Fun story. I had this chapter started on my laptop a few months ago. And then my laptop suffered catastrophic screen failure, to the extent that the company couldn't repair it. They paid for a new laptop, but I lost ALL the writing I had already done. It turned out to be a bit of a blessing, though - I hadn't been entirely sure I liked the chapter I had going already, so I was able to start from scratch. I like this version better. I hope you enjoy it. And, wonder of wonders, I finally put in the reference to the title that I had been hoping to slip in somewhere. So without further ado... :)

Cersei and Loghain walked silently down the hallway. He had finally convinced Cersei that it was better to meet with the Wardens sooner rather than later. He could feel Cersei glancing his way every few steps – she undoubtedly wondered why tension was radiating off him so thickly. He sighed inwardly. Truth be told, he would have liked to put off this meeting himself – indefinitely. He had no desire to experience Cersei's anger, though he knew it would not be directed at him.

They finally drew even with the door. Cersei paused for a moment with her hand poised over the handle, and said, "Loghain...?" A quizzical look quirked her perfectly arched brow higher on her forehead. His only response was an enigmatic smirk. She pursed her lips and entered the room, rolling her eyes after she was sure her face was turned away from his sight.

"Good afternoon, Wardens. I trust you've been enjoying your stay in Denerim? Has the king seen fit to ensure your needs are met?"

Loghain's smirk morphed into something more genuine. Trust Lady Cousland to always remember her manners, even when facing people she does not care to see.

A tall man with sandy blond hair and an aquiline nose stood. He did not smile. "Hello Warden. I am Frederick, Commander of the Grey in Weisshaupt." Cersei stifled a giggle at the sound of his Ander accent. "With me are Genevieve, Warden-Commander of Orlais," at this, Loghain grimaced almost imperceptibly, "and Kristoff, a Warden-Lieutenant from Jader."

Cersei's gaze abruptly turned from the haughty and slightly disgusted looking Genevieve (because of course she looked like something smelled bad, she was Orlesian) to the Warden from Jader. "Jader? You must have known Riordan then. I am truly sorry that he was lost in battle."

Kristoff nodded, and replied, "Yes, I knew him. But do not be sorry; he did what any of us would have done."

Cersei smiled grimly. "Yes. About that... I'm sure you have certain... questions for me." She glanced at Loghain and winked before looking to the Wardens again. They sat in the chairs across from the senior Wardens before Cersei continued. "Questions like, oh, I don't know. 'What happened in Ostagar?' or maybe 'How did a brand-new recruit end up in charge of the Wardens in Fereldan?' Perhaps your most burning question, though, is probably 'Why in the name of the Maker aren't you dead right now?' Does that about cover it?"

She leaned back, smirking, as the Wardens exchanged glances. Frederick spoke. "Well, yes. Although we have already heard about the events at Ostagar from your fellow Warden here, I was unable to get the King to speak on the matter. Your recollection of events would be helpful in determining the... value of your newest recruit." With that, Genevieve's gaze slid to Loghain pointedly, though the other two were polite enough to keep their eyes on Cersei.

Her eyes narrowed slightly. "His value? Surely you jest. You already know he almost single-handedly threw a fairly large number of poncy stuffed shirts from this fine nation." Now it was Genevieve's turn to narrow her eyes, to which Cersei just grinned. Ooh, something about that woman rubs me the wrong way. "But Loghain doesn't need to prove his value as a Warden – or were Duncan and Alistair mistaken when they assured me a Warden's past was of no matter to the Order?"

Frederick inclined his head. "You have a point. Still, perhaps Ostagar will help enlighten us as to why you are the Warden currently sitting in that chair."

She sighed. "Fair enough. Duncan saved me from the massacre of my family, and recruited me into the Order at Ostagar. I passed my Joining – obviously – and was allowed to join the last tactical meeting before the battle."

At this, Genevieve cut her off. "Why would Duncan bring you to such a meeting?"

Cersei rolled her eyes. "I can assure you, I haven't the slightest clue. And unfortunately, Duncan came down with a terrible case of death at the battle, so I'm afraid we can't ask him." One of the males sniggered at her response. "Now, may I continue?"

The Orlesian Warden-Commander pursed her lips and crossed her arms.

