Ben was petrified. He thought he'd made progress after his talk with his mother, but that all flew out the window when Rey confessed she was in love with him. It threw him completely off balance.
So he ran, like an insolent child. Because that was his solution when something scared him, to run. He didn't even know why he did it, he was in love with her. That much he knew, he knew the moment he feared for her life when she was screaming in pain in Snoke's throne room.
"I'm not enough for her."
There it was, he said it out loud to himself when he slumped down on his bed. The thought hadn't occurred to him until she said something that seemed so final. Ben Solo might not act like Kylo Ren anymore, but his alter identity was still there and he would carry around his crimes for the rest of his life. Rey needed somebody who wouldn't drag her down.
For the next few days he avoided her, and after the first day she seemed to get the picture. He just didn't know what to say so he avoided her like a coward. He could see the hurt in her eyes, and it rocked him to the core. But he selfishly kept away.
After that first day, she began to keep herself busy. Sometimes he would just watch her and wondered what was going on in her mind. Was she thinking of him? Probably not. Was she giving him time? No, she was probably coming to terms and thinking he didn't want anything to do with her anymore. He knew he needed to talk to her soon, or he would risk throwing everything he had with her away.
She was angry, so angry. In a second, he changed completely. Just because he didn't feel the same way she did, it didn't mean he had to shut her out.
The first day she tried to talk to him, but he would always take off in the opposite direction. After several attempts, she let it go. If he wanted to talk to her, he would. And should he dare to think they were still going to continue on as they were before she told him she loved him, he would have lost his mind.
On that fourth day, she became infuriated and lost it. Their rooms were right next to each other, he couldn't avoid her forever. So when he left his room at the same time she did, she chased after him.
He walked as fast as he could outside, hoping to avoid her in all the vegetation. He was sadly mistaken.
"Ben Solo!" Rey screamed at the top of her lungs, stopping him in his tracks. Everyone around them stared.
What Rey didn't realize is that when she pointed at Ben, she had used the Force to stop him in his tracks. When he didn't turn around and walk to her, it occurred to her that he was staying still against his will and she let go. The moment she did, he rounded on her.
"That was over the line!" He marched up to her.
"Over the line? You mean like walking out on me the other day?" Rey fired back. This was turning into a very public argument with half of the resistance listening.
Ben looked around and noticed, then took Rey's hand.
"Come with me, we can talk where nobody can listen." He dragged her back inside and into his room, shutting the door.
"Now we can discuss this." He proclaimed.
"Let's discuss how you have been cowering away from me." Rey immediately started.
Kylo rubbed the bridge of his nose with his fingers.
"And that was AFTER you walked out on me when I told you something that made me very vulnerable." Rey began to sob.
That broke him. He stepped forward and took her in his arms, running his fingers up into her hair and cradling her head against his chest.
"If you didn't feel the same way, you just had to say so. It wouldn't change how I feel about you, and it wouldn't change us." She said, quiet and at peace now. She had missed this.
"Don't take this the wrong way, I don't expect you to be able to function in a relationship properly. I don't think I know how to either."
Ben grinned. They had issues, there was no denying it. Neither of them had normal upbringings, both of them had been denied compassion and the closeness of another person. At least Ben had his parents' love, they just weren't always around. Rey had been sold off by hers.
He let her go and they sat down on the floor directly across from each other.
"I don't think you understand. Rey, I'm very much in love with you too."
Her eyes lit up, even though she tried not to show too much enthusiasm.
"But I didn't realize you felt it too. I don't want you attached to me so tightly."
She was hurt, he could see it. He hurt her so badly. With tears streaming down her face, she managed to croak a sentence out.
"Are you planning to leave?"
"No, Rey no." He took one of her hands in both of his, kissing her knuckles. "But I realize who I've been, and that I can't erase what I've done. I love you so much, but I can't bear for you to have me bring you down."
Once again, she looked heartbroken. But not for herself, for him. He didn't think he was deserving of affection from another person.
"Ben, if I didn't think I could handle the things you've done, I would be here. You've committed some terrible things in your life, but you cast that and everything you knew for years away for me. You didn't have to do that, now you're running with a band of misfit resistance fighters and in a relationship with a former scavenger who's had nobody and nothing her entire life. Don't let your past prevent us from having a future, please."
That word, she said it exactly as he had when he asked her to rule the galaxy with him. When he desperately reached out to her so he wouldn't be alone anymore.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put you through all that." He hung his head.
Rey scooted closer to him and picked up his head.
"It's alright, we're never going to be perfect. So I suggest you stop expecting that of yourself." She smiled at him and pulled his head in so it rested on her shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her and allowed her to comfort him even though it was he who had done the hurting these last few days.
