Secrets
I'm grateful that I have limited my shopping to outside of Anchorage until now, that will make the obscene amount of purchasing that I'll do today somewhat less conspicuous. But I already know that my presence won't go unnoticed, and I expect that eventually the authorities will become suspicious of my relationship with Bella and that they will trace us here.
But this is where our trail will end – where Bella's luminous human light will flare brightly to its end, then explode like a firework, beautiful and blinding but too short. This is where the humans, vampires and werewolves will all lose sight of Bella and me.
The first store I visit is Verizon.
I call Bella as I walk to a few of my other smaller stops. Her phone only rings once before I hear the intoxicating sound of her voice. "Edward, I was worried about you."
"I'm sorry, love. What happened earlier was…intense to say the least. My phone was an inconvenient but overall, insignificant loss."
She laughs lightly into the phone, causing me to smile in return. I turn into another store to begin the process of assembling my Beloved's next care package. "I guess I can understand that."
"I certainly hope so." My face is split into a huge grin, thinking of how normal she makes me feel. How at peace we are together.
"I am very sorry for the way the phone call ended though; I know that there must be plenty of things you want to know. Can I ask you something?"
"Of course," she whispers, "but I think I know the question already, and the answer is no, I didn't finish it."
I am slightly disappointed because now I have to face the very real fear that my confessions will scare or anger her. I still have no idea how I'm going to articulate to her everything I've done. I wish that she had finished the letter - then we could begin to move on from all of this. It would make things so much easier if she's a willing accomplice in the coming weeks, as opposed to a captive.
I realize I've been silent for far too long, and even through the phone I can hear her heartbeat start to accelerate. Suddenly I am breathing heavily myself, and I can't help but think about the distance between us right now. I can't help but be anxious at the fact that I cannot smell her, that I don't know – for sure – where she is. The people around me begin to notice my unease, and they give me an even wider path on the sidewalk.
"It's OK Bella," I finally manage to say, assuring both her and myself, "I'll tell you everything, just like I promised. But can I ask you one more favor before we begin this?"
"Yes."
"We can talk for a moment while I shop if you wish, but can we save the hard stuff for the next phone call? The things I need to say…I can't say while there's this many people around. I'd like us to have little more privacy."
"OK, as long as you call soon. It's making me nervous, how secretive you're being."
I cringe at that. "I don't mean to be secretive, I don't want to be. I meant what I said in the letter, I want you to know everything. I may not want to admit it all, but I want you to understand. I hope you can understand. Just please, give me a little more time, Bella. Just a few hours."
"I'll be waiting." She says a little firmly. She's quiet for a moment while I listen, relieved, to the sound of her breath becoming steady. Much too soon, it hitches again as she asks me in a high-pitched voice, "Wait, could your family hear us on the phone earlier? When we, um...we're busy?"
I can't help but smile, because I can only imagine the beautiful red blush that is sure to be staining her face, and I am also sure that they did indeed hear us. At first, the revelation doesn't bother me. Then I begin to visualize my siblings hearing Bella moan and touch herself shyly. I realize that my family could not only hear us, but had most likely smelled her, and I don't like that thought in the slightest.
For the first time since Emmett brought the gift bag in the forest, I feel possessive anger once again pulsing through my chest. I try to tamp it down, fully aware of Bella waiting on the other end of the phone for my answer.
"Probably," she sucks in a breath and I push forward, "but it's not something that they haven't heard a thousand times before. It's impossible not to hear one another and we hear human movements within roughly a mile." I add lightly, "You can't imagine what its like to stay in a hotel."
She giggles a little, and I'm proud of myself for being able to comfort her while still dealing with my own anger. It shows progress.
"If anyone in my family gives you any grief, you tell me about it," I try to keep my voice light but I can't help the authority that slips in to it.
"You should treat them better, Edward. They're just trying to help." The sweet tone of her voice makes it hard to be annoyed at her even though I strongly disagree, and I'm careful not to let any of my aggitude seep into my voice.
"I'm just finding it a little hard to be around them right now, and it's frustrating that they can be close to you and I can't. Hopefully, when that changes things will be easier for me."
"I'm sure it will," she states optimistically. Again my face breaks out into a smile, thinking about her faith in us, her devotion to me. I couldn't ask for a better mate. I need her so bad in this moment that it's painful.
"So did you enjoy the rest of your gift?"
I am grateful for the change of subject, but this isn't going to be an easy question to answer either.