"Thank you. Now, King Cailan and Loghain were both at this meeting, as were Duncan and I. Long story short – everyone urged caution. Wait for reinforcements, do not charge headlong into battle, do NOT lead the charge from the front lines, Cailan... And the king ignored this advice. All of it. He did not want to wait for more Wardens. He did not want to wait for Fereldan reinforcements. And most importantly, he insisted on fighting where the darkspawn were thickest. By the time Alistair and I arrived at the beacon, it was too late... though if I'm being honest, there was never a chance that the battle would have been won."

Frederick was nodding thoughtfully. "True. Without a more significant Warden presence, victory would have been impossible. And the battle was fruitless anyway, as the Archdemon had yet to show itself at that point. But please, continue."

Cersei inhaled deeply. "Loghain quit the field. He was instantly reviled by half the nation, myself and Alistair included. At the time, I could not see reason. I could only see myself falling unconscious as I was overwhelmed by darkspawn at the Tower of Ishal, and I was angry. It was only after a year of traipsing around the country, killing endless waves of the spawn and gathering armies much more numerous than that of Ostagar, that I began to truly understand. I made countless decisions for the greater good. I mean, do you have any idea how many random people I had to help, how many stupid and pointless errands I had to run to gather enough support? And suddenly I understood. Loghain left the field for the greater good. Without that retreat, the entirety of the Fereldan army, less a company from Redcliffe, would have been lost. It was necessary for our survival."

She sat back, hoping that someday soon people would stop doubting her taciturn lover.

"That's all well and good," snapped Genevieve, "but it still doesn't explain why you were the one leading a seasoned Warden around by the nose."

Frederick held up a hand. "Warden-Commander, control yourself."

Cersei's face was red from restrained laughter. Finally, she could not control herself. "Ah, my fellow Wardens," she said through her laughter, "I did not choose to lead Alistair around. In fact, one of the first things he ever said to me was, 'Lead on.' He left all the decisions to me, which was probably excellent training for his recently acquired kingship."

Loghain snorted. Cersei lightly kicked his shin in response. Kristoff smiled at this; he was quite enjoying the Fereldan Wardens.

"I believe Loghain's retreat was indeed warranted," said Frederick. "And I suppose you were the best choice to take command of the Wardens – you certainly seem to have accomplished the ultimate goal of ending the Blight. But now... we must ask you how."

Cersei's good humor disappeared instantly. "How I survived? That is a... tricky question." Her brows drew together as she considered her answer.

"My best guess is rather... far-fetched, I think. I fully expected to die, you understand. I had embraced what had to be done. I was going to die not as a victim of destiny, but as a martyr for Fereldan. I drove the sword into the Archdemon's brain. I remember light erupting from the wound, and a searing pain in my lower abdomen. I assumed I had been struck by something. And everything went dark. I did not expect to wake. And yet I did."

Cersei's eyes lowered. She clenched her hands tightly in her lap; suddenly, Loghain was gently reaching for her hand and squeezing. She looked up at her waiting audience. "I... I woke to find myself in a Denerim free of the Archdemon, and to find myself pregnant."

Eyebrows shot up on all three of the foreign Wardens. They looked at each other, and seemed to be having a conversation with their eyes. Finally, Frederick spoke.

"And... if I may ask, who was the father?"

She paused for a moment before saying, "Loghain."

"Putain!"

"Scheisse!"

"By the Maker..."

Cersei's eyes widened. She had known the news would be shocking, but was she missing something? Oh Maker, with my luck I'm going to be kicked out of the Order for fraternizing...

Frederick spoke rapidly. "You are sure Loghain is the father? Beyond a certainty? How did this happen?"

"Did... I miss something? Because I'm quite unsure it is wise for anyone to enter my country and accuse me of being a harlot, regardless of their position!" Cersei was fuming.

The Warden from the Anderfels held up his hands placatingly. "I am sorry, I did not mean to offend. It is just of vital importance that you are certain."

Cersei turned beet red. "Yes. Loghain... is the only man I have known." Genevieve snickered. Cersei began planning the grisly murder of the Orlesian bitch in her head.

"AND we only slept together just before we felt Redcliffe for the final battle in Denerim," she ground out between tightly clenched teeth. "Wardens may have difficulty conceiving, but I hope I do not have to explain the... mechanics of how it happened."

