Geez, Hyde we all knew that," Kelso added rolling his eyes and licking his Popsicle before Hyde frogged his arm. "Damn, Hyde!" Kelso complained turning beseeching eyes onto Eric. "I was clarifying," he protested.

"Kelso you're not helping," Donna said rolling her eyes in exasperation. "Jackie's pretty annoying in her own right," she added defensively. Seeing Hyde's raised eyebrow she quickly amended," Not that all your government conspiracies and burns are annoying. I mean they're really kinda cute. Hey ABBA's pretty annoying though huh?" "Hey, help me out," she commanded Eric.

"What Donna's trying to say is well....hell if I know," Eric admitted slumping his shoulders in defeat. Donna frogged him in the arm but he merely looked pitiful. "Anything I come up with is only going to make it worse. Remember? I do that," Eric explained reluctantly. Donna finally nodded her head in agreement. Eric Foreman certainly did have a talent for doing that.

"You'll probably hardly ever even see Megan. I mean WB doesn't swing by every day does he?" Kelso added trying to seem helpful. After a moment Hyde nodded, slightly cheered by that thought. "Besides, his wife to be is really hot. He'll probably be too busy doing it with her," Kelso said with a pervy grin. "Owww! My eye!!!!"

"Mommy, can I ask you a question after this one?" Stephanie said putting her head on Jackie's shoulder after sitting beside her on the couch.

"Of course you can baby," Jackie said giving her daughter a tender kiss on her forehead. She set the wedding magazine she was reading down on the table beside the couch and turned to give her daughter her full attention. "You can always ask me anything you want, you know that," Jackie said giving Stephanie an encouraging squeeze.

"How come you're not marrying Daddy like Megan is marrying Grandpa?" Stephanie asked looking up at Jackie in confusion.

"Well, Megan and Grandpa love each other and when two people love each other in the right way they get married," Jackie asked cautiously. "You know your Daddy and I both love you though, don't you?" she asked gently brushing Stephanie's bangs back.

"Yeah, do I have to call Ivan Dad now too?" Stephanie questioned with a pout. "Because I don't want to," she added.

"Of course not. Don't you like Ivan, honey?" Jackie asked softly.

"He's okay. I just hate hearing you guys wrestle, it sounds gross," Stephanie admitted to Jackie's growing mortification. "I'm glad you and Dad don't wrestle like that," Stephanie added with a sharp nod.

A bark of laughter, startled Jackie and she looked over at her open front door to see a very amused Steven Hyde shaking with mirth. "Out of the mouth's of babes," he said as Stephanie jumped up and ran to him with a squeal of delight.

"Did you bring me a present?" she asked jumping up and down with excitement.

"You are your mother's daughter," Hyde said with a crooked grin. "I need to talk to your mom. Go grab your bag I'm taking you with me tonight," he added ruffling her hair playfully. Stephanie stuck out her tongue and ran to her room with a delighted squeal. "So ….." Hyde's words deserted him and he and Jackie looked at one another in awkward silence.

"Thanks for taking Stephanie, she loves spending time with her Dad," Jackie said just to break the silence. She hated the way her heart began to race whenever Steven Hyde was in the room. You would think that with everything that had happened between them over the years the yearning she had for him would diminish. By some cruel joke it had only gotten more intense. "So what do you need to talk to me about?" Jackie asked trying to sound casual and feeling anything but.

"Are you still going to marry Ivan?" Hyde asked in a quiet voice. It was all he could do to say the question out loud. Talking about his feelings was never something that he was either good at or comfortable with but unfortunately it was something he needed to do. Now, Before it was too late.

"Yes, I've told him everything," Jackie replied softly. "He loves me. He really loves me and I've never had that before and it feels good," she admitted unsure as to if she were trying to convince Hyde or herself. "He's great with Stephanie and he is a good man," Jackie assured him in a low voice. After a moment, Hyde took off his sunglasses; something that Jackie knew from experience he only did when he was about to say something he felt was important.

"Jackie...."Hyde began before he had to clear his throat. "I don't want you to marry him," he admitted slowly. He looked up to see tears silently streaming down Jackie's face as she regarded him with a tortured expression. "I want you to choose me. I love you too;" he admitted softly.

"We tried, Steven. We don't work. Ivan and I work. He's a good man," Jackie said with a shaking voice. Her heart felt like it was once again being ripped from her chest. How did Steven Hyde have this power over her and would it ever end? She wondered sadly. She walked up to him and gave him a kiss on his cheek, inhaling the scent of him for the last time. "For what its worth, I never stopped loving you," she said squeezing her eyes shut as she fought her tears. "You're going to make some woman very lucky one day Steven Hyde. It just won't be me," she said forcing herself to back away from him and cross her arms. If she didn't know better, she'd swear his eyes were misting over with tears as well but that was probably just wishful thinking on her part. Deep down she knew that Steven Hyde had never loved her and it no longer caused agonizing pain; just a constant and deep ache that would never go away. "Still friends?" Jackie whispered blinking back her tears. "You're a good Dad, Steven. I just want you to go out and be happy," she said in a monotone.

"Are you in love with him?" Hyde managed to say through the tightness in his chest. He almost didn't want to know but he realized that the question needed to be asked.

" I don't know," Jackie admitted. "I do care a great deal for him and he is good to me and for me. If I'm not in love with him now I soon will be. That's good enough for me," she said taking a deep breath.

"That's what you want?" Hyde said in disbelief. Jackie used to be all about fairytale happy endings and now she was settling for Mr. Good enough? He couldn't believe it.

"That's what I take. Every day people jump off bridges because they didn't get what they want. I won't set myself up like that again. I've learned to be content rather than happy. Its healthier," she said with conviction. "I just grew up, Steven. It was bound to happen sooner or later huh?" Jackie said trying to turn the entire conversation into a joke. Before Hyde could say anything else, Stephanie came running into the room with her overnight bag.

"G'night mommy!" she said hurling herself into Hyde's waiting arms. "Its ok, Daddy I don't need a present," Stephanie assured him regarding him with worry.

"Good-bye, Steven," Jackie said holding back her tears with a smile.

"Good-bye, Jackie," Hyde said putting his sunglasses back over his face, hoping his zen would mask the pain growing inside him threatening to cripple him. He could hardly believe that he had actually lost her. Even when she had disappeared it hadn't hurt him this deeply. Maybe it hurt him more because this wasn't the result of a fight or a tantrum; this was more final than that. Perhaps it was the lack of hope that he didn't realize he'd had until now; that had gotten to him. Or maybe the weight of all their mistakes had finally sunk in on him; he didn't know.

Ivan was standing outside of Jackie's apartment with a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand, listening to her and Hyde's conversation. He felt a lump rising in his throat at what he heard. He loved Jackie with all his heart and even though he wanted to be with her. It was more important to him that she be happy than be with him. This Hyde man could make her happier than he could, if things could work out between them. Now he knew why his beautiful fiance with the mismatched eyes, always had a look of sadness to her; even when she was laughing. He knew the cause. The man inside the apartment had her lock stock and soul, yet they weren't together. She was sad because she was suffering the agony of being incomplete. Ivan had no idea how to fix this mess, but he wanted to make Jackie happy so very much. Even if when no one was looking it made him cry.