"I didn't really get to enjoy the rest of your presents, love. When I smelled your…gift, I pretty much lost it for a few minutes. I told you, it was the most powerful thing to ever happen to me." By the time I finish my voice is low and rough, and I hold the phone close to my mouth and nearly whisper to keep the customers around me from hearing this odd, erotic conversation.
"Well, I guess it's a good thing there wasn't anything too important in there," she says casually, and I'm relieved and grateful that she still isn't upset with me, even after being told about my family's front row seat to our phone sex, or my animalistic fit in the woods. She always surprises me, she always understands me.
I pray that her patience can stretch just a little bit further.
As I walk into the next shop, I ask her to tell me about her other gifts, and she humors me while I pick through the selections in a women's clothing store. I've always liked her in blue.
/MM\
I finally hang up with Bella when her phone beeps, alerting us both to the fact that it needs to be plugged in to recharge. The beep reminds me that my Beloved probably needs the same courtesy, and I implore her to go eat something and then take a nap. I swear to call her in less than three hours.
That doesn't give me much time, but I think under the circumstances it's more than fair.
Immediately after hanging up with her I find a decent hotel in the city, my only requirements being that it bordered on a strip of trees (not hard to find in the stark state of Alaska) and a good wi-fi connection. I make quick use of the computer I'd bought then pack my other purchases away in the new luggage, only leaving a few bags from the grocery store and the smaller bags containing Bella's next 'care package' on the bed.
I pack that with more care than anything else.
I lock up the hotel room, leaving the 'do not disturb' sign hanging from the exterior doorknob. I head down the stairwell and into the trees, heading deeper into the forest that loomed to the north.
As I run I think about the homestead my Beloved is currently occupying. I wonder, for what seems like the millionth time, what she is thinking about at this very moment. I wonder if she feels safe and loved or only scared and lonely without me. I wonder if she's hiding any terror or doubts underneath that never-ending patience. I wonder if the distance between us is as palpable for her as it is for me.
I expected that the mutual release we achieved earlier would have provided some sort of reprieve from the aching I feel. I had hoped that claiming her in that way would allow me some sense of security in our relationship. Instead, I am even more high-strung, more desperate to touch her. After only one taste, I am utterly addicted, and a large proportion of my brain begins to plot how to obtain that forbidden fruit again.
I force myself to remember my love for her and its importance above all else. I know that I shouldn't think of her as a possession, but it's in my very nature and extremely difficult to fight.
Especially when I think about her current proximity to males of my kind who are not me. Even though they all have mates of their own, it is becoming harder and harder to ignore that they have contact with her and I don't. That they can comfort her, and hear her laugh, they can fucking smell her come on her hand. It's so hard not to be angry.
Trying to push those thoughts from my head as well, I set a quick pace, still anxious regarding my time limit. I scout expertly, finally deciding on a gentle hillside covered in sparse low trees and brush. I clear it sufficiently then hunt out the closest road access point.
Satisfied with my work, I head toward the kennel.
The dog smells me coming. His mind panics and a snarling growl begins to roll out of his chest. It is immediately apparent to me that his muzzle is no longer wrapped in duct tape. His shackles still tether him close to the floor.
"So did you decide to change?" I ask casually, walking through the front door and closing it softly behind me.
In his mind he shows me the answer, though he is aware of my scanning now so his memory is interwoven with curses at me and novice attempts at hiding his thoughts.
I ponder, for a moment, if I've made a mistake in confirming my abilities.
He had attempted to change, hopeful that his other form would be able to escape the chains that held his neck and paws to the floor. While the shape shift had freed him of the tape around his muzzle, he had found that the shackles holding him were too tight for even his human hands and feet to fit through. Feeling helpless and vulnerable in his nude human skin, he had changed back after giving up on getting out of his collar.
"I've brought you some supplies, so it would be in your best interest to change again." I keep my voice friendly but authoritative.
When he shows no sign of obedience I hold one finger up in an imploring and mocking gesture, then head back outside. When I walk back in I carry the grocery bags.
I pull out the bottled water and fruit one by one, feeling the weight of the dog's eyes on me, hearing the internal struggle of hunger and pride wage inside him. I sit all the items on a table pushed against the wall a few feet away, and I step back toward him and squat down, unintimidated but wary of his slobbering mouth.