Frederick inhaled sharply. "We have often wondered if an occurrence such as this was possible. But this difficulty in conceiving that you mention, it has kept us from knowing whether it was a viable solution to the death of the Warden. This must be recorded – perhaps another Blight can be ended with the death of an unborn child instead of a Warden."

Cersei's mouth hung open in horror. "Warden-Commander, you can not ask that of a woman! I didn't... I would never have... when I lost my child – no, our child," she looked at Loghain, "I died inside. It is a pain you can not comprehend. I do NOT think it should be a 'viable solution' to the death of a Warden!"

Frederick reached out and patted the hand that was not clasped by Loghain. "There there Warden. I believe you have suffered greatly. But this must be recorded – when a Blight arises, the Wardens who are left to deal with it shall make that decision on their own."

Cersei began planning his grisly murder, too. Loghain squeezed her hand, however, and brought her back to reality.

"I suppose there is nothing I can say to change your mind. Very well. May I go? I feel wearied by this... lovely conversation."

She began to stand, but Frederick indicated she should sit still. She slowly lowered herself into the chair again and arched her brow for him to speak.

"Warden. You successfully ended the Blight. I have been charged by the First Warden to offer you a... promotion. We would like you to accept the mantle of Commander of the Grey for Fereldan."

She leaned back. Well, I certainly wasn't expecting that.

"You mean, that's not why Kristoff is here?"

Kristoff chuckled. "No, my lady. I am here briefly before moving on to Amaranthine. You do know that the arling has been given to the Grey Wardens, no? I am expected there within the fortnight."

"Oh. Well. I suppose I should take the job then. Unless you think Loghain would be a better fit?"

"No," replied Genevieve with a tiny smirk. "We have... other plans for Loghain. He is expected to report to Montsimmard within the next two months."

"WHAT?!" Cersei leaped to her feet, shock and outrage evident on her face. "Why? WHY? No, I refuse to accept that. As Commander of the Grey in Fereldan, I order Warden Loghain Mac Tir to report to Amaranthine."

Frederick was shaking his head even as Genevieve's eyes glittered with mirth. Kristoff looked away, clearly uncomfortable.

"I am sorry, Commander," said Frederick. "This command also comes from the First Warden."

"Then I refuse this position. You can not separate me from Loghain. I would not have vanquished the Archdemon without him. He is the reason Fereldan still stands. He is the reason I still stand. I will not let you do this." With that, she stood and began to stride from the room.

"Warden, do not let your personal feelings get in the way—" began Frederick. She turned to face him, fire in her eyes, but Loghain spoke before she could.

"Wait," he said. "Let me talk to her."

She stood there fuming quietly as he approached. He pitched his voice low so the Wardens would not overhear.

"Cersei, love. Listen to me. You must do this."

"But Loghain, how am I supposed to—"

He placed a finger over her lips to silence her. "Hush, love. You have to take this position. There is no one else. You are the only one I trust to ensure the safety of Fereldan."

Her eyes began to glitter with tears. "But what about us?"

He reached his hand up to cup her face. "There will always be an 'us.' But right now, you must help secure Fereldan. Darkspawn still roam the countryside. And you know I can not stomach the thought of the Orlesians coming in to take charge of the Wardens here. If you do not become Fereldan's Commander of the Grey, you know they will find an Orlesian to do it instead. And I promise – as soon as the last vestiges of the Blight are gone, I will be waiting for you. And my heart is yours – it will break if you do not come to me."

Cersei smiled slightly and wiped away the tears that had managed to escape. She turned back to the waiting Wardens, and said, "My fellow Warden has made me see reason. I accept this position."

Frederick nodded. "Then we will give you some time to wrap up your affairs here in the capitol. But please, leave for Amaranthine within the month."

"Yes, Warden-Commander. Now, I must return to my quarters. Enjoy the rest of your stay in Denerim." With that, she left the room, dragging her lover with her.

They had proceeded only a few steps down the hall when Loghain pulled her to an abrupt stop.

"Loghain, what is it? I'm tired—"

He pulled her into his arms and kissed her forcefully. She responded quickly, welcoming his mouth on her own. After several long moments, he pulled back and looked her in the eyes. "I love you, Cersei Cousland. Always."

He pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly. They stood that way for long moments – arms wrapped tightly around each other as tears rolled silently down their cheeks. She had never felt more unsure of her future as she did in this moment.