When he picked his head up, he rested ha forehead on hers and pulled her closer by the waist.
Without speaking, she kissed him once, twice, and a third time, each time they became more heated. Ben pulled her so close that she was up against him, as his hands roamed her back.
They pulled away once more to look each other in the eyes. They hadn't been truly and deeply intimate in weeks, since the last time she severed the Force bond before he followed her into the resistance.
It was almost like he was asking for permission, and he didn't need words to do it. Rey only had to nod, and he gently lowered her down so she was pinned beneath him.
Things were much better between them after the heartfelt confession from Ben, and the long talk they had after they made up for a few days of not interacting. It was understood between them that they were both still figuring it out as they went along, but they knew for certain that they loved each other.
That night they ended up going into the city like they talked about. Ben enjoyed seeing the childlike wonder when Rey saw all the lights. To him, it was normal, to her it was beautiful and exotic. She pulled him all over, to bars that played loud music and served alcohol, something else she had never tried. Then she found an outdoor band playing soft music and he surprised her when she found out he knew how to dance and he showed her.
They ended up exhausted at the end of the night and stayed in Rey's room. He warned her that they would be up early the next morning, no matter how late she had stayed out with him.
And, as promised, they were up early the next morning. After breakfast, the two of them headed off into the woods around the base. Rey was in tune with the world around her, but Ben liked to make sure she didn't forget and had every chance to improve. So off they went to find a peaceful spot, away from the business of the base.
They found a small cleaning between the trees, far enough away that they didn't have to hear everybody at work, but close enough to run back if they needed to in the case that the First Order found them.
They say cross legged across from each other, breathing deeply. Rey enjoyed doing this with him, sharing this bond of being in tune with everything. She opened her eyes for a moment and looked across at him. His face was clear of fear and paranoia, he was expressionless but it was nice to see. She smiled and closed her eyes, feeling even more at peace.
For fifteen minutes they sat, breathing in the fresh air and listening in. Until a loud boom startled Rey enough to make her instinctually move closer to Ben. She gripped his arm and looked around for he source, prepared to drag him up and pull him away.
"It's just thunder." He said without opening his eyes.
Of course. Rey spent some time on Ahch-To where it stormed, but sometimes she forgot. And it had never been that loud.
"Ben, that doesn't sound like a small bit of thunder. I think we need to go back." Rey was nervous. She didn't know the weather patterns here.
"If you want to, we can, but there's no need to rush." He stood up.
They began to leisurely walk back. But within a few minutes, the sky had grown incredibly dark. It looked like dusk. But it wasn't even midday. Thunder continued to roll, and lightning joined in.
Rey was growing more and more nervous, clinging to Ben's arm.
"It'll be okay, we'll go inside and ride it out. It's nothing I haven't seen before." He assured his worried lover.
As if his words were heard by the skies, it grew even darker, the wind picked up fiercely, and large droplets of rain began to fall. It was becoming a very harsh storm very fast. Ben took Rey under his arm and started a brisk pace, pulling her with him.
"Ben." Rey cried out as a gust of wind nearly blew her away. She had been right to be nervous, this was a larger than normal storm. They needed to get inside quickly.
They hadn't even made it halfway back when the ferocity picked up. Ben kept a tight grip on Rey so as not to lose her, she was much smaller than he was and at risk of being blown over.
They maneuvered through the weather as best as they could, but it was becoming difficult to see. Ben heard the familiar and very loud cracking sound of a tree coming down, right where they had just been. Rey screamed in terror, it sounded like a gun shot. Ben quickly moved her away from it and leaned down to whisper in here ear.
"Do not let go of my hand." He said urgently, and she responded with an eager nod. They were freezing and getting nowhere fast with him tucking her under his arm. So he pulled her and ran, as quickly as he could, back to the base.
When he finally caught sight of it he was beyond relieved. This storm was becoming a full on typhoon.
The door was opened before he could reach the knob and his mother pulled him and Rey inside as quickly as she could.
"There you both are! I was worried sick, don't go that far away from the base again!" She exclaimed as she guided them both toward the bathrooms where there would be towels and warm showers.
"Mother, we're fine." Ben grumbled. He hadn't dealt with her overbearing mothering since he was a teenager, and he was still getting used to it happening again.
"This isn't the time or place to wander too far from here. The First Order could surprise us at any time." Organa said before leaving them alone.
"She's right." Rey said as she dried herself.
"We were fine until the storm hit." Ben pointed out.
"Speaking if that, let's get out of these wet clothes before the power is knocked out." Rey began to strip.
Ben raised his eyebrows before remembering that they had seen each other without clothes on more recently. He took his shirt off as she finished undressing before getting into a shower and inviting him to join her. He grinned at her playfulness and finished undressing.