"I also brought a water dish, but no kibbles and bits. So unless you want to try to eat the fruit with that nasty smelling snout of yours, I suggest you change." I straighten up and head back toward the table, dropping the metal water dish on the ground loudly. To seal the deal, I pull out a pair of basketball sweats that buttoned up the sides. I throw them across the dog's middle. "I'll give you two minutes," I say, retreating back out of the door to listen to his pathetic wolf logic. As expected, I eventually hear the gross, cracking sound of his transformation.
As he eats, I study his thoughts for anything useful buried underneath the hunger, anger and lame attempts at hiding. Mostly I gauge how difficult it will be to get him to leave and not return, and on the surface it seems like he would run if given any chance at all.
Eventually he finishes all the fruit, and holds the final water bottle to his chest with his dirty hands. He stares at me, the sustenance seeming to fuel his anger and defiance.
I walk back outside and return with the duct tape and a pair of pliers that I'd bought at the hardware store. When I walk back in his eyes widen.
"I have one final favor to ask of you, and then we can discuss your eminent trip home." My plan is to feed him terror and hope at the same time, and it seems to working so far.
I toss Jacob the pliers, and he reaches for them but misses because of the confines of his chains. He picks them up off the ground, not quick enough in his mental blocking to keep me from seeing him cutting at his chains with the pliers. I chuckle.
"Good luck with that. Anyway, that's not the particular use those pliers are meant for. I'm sure you remember our experiments earlier?"
The bile rising in his throat is answer enough.
"Well, I'm sure you'll be happy to know that my results were very positive. And that's very good news for you, because that means that your stay here is coming to a close. But before you can go, I'm going to need a few more controls for further research. Two more controls to be exact."
Jacob is having a hard time following, and for the first time since all of this started he uses his adolescent human voice to speak to me.
"I'll never give anything to you. You can kill me before I'll help you."
His attitude of defiance makes me bristle. I lean down close again and hiss, "I don't need to kill you to get what I want. I don't need your help. Pull out two teeth."
His eyes widen at my demand, and he shouts his noncompliance. His body begins to morph as anger and panic rush through him.
"Fine," I hiss again, and grab him. He's barely re-grown his fur when I have two more bloody teeth in my hand, cutting unpleasantly into my skin while I rewrap the mutt's snout.
When I raise back up I see that I've done more damage to him that I would have liked. The impression of my knee in his side is still visible, and his ribs bend and crack as he wheezes.
He doesn't scream aloud, but his mind does, and all thoughts of revenge and subterfuge disappear. In a flash, I see the seedling of a plan that he's been trying so hard to hide from me.
Charlie. He was going to change in front of Charlie. He knew her father was still looking for her. He knew that Charlie was wary and suspicious of my family, and that it would take little in the way of evidence to convince him to pursue me.
My new cell phone rings, and I jerk it out of my pocket immediately, smearing werewolf blood on the front face. The screen displays Alice's phone number, so I don't answer.
Instead I stare down in confusion at the dog who's just signed his own death warrant. I feel weighted down by the knowledge that I can no longer use the dog's release in my favor on the phone in a few hours, because I can never let him return and tell this secret. It would ruin absolutely everything. It may very well mean Bella's very existence, regardless of whether she is vampire or human when the chips finally fall.
I don't say anything else to the dog. I simply leave him sprawled out on the floor, walking to the other side of the house into the bathroom, the only room that I'd left intact after my renovations. I take a quick but thorough shower and then walk back out to the main room, anxious to get away from the horrid smell.
On the way out I walk past the table against the wall, still littered with grocery bags and the duct tape. I kick the water bowl under it as I go; on the corner of the table is a small mason jar.
I drop all three teeth in the jar and then head back toward the strawberry smell of my destiny.
/MM\
Before I get there, I smell the expected welcoming party. Again I'm surprised that my sister is alone to meet me, but as I venture closer I hear that Jasper isn't far away, he's simply trying harder to keep his presence from me.
"Why can't you seem to answer god damned phone calls from us anymore, Edward? Hmm? Do you understand how hard this is for us?"
"Can you see Charlie?" This is the first order of business, and one of the only subjects today that Alice and I will agree upon.
"That's what I was calling about!" She nearly screeches. I had a vision of him with newborn eyes, Edward! I haven't seen it since but we can't let that happen. I can't see what caused it!
"I can see you again. Or I have, a few times in the past twenty or so minutes," she adds aloud.
"You can?" I ask, surprised for some reason that the magic of the tooth didn't seem to hover, it has already dissipated after only a few minutes.
Alice shows me a vision, it's horrific and it's so real I begin to whine immediately. I'm draining her, on the cold forest floor, and she's pushing on my shoulder with only one hand but I don't even notice and eventually she stops. Her arms fall limp on the fragrant bed of her hair, and I can hear myself moaning and growling into the open wound on her neck.
