Without You My Days Blur Into One

by AdiraWebb

You need to read The Little Recruit through Chpt. 49 before you start reading this. These are the emails that Ranger is sending Steph (corresponding Chpt. 47 of Little Recruit) that she refuses to read. If you have Spotify, search for my user # 12308948 & look at public playlists. The songs enhance the emails/story.

10. Ranger's Emails Chpt 10 - Your Winter

AN: This email was written between Chpt. 48 and 49 of Little Recruit.

---

Carlos Mañoso
January 14, 2003
To: Stephanie Plum

Subject: Your Winter

Babe,

We just got another assignment today and we're leaving at 0500 tomorrow. The lack of prep is scaring me. Yeah, I know. I never admit to being scared. I'm still working with Hannah. She has me working on acknowledging my emotions instead of suppressing them. I told you I was going to take this time to fix myself and I am.

A big part of my fear of this mission is that I'll die on some mission and we won't have bridged this huge gulf between us. I suppose that's a common fear – to die with unresolved issues with a loved one. The thing is that I don't care that I'm still in some sort of silent dispute with my parents. I don't care that it would likely bother them if I died and we hadn't made up. But with you…I don't want it to be that way for you. Even though I know you currently loathe me, I know that you also loved me long enough that you'd be upset if I died and we hadn't come to some kind of resolution.

So if I don't come back from this mission or die before you stop hating me, know that I love you. And I understand that I'd hurt you more if I was in your life now than I do by not being in it. I'm not upset with you. I just wanted to let you know that.

I love you.

Forever yours,

Carlos

P.S. Listen to Sister Hazel's "Your Winter".