Chapter 10: Picture Window

Carrie reaches her car in the parking lot, slides herself inside and closes the door. She sits quietly for a moment, then places her shaking hands on the steering wheel. Her chin quivers, her throat tightens, and the tears finally come. She had been holding herself together so well during this visit with Quinn, trying so hard to be brave and strong for him, as he had done for her so many times. But now that she was alone in her car, all the anxiety, fear and relief came washing over her. She sat for a moment and let it all go. This pain, this concern, it was intense. Too intense.

Moments later Carrie's phone rings. Wiping the tears from her face, she answers.

"Hello?"

"Carrie, it's me," says Maggie.

"Hey…" she says quietly, trying to refocus.

"Are you alright? You sound terrible. Why haven't you returned my calls?" Maggie's tone is more alarming than she intends it to be.

"Yeah, sorry. It's been a rough week." Carrie had put off calling her sister, hoping to avoid having to lie to her about Quinn's hospitalization.

"Can we see you tomorrow? The girls would love to see Margo, and you. So would Bill and I."

"That would be nice. Tomorrow morning…breakfast?"

"Sounds great."

Carrie hangs up her phone, starts her car and heads for home.

They arrive at Maggie's house around 9:00a the next day. Ruby and Josie run to greet them at the door and immediately surround Margo in her car seat, which Carrie places on the floor.

"Where are my hugs" Carrie begs with her arms open to the girls.

The girls quickly hug Carrie and then return their attention to Margo. The four of them slowly make their way to the kitchen, where Bill is busy making breakfast.

"Hey, sis!" he gives Carrie a warm embrace.

Maggie follows and pauses in front of Carrie with her hands on Carrie's shoulders and scans her.

"You look too thin. Are you eating?"

Carrie scoffs at Maggie's concern and skirts around her, placing Margo and the car seat on the kitchen table.

"I'm fine! Just losing the baby weight, finally."

Carrie pours herself a cup of coffee and turns to face Maggie, who takes her hand and walks with her to the window seat in the adjacent room. The sisters sit facing each other, their hands hugging their warm cups.

"So how have you been…and why are you blowing me off?" Maggie asks her with a smile.

Carrie looks out the window and exhales.

"I'm good…just, you know, work is crazy. But Margo is great. She rolled over the other day."

Maggie smiles, tilts her head and looks deeply at Carrie. Carrie faces her sister again.

"Have you seen much of Peter lately?"

Maggie has always liked Peter. Sure he's a little dark but he has always seemed to have Carrie's best interest in mind and has certainly been an enormous help to her these last six months.

Carrie pauses to consider how best to answer Maggie, knowing she cannot reveal Quinn's injuries and hospitalization.

"Yeah…our paths still cross on occasion at work, and he's come over with dinner a couple of times."

The sisters sit in silence. Maggie knows her sister well enough to sense that Carrie is holding something back. She waits patiently for her to speak.

Carrie glances up at Maggie. "How do you know you're ready…to trust someone?"

"What do you mean?" Maggie presses.

"I mean…when you met Bill, how did you know you could trust him?"

Maggie sits back a bit and glances out the window.

"I don't know. I guess part of me felt like he was different than anyone I had ever met. He never once gave me any reason not to trust him. He was always genuine and honest…right from the start. That's never changed." She looks at Carrie, who nods deep in thought.

"Is this about Peter?" Maggie asks.

Carrie looks down at her coffee.

"He's a good man." Carrie says looking intently at her sister. Maggie nods in agreement.

"I just…I look at him and think…is today the day he leaves? Is today the day he gives up on me and disappears?"

Maggie reaches out to Carrie and grasps her free hand.

"Oh, Carrie…no. Why do you think that?"

"That's what mom did. She just…gave up. And not just on dad, she gave up on us! How do I know he won't do the same to me? Just give up on me and leave?"

Maggie gives Carrie's hand a firm squeeze.

"I guess you don't ever know that for sure, Carrie. But part of life and being in a loving relationship is taking risks…and having faith and trust. I know it's scary but the alternative is to live a life of loneliness. As far as I can tell, Peter has been nothing but honest and good to you…right?"

Carrie nods.

"Have you spoken with him about this?" Maggie asks.

"No..." she scoffs.

Maggie smiles and pulls her hand away from Carrie and takes another sip of her coffee.

"Well then I think you're having this conversation with the wrong person." They look at each other and smile.

"You need to speak with Peter, Carrie."

Carrie processes Maggie's suggestion and nods. She knows Maggie is right. But the idea terrifies her. She knows Quinn cares about her, he has shown that repeatedly. But she has always been able to keep him at arm's length. But the emotional distance between Carrie and Peter was quickly shrinking and becoming harder for Carrie to maintain.

"Listen, I'm off today. Why don't I take Margo? The girls would love the time with their baby cousin and you can go see Peter, okay?"

Carrie smiles at her sister and nods, then reaches over and hugs her.

"Promise me, Carrie."

"Yes, okay – I promise."