I pull myself away from the wreckage in front of me to take in the finer details of the vision. The landscape is familiar. The airstrip.
Alice's vision comes to a stop, and she stares at me imploringly, begging me not to do whatever I was planning that would lead to this. My mind flies with contingency plans, I grasp for ways to change the future that just can't be the outcome of all this.
Alice loses herself in another vision, and I dig into it, hopeful that some other option had been triggered by my knowledge of the events at the airstrip.
I watch, crestfallen as Alice shows me my Beloved's death again, this time she is wearing a deep red sweater instead of the white that had stained with her blood so quickly the first time.
A different timeframe didn't seem to help.
You have to give this more time Edward. Let us throw Charlie off of our trail – hell, HELP us throw Charlie off our trail. Right now we need to concentrate on protecting ourselves and getting Bella out of all this alive.
I hate that she's demanding. I hate that she thinks she can tell me how to interact with Bella.
"Listen Alice, I know that you care about her. And I know that you want to keep her safe. But I swear that I'll keep her safe. I promise."
"Edward!" I interrupt her.
"I need you to do something for me. Give Bella and me a little privacy tonight. We've got…a lot to talk about and it would be easier on both of us to know we didn't have an audience."
"I don't know if that's a good idea." My fists tighten; I grit my teeth at my sister. I employ another tactic.
"Bella is mortified that you all heard what happened on the phone between us. You probably already know that but maybe I should remind you since you obviously haven't thought about how good it would be for her to have a little privacy and modesty. She's never complained once about living with us, even though we all know that she's embarrassed by her body."
Alice huffs and I smile to myself as I feel her resistance crumble. "Fine. As long as we agree that you aren't going to see her for a while. You shouldn't get her hopes up about that either." I bristle even more at her tone, my patience wearing dangerously thin.
Jasper feels my growing anger, and comes closer to us. I growl out the only warning I plan to give him.
Alice pushes forward, determined to say her piece to me now that she's finally seen a concrete vision of Bella and me.
"I don't recognize the background in the vision. Do you?"
"No." I answer coldly.
"Bullshit" she replies, acid in her voice. What are you hiding?
I just stare at her, giving her nothing.
An inner timer lets me know that I have merely ten minutes until my time limit will expire, and I'm mostly relieved that this impromptu meeting with my sister is over. Jasper still stands to my right and he mentally repeats a warning to me over and over, telling me in that infuriatingly calm drawl of his that while we have sparred before and often in the past few days, it will be nothing compared to the hell that he'll unleash if I touch his mate.
I finally speak to Alice, but I doubt it's exactly what she wanted me to say.
"I've never seen that location before, though judging by the vegetation I would say that it's close. I doubt I'll see it in the future, because I don't intend to let that particular vision of yours play out. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make."
"Well, I guess we'll all just wait to see what adventures you're next big idea lead us on." Alice's tone is slick with venom. She adds in her head, you're so fucking selfish.
"Drop this gift off for me." I say casually then take off toward the east, away from Jasper, and intent on climbing a tree in the area and placing my phone call.
My sister screams obscenities at me for so long that I block her out and try to ignore her screeching. She eventually leaves and Jasper follows, and I see that she has taken the bag with her.
The past three hours have offered more complications than answers, but I try to keep my head above the depression and panic that threaten to consume me.
I comfort myself with the idea that it's better for my overall plan that Alice can't see anything past the airstrip. I don't plan to intercept her again without the protection of my wolf's tooth, and the gruesome vision of Bella and I's fate is as good as any for our parting.
Thinking of Bella's weak attempts to push me off of her causes my heart to break, but I force myself to push that fear down.
A warning, I repeat to myself as pull out my phone, wiping the drying blood off of it with the tail my shirt. I push one and take a deep, calming breath. I exhale all the hostility and deception that I'd used on my family from my body – preparing myself to speak nothing but the truth to her.
A/N: And there you have it. Next we will check in with Bella, as she will be receiving a very important phone call very, very soon.
A special shout-out goes to Sarita, keyecullen, keyskeyssagalover, and sugari. And a big thank you to all of you for reading, even you lurkers out there….
Expect a new chapter to be out this weekend.
How do YOU think Bella will react to the bombs Edward is about to drop? Do you think that they should put more stock in Alice's visions? What do you think will happen to our caged wolf?
Reviews make me edit faster.